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Ch. 20: Stupid Things
Buffy’s face was flushed with embarrassment--how was Spike going to react when he saw her after that conversation? Her eyes kept glancing towards the doors, wondering when he would arrive and take his daily place next to her before the school day came. Time kept passing, and still no Spike. What was happening?
“I’m just going to ignore him completely when I see him. That’s what I should do, right? Not even give him the time of day, right?” Anya asked, her red eyes belying the perky sound of her voice. Buffy’s heart ached a little for her, knowing that she had had a long night--but Buffy also knew that she was only half listening to her friend, who had been talking non-stop about her recent breakup.
“You should just do what comes naturally. If you want to talk to him, maybe you should?” Buffy smiled reassuringly, trying her best to give good advice.
“What? No, I should definitely not talk to him. If anything, he should talk to me. He does not deserve my attention, because he broke up with me, remember?” She clenched a random napkin that had unfortunately come into her hands.
Buffy sighed. There was no way she’d forget that Xander had broken up with her. But where was Spike? They had always spent the mornings together, even before they had begun dating. This was their group’s spot. Understandably, Xander wasn’t there. Did that mean that Spike wasn’t coming either?
The warning bell rang, and the girls began collecting their things to get ready for class. Slowly making their way to the doors, Spike suddenly appeared before her.
Giving Spike a dirty look, Anya muttered, “Ugh, I’ll see you in class, Buffy,” and then stalked away.
Spike, completely unaware of the insult he'd just received, smiled at Buffy, touched her face gently, and gave her a quick kiss. “Hey, sorry I didn’t come earlier. I was chatting with Xander, and he really wanted some company. Is it the same for you?”
Buffy reached out for him and hugged him, ignoring all the comments from the students trying to get around them to go to class. “Yeah, Anya hasn’t stopped talking about it yet. I missed seeing you this morning." She played with his shirt a little and then leaned up to give him another kiss. "I hope you have a good day today." Their lips met again, savoring their connection..
“God, get a room!” Students grumbled as they pushed around the affectionate couple.
Slowly, they pulled away from each other and headed to class.
--
“I can’t believe you’re being so nice to him. He hurt me, Buffy!” Anya said vehemently, poking her in the arm.
“Anya, he’s my friend, and—“
“And what? Aren’t gals supposed to come before guys or whatever the phrase is? You’re supposed to be on my side!”
“I am on your side. What makes you think I’m not?”
“I see the way you and Spike are. He is so on Xander’s side, and you never defend my side! Someone has to hear my side! Especially since Xander won’t,” she muttered to herself before burying her head in her arms. She mumbled something into her arms.
“What?” Buffy slid in next to her, trying to be comforting without letting her annoyance tinge her voice. “I can’t hear you like that.”
Anya rested her face against her arms, completely sprawled on the desk. “I just said that I need someone on my side. I still want him back, and if people just let things rest, he’ll never know—he’ll never get that—“ Her voice broke off as the tears overcame here.
Buffy held her for a while, trying to rub away the tremors of her sobs. “I’m on your side. Don’t worry. We’ll get him back for you. He just doesn’t realize it yet.” Hoping she sounded comforting, Buffy began to concoct a plan to get Xander to realize how much he and Anya belonged together.
--
Hot chocolate in hand, Buffy made herself comfortable on her couch. “So...” she said softly, blowing a little on her mug.
“Yeah? What’s on your mind? You look like something’s bothering you.” Spike rubbed her shoulder, enjoying the feel of her warmth.
Buffy relished the warmth of the cocoa and the boyfriend: the perfect combination. Sighing a little, she began her plaint for Anya. "So, what has Xander said about Anya? I mean, about the whole break-up?"
Spike cocked his eyebrow and leaned back into the couch cushions. "Is that what's on your mind? Really?"
"Yes. Totally. I mean, Anya's really broken up about it all, and I just wanted to know what Xander's thoughts were. It's not like he's going to talk to me about it, and I know he talks to you."
"But you don't think it's wrong if I tell you what he's told me?" Spike asked, his voice tinged with hesitation.
"No, it's not like I'm going to go tell Anya what you tell me. I'm just trying to understand more. You know, so that we can avoid the same thing." She crossed her toes under her legs and hoped he couldn't tell she was slightly lying about the whole not-telling-Anya bit.
Spike sighed, scratching the back of his neck a little as he decided what he should say.
