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When Buffy made it home, finally, she was exhausted. She'd stayed at Willow's until late in the evening. She'd been unwilling to go home and face nothingness. Willow reminded her she had to speak with Angel soon. Buffy knew, but she needed to collect herself first. She didn't have it in her to go through a break up, even if she didn't love Angel. And, she wasn't yet ready to face Spike yet. She knew what she had to do; she just needed to gather herself before she could do it. Apologizing had never been Buffy's strong suit. But this, this was more than an apology. This was telling the man she was falling in love with that she was not only sorry, but to please not give up on her. The idea brought fresh tears to her eyes.

Sinking into a warm tub, she mulled over their rocky past. The only time
Spike had ever lied to her was when she questioned him about what he had told Owen. However, the man had been so hell bent on sabotaging her relationships, how could she have not jumped to the conclusion? It was the reason why she made sure Spike never got any information on Angel or spent any time around him.

Not that it mattered now anyway now. Recalling the time on the plane to New York when she'd burst into tears, she remembered how Spike's insistent questioning on whether or not she loved him and her outburst that no, she didn't, had made her cry. He'd scratched close to the surface of her insecurities and fears then and it had frightened her. Also made her look in the mirror and face herself. Much like he did the other day when she'd told him about her parents. The thing about Spike was he was relentless and he could often read her better than anyone else could. It was unnerving.

Her so called boyfriends in the past; including Angel had never been able
to read her. Oh, they'd picked up on certain things about her the way
anyone would being around someone long enough, but they never saw right
to the heart of her the way Spike did. She not only knew how to push his
buttons, but he knew how to push hers as well.

One thing was for sure. Life with Spike was never dull. She just hoped he
didn't give up on her. If he wanted to be with her then it was going to take
some patience on his part. Not that he had exercised enough since he'd
known her, but that was just the tip of the iceberg. She was work, which
she could not deny. Heaven help the man for falling in love with her.

Her body tired, emotions exhausted, Buffy lay down on her bed and her
mind drifted off to Brandon and Tess. She fell asleep thinking of the ways
Spike could give them their happy ending.



A few blocks away, Spike was on his own bed, staring up at the ceiling. All
right, so Harris had a point. It still didn't help take the sting out of her
outright accusation that he'd lie to her in such a way. Like he would ever do
something that malicious to her. Granted the things he'd told guys in the
past to veer them away from her hadn't been all that kind, but after what
she'd told him about her father cheating on her mother, how that was the
beginning of the end . . . well, it made him shiver to even think of doing
something like that to her.

He wanted to see her. Right that second. He wanted to iron it out, talk to
her. He wanted to tell her that he would never leave, could never leave her
as a matter of fact. She was part of him, part of his soul. Losing her would
be like losing an appendage. He sat up in bed, suddenly feeling as if he
couldn't breathe at the mere thought of losing her. Glancing at the clock he
noted it was eleven. Late, but . . . He couldn't wait.

Sod it all, he needed to see her. NOW.





The sound of her buzzer and knocking on her door startled Buffy out of a
sound sleep. She bolted up, feeling the disorientation you feel when you've
been awoken from a deep sleep.

"What the? Where the?" She mumbled as she crawled out of bed and
stumbled toward the door, knocking her knee into the corner of her
dresser. Rubbing her knee, she made it to the door and opened it as far as
the chain would let her. Her eyes widened when she saw Spike on the other
side.

"Spike?" she asked in surprise, blinking at him. God, please let him be real.


"Buffy, can I come in please?" he sounded desperate, he even looked
desperate.

Nodding, she undid the lock and opened the door. They were in each
other's arms the instant he was inside and the door was shut. Spike was
peppering kisses in her hair and over her face. "Do you forgive me kitten?
I'm so sorry baby. I would never leave you. Never. Do you believe me? Are
you all right?" He was murmuring over and over.

Wait just a second here. Wanting nothing more than to lose herself in his
touch and his love, Buffy knew she had to regain some control here and get
to the bottom of things.

"Spike!" she exclaimed on her third attempt to disengage from his arms.
She held her hands out. "Stop. Wait."

"You're still upset with me?"

"No. Why are you apologizing to me? I'm the one that needs to be
apologizing to you."

"Why?"

"What do you mean why? I didn't believe you when you told me Angel was
cheating on me!"


He stared at her agape, "you believe me now? Did you confront him?"

Yes, and no I haven't. Spike. . . " she took a deep breath. "I believed you
the minute you walked away from me. Even before that." Another deep
breath. "I'm . . . " she closed her eyes. "Sorry." She opened her eyes,
ignoring the shock she saw on his face. "I'm sorry I didn't believe you. I'm
sorry I pushed you away. You were right. I was using it as a defense
mechanism."

Spike gathered her in his arm, holding her tight and pressing a kiss against
her temple. "Baby, I don't blame you for not believing me."

She pulled her head back. "You don't?"

"After all the shit I used to do to keep those ponces away from you? It was
only natural that you'd jump to that conclusion."

"Yeah, but. . . I just apologized for nothing! Do you have any idea how hard
that was?"

Spike burst out laughing and Buffy couldn't help but start to giggle.

"We're quite a pair, aren't we sweetheart?" he asked as he lovingly gazed
at her.

"I'm sayin'," she dropped her head to his chest.

"Does that mean that . . . what you said earlier . . . do you . . . "

She grinned against him. Now who was making who speechless?

She looked up at him innocently. "What?"

He gave her a look and growled, "you damn well know Buffy."

She giggled. "Yes."

"You're . . ."

"Falling. Faster by the minute. You promised to catch me."

"And I will baby, I will. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere."


Hmmmmm.........wonder what'll happen next?? LOL





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