CHAPTER 14 - Penance
Spike kept pace with Fen, his eyes still riveted to the demon’s face. He knew they must have made an odd sight walking along the streets of Sunnydale like that, but it wasn’t really all that surprising when no-one made any move to stop them. Unusual was…the usual in Sunnyhell.
His power nor gaze ever wavering, Fen led Spike to the place he’d seen him and the Slayer the night before. Rosewood cemetery. "On your knees, Vampire," he ordered once he brought them to a halt.
Spike obeyed and stared up at the wizened visage before him, dreading his next instruction. Even though he’d been subjected to Dru’s thrall’s in the past, he’d never grown accustomed to the feeling of helplessness that was part and parcel of the magick. The awareness of what was going on around you but being unable to do a damn thing about it.
Naturally, Dru’s reason for putting him in her power was for the sole purpose of doing all things kinky to him. A kind of S&M without the ropes. Knowing that, had made it somewhat bearable.
Fen, however, was another matter. The magick that held him at the other demon’s mercy was amazingly powerful. Far more stronger than anything Dru had ever unleashed. And it scared the hell out of him.
"Tell me about you and the Slayer," Fen demanded softly, watching in interest as Spike's eyes widened slightly in surprise before his jaw tightened in an effort not to respond. "I told you before, it's useless to resist me. It'll just hurt more when the time comes." Defiance flared in the vampire's eyes and he remained silent.
Fen sighed and shook head his slightly. He needed the vampire to talk and let his feelings out. It would make his essence richer, fuller and aid in sustaining him even longer. Not as long as if he'd kept the vampire for himself for a few weeks, taking him to the edge of self destruction again and again before allowing him to dust, but long enough to leave the Hellmouth and set up elsewhere. He wasn't an idiot. He didn't want to be around if the Slayer ever found out what he'd done to her vampire.
And he was her vampire even if the stupid creature couldn't see it for himself. It had sickened him to watch them the night before. It was disgusting, perverse, that a demon should love a human. The fact that the human was a Slayer made the emotion even more unpalatable to his mind. He was glad that he would be the one to end this repulsive alliance once and for all.
"She'll never feel the same for you, you know," Fen began, taking a step towards the blonde. "You love her," he spat, the repulsion of that fact evident in his voice. "The stench of the vile emotion hangs off you like rotting flesh. You will never be anything more than a demon to her. A creature of the night to be ground into the dirt under her leather booted heels. Barely concealed tolerance is the best you can expect. You're nothing to her. Less than nothing and you'll continue to be that until the day she decides she's had enough of your pathetic presence and ends your miserable unlife before walking away while she carelessly brushes the last of your dust off her clothes."
Spike tried to ignore Fen's words, but each one burned into him like a tiny drop of holy water to his skin. "You're wrong," he ground out, hating himself for being weak. Hating himself for responding. But most of all, hating himself for the part of him that believed every single word that Fen had venomously uttered. "She cares about me."
"Really?" Fen challenged, his head tilting to the side as he regarded the blonde steadily. "Why don't you tell me all about it?" he invited, his voice lowering to an almost seductive tone. "Go on, let it all out. Tell me why you think she has feelings for you, even though your essence screams out to me its despair of unrequited love."
Spike wanted to return to his previous silence. He really did. But now he'd spoken, he found he no longer had the will…the desire even…to keep quiet. And so, with a slight incline of his head, the despondent vampire began to speak.
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Xander drummed his fingers on the table in agitation and let out a heavy sigh. He was worried about Buffy going out to face Fen alone. Okay, he knew that, technically, Bumpy Veiny Guy wasn't interested in humans, but Buffy wasn't just any human, was she? She was the Slayer, the Chosen One. Surely that meant that he'd try and kill her anyway, right? That's what demons did…well, most demons, he conceded.
That thought led him to reflect briefly about Spike and he was surprised when he realised he was actually the tiniest bit worried about the vampire. A small part of him, way, way down at the tip of the littlest toe on his left…no…make that his right foot, would actually miss the annoying blonde if he wasn’t around.
Imagine that.
He looked around at the rest of the gang and saw varying degrees of concern on all their faces. Willow and Tara looked apprehensive, Giles kept shooting glances at the door and Dawn was still tearful. Even Anya was sporting a slight frown and she never worried about anything…well, except sexual gratification and money.
Finally, he couldn’t stand it any longer. "I’m going after them," he announced as he stood up sharply, scraping his chair back harshly on the varnished floor. "If Crevice Face kills Spike, Buffy's got to deal with him herself and if he has superhuman strength then she could need back-up."
