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A/N I realized some of you haven’t seen season 2 of Angel, so here is a (very) brief rundown. Wolfram & Hart brought back Darla to push Angel over the edge. As a result, he fired the gang and set out on a vendetta to kill her (and Drusilla). He injured them instead (leading to Dru returning to Sunnydale in Crush) and the following events led to Connor being born. Angel turns really dark in that season- not Angelus, just a really mean guy making conscious decisions to not help people. If you haven’t seen that season, you really should! The next few chapters (which take place over a 24 hour period) are set during the events of Redefinition when he (in my opinion) is the worst that he gets in the arc.



Chapter 33 – Dare to Forgive


Unlocking the door of the hotel room, Buffy pushed it open, both hoping and dreading that Spike would be there. She really didn’t want to argue anymore, but she wouldn’t have objected to curling up next to him and spending the night safely cocooned in his arms.

Seeing that the room was empty, Buffy sighed and walked out on the balcony. Sunrise wasn’t for a few hours, but her nerves would be more settled if Spike would just come back.

Flinching when her muscles protested, she slowly pushed away from the railing. After her run-in with Angel or Angelus or whoever the hell he was, she had decided to patrol, wanting to avoid coming back to the hotel. Unfortunately, she’d ended up running into a gang of vampires who thought it would be fun to take out the Slayer. Taking quite a few brutal hits, Buffy had managed to dust all of them, but her body wasn’t happy about the stress it had been put through.



Wiping the steam off the mirror, Buffy wrapped a towel around her hair and looked at her reflection. Her skin still had a light sheen of perspiration from the hot bath she’d just taken, and staring at herself in the mirror, Buffy flinched at the bruises and cuts on her arms, but the most painful was the throbbing underneath her eye, reminding her of a man she thought she knew.

Frowning as she probed her sensitive skin, Buffy sighed before turning and grabbing the thick, white bathrobe from the back of the door and wrapping it around herself. Grabbing a comb off the counter, she walked into the small living room with a heavy heart. She knew that Spike still hadn’t returned or she would have sensed him, and it left a heavy pain in her heart.

Shaking the excessive moisture out of her hair, Buffy dropped the towel in the corner and ran the comb through her hair as she sat down on the couch. Curling her legs underneath her, she flipped on the TV, hoping to distract her brain from the disturbing images it chose to make. She knew she hadn’t been wrong in not letting Spike go to the Hyperion- who knows what would have happened if he had come face to face with Angel- but she just wished she knew where he was.



Spike desperately tried to hold onto the anger that had been fueling his emotions all night. Walking into the hotel room, he knew it was a lost cause when he saw Buffy asleep on the couch. Wrapped in a soft robe, her hair fanning around her in soft curls that let him know it had dried that way, and the way her hand curled under her cheek as she slept, Spike had never seen her look so innocent.

Slowly walking over to her, he shrugged out of his duster and crouched on the floor, gently picking up the hand that was draped over her waist, holding it loosely in his.

Watching as her eyes fluttered open, he gave her a soft smile.

“Spike?” she murmured, not letting herself believe that he was really here.

“It’s me, baby,” he whispered, bringing her hand to his mouth and pressing a soft kiss to it. Frowning at the fresh smell of blood, Spike straightened, looking her over. “What happened?”

“Where’ve you been?” Buffy asked, sitting up and rubbing her eyes.

“Took a walk. What happened?” he asked again.

“I just patrolled,” she said, watching Spike as his eyes narrowed and he reached over to switch on the lamp sitting on the small table next to the couch.

Buffy squinted in the harsh light, trying to make out his features as her eyes adjusted. She could feel him tense before his fingertips reached up to gently brush over the tender skin underneath her eye.

Her body was rigid as he continued to look at her.

“I should have been there. I shut myself off and I…I should have been there.”

“The claim?”

Spike glanced up at her, before looking away. “I shut myself off from it…didn’t really want to know what you might be feeling when you were visiting him.”

“Spike,” Buffy whispered, gently running her hand along his cheek. “I know it’s hard, but you have to trust me. I’m not Drusilla…I won’t leave you for my ex. I’m yours. Your mate and your lover…alright?”

Spike didn’t say anything as he avoided her eyes, but Buffy could see the tears shimmering in his when he nodded.

“Did you get to kill whatever did this?”

“No,” Buffy whispered, quickly looking away when he raised his eyes to hers. “I killed the others.”

“Others?”

Wordlessly pushing the sleeves of her robe up to her elbows, Spike growled possessively when he saw the shallow cuts and other marks on her arms.

“How many were there?”

“I don’t know,” Buffy shrugged. “Five, I guess.”

“I don’t want you patrolling alone while we’re here.”

“Spike-”

“Buffy, this isn’t Sunnydale.”

“I know. Which means that these vamps don’t know me.”

“They’re still willing to go looking for a meal at night. I don’t want to lose you, luv.”

When Buffy stayed quiet, Spike sighed in exasperation. “What did the great poofter have to say?” he asked, knowing the subject would come up eventually.

“I didn’t get a lot of information,” she replied, playing with the sleeves of her robe.

“Why not?” he asked, tilting his head to look at her.

“Because he wasn’t real interested in talking.”

Realizing a moment too late that she’d said the wrong thing, Spike jumped to his feet, reaching for the first breakable object he could find and hurling it at the wall. “Son of a bitch!” he roared, panting as he looked around the room for something else to throw.

“Spike, calm down,” Buffy cried, jumping to her feet and grabbing his arm.

“Calm down? Calm down! Are you seriously expecting-”

“Do you not trust me?” she asked quietly, watching as his features softened.

“I trust you,” he whispered. “I do. I just don’t like the fact, he expects-”

“I didn’t mean it that way- it came out all wrong,” Buffy interrupted.

“How can ‘he wasn’t interested in talking’ come out wrong?”

“He’s the one who gave me this,” she said softly, gesturing to the bruised skin under her eye.

Spike’s eyes widened for a moment before his mouth dropped open. “What do you…how could…why?”

“I don’t know,” Buffy whispered, taking his hand and pulling him back to the couch. “He wasn’t acting like himself. He said he fired Wesley and Cordelia and didn’t know where they were and then he just acted…different.”

“Different as in- Angelus?”

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “I can’t explain what it was. It was almost like he wasn’t either of them. I looked into his eyes and there was just nothing there, Spike.”

Buffy’s eyes widened when Spike jumped off the couch and began walking toward the door.

“Where are you going?” she asked in a panicked voice.

“Going to teach him not to mess with what’s mine.”

“Spike, I can take care of myself,” Buffy said, catching his arm before he walked out the door. “And I know you’re strong, but I don’t think that I could take him at top strength- that’s how much he freaked me out. Plus it’s going to be sunrise soon.”

“What do you expect me to do, Buffy?” he asked, looking at her as if she’d gone insane.

“Tonight we’ll track down Cordy and Wes and find out what’s going on and then we’ll work it out.”

“And what am I supposed to do in the meantime?” Spike asked, looking down the hallway as if it led to his freedom.

“I was thinking you could kiss me,” Buffy whispered, smiling when Spike immediately turned around and pinned her to the door, lowering his lips to hers in a passionate kiss.



Thanks so much to: Kimber, Franchesca, spuffette, Kate, Seraiza, Rana, Juanita, zanthine, Bernardette, Crystal Pegasus, Kar, Steph, Mari, Alicia, parisian, Rachel, Bridget, Jenn, revello_1620, pj, stace, Cordykitten, gypsy_jin, songgal1, BuffyandSpikeForever, Esther & gattaca for reviewing!





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