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Chapter 6: Of Herbs and Stewed Rabbit

Later, inside the Golden Hall, the two children told their story while Fred got them some hot chocolate and some food. The story wasn’t good, their mother sent them away when a gang of Uruk Hai and Wildmen burned their village and they didn’t know if she got out or not.

“Where’s mama?” The girl asked, sobbing. “She said she’d be here.”

“Now the Wildmen are moving through the Westfold, burning as they go.” Fred said hugging the distraught girl.

“This is just the beginning of the terror Ethan Rayne will unleash, and now that he’s driven by fear of Sauron, it will be all the more potent.” Giles said to Holtz. “Ride out and meet him head on. Draw him away from your women and children. You must fight.”

“You got two thousand men riding north right now. Gunn is loyal to you. He and his men will return and fight for their king.” Angel said.

“By now, they will be three hundred miles away. They won’t be here in time to help us.” Holtz said, pacing the room. “I know what it is that you want of me. But I will not bring further death to my people. I will not risk open war.”

“Whether you’ll risk it or not, this war is already here.” Angel said, heatedly. Xander watched the two kings square off.

“It’s funny, the last time I checked, I was king of Rohan, not you, Angel.” Holtz said, glowering at him. “I have a plan.”

An hour later, the guards read the proclamation. “By order of the king, the city must empty. We make for the refuge of Helm’s Deep. Do not burden yourselves with treasures. Take only what provisions you need.”

The whole city was in a commotion as people packed up and prepared to leave for Helm’s Deep. The four members of the Fellowship walked towards the stables, still frustrated by Holtz’s decision.

“They’re running away when they should stand and fight. Smart move.” Xander said, surveying the city.

“Thank you for your opinion, Xander.” Giles groaned.

“He’s only doing what he thinks is best for his people.” Angel said, holding the door for them. “Helm’s Deep has saved them in the past.”

“That ravine is a dead end, they’re walking into a trap. Holtz thinks he’s leading them to safety, but it will end up as a massacre.” Giles said as they walked to Shadowfax’s stall. “Holtz is a strong leader but he’s in over his head this time. I fear for the survival of Rohan. He will need you all before this is over. The people of Rohan will need you. If Ethan moves against Helm’s Deep, the defenses have to hold.”

“They will, promise.” Willow said, hugging Giles. Giles climbed onto Shadowfax.

“Hopefully, my search will be fruitful.” Giles said. “I’ll be there at dawn in five days, look for me in the East.” With that, Shadowfax galloped out of the barn and out of the city. Giles needed to hurry if he wanted to find Gunn and his troops.

In the Golden Hall, Fred pulled out a sword and began to practice her swordsmanship. She swung the sword at her nonexistent opponent for a few moments, but as she turned she came face to face with Angel, whose own sword had blocked hers mid parry.

“You’re pretty good with a sword.” Angel said, as Fred blushed. Then, quick as lightning she swung the swords and ended with the point of her sword aimed directly at Angel’s neck. “Um, make that very good with a sword.”

“Women learned that people who don’t use swords can still get killed with them, and no girl wants to be the damsel in distress because it just makes you feel so inadequate to have to be saved all the time like your some kind of helpless child all ‘Help save me’ it’s just pathetic, and nobody likes being pathetic, I don’t think there’s any woman in the city who doesn’t know how to fight, though we don’t just go lookin’ for trouble because only bullies and idiots just start fighting for no reason, though I guess just wanting to fight might be considered a reason.” Fred said as she put the sword back in its sheath. Angel just stared at her, not knowing what to say to her somewhat spastic monologue. “Well, I’m not afraid of pain or dying anyway.”

“Then what are you afraid of?” Angel asked.

“Not being able to help.” Fred said, with a far away look in her eyes. “I’m afraid of not being able to save people I care about.”

“I wouldn’t worry about that.” Angel said putting his sword away. “You’re a brave woman, and I know a champion when I see one.” He walked away, not seeing the smitten expression on Fred’s face.

In 15 minutes, the city had emptied and the people had begun their trek to Helm’s Deep. Angel, Willow and Xander rode ahead of the procession near Holtz, Fred and his lieutenants, hoping that this wouldn’t turn into a disastrous move.

Meanwhile, Warren rode into Isengard to tell Ethan the news. He ran into the tower and found Ethan pacing holding an ice pack to his face. “Ripper, you old idiot. Your new piety doesn’t scare me.”

“There were three people who were with Giles.” Warren said as he entered, Ethan whirled to face him. “A Dwarf, an Elf Witch, and a Man.”

“You stink of horse.” Ethan smelling Warren’s robes.

“Yeah, well you smell of ass!” Warren snapped. He regretted it a second later when he was suddenly flew across the room into a wall. “Geez, sorry.”

“Wait.” Ethan said looking at Warren as he stood. “Was the man from Gondor?”

“No, I don’t think so.” Warren said remembering. “I think he was one of the Dunedain Rangers from the North. He dressed like one of them, but he had this weird ring.”

