CHAPTER 11 --
Where is your heart?
'Cause I don't really feel you
Where is your heart?
What I really want is to believe you
Is it so hard
To give me what I need?
I want your heart to bleed
And that's all I'm asking for
Oh, where is your heart?
It seems so much is left unsaid
So much is left unsaid
But you can say anything
Oh, anytime you need
Baby, it's just you and me
Oh yeah
I know that you're true to me
You're always there
You say you care
I know that you want to be mine
-”Where Is You Heart?” Kelly Clarkson
Flashback . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
“What?” Buffy breathed, feeling as if she’d been hit in the stomach and the back of the head simultaneously. It took all the strength in her body not to double over in agony.
“I know you think we’re going to get married right out of high school and live happily ever after, but we’re not, so get it out of your head!” Spike barked defensively, even though she hadn’t given him a reason to use the tone.
He was breaking up with her.
Buffy felt the bile rise to her throat. She took a step away from him, one hand griping the porch banister. “What’s going on? Don’t lie to me, William.”
When he had arrived, she had answered the door and smiled that bright smile and looked at him with those big doe eyes of hers that reflected absolute trust and love that he almost lost his nerve to do was he was about to do. How big of a mistake was he about to make? But he had to. “I’m leaving,” he answered finally. “On Thursday, I’m leaving.”
“But that’s graduation,” she countered.
He nodded, “As soon as they hand me my diploma, I’m gone. I’ve been accepted into a school in Los Angeles.” He distanced them further. If he got any closer he was sure he would rush to her, begging for her forgiveness on being such an idiot.
She met his eyes and the pain in them matched his own forlorn soul, “But I thought --”
“What?” he snapped again. “That I’d go to UC Sunnydale? With everyone else we bloody graduated with? No, I’m not staying mama’s boy William forever -- a bloody joke to everyone in this town.”
“Not to me. You were never a joke to me. And if I had any misguided notions in my head of us spending the rest of our lives together it was because you put them there!” Tears of hurt and frustration rolled down her face. “You lied to me!” Her voice broke, “I thought we loved each other?”
“We do. But Buffy,” he pleaded desperately, “I need to get out of here -- by myself. Prove that I can make it well enough on my own.”
“So that’s it,” she crossed her arms in disgust, “Because of some male pride issue your fleeing from your life, your family, from me?”
He couldn’t explain it any differently, to make her see. And to continue to stand at a stalemate would only torture them both. “I’ll see you at graduation Buffy,” Spike tore himself off the porch. In his haste he failed to see her face fall and hear her last whispered plea.
“Don’t leave me. Please.”
Will walked determined to his car, forcing himself to ignore the overwhelmingly strong tug of his heart to turn around and run back to his girl. The tears streaming down his face - the tears he didn’t want her to see - kept his strides even.
Three days later, Buffy watched from her metal folding chair among her fellow graduates as William Giles’s name was called. Approaching the podium, walking across the stage, and accepting his diploma, he slowed as he exited the stage. Easily finding Buffy in the crowd. Buffy met his eyes, not bothering to hide the suffering that showed so plainly.
Will passed the seats that his other classmates were returning to and continued to walk away.
Fifteen minutes later, Xander strolled up to his friend, who was resting against the door of his Desoto a block from their alma mater. “So what’s with the double-oh secrecy? You ask me to meet you here and not tell anyone about it. What’s up?”
“Congratulations mate,” William held out the keys to the car behind him.
Xander choked on air, “Wait, you’re giving me your car!”
“I’m taking a taxi to the airport, I’ll get another car when I make enough money.” He placed the keys soundly into his hand.
“Will . . . I just can’t . . .” Xander continued to sputter.
“I just,” William interrupted, “need to go to L.A. with a clean slate. Tabula rasa and all that rot.” Xander seemed less than convinced. “Just watch it for me while I’m gone,” he amended. “Feel free to drive it whenever your parents make you crazy,” he tried to get his friend to smile.
“You’re really doing this,” Xander studied him, only now truly grasping the idea that he many never see his childhood friend again.
“I am,” William answered, beginning his trek down the street to the awaiting taxi. “Take care of her while I’m gone.”
“The car or Buffy?” Xander called to him in seriousness.
“Both.”
When Buffy and her family arrived home from the ceremony, a large bouquet of daisies awaited her at the doorstep. Picking them up, she let her family filter into the house while she lingered behind.
Across the street a taxi sat waiting. Though the glare of the sun offered no view inside the car, she knew who it was and hugged the flowers to her chest as if they would ease the pain found there.
“Okay, I’m ready,” William spoke from the back seat.
And the taxi pulled away.
I'm gonna get me outta here
I got me some cash
I'm heading back to LA
I'm gonna get me outta here
I'm sacking the man
cause the man is a thief
I'm kicking the plan
before the plan kicks me
I'm gonna get me
Get me out of here
I'm gonna get me
Get me out of here
- “Get Me Outta Here” Jet
TBC
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