"Absolutely," Giles concurred as he also stood. He'd been contemplating going after them himself when he realised that he was worrying not only about Buffy, but Spike as well. He didn't know how Buffy would handle losing the irritating vampire and he'd do his damndest to make sure that wouldn't happen. "I'll go with you."
"So will we," Willow and Tara declared as, they too, stood up, eager to help their friends in any way they could.
"And me," Dawn added, getting quickly to her feet. "And don't tell me I'm not because I'll follow you anyway," she inserted with determination when Xander and Giles both looked as though they were about to speak.
Xander gave her a slight smile then turned to his fiancée. "Ahn?"
She sighed heavily and looked at all the other expectant faces around the table before staring back up at Xander. "I haven't yet counted today's money nor performed my capitalist happy dance," she said with obvious chagrin.
A flicker of disappointment crossed the carpenter’s face. That was his Anya. Dollar signs for eyes. Although he loved her dearly, her materialistic nature frustrated him at times. Especially when it came before him and their friends. He didn't think he'd ever get used to that aspect of her nature. "That's okay, you stay and…" he began as she suddenly rose from her seat.
"No, I'm coming too," she interrupted firmly.
Xander looked at her in confusion. "What? But I thought you just said…"
"I did," she confirmed with a curt nod as she cut him off. "I just thought that you would want to induce even more orgasms tonight if you appreciated what a sacrifice I'm making by putting the other best part of my day on hold."
There was a chorus of groans as a red-faced Xander looked anywhere but at his friends. "Uh…how about we go get us some weapons, huh?" he exclaimed brightly, deciding it was best not to comment on what Anya had said. Without waiting for a response, he headed off to the training room as fast as he could.
"What?" asked Anya blankly as the others shook their heads and followed after Xander. "So repressed," she muttered to herself before tutting and heading over to join them in the training room.
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Spike talked, seemingly unaware of the demon in front of him even though he still stared straight into his eyes. The tone of his voice flat, he went into minute detail of every meeting he'd ever had with the Slayer from the first time he'd seen her dancing with Willow and Xander at the Bronze up until the night he'd been disinvited from her house after admitting his feelings.
He faltered in his monologue then and Fen inhaled deeply, relishing the scent of the sudden deepening heartache that rolled off the vampire before him. The remembrance of that particular moment had obviously cut deep. "Delectable," he hissed out, the pleasure of Spike's internal pain almost bringing him to orgasmic heights.
Producing a small knife from out of his pocket, Fen took a couple of steps forward and held it up next to Spike's face. "Take your coat off," he commanded. Spike complied, his voice never stopping as he spoke about having the Buffybot made because he was so desperate for the real Buffy's touch and affection.
Unable to hold out any longer, Fen leaned forward and slowly pushed the tip of the blade into the vampire's chest. It slid in smoothly to the hilt and he wriggled it about slightly until blood started to seep out. Withdrawing the blade, he held his hand over the cut and took a deep breath. Draining a vampire was tricky. Holding the thrall while trying to take their essence and not dust them was incredibly difficult. Even more so, with this particular vampire, he was finding. Spike was fighting against the hold with every inch of his unlife. Fen could feel the internal struggle going on and had to use the utmost concentration to keep him under control.
The blue light, paler than usual, began emanating from his left palm, slowly drawing Spike's blood from his body. Not too quickly though. Wouldn't do to make him too weak. Not yet, anyway. The longer he continued to talk, the deeper the pain and the more satisfying it would be for Fen.
A vein started to rise and pulsate along his left cheek and he fought the urge to shut his eyes and enjoy the feeling to the fullest. Time enough for that when the vampire was dust.
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‘Not too late. Not too late. Not too late,’ was the frantic mantra that ran through Buffy’s head as she entered Rosewood cemetery and slowed to a jog as she scanned the darkened landscape for her errant love.
Off in the distance, a faint glow caught her eye and she sped up again, knowing without a doubt that it was Fen and Spike. Unbidden, her internal mantra struck up once again. ‘Not too late. Not too late. Not too late.’
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Every time he paused, Spike endeavoured to keep his mouth shut, but the thrall was proving too much for him. Not for the first time since Fen caught him at his crypt, Spike contemplated just giving in entirely. But, he suspected, that was all part and parcel of the hold Fen was weaving very effectively around him. Still, even though his subconscious realised that and he resisted it as best he could, he was just getting so God damn tired. So tired of the fight. So tired of his guilt. So bloody well tired of his whole pathetic unlife.
The knife Fen produced was a surprise. So was the stab wound. Mentally crying out in pain at the burning sensation of the cool blade entering his chest, Spike wondered why Fen had done it. It wasn’t as if it’d kill him.
