A/N We know a lot of you are worried about Fred getting hurt or sticking around, but trust us! She won’t be around very much longer and we both like Fred, so she won’t be heartbroken. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed!
Chapter 7
Over the next few days, Buffy spent most of her free time with Dawn. Between visiting her parents, Willow, Tara, and Anya and Xander, Buffy never had much of a chance to just sit back and be alone. She loved it.
Before she knew it, she was down to only one week left in Sunnydale. Even though that was a fair amount of time still, her mind began reeling with thoughts of staying or returning back to New York City.
On Monday afternoon, she found herself at the Espresso Pump in town, sitting at a table and drinking a hot chocolate, battling her thoughts.
‘I have to return to New York City. My career is there, and it took a long time for me to find that apartment,’ she thought to herself. ‘But your life shouldn’t be there. Your daughter is here. So is the man you’ve always loved.
‘Maybe I could move her to New York.’ She paused. ‘Wait, what? No. I can’t do that to Spike. Besides, this town is so much better for families.’ She frowned. ‘Yeah, a family- wishful thinking.’
She noticed her fingers tapping against the side of her cup to their own beat and sighed.
‘I don’t know what I’m going to do. I don’t want to leave Dawn. I missed the first 5 years- I want to be there for the rest. Watch her grow up, teach her, be a mom.’ She found herself smiling. ‘It’s taken you five long years to admit it, Buff, but you want to be mom. And you’re ready now. Will Spike believe me? Would he be willing to have me around? Doubtful. He’ll never forgive me for what I did.’
She finished her hot chocolate and got up, returning the cup to the front counter and going to her rental car, getting in and heading towards Spike’s apartment.
‘I just need him to know I’m ready. Ready to be the woman he fell in love with again.’
***
When Spike had returned home from work, he changed into jeans and a t-shirt while waiting for Buffy to arrive. They were going to pick up Dawn from school, something they had done a couple of times the week before together. He was happy to see Buffy’s eagerness to spend time with Dawn and help them out. He knew Dawn loved it just as much.
“But she’s only here for one more week,” he said quietly to himself, looking at a mirror.
‘And who knows if she’ll ever come back,’ he thought sadly. ‘She’s going to leave, and she may never come back. What happens then?’ He sighed. ‘Surely she wouldn’t do that to Dawn, right? She wouldn’t break her heart like that, would she?’ He frowned and shut his eyes, clenching his jaw. ‘She wouldn’t do that to me again, would she?’
“I can’t let her go a second time,” he said, opening his eyes again and staring at his eyes in the mirror’s reflection. “Don’t you dare let her go this time, mate. She means a lot to you, and you were stupid to let her leave the first time. Don’t repeat your mistake.”
He heard a knock on the door and opened it, revealing a smiling Buffy. He couldn’t help but smile back, his natural reaction to such a beautiful sight.
“Ready to go get our daughter?” she asked cheerfully, but Spike noticed a hint of sadness in her eyes. What is she trying to mask?
“Sure,” he answered, tilting his head slightly. “Everything okay, pet?” She nodded and held her head up, not wanting him to pick up on any of the feelings she was hiding inside. “Let’s go then.”
They took Buffy’s car to the school and got out, leaning against the car, waiting for Dawn to come out to them. Spike noticed that Buffy had been pretty quiet since she came over and felt terror setting in.
‘She’s going to go home to New York, isn’t she? Back to the life she wanted in the first place? The one where she has a good, stable job, a nice apartment, and not a young kid running around?’ he thought sadly, sighing. She looked at him, her eyes conveying worry.
“Is everything all right with you?” she asked. He nodded, waving it off. She frowned and turned her attention back to the set of double-doors on the front of the school when a large group of children ran outside to their parents.
Spike noticed Janice’s mother watching him and Buffy jealously. He smiled to himself, happy that maybe she’d lay off now. Not that she did, knowing he was with Fred, but maybe having Buffy come with him daily would instill it into her mind that he was never going to be with her.
‘Hopefully.’