Ethan went to his desk and flipped through a book. He found a page with an illustration of a ring with two snakes with emerald eyes, one biting and the other surrounded by flowers. He took the book to Warren and showed him the picture. “Was this it?”

“Yeah, that’s the one!” Warren said pointing to the book.

“The Ring of Barahir.” Ethan said, dubiously. “So Ripper thinks he’s found Riley’s heir and lost King of Gondor. Bloody idiot, that blood line was broken years ago. It doesn’t make much difference anyway, the world will fall. We’ll begin at Edoras.”

“Uh-uh, Holtz won’t stay in the city.” Warren said “It’s vulnerable there, they’ll expect an attack there. He’ll move everyone to the fortress, Helm’s Deep. It’s a long way to travel, and it’ll be slow. With all the people going.”

Ethan smiled evilly and went out to talk to one of his most vicious Orcs. He walked through the pit until he found Sahjhan observing his vicious Wargs, giant wolf creatures that Orcs could train and ride. “Sahjhan, take your Warg Riders and head for the road to Helm’s Deep.”

“I assume this is your standard ‘Crush, kill, destroy’ mission, right?” Sahjhan asked, Ethan nodded maliciously. “Yes, my favorite kind! Boys, saddle up, we got a job!”

***The Forests of Ithilien***

In a forest, miles from anywhere, two Hobbits walked by a small brook while their guide splashed around trying to catch a fish. Gollum was jumping in and out of the water trying to grab a trout that caught his attention without success. Spike grumbled at the little creep’s high jinks, not seeing why they needed his help to get to Mordor.

“Hey, Fish boy, don’t get too far ahead!” Spike called out, seeing Gollum had gotten much farther down the river than he and Buffy. “Bloody, stupid bugger.”

“Why do you keep doing that?” Buffy asked, glaring at Spike.

“Doing what?” Spike asked, pulling out a cigarette.

“Call him names, insult him, treat him like crap all the time?” Buffy asked, hands on her hips.

“Because he is crap. He might’ve had good in him once, but not anymore.” Spike said, puffing on his cigarette. “I don’t trust him as far I could throw him. He just wants the Ring.”

“You have no idea what it did to him, what it’s still doing to him! He’s been through hundreds of years of torture because of this thing.” She said, pointing to the Ring. “What he must be going through. I want to help him. I want to save him from it.”

“I don’t think you can. And that’s not a dig at you, Buffy.” Spike said, regretfully. “Like you said, the Ring’s been workin’ its mojo on him for centuries. He’s past the point of no return, Luv, there is no coming back from what he is now.”

“What the hell do you know about it?!” Buffy asked, suddenly furious. “Huh, O All Knowing One? Nothing, that’s what!”

“Geez, Pet, sorry.” Spike said, raising his hands in surrender.

“I’m sorry, Spike.” Buffy said, not believing her own words. “I don’t know why I said that.”

“I do.” Spike said, his tone deadly serious. “It’s that buggering Ring. I’ve seen you, sneaking glances at it when you think I’m not looking. You’ve been eating and sleeping less and less, and you’re body can’t spare either. The Rings trying to influence you, Buffy, you gotta fight it.”

“I know what I have to do, Spike!” Buffy said, suddenly angry again. “They trust me with the Ring! It’s my task! Mine!”

Spike looked after her as she stormed off and said under his breath. “Can’t you hear what you sound like? Who you sound like?

Later that night, while Buffy and Spike were sleeping, Gollum was having a heated argument between the two sides of his mind.

“We wants it. We needs it. Must have the precioussss.” Gollum hissed while the two Hobbits slept. “They stole it from us. Sneaky little Hobbitsesss. Wicked, trickssssy, falssse!”

Gollum shuddered as Smeagol, his other personality, spoke. “No! Not Mistress.”

“Yes, precious, false!” replied the Gollum personality. “They will cheat you, hurt you, lie!”

“Mistress is my friend.” Smeagol said, trying to convince Gollum.

“You don’t have any friends! Nobody likes YOU!” Gollum snarled back tauntingly. “Especially womenses!”

“Not listening. I’m not listening.” Smeagol said, covering his ears.

“You’re a liar and a thief! You’re a murderer! She could never like you!”

“Go away.” Smeagol said, starting to cry.

“‘Go away!’ HAHAHAHA!” Gollum laughed cruelly. “She only pretends to like you. She doesn’t like you…Oh, we sees it! You is in love aren’t you, precious? Wake up! Nobody could ever love you!”

“I hate you. I hate you!” Smeagol said, weeping.

“Where would you be without me? Gollum, Gollum!” Gollum snarled, humiliating Smeagol. “I saved us. It was me. We survived because of me!”

“Not anymore.” Smeagol said, his voice resolute in the face of his domineering alter ego.

“What did you say?” Gollum asked, startled that Smeagol stood up to him.

“Mistress looks after us now. We don’t need you.” Smeagol said, his confidence growing.

“What?” Gollum asked, not knowing what to say.

“Leave now and never come back.” Smeagol said quietly, it was an order not a request.

“No!!” the Gollum persona snarled back.

“Leave now and never come back!” Smeagol ordered again, his voice raised.


