Chapter 30


Spike was chasing his son around the yard when he saw Joyce Summers pull
into his driveway. It had been four days since Buffy walked out on him, and
Spike hadn’t seen or heard from her since.

Joyce had dropped off Michael everyday and come back a few hours later to
pick him up. She hadn’t mentioned Buffy, and Spike had restrained from
asking about her, but today he couldn’t resist. It was killing him knowing
that she was so close, but he couldn't have her.

‘I hope I gave her enough time to cool off.’

Picking up Michael, Spike walked to the car and greeted Joyce as she stepped
out.

“Did you two have fun today?” Joyce asked, smiling when her grandson giggled
and reached for her.

“Yeah, we had a good time,” Spike said with a small smile. “Joyce, I was
wondering…well, I…”

“Are you going to make me stand here all day or ask about my daughter?”
Joyce asked with a soft smile.

Spike grinned, shoving his hands in his pockets. “What are the odds that
she would slam the door in my face if I came over?”

“Right now? Pretty low, considering she’s not there.”

“Where is she?” Spike asked, his head tilting, brow furrowed in confusion.

Joyce sighed, setting Michael on the ground and watching as he ran off to
grab a rubber ball lying on the driveway. “She’s in Chicago.”

Spike restrained every impulse in his body to yell. “What’s she doing in
Chicago?” he asked in a deceptively low tone.

“She’s got a job interview.”

Spike felt his heart seize in his chest as his breathing became labored.
“When did she leave?”

“A few days ago,” Joyce replied. “She’ll be back tonight.”

*I’m not hanging around here until you get tired of me.*

Buffy’s words haunted Spike as he closed his eyes. “She’s hasn’t even
graduated,” he murmured, almost to himself.

“My sister has a friend who owns an art gallery there,” she explained.
“She’s been bragging about Buffy for so long that the owner wanted to meet
her. She’s willing to let Buffy take the time to finish school part-time in Illinois,
if she wants her to take the position.”

Joyce looked at the heartbreaking expression on Spike’s face and gave him a
sympathetic look as she picked up Michael and put him in his carseat.
Turning to face him again, Joyce gave him a small smile. “She’ll be home at
nine. Maybe you should stop by and talk to her.”

* * * * *

Spike knocked on the door later that night, feeling his heart thumping in
his chest. He gave Joyce a tentative grin when she opened the door.

“Is she back?” he asked softly.

“She just got in,” Joyce said with a nod. “She’s upstairs checking on
Michael. I’ll be in the kitchen…you two should go on a walk, get some fresh
air.”

Spike saw the smile playing on Joyce’s lips as she walked away. Seconds
later, he turned when he heard a sound come from upstairs. Buffy slowly
walked down the stairs, looking at him in disbelief, as if she didn’t expect
him to be there.

Everything faded into the distance as their eyes locked together. The world
seemed to turn into a dense fog as they looked at each other, both feeling
the charge that seemed to race through them as Buffy got closer.

“I didn’t expect you to be here,” she whispered.

Spike took a deep breath, fighting the urge to take her into his arms. As
wonderful as it might feel, he knew it wouldn’t solve anything. It wouldn’t
give either of them any answers that they needed.

“Can we take a walk?” he whispered.

Buffy nodded, hugging her arms around her body as he held the door open for
her.

They walked in silence for several minutes before he spoke. “Do you
remember the first time we met?”

Buffy turned to him with a smile on her face. “Outside the school with
Snyder lecturing about something pointless. I didn't hear him because I was a little
too distracted by the hot new teacher who was getting the tour.”

Spike smiled. "And I was kicking myself for lusting after my student." His
smile slowly faded as he seemed to remember something. “No one has ever
captivated me the way you have,” he whispered, glancing at her as they
continued walking. “I wanted you so much…in so many ways.”

“What ways?” Buffy asked in confusion.

Spike stopped, her question echoing in his head with so much uncertainty.
He slowly turned her to face him before he spoke. “Did you think it was
just sexual?”

Buffy bit her lip, avoiding his eyes as she nodded. “Most of the time…yeah.
Isn’t that what you thought? Isn’t that what it was?”

“No,” Spike whispered, shaking his head as he looked at her, tucking a
strand of hair behind her ear. “That was something so unexpected that I…it
was something precious that you allowed me to be a part of.”

“What are you saying?”

“Our first kiss…I started falling in love with you. I denied it. I wrote
if off as a lust-filled moment, but it wasn't. It was one of the most
tender moments I've ever experienced in my life. I would have been grateful for
anything we could have shared together, and when we actually made love…”

“I wouldn’t call our first time together ‘making love’,” Buffy said with a
grin, trying to lighten the mood.

“Every time we’ve been together we’ve made love,” he whispered, looking into
her eyes before slipping his hand behind her neck and meeting her lips with
his.

Pulling away after a moment, his other hand caressed her cheek and loosely
clasped behind her neck. “Have you made a decision?” he asked, his eyes
locked on hers, trying to convey the depth of his emotions.

“Mom told you?”

“Yeah,” he said softly. “It was a surprise.”

“I would have told you, but…”

“I know,” Spike whispered. “Our last meeting didn’t exactly go the way I
had planned.” He smiled before reconsidering his response. “Well…the
first part did.”

Buffy lightly smacked his chest, feeling a thrill rush through her when his
hands slid down to her waist, pulling her closer to him. “You know if I go,
I won’t keep Michael from you. You do know that, right?”

“Are you going?” Spike asked, a nervous tremor making its way into his
voice.

“What do you want me to do?” Buffy asked, her eyes wide as she looked at
him.

Spike considered his answer for a long minute before taking a deep breath.
“I want you to be happy,” he whispered, his hand trailing over her cheek.
“I’ve taken so much away from you, I just want you to be happy.”

Buffy stared at him in shock. “Spike, you haven’t taken anything away
from-“

“You’re not going to convince me otherwise, Buffy,” Spike said softly. He
took a deep breath before pressing his lips to hers in a loving kiss, trying
to tell her everything he ever wanted to tell her as his lips brushed
against hers. Pulling back, he pressed his forehead against hers, holding
his tears at bay as he spoke. “Do what makes you happy, baby.”





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