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Ch. 21: Enemies and Friends

"Well that was stupid."

Buffy glared at Dawn through the tears that were starting to form in her eyes. "Shut up. You don't know anything." She pushed herself up and started up the stairs. Dawn followed closely.

"Yeah, I do. I know that you fucked up because of your little pretty wedding dream. He was talking about Xander and Anya. He wasn't even talking about you guys, and you had to make it about you." Dawn's voice dripped with disdain, looking at her like she was the dumbest girl in the world.

She stomped into her room, trying to avoid her too perceptive stares. "Shut up! He's an asshole, and I—"

"Just made the dumbest mistake! I can't believe you were actually dating Spike, the hottest guy you've loved for, like, ever, and you—"

Buffy slammed the door in her sister's face. She didn't want to think about what she'd said; she still wanted to be angry, to blame him for being stupid—not to think about the possibility that she might've fucked up something she'd wanted for years. No, anger was good. Brusquely wiping the tears from her face, she called Anya.

--

Anya had definitely made her feel better, though her words were rather empty and didn't fill the hole that was steadily increasing as she considered what had actually surpassed. In her usual blunt manner, Anya had called Spike a total asshole and had reassured her that they would stick together. Her friend had been surprisingly chipper, as if finding another person's drama made hers more bearable—either that or she was glad that someone else was feeling the way she was feeling.

Either way, after Buffy hung up the phone, she lay down on her bed and hoped, prayed, begged for Spike to call her.

--

"Dude, what happened?" Xander said as he opened the door to see his friend, rather distraught and angry, at his doorstep.

Spike entered, boots heavy on the ground, and plopped onto the couch. "Why are girls so stupid and irrational?"

"Ahh. I see the light." He closed the door and headed to the kitchen to grab munchies. "You want a coke or something?"

"Yeah, whatever." Spike propped his feet up on the coffee table and closed his eyes, shaking his head at the recent developments.

Xander came back with chips, a couple sodas, and some peanuts. "So tell me what happened. You and Buffy got into a fight?"

"Worse." He rubbed his face with his hands, still in disbelief.

"Whoa. Worse? Don't tell me you guys broke up." Xander's eyes widened as he saw Spike's slow nod. "God, what happened? I mean, you were all sickeningly happy and missing her all break, and all of a sudden no more? Please tell me it's not because me and An broke up." When Spike didn't respond right away, Xander closed his eyes and groaned.

"Exactly. I don't want you thinking it's your fault or anything, because it's totally Buffy's fault, but it started with you guys. You will not believe what she was saying." He grabbed some nuts and began chewing loudly, as if taking it out on the food.

"What, did she say I was a terrible person for breaking up with Anya?" Xander said, rolling his eyes to hide the annoying feeling that perhaps he was terrible. He took a swig of his soda to avoid eye contact.

"She said that I was a fucking jerk for not wanting to marry her." He spat out the words with disgust before taking a long gulp of his drink. "I was trying to explain your side, you know? She was all, 'I just want to know Xander's side of the story.' And then—"

"Whoa whoa now wait a minute. You told her what I said? I thought you said you wouldn't," Xander said, his voice going up a notch.

Spike groaned. "Oh come on. It's not like I shared anything special. I just explained that Anya was pouring it on thick and that you weren't ready for that kind of crazy closeness. Am I wrong?"

"No, you're not. I just thought we agreed not to tell Buffy." Xander sighed, cracking his neck in nervousness. "I just feel like Anya will take the info and run with it."

"Are you seriously upset, man? Because I wasn't trying to betray your trust or anything," Spike responded earnestly.

"Naw, you think I'm a girl or something? It's no big. I was just surprised. Doesn't matter anyway. It's not like me and An are getting back together, so it doesn't matter if she does hear." Xander's voice took a tender tone, which Spike would've caught on, had he not been so absorbed with his own problems.

"Well, sorry about that. Didn't mean to cause problems." Spike reached out to pat his back in apology.