“Arrgh! NO!” Gollum growled, refusing to back down.

Finally Smeagol squared his shoulders, took a deep breath and said: “LEAVE. NOW. AND. NEVER. EVER. COME. BACK!”

He suddenly couldn’t feel Gollum’s presence anymore. He looked around, but didn’t see him anywhere. He was alone, Gollum was gone. Smeagol grinned for the first time in ages and began to dance. “We... we told him to go away! And away he goes, preciousss. Gone, gone, gone! Smeagol is free!”

The next day, Smeagol went hunting and brought two rabbits back to Buffy and Spike.
“Look! Look! See what Smeagol finds! Hehehe! Hahaha!”

“Thanks , Smeagol.” Buffy said, then looked over to Spike. “Anything you wanna say, Spike?”

“Bloody thanks.” Spike groaned, walking over to get the rabbits. As Spike reached for them, Smeagol grabbed one and snapped its body in half.

“They are young. They are tender. They are nice. Yes they are! Eat them! Eat them!” Smeagol said, taking a bite and ripping at the raw meat, as Buffy and Spike watched disgusted.

“OK, Smeagol, lesson one on how not to act like a crazy bugger.” Spike said grabbing the rabbits. “We do not eat uncooked meat.”

A few minutes later, the rabbits were cooking in a pot of stew is over a fire.

“Argh!!” Smeagol cried in disbelief over what the two Hobbits were doing. “What’s it doing? Stupid white haired Hobbit! It ruins it!

“Real polite.” Spike rolled his eyes. “Too bad we don’t have any bloomin’ onions to go with this.”

“What’s blumin unon, preciousss? What’s blumin unon, eh?” Smeagol asked.

“Bloo...ming un…ions! An onion cut in the shape of a flower, soak it in ice water for an hour so it holds its shape, then you deep-fry it root-side up for about 5 minutes.” Spike said, as Smeagol stuck out his tongue at the idea. “Even you couldn’t say no to that.”

“Oh yes we could! Spoil nice meat! Give it to usss rrraw... and wrrriggling! You keep nasty blumin unon!” Smeagol said disgusted.

“You’re bloody hopeless.” Spike said as Smeagol hopped away.

“You guys hear that?” Buffy asked, looking around.

“Hear what?” Spike asked. Suddenly there was a sound like a bird call, but it didn’t seem like a normal bird would make noise like that. “OK, that I heard.”

“Let’s check it out.” Buffy said, leaving their camp. They walked through he trees, whe suddenly Buffy grabbed Spike and Gollum and pulled the three of them to the ground. “Get down! Look!”

The trio crawled under some bushes and looked out into a clearing at a Haradrim army marching across the land.

“What do you think?” Spike asked as he saw the men march through. “More bad guys?”

“Wicked men. Servants of the Evil One.” Smeagol shuddered. “They are called to Mordor. The Dark One is gathering all armies to him. It won’t be long now. He will soon be ready.”

“Ready to do what?” Spike asked, looking at the ranks of soldiers.

“To make his war. The last war that will cover all the world in shadow.” Smeagol said, backing away.

"We better got out of her before they see us.” Buffy said, when suddenly a loud trumpeting shook the forest.

“Look!” Spike said, as two massive creatures came into view. The things looked like an elephant, but it was bigger, more tusks, longer tusks, meaner looking, each carrying soldiers and supplies on their backs. “Oliphaunts. No one at home will believe this...

“Oh yeah.” Buffy said, stunned by the creatures. She turned and noticed that Smeagol was gone. “Smeagol?”

Before she could call again, chaos broke out below. Arrows shot out of nowhere at the Oliphaunts and Haradrim soldiers, it was an ambush! One of the Oliphaunts got spooked and started trumpeting and stomping around swinging its trunk and tusks. Buffy and Spike jumped up as he Oliphaunt came towards them. The Oliphaunt swerved away before it hit them, but a soldier fell out of the troop carriers on its back and landed stone dead right next to Buffy and Spike.

“We gotta go!” Buffy said, but suddenly a Gondorian Ranger grabbed her by the scruff of the neck.

“Let her go!” Spike yelled, charging at the ranger with his dagger drawn. Suddenly another ranger grabbed Spike, threw him to the ground and held a sword to his throat. “What do you want with a couple of innocent travelers?”

“There are no travelers in this land.” Said the leader of the rangers. “Only servants of the Dark Tower.

“We’re on a secret mission.” Buffy said. “Anyone who isn’t with the enemy shouldn’t stop us.”

“The enemy?” the ranger asked, turning over the body of the dead Haradrim soldier. They looked at the face of the dead soldier, he couldn’t have been older than 18, and certainly not evil looking. “His sense of duty was no less than yours, I suppose. I wonder what his name was, where he came from. If he was really evil at heart, or if lies or threats led him on this long march from home. If he would not rather have stayed there in peace. War will make corpses of us all.”

“Captain Wesley, what do we do with these two?” A ranger asked, motioning to the two Hobbits.

“Bind their hands and blindfold them.” Wesley ordered. “We’re taking them back to the base.”





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