Chapter 19 – Death Wish


Spike walked through the back of the Magic Box, frowning when he saw his duster lying on the floor. Picking it up, he briefly brought it to his face, inhaling the sweet smell of vanilla and honeysuckle before he realized that something didn’t feel right. Closing his eyes, he pictured Buffy leaving the shop and easily remembered the duster wrapped snugly around her small frame.

Looking at the open door that led to the main area of the shop, he felt his heart tighten at the thought of what she could have witnessed.

“I would have sensed her,” he muttered to himself. “I would have heard her or…”

He trailed off, realizing that he had been distracted with Giles and the blasted money. Knowing that there was a possibility that she could have seen something that she might not have understood nearly had him gasping for unneeded air. He could almost sense the different emotions that lingered in the air.

“Bloody hell, she must have seen.”

Without another thought, Spike ran out of the shop, hoping that Buffy didn’t have too much of a head start.




Walking toward her house, Buffy had veered off toward a nearby cemetery, not wanting to have to face her mother just yet with tears streaming down her cheeks- she needed to get her emotions under control.

Everything had been turned on its axis, and Buffy didn’t know how much more she could take. When the vampire caught her off guard with a hard hit to her jaw, she found herself falling, landing on her back on the hard earth. She tried to fight back but was too overcome with the raging emotions, putting very little force behind her punches.

‘Nothing means anything anymore,’ she thought as the vampire eagerly pinned her body with his.

Buffy closed her eyes as the alarms sounded through her body, waiting for the fangs to pierce her jugular. She just wanted it to be over. She wanted the pain, the confusion, and most of all, the betrayal to be nothing but a distant memory. SHE wanted to be nothing but a distant memory.

Nothing could have surprised her more than the feeling of the vampire disintegrating on top of her. The dust falling around her as she looked into the cold blue eyes of a man she thought she trusted.

“What the bloody hell was that?!” Spike yelled, jerking her up by her arms and giving her a hard shake. “Are you trying to commit suicide? Because that’s what it fucking looked like!”

Buffy had never seen Spike this angry, but she turned away, wanting to ignore him as she brushed herself off.

Spinning her around, Spike grabbed her arms and held them in a bruising grip, ignoring the warning zaps that the chip was sending through his brain. “Do you want to die?” he asked, giving her another shake for good measure, trying to get her to look at him.

“What do you care?!” Buffy yelled, trying to break free of his hold.

“Because I care about you,” Spike said, his grip loosening slightly. “You’re the strongest Slayer I’ve ever been in contact with, and I’ll be damned all over again if I let you go out that way.”

“I’m not the Slayer!” she screamed as tears ran down her face. “I’m nothing anymore. I’m a shell of the Slayer and I haven’t had a chance to be a girl! I’ve been the Slayer since I was fifteen, and I was never able to figure out who BUFFY was! Now, I don’t even have that…I’m just a liability.”

“Where the hell are you getting this?” Spike asked, his eyes softening as he took a step back and looked at her.

“Let’s just say I had a sudden realization tonight.”

“And that would be?”

“Why don’t you go ask your business partner,” Buffy said bitterly. “What? You don’t have any more business transactions to make tonight?” she asked, her arms crossed in front of her chest.

Spike knew that he would have to approach this very carefully. “Slayer-“

“Don’t!” she yelled, fighting the tears in her eyes, pointing a finger at him in warning. “I don’t want to know. Whatever you’re about to say…I trusted you,” she trailed off in a whisper as tears continued to stream down her cheeks. “I thought we had something special, and it was all just for money.” Buffy covered her face with her hands as the sobs racked her body.

She jumped when she felt his arms wrap around her and quickly pulled away, landing a solid punch to his nose that sent him reeling back. Spike hurriedly steadied himself and blocked her other hits.

“I trusted you!” she screamed, her emotions taking over as she cried. “You said you were my friend!”

“I am,” he said quietly, letting her take out her anger and frustration on him, only bothering to block the worst of her hits, knowing that she would need to get this out of her system. He held his arms out to his sides when he felt her strength dwindling as her fists weakly hit his chest. Wrapping his arms around the young woman, Spike dropped to the ground with her when her legs gave out.

Stroking her hair and holding her in a firm grip as she cried, he planted soft kisses in her hair, letting his hands trail along her back, trying to soothe her.

After a few minutes, he felt Buffy pull away but held her at arms' length, forcing her to look at him. “I never wanted to hurt you,” he said, his eyes never leaving hers as silent tears slipped down her cheeks. “I didn’t take the money.”

Her eyes widened as she looked at him. “You didn’t?”

Spike shook his head before answering. “No.”

“Wh-why not?” she asked, her voice trembling.

Hesitating for a moment, Spike leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss to her lips. It was barely a caress, but it was enough to elicit a response from her. She eagerly leaned forward, craving his touch as she deepened the kiss, holding him to her.

Breaking away after a moment, each breathing heavily, Buffy looked into his eyes again. “Why didn’t you take the money?” she asked again.

“Because I love you.”



Thanks so much to: Essi, Alicia, Bridget, gypsy_jin, Kate, samica, Cordykitten, Mari, Darla, Pipergirl, Bernardette, glassgoddess, spufette, Jessica, Juanita, Franchesca, Rachel, Kar, Rana, Steph, Pari, jane & Seraiza for reviewing!





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