Chapter One
“ What’s wrong, Buffy?”
“ Angel, I can't get over Spike's death. I know that he died saving the world, but still I can't believe that he is really gone.”
“ Buffy, it is okay to be upset. You loved him so much. You just need time to deal, to put this grief aside.”
“ I know that, Angel. But you don’t know how many times I wanted to make Willow to bring him back. I didn’t because I knew she couldn’t. I knew she wouldn’t because she does not want to go evil again.”
“ Well, Buffy, I have to say that I feel sorry for you. I know how you feel. I felt almost the same exact way when you died. You just really need time to yourself to…”
“ I know that already, Angel. I just don’t want to deal with this again. It is just hard for me.”
“ You know what, Buffy, I can't do this any longer. Come with me. I want to show you something.”
“ Do what, Angel?”
“ You will see, Buffy. Please just come with me.” Angel takes her upstairs. They stop at room number twenty-two. Buffy is a little confused at the moment. Angel knocks on the door. They can hear someone moving around inside. When the door opens Buffy gasps. Spike steps out.
“ Angel, why did you tell her?”
“ Spike, I couldn’t let her keep feeling like this. I can't keep lying to her.”
“I wanted to tell her on my own, Angel. This is a shock for her. I wanted to wait until she has put her grief aside.”
“ Spike, I could not let her spill her guts to me about how she feel about you and still let her believe you were dead. I care for her too much to put her through that. I am not going to be apart of this. You can lie to her, Spike. But I won't.”
“ Spike, why didn’t you tell me that you were alive? I have a right to know.”
“ Buffy, I didn’t tell you because I wasn’t sure of how you would react. I was going to wait a month to tell you, but I just kept backing out. I was going to tell you, but I can see Angel has already told you.” He shot a look at angel. Then he turned back toward Buffy. “ Buffy, I just wanted you not to be upset with me. You are very hard to predict.”
“ Spike, I wouldn’t have been upset. I would have been happy that you are alive. I am upset that you thought you had to hide from me. You even made Angel lie about it. What made you fell like this?”
“ First of all, Buffy. I’m human now. I wasn’t sure if you would be happy or sad.”
“ Angel, can Spike and I have some privacy.”
“ Sure, Buffy. I will be downstairs if you need me.” He glances at Spike, then he turns and goes to his office. Spike opens the door to his room and lets Buffy enter. There is a bed and a chair in his room. Spike sits on the bed as Buffy sits in the chair.
“ Spike, tell me why you didn’t tell me you were alive.”
“ First thing first, Buffy. I did die when Sunnydale was destroyed. The Powers That Be made me human for stopping the Apocalypse. Two weeks after the town was destroyed I was made human. I magically showed up here in L.A. Angel let me stay here and let me help him on the investigations that come his way. I didn’t tell you that I was alive because I thought that you might not want to be with me because now I am an ordinary human. You like danger, Buffy. Especially in the men you date. I guess I didn’t want you to reject me. I thought that if I didn’t tell you that I would be happy.”
“ Spike, you should have told me. When you opened the door a few minutes ago is when I found out you were alive. I came to L.A. to talk to Angel because I was still upset that you died. Angel was telling me that I needed time to work through my emotions. He must have saw how much I love you to show me you were alive against your wishes. When I gasped it was not that my heart stopped. It was actually that my heart sped up. My feelings for you, Spike, have not changed.”
“ But, Buffy, didn’t you fall in love with the vampire me?”
“ Yes I did, Spike. But you were more that a vampire. You fell in love with me. You loved me so much that you got a soul because you thought that would make me love you. I did love you. I just didn’t know it yet. I fell in love with you Spike. Not the vampire, not the human, just the man.”
“ Well, I guess I acted pretty dumb for not telling you. I was just scared that you would reject me. I was wrong and I am sorry.”
“ Spike, you don’t have to be sorry. I understand. I was so scared to tell you my feelings for so long that I lost you. I had to talk to Angel to find my true feelings for you. When he came to Sunnydale I was happy to see him. After I killed Caleb, Angel and I started to talk. He asked me if you were my boyfriend because he could smell you all over me. I said you weren’t. He asked me more questions about us. I said it was none of his business who my boyfriends are. At that moment I knew in my heart that I love you. Angel asked me again if you were my boyfriend and my answer was that I wasn’t sure if you were in real life but you were in my heart. You are still the man I am in love with Spike, and you will always be.”
“ Buffy, I love you too. You don’t know what it means to me to hear you say that. For three years I have wanted you to say that. When you first said you love me, I didn’t believe you until you held my hand in Hell. At that moment, when I looked deep into your eyes, I saw how you truly felt about me. I told you how I truly felt the night before and I was hurt when you kissed Angel. But when you wanted to stay with me in Hell I could have sworn my heart actually beated from your love for me. I told you to go because I love you so much and I wanted you to live and be happy.”
