Chapter 21

Anya suppressed a weary sigh as the last of the night’s clientele exited in the dark of the small hours of the morning. It was a relatively early evening for the house as it was mid-week. But she was exhausted none the less, from the revelations and drama of earlier in the day, to that unruly Parker Crawford who had to be watched like a hawk. He’d asked for Katie tonight, a good girl, always did her job, but left complaining he’d received inferior service.

Anya blew out the last lamp and started back down the hallway to her bedroom. She’d deal with it tomorrow.

For tonight, she just wanted to unlace the layers of steel and bone that were binding her ribs, slide into her cool nightshift, and fall into bed. And not think about Xander being gone.

It was odd, that. He’d become nearly a constant in her life since she’d met him, first with his relentless attempts to attract her attention, and then with his quiet and gentle courtship. Undemanding but persistent.

Almost too undemanding. To the point of frustration. She set the lamp down by her bed side and began loosening the fastenings on her dress. She’d appreciated his early reticence, the way he asked her if she’d like to bring one of the other girls alone as a chaperone when he took her for buggy rides, a fact that had Faith howling almost on the floor at the thought. A whore serving as the watchdog for another whore’s virtue.

It was indeed a ludicrous thought, but something about it had warmed her, slowly convincing her that things could be different with him, that he might just be able to, as the old saying went, make an honest woman of her yet. And though she was loathe to admit it, although she often railed at the "nice" ladies of the town who found her inferior, she sometimes wondered what it would be like to be respectable. Not poor white trash Anya Jenkins.

Despite that, there were times when they were alone that she wished he’d just abandon this notion of protecting her virtue so much and forget himself for once. She used to be able to bring men to their knees, to leave them worn out and gasping and overwhelmed with passion. She’d become was the highest paid girl in the house within weeks of starting and had fast been taken on as a mistress, removed from the necessity of servicing an ever-evolving clientele of men. Didn’t she still have it?

For Xander seemed mostly immune to her charms - or at least had the power to resist them. He’d give her a chaste kiss, hold her hand, all the things she assumed proper folks did when they were courting. But never more than that, other than the looks he gave her. They were enough to set her on fire, smoldering passion dancing behind his eyes that let her know that there was indeed a spark burning between them, he was just keeping it tamped down for the moment.

Anya slid her nightdress over her head and blew out the candle. Knowing that he’d left town just intensified the ache and loneliness and made her face the reality that in spite of her best intentions, she was hopelessly gone for Alexander Harris. She punched her pillow a few times for good measure to conform to her head and tried to settle in to sleep.

Tap, tap. Tap, tap.

She started awake. What was that? She fumbled with nervous fingers to light the lamp, but dropped the match before she could get a spark. Cursing silently she tiptoed to the window to find Xander outside, grinning.

She raised the sash quickly. "What are you doing here?"

He smiled and pulled himself to clamber over the sill. "Came to see you, saw you’d already locked up for the night."

He turned and shut the window and pulled the curtains back into place, leaving the room dark again.

She spoke to his back. "I thought you were leaving town?"

"We were. Took us all day before we finally tracked this Graham character down. They were out at the fort. We took the lad out, bought him a few drinks and he loosened his tongue."

"And?"

"Miss Cordelia was right, the good old army’s already written the boy off. They’re afraid to send someone upriver for fear they’ll bring back the fever to the barracks. This Finn apparently went further in than the plantation he was supposed to be staying at, and the last the owner had heard was a message that Finn was on his deathbed."

"So are you still going?"

Xander nodded. "Likely he had the marriage certificate with him, Graham’s already looked through his personal effects here and couldn’t find it. We’ll no doubt be needing that. And if he’s still alive, that poor girl’s going to need a father for her babe."

Anya couldn’t help but smile a little. Xander likely to present a tough, no nonsense exterior much of the time, but he was loyal to a fault with his friends and had a soft streak she’d seen on more than one occasion.

He stepped forward and she was suddenly aware of their surroundings and the intimacy of the situation. She reached out a hand and found his arm in the near dark. "So why did you come here tonight?"

"Because I realized there was some chance, however slight, I might not come back. And I couldn’t leave without asking you something. I think we’ve waited long enough."

The low intensity in his voice as he said those words had her heart rate accelerating and she started to lift her night rail eagerly before he stopped her.

"No, Anya wait."

She paused as she sat at the edge of the bed confused, and watched him pace nervously in front of her.

"See, I haven’t ever done this before, and I’m not quite sure how to start."

She couldn’t stop the giggle. "Xander, don’t be silly. Of course you have." She reached for his arm. "And even if you’ve forgotten, I’m sure we can refresh your memory very quickly."

He dropped to his knees with a chuckle and caught her face in his hands. "That’s why I love you Anya. You’re so straightforward and to the point. There’s no subterfuge or second guessing with you. You just say what you think."

She knew he’d said quite a mouthful there but her mind had frozen on his opening line. That’s why I love you. That’s why I love you. That’s why I love you.

He loved her?

"Anya?"

She slowly regained her focus. "Yes?"

"Did you hear me?" His face looked a little frightened, with that wrinkle he seemed to get in his brow when he was earnest about something.

