The next morning, Spike woke up, still cradling Buffy to his body. He slowly ran his hand over her hair before placing a soft kiss on her temple. Her eyes slowly opened, focusing on his. “Good morning.”
“Hey,” she said quietly, smiling. “I bet I look atrocious.” Spike chuckled and shook his head.
‘But of course he looks stunning. How come he always looks perfect in the mornings? It’s not fair.’
“It’s already 10:30,” he said, looking at the clock on his bedside table. She sighed.
‘Only one day left now. Only 24 hours for one of us to admit how we feel.’
“We should probably go get Dawn,” she said, sitting up and looking at her clothes strewn around the room. Trying her best not to be self-conscious, she got out of bed and began to get dressed.
‘Was last night a mistake to her?’ he thought sadly, watching her. ‘She wants to leave, doesn’t she?’
He frowned and began to pull on clothes, willing himself not to tear up at the thought of losing her again. She finished and looked at him, catching a hint of sadness in his features.
‘Was last night a mistake to him?’ she thought. ‘A one-shot deal? Good-bye sex?’
He looked back at her, and they locked eyes for a moment, both too scared to say anything.
He was the first to move, heading towards the kitchen and grabbing his keys. Buffy followed him solemnly, thinking that this could possibly be one of the last times she’d ever be in his apartment. He opened the door for her, and they left, going out to her car and heading towards Revello Drive.
The ride was made in silence, each of them battling with their thoughts. When they pulled up at her parents’ house, he felt the urge to say something, but Buffy got out of the car instantly, not giving him the chance.
‘Bloody brilliant.’
He followed her up the walk to her front door before she let them both in. Dawn and her mother were in the living room, watching cartoons. Dawn jumped up and came running towards her parents. It was Buffy who picked her up, holding her close.
‘I can’t let today be the last time I see her. I love this little girl, and nothing’s going to keep me away anymore.’
Joyce came over to them, noticing how emotionally off both Buffy and Spike seemed. The happiness that she had seen in them over the last two weeks was now somewhat absent, blank faces in their place.
“Did you two have a nice night?” Joyce asked casually, looking between the two. They looked at each other for a moment before averting their eyes.
‘Something definitely happened,’ Joyce thought, curious to find out the details. ‘Well, maybe not anything too graphic.’
“Have you been good for your grandmother?” Spike asked, looking at Dawn, still in Buffy’s arms.
“I’ve been an angel, right, Grandma?” Dawn asked, looking at Joyce.
“She was very well-behaved,” Joyce nodded. “She drew around the room again, but she was just finishing up what she started last year.” Joyce winked at Dawn, who giggled in return.
“Good job,” Buffy smiled, kissing her daughter’s cheek. “Ready to go home?” Spike looked at Buffy sadly, wishing that she’d call it home someday soon and mean it.
“Yeah,” Dawn answered. Buffy smiled at her mom and carried her daughter outside and to the car.
“Thanks again, Joyce,” Spike said, heading to the door, but she put her hand on his arm to stop him. He turned back, looking at her, worried.
“I don’t know what happened between you two, but don’t let her leave again,” Joyce advised quietly.
“I can’t keep her here,” he said, looking at the two girls getting into her BMW. “I wish I could.”
***
Buffy had taken Dawn and Spike back to his apartment before returning to her childhood home to begin packing up. Joyce came into her room and sat on the bed, watching Buffy move around, putting her clothes into her luggage.
“Going to spend some time tonight with Dawn?” Joyce asked conversationally. Buffy simply nodded. “Does she understand that you’re leaving tomorrow morning?” She noticed Buffy stiffen a little before she began stuffing her bag with her belongings she had brought. “Is she okay with it?”
“Don’t do this, Mom,” Buffy said sadly, holding back tears that began to form in her eyes.
“I just want you to have another perspective on how you leaving again will affect things,” Joyce pointed out, standing again and going to the doorway. “If not for him, stay for her.” Buffy and her mother exchanged a look before Joyce left.
‘I’d stay if he asked, but he’s not asking, and I’m not putting myself out there to be rejected.’
Her eyes flickered over to a picture of her and Spike from when they were teenagers on her dresser.
“You should never have left,” she said quietly to herself, looking at the girl in the picture she used to be. “It wouldn’t be nearly as hard if you would’ve stayed.”
‘You’d be happy.’
***
While Dawn took a nap that afternoon, Spike went outside to smoke and try to suss out his thoughts.
‘Why won’t she stay? What the hell does it take? Marriage? Because if that’s what it is, I’ll do it. In a heartbeat,’ he thought, exhaling a swirl of smoke. ‘Dawn would have a mother, and I’d have a wife. The way things should’ve been.
‘And what about this morning? Was last night nothing to her? Did we just get caught up in our feelings and wanting each other so much that we didn’t think about what we were doing?’
“That’s a ‘no’ on my end,” he said, looking up at the cloudy sky, putting out his cigarette.
'Maybe we can figure it out tonight. There's not enough time left to let it go. I can't let her go.'
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