As Spike drove Buffy towards her house, his mind was buzzing as thoughts bombarded him. Anger and rage filled him, but on the other hand, he was happy about so many things.
‘I broke up with Dru, and Buffy’s not with the poofter anymore,’ he thought before adding an adjective to Angelus’ title. ‘The abusive poofter.’ His hands gripped the steering wheel even tighter. ‘When I get my hands on that wanker, I’m beating the hell out of him. He deserves every broken bone, every bruise, every…’
“Spike?” Buffy asked quietly, looking at him with a worried expression. “Are you okay? You’ve been quiet ever since we got in the car.” He looked at her and saw that the red mark on her cheek was slowly starting to disappear.
‘Although I’d wager it still stings,’ he thought, angry once again. ‘How can a man hit a woman? Is it a superiority thing? Because if it is, I’d be more than happy to knock him down a few notches…or a few stairs would probably do the trick.’
“I’m fine,” he answered, taking her hand in his and kissing the top of it. “I wish I could’ve stopped him from hitting you, luv. I’m supposed to protect you, not let you get hurt.”
“It’s okay, Spike,” she replied, squeezing his hand. ”I’m fine, honestly. And hey- I’m single again, so that should make you one happy boy.” He chuckled slightly. “Consider it an early Christmas present or something.”
“You’re going to be my present?” he asked, smirking. “Are you going to get all wrapped up for me?”
“With a red bow on top,” she joked, smiling at him. He laughed and looked at her for a moment.
“So does this mean we’re together again?” he asked, trying to keep the insecurity out of his voice. She looked outside.
“I don’t know what it means,” she answered, shrugging. “But I know that I don’t want to talk about it right now.”
“No, I think right now is the perfect time,” he said as he pulled onto Revello Drive.
“No, it really isn’t,” she replied, and he noticed that she had tensed up as she looked out the windshield. A familiar car was parked in front of her house, and when he figured out to whom it belonged to, his eyes narrowed and he clenched his jaw.
“Angelus,” he growled, staring at the man leaning against the car.
* * * * *
Buffy carefully got out of Spike’s car after he parked it in her driveway. He quickly got out on his side, intercepting Angelus before he could reach her.
“So, you weren’t cheating on me with him?” Angelus asked, looking up and down at Spike. “Seems kind of coincidental that Billy here drove you home tonight.”
“I told you that he’s just a friend,” Buffy said before noticing that Spike’s face dropped.
‘She still considers me to be just a friend,’ he thought. ‘Well, at least it’s better than her hating me again. That’s got to count for something, doesn’t it?’
“A friend who seems to be everywhere you are?” Angelus asked, crossing his arms. “You know, I’ve seen him with you before, Buffy. I’ve seen you with him in town, leaving Willow’s house…”
“You were following me?” she asked, her eyes widening as he smirked. “You were stalking me!”
“I was just making sure that you were okay,” he replied, shrugging. “And to gain some evidence that you weren’t being faithful to me.”
“Because you weren’t sleeping with women behind my back?” she asked sarcastically. “You told me not even twenty minutes ago that you weren’t faithful either because men ‘have certain needs’ to be met.” Spike looked at the other man again, his fists clenching.
“Aren’t I right, Billy?” Angelus asked, looking at him. “Although, apparently you’re not one for meeting a woman’s needs.” Both Spike and Buffy looked at each other, confused.
“What the bloody hell are you talking about?” Spike asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Your girlfriend Dru was quite a wild ride,” Angelus replied, grinning. “I’ve never been with such an animal.”
“You slept with Dru?” Buffy asked quietly, staring at Angelus. He nodded and smiled at Spike.
“I can see why you chose her over Buffy,” he said. Spike was instantly seeing red as he punched Angelus’ nose before attacking the man’s midsection with his fists. Angelus made a growling sound from the pain before shoving Spike back and punching his left eye. Spike groaned in agony as he covered his eye with his hand. Punching Angelus again, the force of his assault caused both men to fall to the ground. They both started attacking each other on her front lawn, neither backing down.
“Stop it!” Buffy yelled, pulling Spike off of Angelus as best she could. He stood up, even though he wasn’t nearly finished with hurting Angelus. She watched as Angelus slowly stood up, blood covering his face and hands. The same could be said for Spike, but he seemed to be handling it better. “Get the hell off of my property,” Buffy said sharply, pushing Angelus back until he hit the side of his car. “If I ever see you again, I’m calling the cops. Don’t come near me or anyone I care about. Do you understand?” He looked at her. “Go back to fucking whores, Angelus, because you can never do better than that.” He scowled at her before getting in his car and speeding away. She quickly returned to Spike and looked at the cuts on his face and the black eye that had already started forming. “Oh god, you look horrible.” He managed a small smile and winced when he felt his bottom lip stinging from a cut that sliced through it.
“Thanks, luv,” he replied, holding his ribcage. “You were always honest.” She frowned and pulled him to her front door, quietly dragging him into the kitchen, thankful that her mom was already asleep. She sat him down on a stool before grabbing a washcloth, ice, and bandages. Before she could go get antiseptic from the bathroom, he grabbed her arm to stop her. She looked at him sadly.
“I’m so sorry you got hurt,” she said, a tear rolling down her cheek. “You got hurt because of me.” He shook his head, wiping off her cheek gently.
“I’m fine, luv,” he said quietly. “This is nothing. He deserved everything he got, and so did I.” She frowned, confused. “I hurt you, too, Buffy, and I deserved this.”