His answer was swift in coming.
The hand placed over his wound generated a comforting warmth that spread throughout his body, while the pull of his blood being ripped from his body hurt like the devil. It was a study in contrasts that only aided in making him even weaker, both mentally and physically. He could feel himself literally slipping away and produced a picture in his mind’s eye, of the one thing that he knew would keep him fighting to stay.
Buffy.
He'd give anything to see her one last time…or even just hear her voice.
"Hey! Quasimodo! What the hell do you think you're doing to my vampire?"
Internally, Spike chuckled a little hysterically to himself. He must really be on his last legs now. For a moment there he could've sworn he heard Buffy, but he knew that couldn't be true. She didn't know where he was and even if she did, he didn't think for one moment that she'd bother to help him out. And 'my vampire'? Definitely losing his brain cells.
"Slayer," hissed Fen, moving his hand closer to the vampire's chest and concentrating even harder. The light from his palm started to glow a brighter blue as he focussed everything on drawing out the vampire's essence.
Spike felt the pain intensify as his blood loss increased. He was getting weaker but he didn't care because Buffy was here. Really here. Fen had called to her, proving she was real. He hadn't imagined things. She was really there. His Slayer. For him. Her vampire. And he'd be damned if he was going to leave her now.
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Buffy stared at the sight of Spike kneeling before Fen and her blood boiled. Supplication was not something she equated with the blond vampire and to see it forced upon him caused a rage within her that she had trouble in containing. Wanting nothing more than to rip the hideous creatures' head from his shoulders and kick it into touch, she slowly circled them, fists clenched, until she was within striking distance.
"You cannot touch me, Slayer," he told her with a sneer. "The vampire will die if you do."
"I know," she replied coldly then turned towards Spike who was still continuing his monotone litany of troubled thoughts. "Spike, you have listen to me," she said, her voice urgent. "I can't help you with this. You have to break free of his hold yourself. You have to be the one to kill him. It's the only way."
"He can't hear you," Fen snarled angrily.
"Yes, he can," Buffy refuted confidently, keeping her eyes pinned on the blank face of her love willing him to break the thrall and look at her. Taking a step closer, she hoped against hope that some of what she was saying was, in fact, getting through. Anya had been certain and yet, so far, there wasn't even so much of a twitch from him that suggested that he had. "Spike, you can do this. I know you can. I believe in you. You're stronger than him. Better. Fight it…please…"
Just then, Spike reached the part of his tale that included being up on the Tower with Dawn. The magnitude of his heartbreak at his supposed failure and following guilt stunned Buffy into shocked silence. Sure, she knew what Willow had told her but to actually hear it from Spike’s own lips, albeit not of his own volition, well…she just hadn't realised, until that very moment, just how much Spike had tortured himself over the last couple of weeks.
"No, Spike, none of that was your fault," said Buffy anxiously, wanting to reach out and hug him tightly. "If you hadn’t been there then Doc would’ve used Dawn. Hurt her to open the portal. I didn’t get there in time, remember? It was you. You bought us time we’d never have had. You saved us, don’t you see that? You. Saved. Us."
"Ignore her," Fen ordered, harshly. "It doesn’t matter what you did, the fact remains that she doesn’t care about you. You’re nothing to her."
"That’s a lie," Buffy denied heatedly. "I do care. I care a lot…"
At her words, Spike’s rambling faltered causing her to stop and look at him closely. There was something there, she was sure. Suddenly, the answer hit her like a ton of bricks. "Did you hear me, Spike?" she pressed. "I said I care about you."
Fen heard Spike stutter again and knew that the Slayer had realised how to help him snap out of his thrall. If Spike knew that she returned his feelings then Fen’s power would be cancelled out. He was powerless against true love. For the first time since Buffy turned up, Fen was worried. His hold on the vampire was beginning to weaken and he needed to do something to shut the Slayer up. In desperation he swung out wildly with his right arm, his fist catching an off guard Buffy square across the jaw.
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Xander and Giles walked into the cemetery closely followed by Willow and Tara then Dawn and finally Anya. All carried a weapon of some kind, although Dawn had been miffed at only being allowed a baseball bat arguing that she needed something pointy like the rest of them. Giles had firmly refused then told her that it was the bat or she stayed behind…tied to a chair.