"Whatever. So marriage? Tell me what Buffy said," Xander replied, trying to change the subject.

"Oh, yeah! Marriage! I mean, what the fuck? She's mad at me because I haven't bought a fucking ring? Stupid," he muttered, reaching for chips.

Xander shook his head in agreement. "What is it with marriage and girls anyway? I mean, it's not like they're going to get married at 18. Why all the hubbub?"

"Damn straight. Girls can't get mad at us for not thinking about marriage when they're only thinking about the dress and the party. You don't hear girls talking about the groom, do you?" He snorted in disgust.

"Totally. And we don't need them anyway! Down with girls. Up with video games and peanuts and cars!" Xander belched loudly to punctuate his point.

Spike laughed at him and gave him a high five. Neither wanted to admit that their words seemed a little empty.

--

After long nights of tossing and turning and crying and pacing, Buffy finally got the courage to consider approaching Spike during lunch--but being with Xander, his new cohort in single-ness, Spike completely ignored her, and he and Xander didn't even look up as she approached. Catching herself before being humiliated, Buffy quickly turned away and spent the rest of the period in the library.

Seeing her hurt look, Spike swore to himself and then decided to talk to her the next day.

Later that week, when Spike was finally alone and ready to talk to Buffy, she was surrounded by her friends, and Anya gave him a malicious glare and made gestures that suddenly made him a little worried for his physical well-being.

Buffy pretended that it didn't matter, that his retreat was only proof that he was a jerk; she tried not to imagine how things might have gone had she been alone.

Both decided to wait till the other approached again, and both were disappointed.

--

"Valentine's Day is this weekend. What a shitty holiday," Buffy mumbled, diving into her ice cream.

"Yeah, probably some man who made up the holiday, trying to make us all feel unwanted. We should have an anti-Valentine's Day celebration," Anya replied, jabbing her spoon into her own pint.

Buffy eyes perked up at the idea of having something, anything to distract her from the fact that she was no longer part of a couple. "Yeah, we should totally do that! Down with Valentine's Day!"

The girls both sat up, eager to plan the event. "You in, Willow?"

They saw Willow hesitate, and Anya rolled her eyes. "Oh yeah, you still have a boyfriend. Forgot that you weren't really in our club."

"Hey!" Willow protested. "I'm so in the girls club. I'm a girl, aren't I?"

"Yeah, but you still have a boyfriend, and so you don't totally qualify. I mean, you and Oz are probably doing something, right?"

"Probably, but—"

"What? He hasn't planned anything yet? What a bastard!" Anya exclaimed, viciously throwing a teddy bear across the room. "Boys suck!"

"N-no, he's planning something; I just don't know what it is yet," Willow finished lamely.

"Yeah, and that's why you're not in the club," Buffy finished promptly. She wasn't trying to hurt Willow, but she was so involved in her own pain that she didn't really care if others were unhappy. She was unhappy—it was only fair that others shared the feeling every now and then.

Willow started to interrupt again, but Anya shushed her. "No, Willow, you can't. If you still have a steady source of orgasms, you're definitely OUT of the club," she said bitterly.

Buffy suppressed the desire to check on Willow, to see if she were hurt by Anya's brusqueness. She was feeling very selfish, very self-involved, and she simply didn't feel like looking out for someone else. And when she finally did look up, Willow was gone.

"Where'd Willow go?" Buffy inquired, watching Anya create her list of reasons to hate Valentine's Day.

"Probably to her boyfriend," she grumbled, slashing her pen viciously across the page.

Buffy sighed and reached for her purse. "I'd better get going. Gotta have dinner with Mom."

"Okay," Anya said, not really looking up from her mess of words. "But you're in on this, right?"

"Totally. Just tell me what you want me to do." She smiled at her friend and then let herself out.

--

"Buffy, tell me what's on your mind. You're brain is whirling around—I can tell." Mrs. Summers paused, her fork in mid-air, looking concerned as her daughter pushed food around her plate.

