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Ch. 4: Behind Blue Eyes

"So, Buffy, are you excited about your birthday coming up?" Willow said as they walked to lunch together.

"What's to be excited about? Wondering what terrible disaster will hit me this year? I would skip my birthday totally—I would—if I could just get the presents on a different day," Buffy said morosely. On her birthday last year she had slipped in the lunchroom in front of everyone, earning her the nickname Puffy Buffy from the way her skirt had flown up and shown everyone her granny panties from laundry day, only exacerbated by her monthly friend's appearance. All in all, it was a day she wished she could strike from everyone's memory.

"But Buffy, aren't you even slightly curious about our surprise? I mean, you're as eager as the next guy when it comes to gifts. Don't you wanna know even a little?" Willow said, bouncing a little in the energy used to keep the secret. "And you know that Anya is one of the main brains behind this whole thing. I'd be worried if I were you," Willow whispered in a last ditch effort to garner Buffy's curiosity.

"Well, that does worry me a little. But there are so many other things on my plate right now. Like the fact that I have to do the book project with Spike!" Buffy said his name with whispered frustration. "And I just don't know how to deal with that." She looked at the food being served with disgust before picking up a salad and an apple.

"I don't understand. Last year you would've killed to be partnered with him. And now you seem all fluster-y. Why the weirdness?" Willow asked while balancing a tray of mystery meat. They walked towards their routine lunch table.

"I just—I mean, it's one thing to fantasize and daydream about those things. But in my life? It never goes the way I plan. I always say something stupid and then act mean, and then he's mean, and then I just want to cry or hide, but instead I'm mean again…it's really a vicious cycle beyond my control. I just don't want things to be all screwed up, in the way that I normally screw things up." She pouted, mulling over her situation.

"Cheer up, Buffy. It's your birthday this weekend!"

"Yes, it is!" Xander said with flourish as he approached and then sat next to his girls. "And we can't miss an exciting episode of Buffy birthday blunders. What is on the agenda for the weekend?" While waiting for the answer, he began munching on fries.

"You guys are going to meet us at the Bronze at 8. And you should already know this, because I sent out e-vites 3 weeks ago, Xander," Willow chastised.

"Willow, you can't really expect me to plan that far in advance. Anyway, I'm FleXander—give me a time and I'll be there. No worries." Xander slid down the lunch bench as Spike and Oz joined them. "You guys are in for this weekend at the Bronze, right?"

"Pretty hard to miss, since we're playing that night," said Spike as he began to pick at his lunch. "What is this, anyway?"

"I think it's supposed to be chicken. Willow, are we still up for the big surprise for Buffy's birthday?" Oz asked, his face completely masked, despite Willow's expressive gestures behind Buffy's back.

"Oh, yes, Buffy's surprise. Don't tell anybody, especially not Buffy," she said with huge smile on her face.

"Okay, I'm curious. You win," Buffy said with a sigh. "I just hope last year's birthday is a thing of the past."

"Of course, Puffy Buffy!" Xander said, poking her in the shoulder. Spike chuckled while Xander basked in the attention.

"Gee, you're so sweet," Buffy said sarcastically.

"Xander, shut up," Willow said, slapping his shoulder. "This year's birthday is going to be great. Really, Buffy." Willow squeezed Buffy's shoulders in reassurance. "Now, let's go finish our day so that the weekend can begin!" She got up and threw her trash away. "Who's ready for Calculus?"

***

Oz began tuning his bass as Spike set up the rest of the mikes for rehearsal. Satisfied with the tone, he nodded to Spike to start the music.

"Wait, tell me again what we're doing tomorrow night? Something about Buffy's birthday?"

"Yeah, Willow wants us to dedicate a song to her—and she really likes that song you wrote. "Love is a Fallacy" is the official title, I think. I believe "Cecily Fallacy" is what we called it after in honor of its origin."

Devon splashed the cymbal to highlight Oz's joke, since Oz didn't do much with the delivery. "Yeah, man—you were all dopey and shit after she played you."

"Yeah, well, I'm over it now. She likes that song? I'm surprised. I thought she'd go for something a little sappier."

"Man, that song is sappy. Just because you talk about that fallacy shit, there's still that line in the end about true love and all that romantic stuff the girls seem to love so much," Devon said with a smirk. "But we haven't played that song in a while, so that should be first on the playlist for tonight's rehearsal."