"No, what Xander?"

"Will you marry me? I know that there are things we need to work out, but I . . ."

She was lucky her initial whoop didn’t wake the whole household. Or her other exclamations as Xander soon lost his inhibitions about preserving her virtue as she exercised her powers of persuasion on him.

When he finally left her bed as the sun began to rise, yawning mightily, she pulled him back for one final tight embrace.

"Hurry back?"

"You know I will. I have something to come back for."

She flopped back on the pillows as he quietly let himself out, the biggest grin of her life plastered on her face as she admired the sparkle of the beautiful ruby ring Xander had placed on her finger.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Buffy watched as the chattering girls filed from the classroom. The clock on the wall had just chimed noon, and she had a few free hours before the afternoon poetry class she was to assist with. Enough time to leave the small campus and avoid any unwanted run-ins with certain individuals. She hurried back to her room to gather her hat and gloves. Perhaps a visit to the little bookstore, see if there was anything new in that could occupy her time.

She’d almost made it to the rear gate when she heard the voice of one of the other staff call her name.

"Buffy? I’m awfully sorry to have to ask, but Ellen isn’t feeling quite up to par, she needs to go lay down for a bit. Could you take rose garden duty today?"

She sighed. "Of course. Let me go get a book to read." The rose garden was a lovely small nook at the rear of the campus, but it had a gate that led out into the city, so during the girls’ free periods, a teacher routinely held post there to make sure the more enterprising types didn’t sneak off campus to wander around the town. Buffy was more than aware of this, as she’d used that particular exit on more than one occasion herself. As she turned back to her room to fetch her book, she resigned herself to the change in plans. At least it was secluded, she was unlikely to run into anyone unexpectedly there.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Miss Greenlee gestured to the seats in front of her large desk and settled herself comfortably in her chair.

"Mr. Montgomery, you come with the highest of references from some of my dearest former pupils. And Dawn, I’ve heard strong praise for you as well. You’ve been dealt an unusual situation in life, but you’ve shown strong character."

The thin girl whose eyes had been darting nervously around the well-appointed office dared to peek at her for the first time. "Thank you ma’am."

"Now I understand that your educational opportunities up to this point have been sporadic. We’ll be working to remedy that, I’ve arranged for a special tutor for you for the time being. But you must promise me that you’ll work very hard to catch up with the others."

Dawn darted a look at William, who nodded encouragingly. "Yes ma’am. Of course I will."

Miss Greenlee nodded approvingly. "Very well, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll go and fetch the older pupil who’ll be your tutor."

She gave the pair a glance as she quietly closed the door, knowing the girl needed a bit of reassurance from the older man. She’d looked pale, but resolved. It was good to see the little thing had pluck. Miss Greenlee determined she’d have to keep a close watch on this little chick.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"How’re you holding up there?"

Dawn’s smile was a little wavery. "Alright. It’s just different."

"How about I make you a promise? You try this place for six weeks. If it doesn’t suit, we’ll bring you back. You can go to school in Charleston, and the wagging tongues be damned. We’ll give you some exotic background, let you make it up yourself. You can be my little sis who’s been secreted away in a nunnery, how about that?"

Her smile grew a little firmer.

"That’d be good."

"But you have to give this a try, alright? You’re a Montgomery now, and we don’t quit."

"I won’t." She surprised him then by coming over and enveloping him in a hug. "Thank you William. For everything."

He patted her back awkwardly, his heart strangely moved. If anyone had suggested he’d have been fostering strays who wormed their way into his heart when he’d left England to come to the States, he’d have insisted they were lunatics. But he wouldn’t change this now for the world.

"There, there, bit. Dry your eyes. I don’t think Miss Greenlee will be too impressed by your tears." She sat back down, dabbing away with her new embroidered handkerchief as she tried to remove the evidence of her tears. "And I expect regular letters on how things are going, you must keep me up to date."

She nodded. "Will you write me back? Tell me how Buffy and the others are doing?"

"Absolutely."

The door opened then and the pair turned to see Miss Greenlee standing with another girl. "Dawn, this is Katherine. She’s in her final year and she’s agreed to be your tutor for the next few months until the term ends. She’ll also show you around and introduce you to the other girls."

Dawn stood nervously and turned to William. "I’ll have the first letter in the mail tomorrow."

"I’ll be looking for it."

She followed the other girl into the hallway then, and he was happy to hear a soft chatter begin between them as Miss Greenlee closed the door.

"I understand that you are somewhat unsure if this is the right choice for Dawn, Mr. Montgomery. Katherine will be able to relate, I believe, she’s one of our scholarship students, and a kind girl. Dawn should soon feel at home."

"I’m certainly relieved to hear that."

Miss Greenlee straightened the papers on her desk. "We’ve drawn up the final papers for you to review and sign. Of course we’ll keep you updated on Dawn’s progress and you may visit at any time. We try to discourage families from having students leave for visits in the middle of terms, so as to not disrupt their studies."

He began to read the papers she handed him, nodding absently. "I can understand that, it was much the same at my school."

"Mr. Montgomery, might I be so bold as to ask why you are fostering this girl?"

