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Chapter 5


“There you go then, all clean, dry and baby creamed!” Willow fixed the tab on the nappy and slipped on Billy’s pyjamas.

Billy giggled and gurgled all through this, giving her a great big grin.

“Come on then, let’s sit quietly shall we baby, hmm?”

Willow sat in one of the armchairs, with Billy on her lap. She should have put him down in his cot, but she wanted to hold him for a while.

She marvelled at him, he really was a beautiful baby, his hair had begun to lighten, and he had the most gorgeous big blue/green eyes and long lashes. Billy fell asleep, Willow loved the way his lashes fanned almost to his cheeks.

“Hey…sleepy head – hi”

“Oh, Xander… Willow opened her eyes and immediately looked at Billy. He was fast asleep still.

“Has he been good?”

“Golden…I shall go and put him in his cot”

“Want some tea?”

“Please, I won’t be long”

Xander made the tea while Willow went and put Billy into his cot.



“So, Giles is very excited about this amulet thingie”

“You’ve seen him?”

“I went to his house to put up a set of shelves for him, he was so excited at what you told him, about the…what did he call it – sol…um”

“Solstice?”

“Yeah, that’s it. So, what time is Buffy due back?”

“They’re not coming back until tomorrow lunchtime”

They chatted easily, as old friends do, and Xander eventually fell asleep.

Willow quietly took the mugs and cookie wrappers into the kitchen. She would check on Billy, then go to bed herself, knowing Xander would see himself out, she wouldn’t disturb him.

She quietly as she could opened the nursery door.

Billy was fast asleep, lying in his usual ‘hands-up’ position. She smiled and stood looking at him in for a few moments, then noticed that Mr Gordo was in the cot with him. This was odd, because she knew Buffy didn’t want him to have that particular toy as he was made out of papier maché, and with Billy’s drooling/putting EVERYTHING in his mouth habit, the little pig would be pulp in minutes.

“And how did you get in there, hmm?” Willow picked up the little pig and put it back on the high shelf, tucking Mr Ted in it’s place. She lightly kissed her finger and touched the top of Billy’s head with it.

“Sweet dreams, Little One” she whispered

The nursery door opening made Willow look up.

“Hey!”

“Hey, I wondered where you got to. Billy asleep?” Xander asked, smiling. Willow smiled and looked at the baby with love, and nodded.

“He’s so beautiful” she softly brushed his little foot with her finger

Xander looked at the sleeping infant, and felt a twinge of sadness.

“Let’s leave him in peace…”

They left the nursery and went downstairs, Willow leaving the door ajar in case Billy cried.



Billy stirred, his eyes fluttered open, and he looked at Mr Gordo on the shelf. He pointed to it, and gently the toy pig came floating through the air, and settled back in his cot, with Billy holding one of it’s tatty ears, he went back to sleep.


****

Willow looked concerned at Xander, and held his arm.

“Are you all right, you look kinda sad?”

“Me? Yeah…yeah, I’m okay – I just…doesn’t matter, Look, it’s getting late, I better be off”

“Sure? We can talk if you want to. Isn’t Billy beautiful – you know, up until I was 13, I thought that this would be us”

“This – what do you mean?”

“Marriage and babies!” Willow said grinning at him from the bottom of the stairs.

“Don’t, Will”

Willow frowned and put her hand on Xander’s arm

“Hey, I was only-“

“PLEASE Willow! I just couldn’t stand it if…I’m sorry, look, it’s not your fault, I…” he trailed off

“Go on”

Xander sighed and said,

“I missed – no, LOST my chance…” Willow felt a wave of compassion flood her, and she rubbed her best friend’s arm.

“Oh Xander, just because things didn’t work out between you and Anya, doesn’t mean to say that you’ll never meet some-“ Xander covered Willow’s hand with his own, and said to her earnestly,

“It’s not Anya. It just, oh god, how can I say this without sounding callous? It never WAS Anya.

I realised, far, FAR too late of course that it never was. I just couldn’t marry her, because, well, because I was in love with somebody else – somebody I’ve used as a yardstick for every woman, and nobody but NOBODY comes up to scratch. I’ve loved this woman forever, and I always will”

Willow looked concernedly at her best friend, and said,

“Xander…Buffy is a wonderful woman, - but you can see just how happy she is with Spike, and – oh, stay there, won’t be a tick!” Willow went to answer the phone.

Xander was dying a thousand deaths, wondering if he’d EVER pluck up the courage……

“Oh, hey Giles, everything okay? ……………uh huh………..uh huh, well I see. And what time do you want us?……………Oh, they said they’d be back around lunchtime, why?…………Sure, I’ll tell them, okay then bye Giles”

Xander hadn’t moved, as requested and she still felt concerned for one of her best friends.

“That was Giles, he wants us all over at the shop when Buffy and Spike come back tomorrow…Xander please tell me what’s wrong”

Xander smiled, ran a hand through his thick dark hair and said,

“Oh, there’s nothing wrong – I’m tired, that’s all. Well, it’s getting late I’ll see you tomorrow lunchtime, right?”

Willow nodded. She’d known Xander long enough to know he was lying to her, and there WAS something he wasn’t telling her, keeping something back at least. But then, if it involved Anya it might hurt him to talk about it, so she wouldn’t push it.

At the front door Willow looked at him and she reached up and put her arms around him.

“I love you, you’re my best friend, and you can tell me anything you know – and I wouldn’t judge you, no matter how-“

The closeness of her, her fragrance and warmth and Xander didn’t know what to do. He knew what he wanted to do, he wanted to grab her and kiss her and tell her that it was her he’d loved all these years, that’s why he couldn’t go through with the wedding with Anya…….but instead he remained bodily stiff and slightly unyielding to her embrace.

“Yeah, I know, I Lo- I’ll um, lunchtime – bye” he shot off like a scalded cat. Willow shut the door puzzled.

She checked the back door was locked, put the bolt on the front door and went up to bed. She looked in on Billy and was shocked to see Mr Gordo back in his cot!

“How the heck did…” She gently removed it again and put it back on the shelf, but this time, she left the door open, and sat cross legged in the hallway to wait.

She didn’t have to wait long, within a minute she saw the toy pig come floating down off the shelf and into the cot. Wide-eyed and open mouth with surprise Willow quickly went into the nursery. Billy was fast asleep, holding Mr Gordo’s ear.

She thought it pointless to remove it again, but oh boy – had she got news for Spike and Buffy when they got home.


*****************



“AAAAAAHHHHHHH!”

“Christ! Cordelia – Cordy, hell, are you alright?”

Angel swerved and pulled in, turning towards his passenger, who was holding her head and writhing in pain. He pulled her towards him and rubbed her back soothingly.

“Come on love, come on, it’s alright…there, there – vision I take it?”

Cordelia groggily glanced up at him, and then she nodded and said

“There’s a fight, but I can’t see – oh, it’s – it’s Spike!”

“Well there’s a surprise” Angel said sarcastically, still rubbing her back.

“And…there’s the baby again…he’s beautiful…he’s pointing this time, but I can’t see what he’s pointing to…”

“Come on, let’s get you home, I only suggested a trip out to try and clear your head, I feel guilty now”

Cordelia put her hand on Angel’s forearm and said,

“It was fine, just what I needed – I’m okay now, let’s go home eh, we have a long journey tomorrow”

Angel nodded and drove them home.





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