"What? You're being organized about tonight? What's her name, and what time is she coming tomorrow?" Spike said, teasing their drummer playboy.

"Her name's Faith. She's new, so don't any of you get any ideas. I got dibs."

"Actually, I already met her. And she was quite the flirt—couldn't resist my charms I suppose. I'm not interested—she's not really my type—but she did try a little with me. So don't go all evil on me if she happens to look my way."

"Damn, Spike. Can't you leave a few for the rest of us? Now what am I going to do?" Devon sighed loudly, exaggerating his pain. "I guess I'll just have to find me another gal."

"No, man—go for it. I'll just tell her I'm not interested, which is true. Pals before gals all the way."

"Now that our philosophy has been stated, are we ready to play?" said Oz.

"Whenever you're ready, Dev."

Devon began the beat on the quiet yet pulsing beat of the song, and the boys soon lost themselves in creating music.

***

Love is a fallacy
Misleading analogy
Lose my identity
Till I'm persuaded to nothing

Love is a fallacy
Trick me of sanity
Illogical clarity
Till I'm deceived into knowing

But I know you're waiting
With your clear eyes gazing
Knowledge is truth is power is love
And I know you're saving me…
Eventually

***

The Bronze was crowded, filled with people dancing, talking, flirting, laughing—but Buffy only heard one thing. She mouthed the words to her favorite song and swayed to the music as she gazed at Spike singing into the mike, his eyes closed in intensity. The first time she had heard this song, she had imagined him singing those last lines to her and she to him, and her heart had fluttered the entire time. When he had spoken the dedication to the crowd, wishing her a happy birthday, she almost felt she was dreaming. She sighed contentedly.

"Now that's what I like to hear," Willow said, satisfied with her efforts. "Look at me and tell me this isn't the best birthday so far. I mean, you look gorgeous, and we had fun getting all girly, right?"

Willow and Anya had gotten Buffy a day at the spa for the three of them, and they had played up to their girlyness through pedicures, manicures, massages, and a professional makeover. Buffy stood with confidence, her hair straightened and styled, her eyes smoky, her lips painted with glossamer. This amazing day was topped by a new dress from her mom, the little black job she had been eying at the mall. Her figure was finally free of baggy sweatshirts and shapeless jeans; overall, Buffy was almost unrecognizable—and that made her happy.

"Yeah, I will totally admit that this day has been fabulous. I can't believe you guys convinced my mom to buy this dress—and I can't believe you convinced me to wear it. You know this isn't really my kind of thing…as much as I love the way it looks," Buffy said, drawing her friends close for a quick hug. "I couldn't have asked for a better day."

"Well, we were tired of seeing you mope about no boys, and you clearly weren't using all your assets. If I had that ass, I'd show it off. So that's what you're going to do from now on," Anya said with determination. "And we'll just see if the boys don't notice you."

"Anya, remember what we talked about? This new look is for Buffy and her self-esteem, not for the boys. If they happen to notice, it's because of her newfound confidence in herself, not because she's revealing more skin," Willow said patiently, obviously repeating earlier words.

"They'll notice because they're boys. But if it makes you feel better, I'll agree with you." Anya nodded her head pertly. "I'm off to see if Xander has my drink yet. You two keep talking about your self-esteem and not about boys." Anya promptly left the table.

"Willow, don't worry. I'm not going to change my whole life to get some boys to notice me. I won't say that I'll deny them, but I won't make that my goal. Okay? Is that good enough for you?" Buffy asked with a grin.

"I just want to make sure you feel comfortable with all these things, because boys are often temporary things, and I don't want you to feel your appearance is your only attractive quality, because it's not."

"Apparently I don't even have that, based on my track record. But let's not dwell on that. It's my birthday, and I'll dance if I want to. Come on, Wills. Dance with me. We'll make all the boys drool." Buffy bounded out of her chair and dragged Willow onto the dance floor.

***

He watched her dance with abandon, her happiness sparkling through her eyes and glittering her body. She was obviously having fun, paying no heed to all the others around and dancing for herself alone, but there were moments of undulation, of sensual gyrating that simply called out to him, to all those around, crying out for someone to join her. He wanted to be that one.

***

Buffy felt good. The music was sensual and familiar, running across her body like lover's hands. Closing her eyes, she let those hands dictate her movements, completely letting go of her reservations and insecurities and losing herself in the song. She knew she looked good; there had been good money spent to guarantee that she looked good. She was surrounded by her friends with the voice of Spike licking her ear; life couldn't get much better.

