Ch. 22: Cover Me

Buffy made her way directly to the library, which was quickly becoming her new second home. It was early before school, and there were only a few shy souls around whose buses had dropped them off in the wee hours. She slid into the seat and logged into the computer, ready to waste away the minutes surfing the net, checking email that invariably only had impersonal spam, and trying to forget about the fact that she was alone.

Opening up Internet Explorer, she headed straight for her yahoo account and rolled her eyes at the 27 new messages and 324 bulk mail messages that she had in her mailbox. Still, having spam was better than the evil "0 messages" notice that sometimes popped up in her obsessive email checking. Clicking on the inbox, she prepared to wade through the messages offering her barnyard pleasures, discount ink jet toner, and free vitamins.

And blinked in shock when she saw an email from Spike. An email from Spike! She tried not to think too much about it, tried to convince herself that it was probably some virus pretending to be Spike. She opened it and waited, the computer taking its slow time in opening up the page. When it finally loaded, she held her breath and scrolled down to read the message.

buffy—
i know we haven't really talked in a while...it seems like every time one of us wants to talk, the other is busy. i've been thinking about you a lot, and i guess i figured this was the only way to guarantee that we got to talk. the thing is—i miss you. i don't know if you miss me, or if you even think about me, but i figured i'd take a chance. if you want to talk more, maybe try things out again, please meet me at the bronze tonight at 7:00. if i don't see you there, i'll understand.
yours,
spike
The first time Buffy read it, she skimmed to the bottom—she couldn't help herself—to see whether it was a good note or a bad note. When she saw that he signed off with "yours," she felt her heart do a little pirouette. The second time she read it, she held her breath the entire time, her eyes focusing on every word and every punctuation mark to make sure she fully understood what he was saying and asking and implying. The third time she read it, her face was flushed and her heart was beating quickly—the walls built around her spirit were slowly being lowered as she allowed herself the possibility of Spike's desire for her. The fourth, the fifth, the sixth...they all contributed to the silly grin on her face that she tried to suppress and the lightness in her step that made the rest of the day go by a little faster.

She had no idea what was going on in her classes, hadn't cared when teachers had called her on daydreaming during class, and for once didn't brood over the way her friendships had somehow deteriorated in the past weeks. She couldn't wait to get home, had already spent more energy on planning her outfit than seemed possible during a school day. When Buffy finally went home, she pretended to still be in the same dour mood—just to avoid questions from Dawn. She didn't want to share just yet—not till she had something significant to share. She showered slowly, making sure to use lots of body wash to smell nice, and pondered how she would react, how much she would share about her desires to get back together with him. She stared at herself in the mirror for long periods of time, wondering if he really did care for her, what she should wear to make sure he stayed interested without looking like a slut.

--

Xander was convinced he was going to die. He grabbed the paper bag and breathed in and out quickly, trying to find some sense of balance in his system.

Spike rolled his eyes and merely handed him some water. "Dude, you'll be fine. All you have to do is stand up there and sing with me."

Xander shook his head vigorously while gulping down some water. "No, you don't understand. I get stage fright. And I can barely hold a tune. And I—" He interrupted himself with another huge gulp of water. "I—" He took another deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment, trying to calm himself. "What if it's not enough? What if I do all this, sing and apologize and everything, and it doesn't get her back? If I've screwed this up, I just don't know what I'll do." His shoulders drooped at his pessimistic thoughts.

Spike came and sat next to him, putting his arm around him for comfort. "Well, I can't guarantee anything. Hell, I don't know if it'll be enough for me either. But at least we'll have tried. If they don't come back to us, it won't be because we were two pussies scared of trying. There's that, right?" Spike grinned a little, trying to reassure his friend and himself that their risk was worth it, would pay off in the end.

"Okay. You're right. It'll be okay." Taking another deep breath and another large gulp of water, he stood and then asked, "Just let me go to the bathroom and piss and puke and I'll be fine."

--

When she entered the Bronze, Buffy immediately scanned the room for Spike and saw him on stage, fiddling around with mikes and setting up amps. Brow furrowed, she wondered what was going on.

"Hey, Buffy," Oz said, approaching her.