When she’d began to complain, he’d added that she’d also be gagged. His look told her more effectively than words that he meant what he said and it was with only a quiet grumble that she’d picked up the bat and angrily swung it around a couple of times barely missing hitting Xander on each swipe. As the air rushed passed his ear on the third swing, he’d let out a startled yelp then quickly straightened from picking up a crossbow that was on the floor and had given her a pointed glared. Hurriedly, she’d clasped her hands, and bat, behind her back and had defensively told him that she was just testing its weight. That had earned her a wry twist of the mouth before Anya had reminded them in brutal terms just why they really should be leaving.
And now they were here. Preparing to help their best friend and a vampire who each of them considered, at varying degrees, a part of their gang.
"Right, Anya, Willow and I will go this way," Xander decided, pointing to his right. "And Giles, you take Tara and Dawn and go that way." He pointed left. "If anyone sees anything…whistle."
At his words, Dawn pursed her lips and blew causing Xander to wince at the high pitched tone. "Uh, yeah, like that, but not now, okay, Dawnie? I meant if you see them," Xander explained patiently as he exaggeratingly wriggled a finger in his ear as if he were deaf.
"Duh," the brunette commented with a roll of her eyes. "I have seen them…well, something, anyway." She pointed behind the carpenter and he and the gang turned their heads to see a blue light glowing in the distance.
"That’s something all right," Willow murmured quietly.
"Yes, it is," Giles concurred. Tightening his hold on the sword he held, he glanced briefly at the others and added, "Looks like he’s already started draining Spike."
"Why are we standing here then? Let's go," Dawn urged, taking a step forward. "We need to be there and help save him."
"We will," Giles replied, placing a hand on her arm in order to stop her leaving. "But you will be doing your saving from the back of the group. Understood?" Dawn huffed her disapproval then gave a reluctant nod. "Good," the Watcher approved curtly. "Now, all of you, keep quiet and follow me."
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Although not really hurt by Fen’s punch, Buffy still gave a little yelp of surprise and took a couple of steps back. As she did so, a collective gasp drew her gaze to the right and she was momentarily distracted when she saw the rest of the gang standing there. Before she could say anything, the back of her heel came into contact with the edge of an old gravestone and she fell heavily onto her rear.
"Great," she muttered, feeling the stinging warmth spread throughout her seat. "Nice to see my Slayer senses are on top form tonight."
Looking over at her friends, she saw Xander take a step forward as if to come to her aid but she held up her hand to stop him. She appreciated their support but this was something she was going to have to do alone.
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Fen now knew that any chance of his leaving the cemetery alive was non-existent. With Spike’s blood running through his system, he would’ve had a fighting chance against just the Slayer, but he couldn’t beat her and the other people that had just arrived.
Judging by the love and compassion that surrounded the group, he'd say that they were her friends. Who'd ever heard of a Slayer having friends before? It was ludicrous and yet there they stood. Amongst them, he recognised the witches vibes and scowled. They'd thwarted him twice already and now they were here again. As ridiculous as the Slayer having friends was, it appeared that the vampire was not without either.
A shame then, that he wouldn't be around to appreciate them much longer. Taking advantage of the Slayer’s distraction, Fen reached into his pocket and pulled out a stake. Letting it drop between himself and Spike, he leaned forward. "Penance lies at your feet, Vampire. Pick it up and atone your actions by cleansing yourself…forever."
As Spike reached out to pick it up, Fen felt a surge of satisfaction wash through him. If he wasn't getting out of here alive, neither was the vampire.
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Fen's low spoken words had Buffy's head snap around immediately. Horrified, she watched as Spike slowly reached out and picked up the wooden weapon, holding it loosely in his right hand. "Spike, no…"
"You are too late, Slayer, he only hears me now," Fen told her furiously before leaning in even closer to the vampire. "Take away your pain," he commanded wrathfully. "Do it now!"
Buffy scrambled to her feet and rushed back over to the pair of demons. "No Spike, don’t do it, don’t listen to him, listen to me," she begged as he slowly raised the stake. "You can break this, you just have to believe what I say to you. Really believe."
His arm continued its upward movement until it reached level with his chest and then he turned the stake inwards and pressed it to his body, directly over his heart. His left arm rose allowing his hand to join his right in clasping the stake more firmly in his grasp and Buffy knew time had run out.
"I love you, Spike," she quickly blurted out. "I do. I don’t know how it happened but it did. I love you and you can't leave me, do you hear?" Her voice began to tremor slightly as her eyes suddenly became glassy with unshed tears. "You can't. Not now. Not like this. Fight it, Spike. Fight him. Then we can go home. You and me. Together."
Time seemed to stand still as she watched Spike's hands stop their movement. He had to believe her, he just had to.
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Spike felt like he was about to explode. The excruciating pain in his chest, coupled with his lack of blood, was having such a devastating effect that he seriously doubted he'd survive even if he did find the strength to kill the bastard in front of him.