"Hmm? Oh, it's nothing. Just a calc test." Buffy shrugged and continued skating her chicken around in circles.

Joyce Summers put her fork down and stared intently at her daughter. "Buffy, please just tell me what's wrong. I haven't pushed in the past days, weeks even, but—"

"It's because she's stupid. What?" Dawn said innocently as she ignored the glares from her sister. "You know I'm right. It's because she broke up with Spike and now he doesn't want her back, and—"

"Shut up, Dawn. You have no idea—"

"Whatever, I heard the fight, and I hear you on the phone with Anya, so—"

"What, are you eavesdropping? You snotty—"

"Enough! Dawn, I think you're done. Go play on the Internet or something." Joyce dismissed her younger daughter with a flip of her fork. "I'll talk to you later. Don't think you're getting off easy."

Dawn grumbled but left the table. "Just ask her. She'll tell you she's stupid. Oww!" In retaliation to her sister's kick, Dawn smacked Buffy on the shoulder before running upstairs.

"Did you see that? Mom, she—"

"Buffy, please. You're not going to distract me."

Buffy's shoulders sagged in defeat. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to talk to someone about it, someone who was outside all the drama and wasn't stupid like her sister.

"So you want to tell me what's going on, in your own words? Or am I going to have to go on Dawn's lovely report?"

Buffy sighed miserably. "Actually, she's right. I am stupid. I totally ruined something good, and now—" She broke off, not really sure what "now" meant at all.

"Have you talked to Spike? I mean, I assume that's what this is about?" Joyce asked gently, trying to make sense of her daughter's drama.

"No, not at all." Buffy stopped pretending to eat her food and put her fork down. "It seems like whenever we try to talk to each other, it's not right. The timing's off. Like, he's with Xander and they're doing the guy thing, or Anya's threatening to cut off his parts when he tries to talk to me. It's like we've started this war, when really I'd rather just get back together with him."

"Well, why don't you call him?"

"But—he's wrong! He should call me!" Buffy pouted, her voice tinged with whininess.

Joyce resisted the urge to roll her eyes and said, "Back up and tell me what happened."

Buffy proceeded to tell the whole story, quite dramatically, avoiding the part about how she had goaded him into the break-up.

Joyce, hearing the story through a true mother's eyes, understood exactly what had happened.

"Buffy, if you really want him back, don't you think it's worth a little bit of discomfort? You say that he should apologize, but perhaps he just didn't hear what you were saying, and perhaps you misunderstood what he was saying?"

Buffy's immediate reaction was to deny that, but realizing that it was her mother, she merely slumped onto the table. "I just...it's so hard to go back and take back things that I've said. That's how it was before—we were always lashing out at each other. So it was just easy to fall back into that, and I think I might have said some mean and kinda stupid things. So it's hard to admit that I was wrong about that without reminding him of all that I'd said. You know?"

"I do, honey. But it might be worth it, in the end. Don't you think?" Joyce encouraged, her hand caressing her in understanding.

Buffy paused, biting her lip. "But what if he doesn't want me anymore?" Buffy finally looked up, her eyes slowly watering.

Joyce's heart tightened, and she pulled her daughter close in a rare moment of teenage dependence; she held her close and merely waited. "How could he now want my beautiful daughter?" She smiled into Buffy's hair.

Sniffing a little, Buffy pulled away, not wanting to seem too childish. "I don't know. I'll think about calling him. It's just, well, I think Anya would feel betrayed if I called him. It's like we have this club, this 'I hate boys' club, and if I call Spike, I'll be leaving her."

"Now, do you really think Anya wants to be part of that club?"

"I don't know...sometimes I wonder." She bit her lip, thinking about Anya's brutal comments yet longing looks at Xander.

Joyce nodded. "Well, you keep wondering, but in the mean time, consider calling Spike. He might want to hear from you."

Hugging her mom, Buffy said, "I'll think about it. Thanks, Mom." Kissing her on the cheek, she made her way up to her room.

