Buffy tossed her golden hair over her shoulder before staring deep into the mirror. A self portrait. She’d never in all of her years as an artist done a self portrait.
She’d went through a faze where she’d thought she wasn’t pretty enough.
Then there was the time that she was disgusted with herself.
And now she had no excuse.
She dipped her brush into the water and then into the peachy-bronze mix of paint. She swiped the brush across the canvas in one smooth movement.
Almost six months ago she’d left Sunnydale and headed back to France. Almost two months ago, she’d said her final goodbyes to Spike.
And you know what?
She was okay.
”We can't do this Spike. It’s so unfair to both of us,” Buffy whispered through her tears, “I’m not giving up art school and I will not let you throw away your future. Besides…Harmony remember?”
Spike growled in frustration and shook his head, “Sod Harmony and sod fucking Sunnydale University! I love you Buffy!”
Buffy looked down at her hands, a tear sliding down her cheek, “And I love you too but really. Is that enough? I mean we can sit here and talk about how much we love each other all we want but let’s get real! Love fades away eventually. Not everything can stand the test of time like the work of all of the artists I rant on about and even their work isn't going to last forever!”
“So you're just going to give up and move on?” he laughed bitterly, shaking his head in disbelief.
“I guess so,” Buffy looked up into his eyes, hers filled with tears, “Time is all it’ll take Spike. I promise that over time everything will be okay. Just give it time.”
“I don’t want to give it time!” he snapped at her, “Luv, I don’t want to move on. I want to be with you…”
“And we don’t always get what we want,” Buffy smiled sadly, “No matter what happens, in the end everything’ll work out.”
“Buffy…”
“Please just go Spike,” she sighed, wiping her eyes, “This is already too hard. Just go and pretend that…I don’t know, pretend that you don’t even know me. Whatever you need to do. Just go.”
“Do you really want me to?” he asked quietly, touching her shoulder gently.
She took a deep mental breath and shrugged out of his touch, an painful empty feeling settling in, “Yes. That’s really what I want you to do.”
There was a short pause before a defeated look crossed Spike’s face, “Okay, than that’s what I’ll do pet.”
And she just watched him go and didn’t try to stop him.
It hurt like hell.
Really, she was okay now.
She was a strong independent woman, a rich one at that.
Who needed a man anyways? She didn’t need Spike or anybody in general.
Yeah, okay that was a lie…
She missed the bleached idiot. She missed everything about him really but she was getting on with life. That’s all she could do. She’d chosen to do it this way.
Shaking her head, she returned her focus to the painting in front of her. It was developing. It wasn’t going to be hard to capture the look in her eyes that screamed ‘I’ve loved and I’ve lost’. An old woman had once stopped her on the street and asked her who he was. Damn her.
Once in a while the thought of how Spike and Harmony were crossed her mind. The thought of a picture perfect family crossed her mind for a brief second before she remembered who they really were.
She’d once done a family portrait of them. Spike, Harmony and a baby bundled in a blanket with wide smiles on both of their faces. It had a torn her heart just a little but at the same time, it made her wish the best for them.
She’d find a man someday and then she’d be able to draw and paint pictures of her family and display them with a proud smile on her face. Until then all she had was the sketch of Spike’s happy family.
It was all an illusion though and it may have been wrong but that thought comforted her a little.
But she was okay.
She’d talked to her mother the other day. She’d never asked about Spike and Harmony and her mother never told but when she’d been on the phone with her just the day before something had been up. She could tell. Her mother had the secretive edge to her voice. At first she’d thought it had been sadness over her and Patrick’s divorce and when Buffy had called her on it, she’d cleared that up quickly. She almost wished she had enough courage to ask to just know. Just to make sure that he was okay and that he’d listened to her. Knowing Spike, he hadn't.
With another long sigh, Buffy gazed into the mirror once more before going to back her portrait.
******
Here he was. He’d given her, her bloody time and now he was here to stay if she liked it or not. He’d stand on her fucking doorstep until she let him in again.
The baby had been born and it had been confirmed. He was not the father. He’d wanted to get on a plane right then and there and come find Buffy but he’d stopped himself. She wanted time, he’d give her time. Six months of time had to be enough and if it wasn’t, well that was just to bloody bad!
Taking a deep breath, he knocked heavily on the large red door of Buffy’s house and waited.
******
“Coming!” Buffy called over her shoulder at the door, sticking her brush into the glass jar of water next to her paints. She jumped up and wiped her paint covered hands on her jeans and brushed her hands out of her eyes before going to answer the door.
When the door opened, they just stared at each other. The sense of deja va swept over both of them. It was like the first day they’d met and she’d opened the door with the spot of paint on her nose and she’d taken him in with his leather and bleached hair.
She was about to open her mouth and ask about Harmony but he shook his head to stop her.
They just stared at each other for what seemed to be forever before Buffy silently motioned for him to come inside.
No words were spoken.
Not that they were needed
Paintings were silent and yet they said a thousand words.
Love seemed to be the same way.
******
yeah, cheesy, I know. But it’s finally over and I don’t know whether to be sad or happy. I hope you all enjoyed this story cuz I loved writing it. Plz tell me what you think! *hugs all readers and reviews*
[Reviews - 320]
-
Table of Contents [Report This]
Chapter or Story |
Chapter or Story | 
Chapter or Story
Has been viewed 5778 times
- Text Size +
-
Table of Contents [Report This]
Chapter or Story |
Chapter or Story | Chapter or Story - Text Size +
Author's Chapter Notes:
the very last chapter, hope you all enjoy!