Buffy still looked confused as she greeted the short bassist. "Hey."

Oz nodded in understanding. Gesturing, he led her towards the a table and said, "He asked me to escort you here. Have a seat, and enjoy the show." With a brief smile, he headed back towards the stage to help his bandmates out. Buffy bit her lip in anticipation and breathed in slowly, trying to calm herself for whatever Spike had planned.

She noticed that the Bronze was starting to fill up, and suddenly she saw Anya at a table nearby. "What's she doing here?" Buffy thought to herself, starting to feel uncomfortable. They still hadn't sorted things out; in fact, Anya had been almost hostile whenever they saw each other at school. She sulked a little at the thought of Anya being present at her reunion with Spike, since their main issue had been because of the boyfriends, or lack thereof. Her thoughts were distracted when she was presented with a Diet Coke and a single rose. She smiled to herself and decided not to let Anya's presence get in the way of her night.

The band finally finished setting up, and the lights dimmed in preparation for the evening's musical performance. Her heart flipped a couple times when Spike stepped into the lights, gave a quick smirk, and waved, saying, "It's Cover Night here at the Bronze this evening, so we thought we'd hit an oldie from that amazing rock era: the 80's." Spike smiled at the laughs and groans from the audience before catching the eye of his cute blonde seated at the table in front of him.

As the audience quieted, his face took on a more serious expression, and his voice deepened. "What I love about the 80s is the power ballad—sometimes those songs just express what we strong, manly men have difficulty saying." He paused for the smattering of laughter. "I figure, if those hard guitarists can break down and bare their souls, then so can we. Before we get into our first song, I want to introduce the members of the band."

Buffy zoned out a little through this part, allowing herself to watch the joy he got in being on stage—until she saw Xander on stage. What was Spike saying?

"A special treat tonight—we have a guest singer joining us for this night of nostalgia. Please give it up for Xander!"

She clapped lightly as her shy friend waved awkwardly at the crowd before shuffling backwards—and bumping into the bass amp. Buffy began to wonder about this setup, why Xander was there as well as Anya, but then Spike began to talk again.

"This first song has special meaning for me, as well as Xander. We, being guys, sometimes make mistakes. And sometimes we don't realize what we have until it's no longer there."

Buffy held her breath while listening to his words, completely transfixed by the intensity of his eyes. She blinked back tears as she thought about his words.

"The thing is—we're teenagers, and sometimes when we're frustrated, we do stupid things—say stupid things. And then, before we realize what we've done, we've hurt you, angered you, screwed things up. So we," Spike paused and looked back at Xander who was nodding earnestly in agreement, "We just wanted to say that we miss you—and that we're sorry."

"I'm sorry," Xander added into his mike, looking at Anya.

"I miss you," Spike said softly, looking at Buffy. Breathing in for a moment, he then continued to address the rest of the audience. "This song is an oldie—and it speaks of the way we feel about the girls in our lives." He nodded to the band, and the music began to play.

I can't fight this feeling any longer
And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow
What started out as friendship, has grown stronger
I only wish I had the strength to let it show

I tell myself that I can't hold out forever
I said there is no reason for my fear
Cause I feel so secure when we're together
You give my life direction
You make everything so clear

And even as I wander
I'm keeping you in sight
You're a candle in the window
On a cold, dark winter's night
And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might

And I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I started fighting for
It's time to bring this ship into the shore
And throw away the oars, forever

Buffy felt the tears gather in her eyes as the REO Speedwagon song swept over her in Spike's deep voice. She'd always been a sucker for those 80s songs, and this song especially made her heart ache in that pleasantly painful way. That he would sing this song to her—well, even without the song she would've come back, in all honesty—but that he would remember this song...it made her feel incredibly special.

My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you
I've been running round in circles in my mind
And it always seems that I'm following you, girl
Cause you take me to the places that alone I'd never find

And even as I wander I'm keeping you in sight
You're a candle in the window on a cold, dark winter's night
And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might

Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I started fighting for
And if I have to crawl upon the floor
Come crushing through your door
Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore.

