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Chapter 12 – Blood and Tears


Nervously walking toward the cemetery, Buffy couldn’t get that dream out of her head. She could practically still feel Spike’s lips on hers. She could feel the excitement rushing through her when she thought of him kissing her neck.

So lost in thought, Buffy nearly jumped out of her skin when she felt a hand on her arm. She subconsciously knew that it was Spike since her Slayer senses weren’t going off, but she could still feel her heart racing in her chest.

Spike slowly turned her around to face him, his eyes narrowing when he heard the thumping of her heart and saw her flushed face.

“You alright, Slayer?” he asked, tilting his head to look at her.

Buffy took a few steadying breaths before nodding.

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah,” Buffy finally responded in a soft voice, trying not to focus on the tingling sensation that was sweeping over her skin as a result of his hand still on her arm. “I’m fine.”

Spike didn’t believe her but decided not to push the subject. She would tell him if she wanted to. His mind briefly flashed to the dream, but he focused on his surroundings, not wanting to remember how real her body felt beneath his.

Buffy began walking, and Spike could see the rigid way she was holding herself. Her shoulders were tense, and her arms were crossed in front of her chest as if she was trying to mentally ward off something.

“How’s Harmony?”

Turning toward her, Buffy noticed that Spike’s eyes had widened at the question.

“She’s…she’s fine,” he replied skeptically.

“Are you two…back together?” Buffy asked, a hint of trepidation in her voice.

“No,” Spike said, studying her eyes. “Not yet.”

“Not yet?”

She could practically feel her heart sinking in her chest.

‘Riley…must think of Riley…stealthy boyfriend guy who is lying in a hospital bed.’

“Jealous, Slayer?” Spike teased, biting his bottom lip as he studied her.

“No,” she replied too quickly and with too much indignation. “I just…I just think you can do better.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes, that’s so,” Buffy said with a nod. “Not that she and Drusilla were the models for the perfect girlfriends, but-“

“Keep quiet about Dru,” Spike interrupted, his jaw tense.

Buffy’s eyes widened in surprise. She could feel the anger rolling off of him in waves, and it only served to fuel her own.

“Why should I?” she asked, turning toward him, her arms still crossed over her chest. “It’s not my fault that she up and left.”

“You’re treading on thin ice, Slayer.”

“Why do you even care anymore, Spike? It’s been two years- get over it.”

“Just like you’re over Angel?” he countered, taking a step closer to her, his eyes flashing. “Dru and I were together for over a century- you and Peaches were together a few years, and he ‘up and left’. So what does that tell you?”

Buffy’s face seemed to close off as she stared at the vampire.

‘He’s right,’ she thought sadly. ‘Angel couldn’t even stand to be around me for a few years. Drusilla and Spike were together for over one hundred years and…’

Buffy forced her train of thought to stop when she noticed the smug expression on Spike’s face. She wanted nothing more than to get away from him. “It’s not my fault your girlfriends are such vapid whores.”

Not bothering to wait for his reaction, Buffy turned and began walking through the cemetery, fighting the tears in her eyes. She stretched out her senses after a few minutes, trying to find Spike and realizing he wasn’t following her.

Coming to a stop next to a mausoleum, she took a deep breath, her chin trembling as she leaned against the cold stone. Unable to fight it anymore, her hands traveled up to her face, muffling the sobs that erupted.

Letting her legs practically collapse under her weight, she slid down the wall, burying her face in her knees and letting her body shake with the agony that she would never be enough for anybody.



Spike watched her walk away, clenching his jaw as she disappeared. He knew that she was trying to be hurtful and succeeded with what she said, but he was still feeling guilty.

‘You’re a vampire- you’re not supposed to feel guilty,’ he lectured himself.

Nevertheless, he couldn’t let her wander through a cemetery when she couldn’t hear where her enemies might be.

Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, Spike started walking in the direction she had gone. His mind kept turning over the conversation, and he felt his heart dropping with every memory.

What she’d said to him was meant to be hurtful, but it was true. His retort about Angel leaving her made Spike’s heart clench. He hated his poncey Grandsire, but he knew that Angel never would have left Buffy if it wasn’t for the curse.

Following her scent, Spike looked around and listened closely. He could hear sobs nearby, and his heart felt like it was breaking apart, piece by piece. Taking a deep breath, Spike walked around a crypt and saw her in the distance. Her body shaking with the force of her tears and her arms wrapped tightly around her legs, almost burrowing into herself.

Watching her for a long moment, Spike closed his eyes, trying to figure out the best way to approach her as he swallowed the lump in his throat. His eyes snapped open when he heard a growl, and he immediately began running when he saw two vampires attacking Buffy.

With a burst of speed, Spike made it over to her and flung one of the vampires into the wall of the mausoleum, spinning around and kicking the other one in the stomach.

Buffy lay on the ground, gasping for breath. Spike’s eyes widened when the intoxicating smell of her blood floated toward him.

“Buffy-“

Landing with a thud, Spike growled at the vampire who was trying to attack him. With a roar, he grabbed both sides of the vampire’s head and ripped it clean off. Letting the dust settle around him, he noticed Buffy on her feet, battling the remaining vamp.

The look of satisfaction on her face when she staked him nearly brought a smile to Spike’s face until he remembered she was bleeding.

“Where are you hurt?” he asked, running over to her.

“It’s nothing,” she said softly, pushing him away. “Just a scratch.”

“Buffy, you’re bleeding,” Spike said, turning her to face him so she could see what he was saying. He saw the tears that were still in her eyes and his expression softened. Gently brushing her hair out of her eyes, he gave her a soft smile. “I didn’t mean it,” he whispered.

“Doesn’t mean it’s not true.”

“Believe me when I say no one would leave you unless they absolutely had to, luv.”

Buffy took a deep breath, giving him a small smile. “About what I said…”

“It’s all true,” Spike replied, his eyes already on her body, his senses stretching out to find where she was injured. “Where are you hurt?” he asked again.

Buffy swept her hair away from her neck, and Spike growled when he saw the cut. It wasn’t a bite, but the blood pooled from the small cut, and the ambrosia was practically calling to him.

The bloodlust building up in Spike’s eyes was obvious as Buffy stared at him. His lips parted as if he was already savoring the taste. She found herself unconsciously leaning toward him, feeling the same pull toward him that he was feeling toward her. He seemed to snap out of it a moment later, looking into Buffy’s eyes. He suddenly realized how close he came to losing her.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered, moving toward her.

“It was my fault,” Buffy said, shaking her head. “I shouldn’t have brought it up and turned it into such a petty argument-“

Buffy was cut off when she felt Spike’s arms wrap around her in a crushing hold. “I almost lost you tonight, pet,” he whispered, so overcome with emotions that he wasn’t used to, he didn’t even realize that he wasn’t looking at her. Buffy gasped when she, once again, understood what he was saying without looking at him.

“I’m fine,” she murmured, letting her hands travel up to wrap around his neck. “I’m here and I’m fine. It takes a lot more than a couple of stupid fledglings to kill me.”

Spike didn’t say anything as he held her. He didn’t know what he was feeling for the young woman, but he did know the connection with her was stronger than he’d ever felt with anyone.

It wasn’t love- it was something stronger…he just didn’t realize it yet.






Thank you so much to: Kar, Franchesca, Seraiza, Isabel, Mariana, Pari, Jane, bchosenone2003, darla, Brunettepet, Tara, Steph, Bernardette, Revello_1620, blondiebear, Kate, Cordykitten, Jenn, Rana, glassgoddess, samica, Rachel, Renee, songgal, & gypsy_jin for reviewing!





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