He raised his head, surprised by the straightforwardness of the question. "There are a number of reasons Miss Greenlee. But I suppose that at heart I initially agreed because a dear friend asked me to, and since then I’ve come to realize what a special girl Dawn is. She deserves better and I have the means to grant her that. Nothing more."

"And would this dear friend be Mrs. Crawford?"

Her tone and inflection in how she said it almost caused him to drop the papers. The old bat had a twinkle in her eye now, and he wondered just what she was getting at here. "Mrs. Crawford did in fact request my assistance with Dawn, but I assure you, Miss Greenlee, that I hold her in the highest regard."

"Funny, that’s exactly what she said about you."

He felt a glow of pride at the compliment until he mulled the comment. "Have you spoken with Miss Buffy?"

Miss Greenlee nodded. "She’s recently arrived in Boston and taken a position here."

"She’s what?"

Miss Greenlee feigned confusion that didn’t fool him a bit. "Oh, she must not have had time to inform you due to your journey. Well, I’m sure you’ll want to see her before you leave. Since you both hold each other in such high regard."

There was definitely a twitch of a smile on her lips. William found the signature line, scrawled his endorsement and handed the papers back. "There, those look fine. Where is she Miss Greenlee?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She was a sight for sore eyes. The afternoon sunlight illuminated her face as she tipped back her head beneath the brim of the hat she wore, like a rose opening its petals for the sun. He stopped for a moment at the opening to the small garden, content to simply see her again in the flesh, after the weeks past of fevered dreams about her presence. Or about how he would approach her, with the ring he now carried in his pocket that was a family heirloom of the Darlingtons.

He refused to think about why she was here, not in Charleston. Why she’d fled while he was away. Because he was going to change her mind.

Her eyes were closed but she must have heard his footsteps as he started forward.

"Halt, who goes there," she called out, a small grin on her face as she rose to deal with the sneaky schoolgirls seeking to slide out.

And then she stopped cold as she realized who was before her. "William? How did you . . . ."

He stepped forward smoothly, caught her elbow and guided her back to the bench where she’d been seated. "Miss Greenlee told me where to find you. Seemed to think you might want to see me."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He was here. Right in front of her. Holding her hand.

She fought to hide the tremble as she slid her hand away, needing to put distance between him and her and gain some sort of control over her emotions. It had been easy to leave, to slip away when he was gone, to avoid scenes and good-byes and the impassioned pleas that she saw in his eyes. But to have to do it here, now, with him sitting so close, every bit of her body longing for him with an intensity she thought she’d conquered? She wasn’t sure it was possible.

She bit her lip, almost drawing blood as she steeled herself to look into his eyes. She hated to do this, but it was the only way. She squared her shoulders and turned to him.

"It’s good to see you again, Mr. Montgomery. What an unexpected surprise."

The formality in her tone caught him off guard. "Yes, I’ve brought Dawn."

That must have sounded as stiffly formal and obvious in his head as it did aloud as he cleared his throat and tried again. "Buffy, I’ve been thinking a great deal about you."

She smiled politely. "That’s most kind of you to say."

He carried on. "And I know now that I erred in my pursuit of you and . . ."

She stood abruptly, cutting off the impromptu speech. "Mr. Montgomery, I accept your apology. I too have reflected on our indiscretion. I apologize if I might have misled you as to the notion that I nursed some grand passion for you. You owe me no obligation, though your efforts to preserve my good name speak highly of you. I believe it would be best if we just put the incident behind us."

She turned to walk away. He rose swiftly, turning her back to face him as he pulled them further into the shade of an arbor that shielded them partially from the possibility of passersby.

"No, Buffy. You can’t dismiss what we have between us that simply. I won’t let you. I know that I made a mistake. I’ve made a right cock-up of all this. I never expected to fall in love with you, never knew how that could change things."

Her heart twisted with his declaration, knowing that those words would be things she’d treasure in the days ahead. But they weren’t going to change her decision. Carrying on a relationship with him would only cause heartache and sorrow, haunted by gossip and speculation. She couldn’t love another woman’s husband.

She smiled and he relaxed a bit, though he refused to let her go. Taking a deep breath she sought to keep her voice firm. "William, there’s the problem. I don’t love you."

If she’d punched him, he might have had less reaction. His face twisted and he seized her shoulders. "Buffy, don’t lie to me. You wouldn’t have gone to bed with me if you didn’t care."

She pushed him away, needing space. "William, I’m sorry. Truly I am. I didn’t mean to mislead you. I . . . I wanted to know what it was like with another man. My husband wasn’t kind in that regard. You were. But it was nothing more. If I misled you, I am deeply sorry."

She almost broke at the look in his eyes then, the disenchantment and pain that so readily appeared. He stepped away from her. "Do you really mean that? That you don’t care . . . don’t love me?"

She held his gaze. "I’m sorry, William."

He nodded once, his eyes frozen and cold now. "Very well them. Mrs. Crawford, I’m sorry for troubling you. Good day."

He walked out of the garden without a backward glance. Her knees gave out then, as he disappeared from view around the hedge, and she sank to the ground. She’d done the right thing. She knew she had in her mind. Her heart simply needed to be quiet.





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