Chapter 6


Buffy knocked on Spike’s door the next morning, nervously wiping her hands on her jeans as she waited for him to open it. She was pleasantly surprised when the door opened to reveal a smiling five year old.

“You’re taking me to school,” Dawn cried excitedly as she jumped up and down.

Buffy bent down with a wide smile. “Yep,” she replied. “And I’m just as excited as you are.”

Dawn threw herself into her mother’s arms, clasping her tiny hands around Buffy’s neck as she snuggled closer to her. Buffy felt tears spring to her eyes as she pulled Dawn closer to her. It felt like a piece of her heart had finally fallen into place, making her feel more complete. Ever since she left, school and work had taken such a large toll on her, fulfilling everything she needed, but she always felt hollow. Now, with her little girl cuddled in her arms, everything that she missed came crashing back to her.

Every first that she had ever had in her life, Buffy had missed. All she had was the first hint of a smile to cling to. All she had were memories of being exhausted and unwanted. Memories of Spike’s heartbroken face and disheveled appearance as she walked out of his life.

Spike walked around the corner, straightening his tie when he saw his girls holding on to each other. He paused, feeling his heart ache and swell at the same time. When they pulled away, Spike watched as Buffy wiped her eyes before smiling at their daughter and gently stroking her hair away from her face.

“Are you all ready to go?” Buffy asked.

“Yep, we’re just waiting on Daddy,” Dawn turned around and saw her father. Flying into his arms, Spike swung her into the air, spinning around in a circle before settling her in his arms as Dawn giggled. “You’re silly, Daddy.”

Buffy smiled, feeling a pain in her heart. It occurred to her that she had never heard her daughter call her mommy and it saddened her.

‘Give her a break, Summers,’ she thought. ‘She only just met you last night and you’re expecting her to settle into the picture perfect relationship? Be happy with what she gives you.’

“You ready?” Spike asked, slipping on his coat.

***

Dawn had kept up a steady chatter throughout the car ride and into the school. Buffy had smiled when Dawn had grabbed her hand to drag her into the classroom, wanting to ‘introduce’ Buffy to her teacher, not knowing that they already knew each other.

Spike hovered near the door as Buffy and Tara caught up with each other. He kept a careful eye on the hallway, not wanting to run into his girlfriend, since her class was in the same building. He wanted to avoid introducing Buffy to Fred. It was definitely not something that he was prepared for and, if he played his cards right, he could avoid the entire incident.

Spike waited until Buffy finished her conversation, before subtly ushering her toward the door.

“Bye, Tara,” Buffy said with a smile. “We’ll have to get together this week.”

“Absolutely,” Tara agreed.

“Bye, Nibblet,” Spike called, smiling when she turned to wave at her parents, before turning back to her toys.

Spike and Buffy walked toward the car in silence. Buffy gave him a soft smile when he held the door open for her. “Thanks.”

“No problem, luv.”

Their eyes met and Spike didn’t want to think of the implications of the simple pet name. Buffy slowly looked away, getting into the car as Spike shut the door behind her.

The car ride was made in silence as they pulled in front of the apartment building, parking next to her rented BMW. Turning off the engine, Spike stayed where he was, staring out of the windshield. Buffy watched him with a nervous expression playing on her features.

“Well,” she said softly. “I guess I better-“

“Do you want to come to dinner tonight?” Spike asked, cutting her off.

‘Relax, Buffy. He’s just trying to be nice, this is not a date…he’s got a girlfriend.’

“That would be great.”

“Seven o’clock?”

“I’ll be here.”

***

Spike didn’t know what he was so worried about. Buffy was coming over for a simple dinner of spaghetti and salad and he was acting like he was a freshman in high school, again.

He had spent over a half hour trying to decide what to wear and eventually settled on jeans and a long-sleeved white shirt, deciding not to gel his hair and let the curls come through.

Spike was fighting with himself on every minor decision. Should he set out candles? No, that’s too romantic. Should he play any type of music? Yes, that way there was no pressure to talk, but keep it to the background.

As Spike continued debating over numerous little things, he heard a knock on the door and took a deep breath as he walked over to answer it. He was about to call Dawn and let her know that her mother was here, when he pulled the door open.

“Hey!” Fred greeted with a bright smile.

‘Shit.’

“Surprise!” she said, holding out a pan of lasagna. “I know y’all don’t get out much, so I decided to bring dinner over.”

Spike stood frozen in place as he looked at his girlfriend.

“Fred-“

“Daddy! I need help with my hair!”