Her voice had been like a lifeline to him. Everything she said helped him fight a little bit harder and he'd been winning. Each soothing and comforting syllable was another hand-grip on the rope she'd thrown as he tried to drag himself out of the overwhelming quicksand that was Fen's thrall. His head had just been about to break surface when he'd heard the crack of fist hitting jaw followed by her silence.
'Buffy? Buffy!' his mind cried out in fear. 'What had he done to her?'
When Fen's voice started up again, Spike let out a mental cry of frustration as he felt himself get drawn back down. 'No! Not now! I was so near. Buffy! Talk to me, talk to me, please.'
And then, suddenly, she did. She wanted him to believe her, wanted him to try and break the thrall. He was trying but it was so much harder now. He had such little strength left, couldn't she see that?
Maybe it would be better just to thrust the stake that now rested above his heart in. He'd be gone but so would Fen because he knew without a doubt that Buffy would kill the demon where he stood. A monster like him was such a small price to pay for helping finish off such a vile creature, surely? In fact, it wouldn't be a price at all…more like a bonus. And at least there would be no more guilt…no time for any such emotion, where he was headed.
Both hands gripped around the stake now, he said a mental goodbye to Dawn and re-avowed his eternal love for Buffy. Then, when he was about to push down, he heard her say the words he’d always wanted to hear.
"I love you, Spike. I do."
She loved him! Oh God, she loved him! His brain was a fuzzy haze of joy as he then heard her voice catch as she told him not to leave her, that she wanted him to go home with her…together. Together. Home. Home where just the night before he'd heard her say the same words to Angel.
As quick as the joy had flooded his body, it drained away, leaving a bad taste. As if knowing Spike's very thoughts, Fen chose that moment to say, "She only tells you what she thinks you want to hear. It means nothing, as do you. End it and you not need to listen to her lies anymore."
It was a last ditch attempt on the demon’s part to get Spike to kill himself and he knew it. Knew it, but couldn’t do a damn thing to shake the traitorous part of him that still insisted on believing Fen anyway. The same part that kept whispering in his ear to just give in. Warring with his inner self, it came as a shock when the last voice he ever expected to hear suddenly penetrated his confused head. That of, Xander Harris.
"Uh, sorry to burst one of your many bubbly veins there, O Stomach-churning One, but, as much as it pains me to say it, Buffy’s telling the truth. She is in love with Spike." Xander walked over and stood next to the Slayer then directed the next to the motionless vampire. "Hey! Can you hear me through all that bleach, Dead Boy? Buffy loves you. For real. And we all know. Dawn, Giles, Willow, Tara, Anya…every last one of us. Even Angel." There were a few murmurs of agreement alerting Spike to the fact that the whole gang was there before the carpenter added, "So, what the heck are you kneeling there for, wasting time with this loser, when you could be upsetting the hell out of me by sharing some serious smoochies the Buffster right in front of my poor defenceless eyes?"
As if a veil was lifted from his eyes by Xander’s words, Spike suddenly felt the world come back into sharp focus. It was true. Even though he wasn't worth it, Buffy loved him. Loved him! And Xander, his greatest detractor, had just stood there and all but given his blessing. It was all so unbelievable, it had to be true. The urge to shout out his joy was almost overwhelming but he knew he had to take care of Fen first. Forcing himself to remain still, he stared coldly into the face of his tormenter who was drawing nearer to him.
It took Fen mere seconds to realise that his hold was gone. Gasping out the word, "No!" his eyes widened and he pulled his hand away, violently tearing apart the parasitic connection.
The pain of the separation seared through Spike like fire but, drawing on his last reserves of strength, he quickly turned the stake he held at his chest around and lunged upwards. The flesh of Fen throat gave easily as Spike rammed the weapon in so far the pointed tip broke through the back of his neck.
Fen’s eyes bugged as he clutched wildly at his throat trying to dislodge the stake while a thick blue viscous liquid flowed in copious amounts from his wound and down the front of his body. Falling to his knees, he gave the vampire a pained glare.
"See how you like being drained, you wanker," Spike spat out as the demon gave one last gurgling moan before falling backward onto the grass.
Seconds later Buffy stood over the lifeless body and swung a sword down, swiftly beheading Fen. "Just to be on the safe side," she said in answer to his raised eyebrow. He nodded and managed a wan smile before the last of his dwindling strength left his body entirely. With a pained groan, his eyes rolled back as he fell forward and landed, face first, in a lifeless heap at Buffy's feet.
END CHAPTER 14
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