And stared at the phone for about an hour. When she finally got up the courage to call, the phone rang and rang, unanswered. She hung up the phone, curled into a ball, and crawled into bed.

--

"I'm sorry I didn't call you earlier. The band's been rehearsing for hours. I think Spike's just taking out some aggression, and he's making all of us suffer for it. You weren't sleeping, were you?" Oz asked, his voice calm and affectionate.

"No, I wasn't sleeping. But, uh, I have a question for you," Willow began, her voice a little hesitant.

"What's up?"

"Uh, what are we doing for Valentine's Day?" she blurted out, unable to think of any valid transition.

Oz smiled. "Well if I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise, would it?"

"You know, Valentine's Day isn't that big of a deal, and, so, well, if you don't want to do anything we can—"

"Wait, what? You love Valentine's Day. You've been talking about it for months. This is supposed to be my year to surprise you. What's going on?" Oz asked, concerned.

Willow took a deep breath—and then chickened out. "Nothing! No, you're right. We'll do something, and you'll surprise me, and—"

Oz interrupted her rambling. "Seriously, Willow, what's up? You can tell me."

Willow took another deep breath. "Promise you won't get mad at me?"

Oz sat down on his bed and then said, "You know I can't promise you that. But I will promise to listen. You've got my attention."

One more deep breath. "Anya and Buffy, well, they kinda were thinking of doing this thing for Valentine's Day and so I was just, I don't know, well..." she trailed off.

Oz looked up at the ceiling and tried to keep his voice even. "You know, I love that you're so caring about your friends, but maybe sometimes you could care about yourself? About me? You know we've been planning this, and it was your idea. But you're willing to toss it because you're friends are sad that they're single on Valentine's Day, out of their own fault."

"It's not their fault!" Willow responded immediately in their defense. "No, Xander and Spike—"

"Xander and Spike didn't do anything wrong and you know it," Oz replied, his own loyalties emerging.

"That's not fair. You only hear their side. All I wanted was to be their friend on Valentine's Day because your friends were meanies." Willow tried to soften her voice a little, not wanting to fight.

Oz blew out his breath slowly. "Okay, Willow. Whatever you say. But if you want to spend Valentine's Day with the girls, I'm not going to stop you. When you're ready to be a girlfriend, give me a call. I'll be here. I'll see you later."

"Wait! Are you breaking up with me?" her voice getting a little hysterical.

"No, I'm not. I don't want to break up with you, and I'm not going to. But I'm not going to spend that day with you while you're thinking about your friends. It's not fair to me. Okay? Go be with your friends."

"Okay," she whispered, not sure how to respond.

"Bye, Willow," he murmured before hanging up the phone.

Willow hung up the phone and, though getting what she wanted, felt surprisingly dissatisfied. Too tired to call anyone else, she decided she'd just show up to their get-together. That was all she wanted, right?

--

"So, you guys want to hang out this weekend?" Xander asked nonchalantly, as if they didn't already hang out non-stop.

"I'm in," Oz said, ignoring the weird looks he got from both his friends.

"Wait, you're in as in—" Spike hinted with his hands.

"No, I'm not that in," he said concisely, "but I'm in for this weekend."

Spike frowned, then shrugged. "Okay." He went back to setting up his shot, circling the pool table.

"And I was thinking we could hang out at my uncle's cabin. He's taking my aunt to New York for Valentine's Day. Thought maybe we could play poker or something there."

Xander brightened up immediately. "Dude, that'd be awesome! You know, the guys, outdoors, doing manly things." He flexed and drew in his chest. "I am in," he said deeply.

Spike smiled in agreement. "Sounds pretty cool. You, uh, sure you don't want to take Willow up there?" he asked honestly, tilting his head.

Oz shook his head. "We're cool. She's doing her thing, and I'm doing mine. If you guys are in, I can come by in the morning and pick everyone up. 8 am sound good, to get an early start?"

The two guys nodded enthusiastically.

They finished their game and decided to call it a night, excited about their new plans for the weekend.





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