Dawn was amongst the throngs of children and ran forward to hug Spike first and then Buffy.
“Can we play outside for a while?” Dawn asked, tugging on Buffy’s shirt. Buffy looked at Spike.
“I’m free if you are,” he said. Buffy smiled and looked back at Dawn, who grabbed her hand and pulled her along to the jungle gym. That’s when Spike noticed Fred exiting the school, approaching him. He instantly felt a little uneasy at seeing her. They hadn’t spent a lot of time together alone since the dinner she crashed, and a part of Spike was almost content upon realizing this.
‘If I push her away indiscreetly for a bit, maybe I won’t hurt her in the end.’ He frowned. ‘Assuming Buffy would ever consider moving back here.’
“Hi, Spike,” Fred smiled, kissing him softly. Spike looked at her and suddenly realized that although Fred was a great woman, he never saw himself wanting to spend his life with her.
‘You’re just getting this now, you wanker?’
“Hey, luv,” he said, managing a small smile. She looked over at the jungle gym when she heard laughter from two giggling girls, and Spike saw a slight frown grace her features.
“Dawn seems to like Buffy,” she said, focusing on Buffy pushing Dawn on a swing.
‘I used to do that for Dawn,’ Fred thought with a touch of jealousy. ‘But then again, Buffy is her mother. She should be the one playing with her, not me. Not that I ever mind spending time with Dawn.’ She paused, seeing how happy Buffy and Dawn were. ‘I’ll never be her mother, no matter what happens. That will always be reserved for Buffy.’
“Yeah, they get along really well,” he replied, watching his two girls with a smile on his face.
“Is she still leaving next week?” Fred asked, trying to hide the hopeful tone in her voice.
“As far as I know,” Spike answered, doing his best to mask the sadness in his voice.
Nevertheless, Fred could tell he wasn’t happy about the prospect of Buffy returning to New York.
‘And rightfully so. She left him once- will she do it again?’
A moment of silence passed between the couple while they watched Buffy pick up Dawn in a hug, swinging her around, both of them laughing, before Buffy kissed Dawn’s forehead.
“I should get going,” Fred said suddenly, wanting more than anything to leave before she teared up. Spike looked at her sadly for a moment before she turned and went to her car.
‘I’m already hurting her.’ He sighed quietly. ‘I have to make a decision about this. And soon.’
Buffy carried Dawn over to Spike, both of them grinning from ear-to-ear. He smiled, too, as they went to the car and got in, heading back to his apartment.
‘You have to make a choice, Spike. You’re running out of time, and everything could change in an instant. Get the courage, mate, and figure out which woman is the one you want to spend your life with. The one you want to be a mother to your child,’ he thought before smiling and looking at Buffy in the seat beside him. ‘Not much to think about. I think it’s settled.’
***
That night, Buffy did her routine of giving Dawn a bath before putting her to sleep. Spike came in and kissed Dawn’s forehead before leaving Buffy alone with her to read her a story. Upon the end of it, Buffy pulled up the covers around her daughter and tucked her in before kissing her forehead also, noticing Dawn’s half-lidded eyes and smiling softly.
“Good night, Dawnie,” Buffy whispered, running her hand over Dawn’s soft brunette hair.
“Good night, Mommy,” Dawn said quietly, shutting her eyes and yawning. Buffy fought every urge to let tears fall upon hearing that one word from Dawn.
‘She called me Mommy,’ she thought, giving in and letting a couple of tears roll down her cheeks. She exited the bedroom and wiped off her cheeks, smiling. ‘Has she forgiven me for leaving? For not being here? Will she ever forgive me for that?’
Her thoughts were interrupted when she saw Spike looking at her, seeming concerned.
“Are you okay?” he asked quietly. “Your eyes look watery. Is everything all right?”
She just smiled and looked back at him, grabbing her purse and opening the door.
“Goodnight, Spike,” she said, not giving him a chance to say it back as she left the apartment. He watched the door shut and leaned back against a countertop, sighing before smiling, too.
‘Maybe things are going to work out. Finally.’
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