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Chapter 17 – Believing


Opening her eyes, Buffy groggily looked around the room she was in. It looked vaguely familiar as she tried to place where she was before she groaned and pressed her hands to her temples, trying to dissuade the headache that was rapidly making itself known, from spreading.

Groaning in pain, she slowly sat up, noticing that she was in a bed. A very familiar bed. Glancing around, her stomach flipped as her eyes widened, realizing where she was.

‘Oh God, he wouldn’t,’ she thought, her brain already clicking over to blind panic. ‘He wouldn’t, not…not like this…even if…’

Buffy felt tears spring to her eyes as images came back to her.

“Please, I need you,” she murmured as she felt his hands gently remove her dress.

Grabbing his shoulders and pulling him down to the bed, her lips eagerly sought his, gasping as she pushed against his covered erection and felt his body over hers. Her body arched as her hands twined through his hair, feeling his lips on her neck.

“Spike, please.”

“No,” Buffy whispered, her chin trembling as her hands traveled up to her face. Sobs shook through her as her entire body started to shake.

Hearing the door open, she immediately grabbed the comforter and pulled it more securely around her.

“Buffy?”

“I need to go home,” she muttered, not bothering to look up as she climbed out of bed. Searching for her dress while still wrapped in the heavy blanket, she tried to keep her mind from wandering. Seeing it on a nearby chair, Buffy quickly made her way over to it, shuddering when she felt his hand grab her arm. “Let me go, Spike.”

“What’s wrong?” he asked in concern, turning her to look at him.

“I just need to go.”

“Not until you tell me what’s wrong.”

“You…we…last night, you…”

Dropping her arm as if he’d been burned, Spike took a step away with a pained look on his face.

“You think that I would actually take advantage of you?”

“Didn’t you?” Buffy countered, her jaw set in anger.

“No,” he growled. “I don’t know what you remember, but you wouldn’t get near that bed last night unless I was with you. So yeah, I kissed you-”

“And undressed me,” she said through gritted teeth.

“Excuse me for thinking that you would be more comfortable in a shirt instead of that scrap of cloth you call a dress!” he replied, his voice rising in anger as he gestured to the chair.

Buffy stayed quiet as she glanced down at herself, realizing for the first time that she was wearing one of his shirts.

“You know what? Forget it,” Spike said, shaking his head and backing away from her. “I know I’ve made some mistakes in the past, but I would never…not like that…”

He trailed off with a choked voice before walking through the door.

“Get dressed,” he muttered. “I know you can’t wait to leave.”

His words were punctuated as he slammed the door behind him.

Buffy closed her eyes, biting her lip as she tried to keep the tears at bay. Taking a deep breath and throwing the comforter back on the bed, she quickly walked out of the room and through the apartment. Hearing the crashing sounds coming from the kitchen, which did nothing for her headache, Buffy timidly walked through the door, nervously tucking her hair behind her ear.

“I didn’t remember everything from last night and…let’s just say, I didn’t remember the right things.”

Seeing his nod, Buffy sighed as she sat down at the table.

“You’re mad,” she muttered, watching as he turned off the flame and tossed the pan to the back of the stove before bracing his hands against the counter on each side of it.

“I’m not,” he said in a soft voice, never looking at her. “Not at you, anyway. I’m mad at me. If I’d never given you reason to believe that I would do that, you never would have…”

Standing up to walk over to him, Buffy gently lay her hand on his back, surprised to feel the quivering in his muscles. “Spike?” she whispered, loosely grabbing his arm and turning him to face her, surprised when she saw the tears that were shimmering in his eyes.

“I’m sorry, Buffy,” he whispered, reaching up to stroke her face but stopping before he made contact and letting his hand fall back to his side.

Coming to a decision, Buffy slowly reached for his hand, staring into his eyes as she brought it up to her face. Seeing Spike close his eyes as he cupped her cheek, she felt herself relax when he brought his forehead to hers.

“I know you’re sorry,” she whispered. “I know you weren’t exactly in your right mind, which is why I think this should go slow.”

Jumping slightly when she felt him jerk away from her, Buffy tilted her head in confusion.

“You mean- start over?” he asked in confusion.

“That was kind of the idea,” she murmured, biting her lip and tilting her head as she studied him.

“I don’t deserve that,” Spike replied, shaking his head and moving past her.

“Shouldn’t I be the one to decide that?” Buffy asked in frustration, following him into the living room.

“I hurt you, Buffy,” he said in a choked voice.

“And you hurt yourself,” she replied, walking toward him. “You’re still hurting yourself.”

“What?” he asked in surprise.

“I kind of noticed there was an open bar last night,” she said softly. “I don’t recall that being one of the twelve steps on the road to recovery, but you never went near it.”

“Buffy-”

“You can be a good man, Spike. I’ve seen it. I believe in you.”

The look of shock and surprise on his face brought a smile to hers. Closing the distance between them, he hesitantly stood in front of her, waiting for Buffy to make the next move. Wrapping her arms around his waist, she slowly pulled him to her for a tender hug, relaxing when she felt Spike’s arms around her waist. Resting his chin on the top of her head, he sighed after a minute. “Do you need to go?” he asked softly.

“No,” she whispered. “Not right now.”

“I love you,” he said quietly.

Feeling the slight squeeze of her arms, Spike let his eyes close. For now, it was the only answer he needed.



A/N Thanks again to Allison and pj for all their help!!


Thanks so much to: spuffette, Tahmoe, Seraiza, gypsy_jin, melissa, Alicia, Ash, Franchesca, Bint, Cordykitten, jenny, H, BuffyandSpikeForever, pj, spikes slayer, Caitie, Mockerfab4, Crystal Pegasus, dreamgirl4eva, Sevvy_O, Laine & starhawk for reviewing!





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