She let the tears of happiness run down her face. It seemed stupid, to be so affected by a song, but Buffy couldn't help it. She'd wanted Spike for so long, and she'd made such a dumb mistake in letting her own temper get the best of her. And yet there he was, apologizing to her in front of a whole crowd when really she should've been the one to apologize first. She slowly wiped away the wetness and tried to steady her breathing. Smiling up at Spike, she mouthed, "I'm sorry. I missed you, too."

Spike simply gazed at her, not letting his eye contact waver until the final chord was struck and the song came to an end. The crowd burst into applause, and Spike murmured a "Thank you" into the mike. Turning to the band, he communicated something about their next song and then faced the crowd with a grin. "Don't want you guys to think this is going to be a night filled with sappy love songs—though they're damn good love songs—so the next song is meant to be more upbeat. In fact, please join in. Sing along, and have some fun. Be neighborly!"

Buffy noticed that he shared a quick look with Xander, who seemed again nervous for some reason. Buffy frowned at that thought—wouldn't he have been more nervous about singing to Anya? She thought about it for a while, happy not only for herself but her friend as well. It looked like both couples might be getting back together, but what did that mean for her own friendships? Even though she really wanted to patch things up with Anya, she couldn't quite bring herself to go over and talk to her, though she was right at a nearby table. What would she say? How could she avoid the awkwardness? Sighing, she waited for the music to begin. And when a familiar riff began to fill the room, she sat up straight, her mouth open in amazement.

La vie Boheme

La vie Boheme

La vie Boheme

Spike, Xander, and Oz were belting out the song with silly grins on their faces, encouraging the audience to sing along with them. The song "La vie Boheme," from the musical Rent , brought back tons of memories to when she, Willow, and Anya had listened to the soundtrack over and over again, each playing different parts and singing along loudly—and usually off-key—as the lives of such randomly interesting people played out on stage. Spike knew this—hell, he'd often joined them even though he and the guys had always rolled their eyes. How could he--? Her heart was pinched with awkwardness, wondering how Anya was reacting to the song. Their parts were coming up, and part of her really wanted to start singing along, to pretend like nothing was wrong. But what if Anya didn't sing with her? What if she was rejected, and she no longer had friends to sing this song with? What if she gave her a dirty look? Or what if she completely ignored her? What if—

"Wine and beer!" Willow shouted out, coming from out of nowhere. Buffy looked at her sudden appearance in surprise and couldn't help but smile at the slightly embarrassed look that Willow always got whenever she shouted out that line.

"Mucho masturbation!" Anya shouted out soon thereafter, joining Willow in standing to sing with enthusiasm. Buffy's heart jumped up in hope and, feeling a little more confident, rose to join them in time to join in with her own line, "To the stage!" Willow immediately hung her arm around Buffy's shoulders and Anya's as well, a smile on her face as they continued to belt out the song, praising the La Vie Boheme, with Anya's final plea "To S & M!" pushing them into a fit of giggles the way it always did. They continued to bounce along as the music faded out. When it was replaced with canned music, and the three girls were left, arms around each other, they finally made eye contact.

"I'm so sorry—I didn't—"

"I missed you, and I wasn't—"

"Forgive me? I didn't—"

"I'm sorry, too, and—"

Their voices fell over each other, apologies and pleas for forgiveness and statements of love and friendship rushing out and quickly soothing the wounds that had been created over the past days. Willow was smiling giddily—having been a part of the plan from the beginning—and her eyes were happy but teary. Anya was completely bawling, begging to be forgiven for her weeks of whining and bitchiness when really all she had wanted was to be back with Xander—and now that that was on the horizon, everything was looking better. And Buffy, with her red nose and wet eyes, was simply hugging them all, glad that their little sisterhood was finally healing. In the midst of their estrogen-charged reunion, she glanced up to catch Spike's eye—he was watching them with a smile of satisfaction lightly playing about his lips. Winking at her, he made it clear that the whole thing had been orchestrated, and Buffy mouthed, "Thank you" over the heads of her friends. He merely smiled and bowed a little before turning back to his band. Buffy's heart was glowing pink with pleasure. Now all she had to do was wait for him to finish his set—and their reunion could begin.





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