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A/N Thanks again for all the wonderful reviews- you guys are the best reviewers/readers/e-mailers that a girl could ask for and it means so much to me!




Chapter 29


Buffy practically scrambled out of bed as she looked around for her
abandoned clothes. She could hear Spike’s voice get even louder as she
hurriedly got dressed, listening to the heated exchange and knowing that it
was about to boil over. She hesitated when she got to the door, not wanting
to alert Angel of her presence but knowing that there could be disastrous
consequences if she left the two men alone for very long.

Taking a deep breath, Buffy opened the door in time to hear Angel’s angry
voice.

“Why gain a sudden interest now? You haven’t wanted anything to do with her
or her son since you left her!”

“Only because I didn’t know where she was, you git! I wanted both of them
in my life, but they weren’t here. I’m Michael’s father, not you, so stop
trying to fill the void because I’m not going anywhere!”

Angel’s eyes clouded over with anger. He was about to respond when he saw a
movement behind Spike. His eyes widened when Buffy appeared, wearing the
same clothes she had on for dinner, but now they were slightly rumpled.
Everything fell into place when he noticed Spike’s shirtless state. Buffy’s
hair was falling freely around her shoulders, but he remembered it being
pulled away from her face less than an hour ago.

“You son of a bitch!” Angel yelled, throwing his fist at Spike.

Spike quickly ducked the fist, landing his own in Angel’s stomach.

“Stop it!” Buffy screamed, not caring about her own safety as she ran
forward and pushed herself between the two men.

Both froze as the tiny girl wedged herself in between them. The men glared
at each other but stayed still, not wanting to risk harming Buffy just to
get to each other.

“Everyone just stop,” she said in a surprisingly calm voice, looking back and forth to
make sure neither was planning any surprise moves.

“What are you doing here, Buffy?” Angel asked, his gaze still leveled on
Spike.

“I could be asking you the same thing,” Buffy replied, turning to face the
taller man as she crossed her arms over her chest.

“Is this why you wanted a break?” Angel asked her as he gestured to Spike.
“Wanted to ‘reminisce’ a little bit?”

“No,” Buffy said softly. “This was an accident.”

Spike could feel his body tense at her words, narrowing his eyes as Angel
shot him a look.

“Can we talk?” Angel asked Buffy in a soft, soothing voice, reaching forward
to gently touch her arm.

Buffy hesitated for a brief moment before nodding. “Yeah,” she said
quietly, giving Spike a small smile as she walked out the door.

* * * * *

Buffy leaned against the car, watching as Angel paced in front of her.

“It’s over…isn’t it?” he asked, already knowing the answer.

“I’m sorry,” Buffy whispered, feeling the pain that she was causing him.

“Are you two getting back together?”

Buffy glanced at the house, taking a deep breath. “I don’t know,” she said softly, truly not knowing the answer to his question.

Angel nodded, before giving Buffy a hug. She closed her eyes, leaning into the embrace as she fought the tears in her eyes.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t give you what you deserve,” she whispered in a choked voice. “You can do so much better than me.”

“I think that’s up for debate,” Angel said with a soft smile. “I would still like to see Michael.”

“Anytime,” Buffy readily agreed, pulling back to look into his eyes. “No matter what happens with the two us, you’re family.”

Angel visibly relaxed. He would miss Buffy, but he knew that she didn’t love him. His biggest fear was that he wouldn’t get to see Michael anymore. “Thank you.”

* * * * *

Spike paced through the living room, refusing the urge to look out the window. He was driving himself crazy with the different possibilities of what could be happening outside.

‘What if she’s thinking of going with him?’ he asked himself, feeling the pain that ripped through his heart. ‘What if tonight was just a mistake for her?’

After a few minutes, he couldn’t take it anymore and grabbed a nearly empty bottle of whiskey, draining it in one long gulp. He relished the burning sensation it gave him as the liquid flowed down his throat, doing what it could to soothe the heartache he was feeling. Spike was grateful for a distraction. Anything to keep him from thinking about the woman he loved talking to her ponce of a boyfriend no more than fifty feet away.

Spike had opened a new bottle and swallowed a good portion of the alcohol
when he heard the door finally open behind him. He wasn’t drunk, not yet
anyway, but he already knew he would have one hell of a hangover tomorrow,
considering he didn’t plan on stopping with this bottle.

“Spike?” Buffy whispered, walking up behind him as she gently let her hand
trail over the bare skin of his back.

“She’s back,” Spike said with a raised eyebrow, not trusting himself to turn
and face her. “Thought you’d be halfway to Captain Forehead’s hotel by
now.”

“He’s gone,” she said softly.

“And why aren’t you with him?” he asked, trying to disguise the pain he was feeling.

“Because I want to be here,” she whispered.

“Why?” Spike asked, finally turning to face her. Buffy cringed at the alcohol that seemed to float around him in waves. His eyes were glassy as he looked at her with an unidentified emotion. “It was an accident, remember? Tonight was just an accident,” he continued, repeating the words she had spoken earlier, practically spitting them out to keep his voice from breaking.

“That’s not what I meant,” Buffy said softly.

“You could have fooled me.”

The pain was obvious in his voice.

“All I meant was, I didn’t plan on it happening, not that it shouldn’t have
happened.”

“Yeah, well that’s not what it sounded like,” Spike said as he shoved her hand away from him. “You seemed like you knew what you were talking about. Not planning on the outcome is a surprise if it’s a good thing…an accident is something you wouldn’t repeat if given another chance.” Spike took a deep breath, looking away from her so she wouldn’t see the tears in his eyes. “I think we’re done here.”

“So, we’re back to this,” Buffy said, more to herself than Spike as she looked at the ceiling. “Spike bosses Buffy around and expects her to do exactly what he says. Well, guess what? I’m not your student anymore, Spike. It’s been two years…two very long years, I might add. I’ve changed. I don’t need you bossing me around and telling me when I can stay and when I can go. Most importantly, I don’t need you.”

Spike cringed at her words, turning to face her. “Buffy-“

“No!” she yelled. “I’m not doing this, Spike. I can’t do this again. I
thought you’d changed, but you’re still the same guy who likes everything on
his terms. Well, I don’t go by your terms anymore…I’m not playing by your
rules. And I’m not hanging around here until you get tired of me. Goodbye,
Spike.”

“Buffy, wait!” he called desperately. He had wanted to push her away before she could do the same to him.

‘It never occurred to you that she would want to actually be with you, you pillock,’ he thought, wanting to hit himself for his stupidity.

“Why?” she asked, turning around with one hand on the doorknob. “You tell
me you love me and then you don’t even give me the benefit of the doubt. I
may be the one who left, Spike, but you left me long before I moved away and
I hate bringing that up again,” she said tearfully. “I don’t want to throw it in your face, and I
know that’s what I’m doing, but you don’t seem to realize how hard that was
for me. I know it wasn’t fair to take your son away from you. I know I was
being selfish and I know that it hurt you. But what you don’t understand is
that I was hurting, too.” Buffy took a deep breath as she swallowed her
tears. “We may share a son together, but I guess I was wrong when I thought
we could share our lives with each other.”

Spike watched in shock as she disappeared through the door, slamming it
behind her. Dropping into a nearby chair, Spike’s head fell into his hands
as the pounding headache began. “What have I done?”





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