“No you didn’t,” she said, slightly angry. “You never deserved this. Never.” He looked down. “You may have hurt me, Spike, but I never wanted to see you get hurt. Not like this.” He took a deep breath, even though the pain in his ribs hurt too much. “I’m sorry that he slept with Dru, too. Maybe if I had…”
“Don’t even suggest it,” he said, interrupting her. “Dru was never one for loyalty, and it didn’t take a genius to see that he wasn’t either.” He looked at her. “Just for the record, even though I’m sure you don’t want to hear this, you are much better than she is.” Buffy smiled softly. “I don’t see what he found so fascinating about Dru. You’re a hundred times better than her in every way. Hands-down, pet, you’re the best woman I’ve ever known.” She gently kissed a spot on his cheek that wasn’t bruising or cut.
“Took you long enough to figure that out,” she muttered. “I didn’t see you exactly chomping at the bit to break up with her.”
“I know,” he whispered. “I guess I was hoping that if I was with her, you might…”
“Have a jealous tantrum and want you back?” Buffy asked with a slight smile.
“What can I say? My plans never work.”
Buffy giggled, shaking her head at his insane logic.
“We were just using each other,” he said softly, taking a deep breath.
“Maybe,” Buffy said with a shrug. “But you weren’t the one sleeping around on her.”
“No, I was just chasing around after my ex-girlfriend, begging her to give me another chance,” he replied, running a hand over his face.
“They were just words,” Buffy said, running her fingernail along the counter in an effort to avoid his eyes. “No harm done…not really. Actions speak louder than words, remember? And their actions spoke volumes of their true feelings about us.”
Gently tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, Spike smiled when Buffy raised her eyes to his. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, looking at her with pain-filled eyes. “I know it doesn’t mean anything…but I am sorry.”
“Thank you,” she said genuinely. “Now, let’s get you cleaned up so you don’t leave blood all over my house.”
“Hey, we were having a sweet moment,” he frowned, pouting. “Why’d you change the mood?”
“Because you look like you got hit by a car,” she replied, heading towards the bathroom.
‘I bloody feel like I did, too,’ he thought, wincing as she left the kitchen. ‘But she doesn’t need to know that. I’m supposed to be Spike, the white knight. Her Prince Charming. Men like me don’t get hurt- we just get even.’
Watching as Buffy worked on him, Spike felt warmth spread through him at her gentle touch.
“What happens next?” Spike asked when Buffy finished cleaning and bandaging
his cuts.
“What do you mean?” Buffy asked, focusing on all of the supplies in front of her so she wouldn’t have to meet his piercing eyes.
“I mean, what happens next?”
“I don’t know,” she said with a shrug. “We’re not the same people we used to be.”
“And did it ever occur to you that it might be better this way? That maybe
we’re not supposed to be the same people?”
Buffy sighed, rubbing her hand over her eyes. “Can we not do this tonight?”
she asked, turning away from him, only to feel him gently grabbing her again.
“It’s always been you, Buffy,” he murmured, running a hand tenderly along
her cheek and quickly retracting it when she flinched. “I need you to
believe that.”
“Then what was Dru?” she asked, hating herself for not only continuously
opening the same old wound, but rubbing salt in it as well.
“A mistake.”
“For over a year?” She paused, waiting for him to say something…anything.
“I don’t want to be a replacement for your replacement girlfriend.”
“I understand that,” he murmured. “But do you understand that you wouldn’t
be? That I love you so much and I can’t say enough how sorry I am for
hurting you?”
“And I’m not ready,” she said in a soft voice. “I’m tired of feeling like I
have to be with someone to help me define who I am. I need to figure out
how to be Buffy before I relearn how to be Buffy the Girlfriend.”
“You think I could get on the waiting list?” Spike asked with a resigned
sigh.
“Why’d you do it?” she asked suddenly.
“Do what, pet?”
“Why’d you break up with me?” she asked, never letting her eyes meet his.
“It wasn’t Drusilla,” he said, watching her reaction. “She just happened to be there. It was me. It was always me. And I’m not looking for you to think that this is just me pitying myself, because it’s not. The fact remained that… I didn’t deserve you.”
“And now?”
“Now I really don’t…”
“If you really believe that, why do you want to get back together?”
“I never said I didn’t want you…I just don’t deserve you.”
“Then what do you want from me?” Buffy asked, insecurity making its way into her voice.
“I don’t know?” he whispered. “I mean…I know, I just…I know we don’t want the same thing.”
“Do you think we could be friends?” she asked hesitantly.
“We’re not friends,” he muttered, looking up at her and seeing the sadness
in her eyes. “We’ll never be friends. We’ll be in love till it kills us
both. We can fight, and we can shag, and we can hate each other till it makes
us quiver, but we’ll never be friends.”
“I guess that’s a ‘no’ then,” she whispered, feeling his strong words
affecting her more than she cared for.
Leaning forward, Spike grasped Buffy’s hands in his, looking her in the eye
as he continued. “Love isn’t brains, Buffy, it’s blood…blood screaming
inside you to work its will.” A soft smile came over his face as he
tightened his grip on her hands. “I may be love’s bitch, but at least I’m
man enough to admit it.”
Buffy smiled a little bit. “Where does that leave us?” she asked, squeezing
his hands slightly. “If we can’t be friends and can’t have a
relationship…are you just going to pretend you don’t know me?”
Spike chuckled, shaking his head and restraining himself from pressing a
soft kiss to her lips. “How about we start out with spending time
together?”
“I can live with that,” she murmured, wrapping her arms around him for a
warm hug, both feeling the sense of comfort wash over them with the intimate
gesture. Pulling away, Buffy poked a finger in his chest in warning. “But
there will be no ‘shagging’ in the offing, mister.”
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