Fred giggled as Spike held up a hand. “I’ll be right back.”

As Spike disappeared into Dawn’s bedroom, Fred heard a soft knock on the door. Walking over to answer it, she pulled it open to reveal a vaguely familiar woman.

Buffy froze, her eyes widening when she came face to face with the taller woman. ‘Spike invited me to dinner with him and his girlfriend?’

“Hi, I’m Fred,” she said with a bright smile, holding out her hand.

“Buffy Summers,” she replied, watching as Fred’s smile fell in recognition.

Of course. That’s why she had seemed so familiar. Her senior picture was in a frame in Dawnie’s room and although it was several years old, this was clearly the same girl who her boyfriend had fallen in love with.

Both women seemed to nervously size each other up as Buffy walked into the apartment.

“How long are you staying?” Fred asked, trying to make it appear as if she was making small talk, when she was actually wanting to know when this threat to her relationship would be gone.

“About two weeks,” Buffy replied quietly.

Spike reappeared and stood frozen in the doorway, feeling his heart drop when he heard Buffy’s voice. Then it fell even further when he heard of her plans to leave. ‘Of course she’s going back, you Ponce,’ he thought. ‘She never said she was here to stay.’

Spike walked into the room, making his presence known. The tension was so thick, everyone was on edge as Dawn came running into the room. She seemed to pause when she saw her mother and maternal figure, before settling on giving Buffy a hug. After all, this was a woman who could make her like all of the other little girls who had a mommy and a daddy.

Buffy hugged her daughter as Fred watched jealously, before the roles shifted and Dawn went to hug Fred.

Spike watched both women, feeling a strange pull to reassure Buffy, but he ignored it.

“So Spike,” Fred said with a smile as she walked over to him. “Is Buffy staying to eat?”

“Ummm, yeah,” Spike replied, wrapping an arm around her waist. “I didn’t know you wanted to do anything tonight, so I invited her over to spend some more time with Dawnie.”

“More time?” Fred asked, in surprise.

Spike realized too late that he’d put his foot in his mouth. Buffy could obviously see the jealousy in the other woman and jumped in. “I dropped by last night. Impulsive decision, I guess,” she said with a shrug, trying to keep the indifference in her voice. “I was able to see Dawnie before her bedtime.”

Spike gave Buffy a grateful look as she turned away from him. The pain she was feeling was already close to overwhelming and now she was covering for something that he should have told her.

“Well,” Spike said, turning to Fred. “Let’s heat up that lasagna, pet.”

Fred gave him a brilliant smile as she followed him into the privacy of the kitchen. Buffy tried to push down the uneasy feelings as Dawn brought her a book, asking Buffy if she could read it to her.

“Sure,” Buffy replied, pulling her onto her lap to begin reading.

***

Two hours later, Buffy was going stir-crazy to get out of there. Dawn had gone to bed ten minutes ago, and that was ten minutes too long, to be alone in a room with the man you loved and his current girlfriend.

“I better go,” Buffy said softly.

Spike watched her with a worried expression. She’d hardly said anything to him all night, only making an effort to talk to Dawnie. Spike was feeling guilty about the entire night, but it’s not like he could kick either one of them, out of his home.

A small part of him was relieved when Buffy got up to leave, but the larger part wished she could stay longer, so the two of them could really talk.

“I’ll walk you out,” Spike said quietly as he disentangled himself from his girlfriend. Fred had been very clingy tonight and, although Spike couldn’t blame her, he did feel like he was rubbing it in Buffy’s face.

Walking out of the apartment, Spike pulled the door closed behind him as Buffy turned to face him.

“Well, that was…interesting,” she said with a small smile.

“I’m sorry, Buffy, I didn’t-“

“Don’t apologize,” she said, shaking her head. “There’s no reason to make any excuses to me…you’ve got to make them to her,” she finished, gesturing to the door. “Good night, Spike.”

“Buffy.”

Buffy turned at his softly spoken voice. “Yeah.”

“Did you ever miss anything? Dawn…Sunnydale?”

“Everyday,” she replied in a whisper. “I thought about it all the time…how things would have been different.”

Spike took a deep breath, gathering his courage for the next question. “I know you probably don’t, but…do you regret anything?”

Buffy paused, feeling her stomach tighten as she looked into the eyes of the man she loved. “Losing you,” she whispered.

Both felt their hearts break as Buffy turned to walk into the darkness, leaving Spike to stare at her retreating form, before his whispered words disappeared into the night. “Same here, luv.”





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