“ Spike, I am happy now that I know you are alive. I was so upset when you died. I wanted Willow to bring you back. You and Angel are the only people I told. Willow doesn’t even know. I would just lie in bed crying over you. I would think back on the past four years and try to find out why I did not know my feelings for you back then. I guess my feelings developed for you after Willow brought me back. You were the only person that I confided in, Spike. I was amazed no one found out about us until you slept with Anya. Even after that, when I stood up for you no one found out that I love you. When everyone was against you, Spike, I stood by you, believing in you. You were the only one who stood by me when everyone kicked me out of my own house. It is hard to believe that we once hated each other.”
“ I know, Buffy. You were my archenemy because you were the Slayer. Then you became my lover. It’s amazing what we went through together. We became friends after the tragic lost of your mother. It might be painful that I mentioned her and if it is I am sorry, but that is were you started to actually accept me as one of the gang. You made me feel like I was your family. You then became my lover and made me feel alive. I would give my soul to feel like that again. I want to be a part of your family and/or your lover. You are very special to me and I mean it, Buffy. You came into my life and turned my world upside down. You opened my eyes to what it felt to have friends, to have a real family.”
“ Spike, it is nice of you to give me the credit for opening your eyes to the world, but it was you who opened your eyes. You had the will to become more than an ordinary vampire. You had the will to become a man. And you did. You be came the man I fell in love with, Spike. That is what opened your eyes, not me. I might have inspired you but it was you who made it happen.” Buffy stands up and walks over to Spike. She sits down on the bed next to him. Buffy kisses Spike passionately. Her hands wrap around his neck as his hands wrap around her back. Three minutes later they release each other desperate for air. They stare into each other’s eyes showing their love for each other.
“ Buffy, since I think of you all the time, I love it and hate when you do that. It makes me want you for at least the rest of the day.”
“ Well, Spike maybe I should kiss you more often.” She smiles at him and kisses him again. Spike moves one of his hands and fists in Buffy’s hair. Buffy places her hands on his face. Spike slowly turns Buffy and lays her on the bed while still kissing her. Spike is taking it slow because he is not sure if Buffy will stop him. He moves the hand that was on her back down her leg. He slowly moves it up taking her shirt with it. He flicks his wrist and his hand is under Buffy’s shirt. He reaches her bra and checks if it hooks in the front. It does. Spike unhooks her bra and moves it off of one of her breasts. He squeezes it slowly as if he is massaging it. As he swipes her nipple with his thumb he can feel Buffy’s breath catch while he is kissing her. His hand moves to the other breast.
He sits up and Buffy follows. He slowly takes off his shirt, then he takes off her shirt. Spike removes the rest of her bra and tosses it on the floor with the two shirts. He gazes in to her eyes as he lays her down on the bed again. They kiss passionately before Spike rests his head in her chest. His lips attach to one of her breast. He sucks hard on it for two minutes. He starts to encircle her nipple with his tongue. He moves it around her nipple without actually touching it. Buffy’s breath is in hard, steady puffs. Spike bites her nipple which makes Buffy let out a soft moan. He moves to her other breast and starts over. When he bites this nipple, Buffy’s moan is a little louder. He slowly licks his way down her stomach. When he reaches her bellybutton he swirls his tongue in it. Buffy’s breaths become slow pants. Spike licks up her stomach all the way to her lips.
He kisses her passionately before he moves to her neck. He starts to nibble on it. Buffy’s hands hold onto the back of Spike's head as he feasts on her neck. Spike starts to lick the spot of her neck were hr had just nibbled on. Buffy’s nails start to dig into his head from the pleasure she is experiencing at the moment. Spike ignores the pain she is causing him and continues to feast on her neck. Buffy pulls his head closer to her neck. Spike licks her neck, then he kisses her. He lies directly on top of her. She can feel how harden his penis is at the moment. They quickly turn so that their positions are changed. Buffy licks straight down Spike's stomach, then she licks back up without removing here tongue from his body. She licks his lips before she kisses him.
Buffy starts kissing Spike neck. She licks it once, then kisses him on the lips. She sits up and puts her hands on the waistband of his jeans. Buffy unbuttons and unzips them. She pulls them half way down so that they are around his knees. She holds his penis for a few moments. Buffy can feel it harden for her touch. She pulls them rest of his jeans off, then lays on top of him, kissing him passionately. They turn again. Spike unbuttons Buffy’s leather pants, then unzips them with his teeth. He slowly slides them off, keeping eye contact with Buffy. When they are off, he slowly moves his hand up her leg, feeling her silky skin. Spike grabs the waistband of her panties and slides them down her legs, then tosses them on the floor with their other clothes.
He slowly moves up on the bed so that he is directly on top of her. He moves his hands up her body sending a chill of pleasure down her spine. He places his hands on her face and kisses her deeply before he slowly slides inside her. Buffy put one of her hands on his back. He slowly pulls out, then thrusts back into her, over and over. Each time he thrusts harder and faster. Spike finds a rhythm. Buffy’s hips pick up the rhythm and rock against his. Spike grabs Buffy’s free hand and holds it inches away from her head on the bed. Her head starts to tilt backwards from the pleasure Spike is giving her.
