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Chapter 9


Spike merely greeted Fred on the phone when he noticed tears shimmering in Buffy’s eyes again. She turned away from him and left the apartment quickly.

‘Bloody hell,’ he thought to himself, shutting his eyes and clenching his jaw.

“Hey,” Fred replied happily. “I just thought I’d call to check in on you, see how everything is.”

“It’s fine,” he answered sternly. Fred knew instantly that something was off.

“Are you sure? Because I can come over. We could talk,” she offered, prepared to go over there.

‘Please let him have me over. I need to spend time alone with him. It’s been too long since we’ve had a night by ourselves.’

“No, I think I’m going to head off to sleep soon, luv,” he said, sighing. “But thanks.” Fred’s heart sank, and she was becoming really worried about what was going on with her and Spike. “Fred?”

“Yes?” she asked, not bothering to hide the hopeful tone in her voice.

“Do you think maybe we could meet up sometime tomorrow?” Spike asked. “Alone?” She immediately smiled, happy that he wanted to be alone with her, too.

‘Maybe he’s not blowing me off then. He wants to see me.’

“Sure,” she said. “We could meet up after school. Is Dawn going to be with Buffy?”

‘Who bloody knows at this point,’ he thought, slightly angry that Buffy left. ‘Not permanently…God, I hope not.’

“I think so,” he answered, figuring he could always have Anya and Xander look after her if necessary.

“Then I’ll meet you at the school around three,” she said. “Good night, Spike.”

“Good night, pet,” he replied, hanging up and running a hand through his hair.

‘What am I going to tell her?’

***

Buffy sped to her parents’ house and let herself in, for once happy that they fell asleep so early. She wiped off her eyes, but it was a futile effort. Tears flowed down her cheeks, and she had a feeling they wouldn’t stop until she fell asleep.

‘Life was so much simpler before,’ she thought sadly, sitting down on the couch and staring at the blank TV screen with bleary eyes. ‘I was happy enough, and I didn’t have to face the man I walked out on. Maybe I should have never come back.’ She closed her eyes, hoping to stop crying. ‘He’s going to stay with Fred. Hell, I even made it sound like I was okay with Fred being with him. Her being a good mother figure? I’m sure she is, but I want that. It’s my role, for Pete’s sake.’ She wiped off her cheeks. ‘Yeah, it was your role, before you up and left. You didn’t think he’d ever replace you? Dawn deserves to have two parents. I can’t blame him.’

Her cell phone rang in her purse, and she raised an eyebrow as she fished it out, looking at who the caller was. Spike.

‘Have some courage, Summers,’ she chided herself mentally. ‘And stop walking out on him. That’d be a good lesson to learn, now wouldn’t it?’

“Hello?” she asked, wiping off her eyes one last time in an attempt to compose herself.

“Buffy, we need to talk,” he said sharply. She looked down and sniffled. “Why did you leave?”

“You were on the phone,” she answered, not willing to tell the complete truth.

‘You were talking to her,’ she thought bitterly. ‘I shouldn’t have animosity towards the poor woman. She seems lovely enough. Except the fact that she seems clingy. I hate the clingy ones.’

“We kissed, Buffy,” he said quietly. She shut her eyes, feeling more tears forming. “And you can deny it, as much as you want, but you felt something. Didn’t you?”

“I…maybe,” she mumbled, leaning her head back on the couch. “But it wasn’t right.”

“Why the bloody hell not?” he asked, angry. “You said before that you love me. Was that a lie?”

“No,” she admitted, at least confident enough to reaffirm her feelings about him. “I do love you.”

“Then how is it wrong?” he asked. She sighed and looked at her watch.

“Because you have Fred,” she answered, trying to ignore the jealousy running through her veins. “It’s late, Spike. And I don’t want to talk about this on the phone. Good night.”

“Are you going to take her to school with me?” he asked, sounding hopeful.

“I’ll come with you after school,” she answered. “If that’s all right with you.”

“Yeah,” he said sadly. “I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon then. Good night, luv.”

She disconnected the call and shut off her phone, returning it to her purse and climbing the stairs to go to her childhood room. She didn’t bother to change into pajamas as she laid down and fell asleep, a couple of tears hitting her pillow in the meantime.

***

When Spike heard a knock on his door the next afternoon around 2:45, he felt anxious to talk to Buffy about what had happened the night before.

‘She admitted she still loves you, I realized I was with Fred for the wrong reasons, and we had a mind-blowing kiss.’ He smiled at the thought before it was displaced by uncertainty. ‘What’s going to happen now?’

He opened the door to see Buffy waiting, dressed in simple jeans and a black blouse.

‘She wore something similar to that the first time I ever saw her,’ he thought. ‘Does she remember that?’

“Would you like to come in?” Spike asked, opening the door wider for her to enter.

“Um, no,” she answered. “We should probably get going.” He looked at her sadly and watched as she walked away before hastily grabbing his keys and following her down to her car. They drove in silence, both of them having conflicting thoughts.

‘Has she changed her mind?’ he thought sadly. ‘Is this really going to be over?’

‘He regrets kissing me, doesn’t he?’ she asked herself. ‘I should’ve known. It was all a mistake.’

She pulled up at the school, and they exited the car, leaning against it in their routine way. Neither said a word as minutes passed. Suddenly, both Dawn and Fred walked outside, heading to the silent blondes. Panic gripped Spike’s heart, and Buffy felt sadness flood her.

“Can I just have a moment alone with Fred?” Spike asked quietly, looking at Buffy. She nodded solemnly, proud of herself for not tearing up.

‘I can’t show him I’m weak,’ she thought. ‘I have to be strong.’

“Come on, Dawnie,” Buffy said, willing herself to smile. Dawn grabbed her hand and smiled back at her.

“Okay, Mommy,” she said. Both Spike and Buffy noticed the look of shock and jealousy in Fred’s eyes, but both chose to ignore it just the same. Spike watched Dawn lead Buffy to the jungle gym, and he cleared his throat quietly, looking at Fred.

“Fred, luv, I’m sorry,” he began. “But I don’t think we can be together anymore.”





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