Chapter 4 – Pretending


Walking toward the Magic Box, Buffy kept a careful eye on her surroundings. It had only been a week, and already she felt as if everything that she walked by held some unknowing creature that was waiting for her. Living in Sunnydale, this wasn’t an uncommon fear, but being the Slayer, Buffy wasn’t supposed to be this skittish.

‘It feels like I’m a five year old afraid of the boogeyman,’ she thought, kicking a rock as she walked.

Her heart felt as if it was sinking in her chest when she saw the shop come into view.

‘Time to pretend like everything’s okay,’ she thought bitterly as she pushed open the door. She could see everyone crowding around the table look up when she walked through the door. Riley wasn’t there yet, and Buffy felt a little guilty that she was relieved. He played the supportive boyfriend role, but it almost seemed like he was relieved that Buffy was more dependent on other people…especially him.

Buffy saw some of her friends wave and other’s say ‘hi’. Obviously, they were forgetting that she couldn’t hear them as they ducked their heads and offered a wave instead. Buffy sighed. She actually preferred them trying to talk to her, even if she couldn’t hear them. As long as they looked directly at her, she was finding it easier to read lips, but most, especially Xander, apparently thought that making strange gesticulations with their hands was easier to understand.

Buffy gave them a timid smile before dropping into a chair and watching Giles, wondering if he was ready to begin. He closed the door of the back room, wiping his hands as he approached the table.

“Hello, Buffy.”

Buffy smiled in response- her Watcher’s kind eyes never failed to put her at ease.

“What’s going on tonight?” she asked, feeling uneasy when everyone’s eyes turned to her. As the Slayer, Buffy was used to being the one everyone turned to, but now it seemed as if their eyes were on her out of surprise that she had spoken or pity when they remembered her condition.

“Do you not want to wait for Riley?”

Buffy shook her head, getting the gist of what Giles was saying. “He can get caught up. He knew what time to be here.”

She knew she sounded bitter, even though she couldn’t hear her own voice, but it was hard not to.

“Very well,” Giles replied, speaking in clear and concise words, even more articulated than usual as he made sure Buffy could see him at all times. “I’ve asked you all here tonight because I think Buffy needs help.”

Buffy’s eyes widened as she tried to interpret what Giles was going to tell her. “You mean…you think there’s a cure?” she asked hopefully, biting her lip as she waited for him to answer. Her heart felt like it was breaking all over again when she saw him shake his head.

“I’m sorry, no,” Giles replied with sad eyes. “I mean help with patrolling.”

“Giles, I can’t patrol,” Buffy said, already feeling the panic build up inside of her and hating the feeling of uncertainty. Slaying was supposed to be the one thing she knew how to do, and that had been stripped away.

“You can,” Giles insisted. “With some help.”

“What kind of help?” Buffy asked warily.

As if on cue, the door to the Magic Box opened and Spike walked through with his leather duster billowing behind him. Everyone turned to look at him, and Buffy cursed herself for taking the seat that had her back to the door. She quickly turned, her mouth dropping open when she saw the blonde vampire.

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “No way…there’s no way!” she cried, jumping up and walking over to Giles. “You expect him to help me? I’m sure he’ll help…help one of his little vampire friends sink their teeth into my neck when I least expect it.”

“Buffy-“

Before Giles could finish, Buffy felt her arm seized in a strong grip, spinning her around. Spike looked directly in her eyes, never leaving her gaze. Out of the corner of her eye, Buffy was vaguely aware that Xander was moving and saying something, but her eyes were focused on the man in front of her.

“You help me…I help you,” Spike said, watching as Buffy’s eyes darted down to his lips, studying them for a moment.

“Why?” she asked skeptically.

“Because I don’t really fancy trying to break in a new Slayer,” Spike replied with a smirk.

Buffy was surprised that she was able to understand him so easily, but she was more surprised when she smiled at the comment. She realized that she hadn’t smiled in a week, and her face almost hurt with the effort.

“Come on…let’s get in a workout.”

Buffy nodded, feeling relief course through her. It seemed like all of her friends were always walking on eggshells around her, and it was a nice break to have someone treat her like it was a regular night.

Turning around to walk to the back, Buffy saw Giles and Xander were apparently in a heated discussion and didn’t notice when she slipped away. Walking into the back room, Buffy could sense when the door closed behind them and was taken by surprise when she found herself on the ground.

Quickly rolling over, she looked at Spike in confusion. His eyes were serious as he spoke, “You gotta be ready, Slayer.”

Taking a deep breath, Buffy nodded, jumping to her feet and focusing on the vampire as they circled each other. She ducked a punch and frowned when the chip didn’t fire.

“No intent,” Spike said, reading the look in her eyes.

Buffy was confused that they seemed to be communicating with such ease. She hardly even needed to watch his lips- she could almost look into his eyes and understand what he was saying to her.

Spike shrugged out of his duster and threw it over the pommel horse before turning his attention back to her. He saw the confusion in her eyes and knew that this was new territory for her. He was definitely going to have tread lightly since he wasn’t sure what was going through her mind.

The two began sparring, and Buffy found herself relaxing in spite of the situation. Her mind kept flashing back to the past few years when she and Spike had really been fighting with the intent to kill. It was definitely more dangerous than the situation was now, but it was something familiar. It was a time when she knew who she was and what she could handle. There was never a question in her mind that she could face whatever was coming next…not like now.





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