Spike kisses her neck. He lets go of her hand and places his had on her cheek as he kisses her lips. The hand that is on his back clenches to his shoulder. Buffy puts her free hand on his face. He places his hands firmly on the bed and lifts his torso so that he can gaze in to her eyes. Spike can see Buffy telegraphing her love in her eyes. She can see the same in Spike's eyes. He presses his lips hard on hers. His tongue moves over her lips for a few seconds. Buffy places both hands on his back, moving them up and down his back, moving them up to his shoulders. He keeps thrusting hard in to her. Her hands stop at his shoulders and holds on to them. With one more thrust, Buffy’s hands clench to his shoulders. She kisses him one more time, then she still and lets her climax hit. His name falls from her lips. With Buffy exploding all around him, Spike thrusts very hard into her and lets his release come. They look deep in to each other’s eyes.
When both of their climaxes are over, Spike pulls out of Buffy and lies down next to her. Buffy rests her head on Spike's chest. She lightly moves her fingers across his chest, just letting her nails lightly scratch it. Spike wraps an arm around Buffy as she lies on him. He plays with her hair with his free hand. She turns her head and gazes into his eyes.
“ Spike, I’ve missed you. I’ve missed being with you. I’ve missed being in your arms. I’ve missed the touch of you lips. I’ve missed just being near you. You became a priority in my life. I long to be with you every day. I wish we always could be together. We can't because we have to go on with our lives. I have to gather all the Slayers. You are probably going to stay here, aren’t you?”
“ Yes I am, Buffy. I am going to help Angel. You can always come here on visits. Plus you can write to me or email me. I love you so much that the thought of us not being together makes me become upset. I would to come with you but I want to stay here for now. Maybe I will come to you in the future to stay with you. I will visit you when I can. I never really experienced real love until I fell in love wit you. I would do anything for you. I did things that I thought you would appreciate. Some things you thought were disgusting. I kept asking my self ‘ what will it take for you to notice me?’ I am glad you are here now. I actually wasn’t sure when I would tell you I was alive. When I saw you standing at my door, all of my doubts melted away. I love you Buffy.”
“ I love you too, Spike. I do appreciate the things you do. Some things from my perspective were disgusting. It took me awhile to notice you as a man and not an ordinary vampire. You changed my life. You were there when things got so bad that I thought it couldn’t get any worse. You kept trying to win my heart when it was hopeless. You had faith in me. When I doubted myself, you were the one who showed me my way. I couldn’t ask for anything else in a man.”
“ Buffy, I did what I did because I love you. I do believe in you. I believe that you can do anything and I mean anything. You have come through so much these past years. You defeated Adam. You defeated Glory. You died but you came back. You used me, then you fell in love with me. You were the one that figured out how to defeat the First. I went through Hell to get a soul because of you. When I acted crazy while living in the basement of Sunnydale High, you took me onto you house and helped me. You believed that I wasn’t myself when the First had control over me. You believed in me. Just holding you makes me feel like we have become one person.”
“ Spike, how come you always know what to say to turn me on?” She turns and kisses him.
“ You really are an amazing man, Spike. When we are together there is nothing I can't do. You make me feel like there is no evil in the whole world. There is nothing that can stop us when we are together. I believed in you because I know you, probably better than anyone else. I knew there was no way you could kill people on your own, not even because of the chip. You became good hearted. You learned to do good before you got your soul. You learned to suppress you demonic intensions. When I am with you, I don’t think about being the Slayer. I think about just being a girl who met the right guy. You make me feel normal and I have no worries while I am in your arms. You actually make me feel alive. You make me feel whole.”
“ Buffy, I am glad and honored that I make you feel these ways. I do my best to make you happy. I always thought that what I felt for Drusilla was true love. When I fell in love with you, I knew it was not. You taught me true love, Buffy. I am who I am because of you. You are what wakes me up everyday.”
“ Spike, that is so romantic of you.” She kisses him passionately.
“ Buffy, when are you leaving?”
“ I’m leaving tomorrow night, Spike. Why?”
“ I wanted to know how much more time I have with you. I want to spend most of it here.”
“ Are you trying to seduce me again, Spike?”
“ I try to seduce you all the time. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. All I can do is try.”
“ Well, that was a nice statement.” Buffy lays on top of him. They kiss before Spike enters her body again. They make love for half an hour. Spike's head rests on Buffy’s stomach as she plays with his hair.
“ When will you come to L.A. again, Buffy?”
“ I don’t know, Spike. Probably when I need help or you guys need help. Or when I need a vacation from the real world and come to see you. I’ll make sure I write to you. I will try to call at least once a month.” Spike moves and lies next to Buffy, with his head on a pillow. He wraps an arm around Buffy’s waist. Buffy starts to get up.
“ Stay with me a little longer, Buffy. I don’t want to let go of you yet.”
“ Okay, Spike. I’ll stay a little longer.” She lets him hold her. Buffy moves he fingers, caressing his arm. They fall asleep holding each other.
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