***

He sang into the mike, letting the words drop from his lips. Squinting into the audience, he saw Buffy and her circle of friends, dancing to his words, his guitar. Her movements reminded him of their earlier confrontation, and he felt a twitch lower. He smiled slightly as he continued to sing, enjoying the scene before him. Maybe tonight he'd be able to dance with her.

***

"Do you guys want anything? My treat," said Xander. "And you should take advantage of me now, since I'm braving the mass of people who like to drink when there's a lull in the music." The girls laughed and spouted their preferences. He quickly took the orders and headed over to the bar.

"Hey, Xan, how are you and the ladies liking the music?" Spike asked as he took a swig of water, on break between sets.

"You know the girls when it comes to guys with guitars. I'll never forgive myself for not learning," Xander said, patting Spike on the back. "They love you, and they want you to play that Fallacy song one more time. What is it with girls and repeat? Don't they get sick of the same song being played over and over again?" Xander shook his head.

"Maybe we'll do that, just for the birthday girl. How's she enjoying herself—better than last year?" Spike asked, glancing over at the group.

"Ah, so you noticed her tonight, did you? Yeah, she and the girls did this whole beauty thing. I think they all look pretty damn hot. Anya the most, of course," he said quickly. Xander sidled in closer. "You think Buffy's cute, don't ya?"

"I've always thought she was cute, but tonight she looks hot. I just seem to bring out the worst in her and vice versa," Spike said, watching Buffy laugh and chat animatedly with her friends. "Seriously hot tonight, though I wouldn't mind her with a little less makeup."

"Yeah, well, maybe things won't be as bad tonight. She's having a great time. Go ask her to dance or something when your set is done. Anya's been on my case to get you to date someone; she's ready to do the double date thing." Xander sighed, thinking about all the other things Anya had been on his case for lately.

"It's a good thing she loves you. I can imagine she'd be quite the enemy if you ever got on her bad side. Anyway, I think I'm ready for our set to be over. Gettin' a little tired of being in the spotlight. I'll see you later," he said, finishing his water and heading towards the stage again. He glanced over at the girls one last time and made his decision.

***

"Well, I'm tired. Dancing is great fun but also great pain, especially in these shoes. I'm smiling today, but I'm not sure about tomorrow," said Buffy as she slid onto a stool and out of her shoes.

"But the night is young! And they haven't really played any slow songs yet! And we haven't eaten the birthday cake of chocolatey goodness!" Willow cried out, worried that her detailed schedule was about to be trampled on.

"Don't worry, Willow, geez. Buffy's just making small talk. We're not going to leave without getting some male goodness—at least, I'm not. So calm down." Anya took a sip from her drink. "And I wish you guys would get with the goodness, too, because I want another couple to do the whole double date thing and Oz is not really the talkative type—sorry Willow. Buffy, why don't you go ask Spike to dance when he's done? He and Xander are close, and then we could go out."

Buffy's cheeks flushed, and she quickly glanced at Spike, who was holding onto his mike tightly while his voice buzzed through the air. "I don't think Spike would dance with me, and I'm not really up to making this birthday end on a sad note." Buffy shook her head, trying to stop the fantasy of dancing with Spike from developing into a dvd for her private collection.

"Who knows? Maybe he'll ask you to dance? Tonight has been pretty awesome. Let's get that cake and make a wish," said Willow, the ever-hopeful optimist.

"Thanks, Wills," said Buffy, giving her a quick hug.

Quickly, the cake appeared before her, one single candle snug in the waves of chocolate icing. Buffy closed her eyes, pictured clear blue eyes, and blew.

***

"Thanks for the great night. Until next time," said Spike, officially ending the set. "Finally," he muttered, starting to clean up the equipment. As canned music began to play, he quickly gathered the band's stuff. When the last mike was packed away, he wiped his dusty hands on his jeans and looked up to find Buffy. At that moment, a slow song came on. He smiled and headed towards her.

***

"Oh, I love this song," said Buffy quietly. She started shredding a napkin, refusing to search the crowds to see where Spike had gone after finishing his set. She tried not to give in to the song's haunting allure when she felt someone tap her on the shoulder. Her heart stopped beating, and she slowly turned around with hope in her eyes.

"May I have this dance?"

But the eyes were brown.





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