Buffy saw that he was caving and flew in for more. "I'm not saying you have to tell me everything, but I just want to know his side. I definitely know Anya's. It's not a secret that they broke up, so it's not a big deal if you tell me Xander's side." She shrugged a little, nonchalantly even, trying not to show how much she wanted to know.
"Okay, I can tell you." Sliding forward, hands loosely holding his mug, Spike said, "It's simple, really. Anya was acting like they were married or something, and Xander just wasn't ready for that. I mean, we're in high school. Marriage is a long looong ways away. She spooked him."
Buffy tensed up immediately, suddenly less interested in why Xander had dumped Anya and more interested in the way Spike seemed to agree with his friend. "What do you mean, marriage is a long ways away?"
Spike continued on casually, completely oblivious to the sudden tension and incipient argument. "I mean that Xander was thinking about having a good time with his girlfriend, and Anya was picking out his clothes and doing wife-y things."
Buffy set her cup down on the table. "And that's what made him break up with her?"
"Yeah, she was just becoming a little too, I don't know, wrapped up in the whole thing." He gestured flippantly with his hand. "The trip together just clinched things. Xander's not thinking about marriage. Come on, we're only in high school, for Chrissake."
Buffy looked at him with wide eyes. "You sound like marriage is such an awful thing."
Spike shrugged. "It's not that it's awful. But we're in high school. It's not exactly on our minds."
"You don't ever think about it?" Buffy's heart tensed in dreaded anticipation of his words.
"As a senior in high school? I mean, I—wait."
She suppressed her rising despair and instead clung to the climbing anger that was chilling her childhood dreams. "Is it so incredibly stupid to have the hopes that maybe a high school romance will last longer than graduation?"
"That's not—"
"So you think that we girls are just silly to even consider that possibility? To treat you in a way that hints that we might have a future together?" she asked shrilly, her eyes squinting at him.
"I didn't—"
"I can't believe that's why Xander broke up with Anya! And that you agree with him! So you're saying that if I were to act like maybe we might get married you'd get 'spooked' and take off? That's pretty fucked up."
"Buffy, I—"
"So you're not really interested in something deep and meaningful? You're just waiting to get into my pants? I can't believe you."
"Will you just listen—"
"To what? To you try to sweet talk me when you're not even thinking of me in that way? That I'm just this temporary thing to you?"
Spike closed his eyes in exasperation. "You're not making any sense, and—"
"Oh, so now I'm not making any sense? I'll tell you what doesn't make any sense. Being with someone who only sees you as a temporary fuck till high school's over."
Spike jumped up and muttered, "Unlikely since we're not fucking." He shook his head, trying not to succumb to his immediate impulse to spar with her verbally and opened his mouth to say something when Buffy leapt up.
"Oh, sorry if I don't put out like your crazy exes—"
Spike clenched his jaw in rage. "They didn't put out to me—but that's not the point. The point is—"
Crossing her arms defiantly, Buffy retorted, "Oh, enlighten me. What is the point. Tell me, oh smart one."
He closed his eyes in frustration. "Will you stop that and please listen to what I'm saying?"
"Oh, so now I don't listen? What else do you not like about me?" Her blood was racing through her, and her indignation was making her hands tremble a little. His insinuation that marriage was totally out of the question, that they'd likely break up soon enough, had pushed her into a world of incoherent fury and intense vulnerability. It was all she could do to wield her words as a sword, the way she was so used to doing. Something within pushed her to cut him deeply, to make him say the words that would make her pain complete and fulfill what she had expected all along.
He grabbed his jacket and stalked towards the door. "Forget it. You're not making any sense and this is just stupid."
Buffy followed him, rage still winning over her hurt. "So this is stupid? We're stupid?"
Spike turned to face her. "Yeah, it is. This is stupid."
"Well then you can take your stupid ass and leave, 'cause I wouldn't want to be in a stupid relationship." Her chest still heaving, emotions running out of control, Buffy dared him to say the words again, even though she didn't want it to end; she had too much pride, too much anger to let her guard down now and apologize, to admit how stupid their argument really was.
Spike narrowed his eyes for a second; then, through gritted teeth he said, "Done. I'm outta here." He flung open the door and stomped out. Slamming the door behind him, he threw his head back and yelled out in frustration, his voice snarling through the night, before he climbed into his car and peeled out of the driveway.
Her heart still wincing from the sound of his harsh howls, she finally let go of her anger and slumped against the door.





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