OMG, last night a group of my friends and I went to go see Maroon 5 and they were totally amazing and Adam was hot as always (we were in the standing room area up front and I wanted to throw my panties at him but my stupid friends wouldn’t let me…)! Woo!
******
She couldn’t cry. She would not let herself cry. Milly would have a fit if she cried. All Milly had ever wanted of her was to be strong and she’s wanted Buffy to be happy. She couldn’t be happy but she sure as hell could be strong. She had to be. God, she could hear her, ‘What are those tears for sugar? I’m not worth no tears so wipe those big ole’ green eyes of yours and give me that smile’. She couldn’t smile though. At the moment it felt like she would never smile again.
“Hey B,” Faith said softly, lying an hand on Buffy’s shoulder, “How you holding up?”
Buffy couldn’t help but think that the gentle voice on Faith was a little out of place bit it was nice. She had missed her a lot when she’d been away at school.
She gave Faith a sad look before resting her head on the other girl’s shoulder.
“Everything’s gonna be okay B,” Faith told her, “I promise you.”
Buffy nodded, fighting back the tears that just seemed persistent to surface, “I know. Milly once told me that no one will ever fall forever and that once you hit the bottom, you can only go up from there.”
“The old bat was really insightful,” Faith laughed, trying to get Buffy to smile.
Buffy nodded, a small, fond smile forming on her lips, “She really was.”
“So I heard that you punched out a very pregnant Harmony,” Faith smirked at her.
Buffy looked away, a little embarrassed. Not one of her finer moments…
“Yeah,” she nodded, “I didn’t mean to but she had hold of my hair you see and…”
Faith laughed and shook her head, “B, if you didn’t do it, I would have.”
Buffy looked down at her feet before she looking back at Faith, “Why is this so damn hard Faith?”
“Well you loved Milly,” Faith started but Buffy shook her head.
“I don’t mean that. I mean why does life in general have to be so fucking hard? Milly told me to go find my Hollywood ending, the one she never got. Is there even such a thing as a Hollywood ending or are we doomed to spend the rest of our lives seeing them only in the movies?”
Faith smiled at her sadly before pulling her into a tight hug, “I guess it’s something you have to make B. Maybe there are only meant for the movies, maybe not. If you give up and break down now you’ll never know.”
She’d just have to be strong and find out.
******
“Joyce, where are you going?” Patrick asked as he watched his wife come down the stairs, dressed in black.
“I’m going to the funeral. Buffy needs someone to be there for her now,” she explained, grabbing her purse and keys off of the hanger.
Patrick gave her a dumbfounded look, “After what she did to Harmony? You're going to just go to her and act like what she did was perfectly fine? She not only hit our daughter but was sleeping with Spike, who incase you didn’t catch on to it, is the father of Harmony’s baby!”
Joyce stopped and looked at him, “Harmony is my step-daughter. Buffy is my daughter. She needs her mother to be there for her. How can you not understand that?”
She really couldn’t believe that he was telling her that she couldn’t go to support Buffy. Yes, what she did was wrong Joyce wasn’t oblivious the fact that Harmony was no little angel.
“Darling I do understand but you can't just…”
Joyce shook her head, “I can do what I damn well please! Buffy is my daughter and I’m going to be there to help her get through this. If you can't accept that then I guess that that’s just too bad,”
“Joyce…”
But she was already gone.
******
“Hi mommy,” Buffy said quietly as her mother sat down next to her, “What are you doing here?”
“I figured you’d need someone to lean on,” she said softly.
Buffy turned to look at her, a little surprised, “Aren't you supposed to hate me?”
“I could never hate you,” Joyce said in a comforting, mother tone before pulling Buffy into a tight hug, “Never.”
“I did nothing but screw everyone’s life up mommy,” Buffy whispered, squeezing her eyes shut and tightening her arms around her mother.
“Oh baby, that’s not true,” Joyce shook her head.
It was true though. If she’d never come to Sunnydale than Spike would have broken up with Harmony when he’d intended to and he would have never gotten her pregnant, en his child that is and her mother would be so much more happier.
Buffy pulled away and snorted, “Yes it is. You don’t have to pretend.”
“I made you so unhappy by forcing you to come live here didn’t I?”
She didn’t see the point in lying, “Yeah, you really did.”
“Patrick tried to talk me out of coming here,” Joyce told her.
Buffy’s head snapped around, “And you still came? I mean I foresee that causing some problems.”
She shrugged, “Yeah.”
There was a long moment of silence before Joyce asked, “Do you love him Buffy?”
“Yeah,” Buffy whispered, “I do love him but I guess none of that matters.”
“If you love him than it does matter,” her mother told her, her voice confident in what she was saying.
“I’m sorry mom, I really am. I must be such a disappointment to you,” Buffy sighed, “I mean I became the one thing that after Angel I swore I’d never be.”
“Did it feel right to you?” Joyce asked.
There was a long pause before Buffy explained, “When I was with him, nothing in the world was wrong. All of my pieces just seemed to fit back together.”
“And when you weren’t with him?”
“I felt disgusting,” she said honestly.
“You aren't disgusting,” Joyce shook her head, “Love makes you do some fucked up things Buffy.”
“Mother!” Buffy exclaimed, laughing just a little, “You did not just say that.”
Joyce laughed, “It’s reality baby.”
“I love you mom,” Buffy told her, taking her hand and giving it a squeeze.
“Love you too Buffy,” Joyce replied, squeezing back.
******
Buffy lay on her back on the hotel room bed, staring at the ceiling.
Andrew had had to go back to work so she was all alone.
She was just tired. She felt like she could sleep for a thousand years.
She had nothing left in her to fight back with. She was completely mentally and physically beat. The need to just give in was impending.
God if she could only get back to France she could go on and pretend like there was no such thing as fucking Sunnydale, California.
The tears that had been building up in her all day burst through all at once, drowning her in all of the emotion that came with them.
She cried for Milly. She cried for her mother and father. She cried for Spike. Hell she even cried for Harmony.
Sobs tore through her whole body and they refused to stop. She cried and cried and cried until it felt like she couldn’t cry anymore.
She cried so hard that she almost didn’t notice the knock on the hotel room door.
******
I hate to say this people but this fic is coming to an end. It had to happen sometime *sighs sadly*
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