Spike paced his crypt back and forth tightly clutching a box of chocolates. He stood facing his target, then backed away. He stepped back up, calming himself. He was square with a mannequin that was lacking legs, set up on a black of stone to be just a few inches shorter then Spike himself. The mannequin was sporting a bright blue blouse and a blonde wig, a picture of Buffy taped on it's face.
Spike spoke softly. " Um ... there's something I got to tell you. About showing you Riley in that place." He inhaled a deep uneeded breath.
" I didn't mean to ... Anyway, I know you're feeling all betrayed - by him, not me." Spike quickly added. No way bloody bird should be brassed off at me.
"I was trying to help, you know." He spoke sweetly, honey dripping from his deep voice.
"Not like I made him be there, after all. Actually trying to help you. Best intentions."
Spike let out a deep growl. He chided himself and walked into a dark corner.
" I mean, you know, pretty state you'd be in, thinking things are all right" Spike slowly swept back up towards his plastic Buffy. "while he's toddling halfway round the bend."
Spike stared at Plastic Buffy, loathing filling his eyes. "Oh, I'll insult him if I want to!"
The Buffy in his head spoke.
"I'm the one who's on your side! Me! Doing you a favor!" Spike's voice grew harsh. "
And you, being dead petty about it - me, getting nothing but your hatred and your venom and - you ungrateful bitch!"
It was then Spike lost all control of himself, smashing the box of chocolates over Plastic Buffy's head.
"Bloody Bitch!" He screamed.
Spike hit the mannequin with the chocolates again watching as it slowly falls over.
Angry with himself, Spike tosses the chocolates clear across the room.
It was then Spike imagined Buffy down on her knees crying.
With a broken sigh, Spike picked up the mannequin and replaced it. He carefully rearranged
the wig and let out another sighs. Picking up the box of chocolate, and trying to stuff the chocolates back
in, he composed himself and faced the mannequin again.
"Buffy ... " It came out almost as a whisper. "there's something I wanted to tell you..."
********************************************************************************************
Willow took out her keys and opened the door to the dorm her and Buffy share. She slowly let the brown paper bag down on the floor as she reached for the light. With a soft click, the room was bright, revealing girly posters, two beds and a boom box. In the corner was a small desk, which Willow used more then Buffy. The young witch looked back at the paper bag and bit her lip. She told herself. Willow picked up the bag and set it on the desk, deciding against the dream spell. She layed on her bed and sighed, hating that Tara had to study all night. Of course Willow had offered to help but Tara was right in saying there would be no studying done if Willow was there.
Willow thought about how she felt that with Tara. Buffy used to feel that happy as well...But it's all gone now. She got up and sauntered towards the desk, accidentally kicking one of the legs of Buffy's bed. Willow turned around when she heard a soft *thump* and stuck her head underneath, lifting up the sheets. On the ground lay a black journal, white stickers spelled out the name Buffy. Willow reached out and grabbed it, clutching it to her chest.
She scolded herself. But immature Willow was the one to open the bookmarked page.
"I remember when things were easy. All I had to worry about was making homecoming court.
I remember sitting on my windowsill staring out the window...Knowing there was something
for me out there...something bigger. God I didn't know how right I was, much to my
misfortune. I didn't know how I could take it when I had to kill Angel. When I did
something inside of myself died that night too. I only felt whole again when I was with
Riley. Maybe if I had tried harder, slacked on my slayer duties...maybe if I let him
beat me once and a while when we sparred. I feel like I'm drowning. I'm in a big swimming
pool, drowning, and everyone is just standing back watching. Maybe because no one else can
swim, or maybe because they want to see how long the slayer can hold her breath. Maybe
they're just tired of seeing her struggle to get to the top. I don't know how long
I can do this. Live this life alone. Now with my mom out of the hospital I have to
go take care of her and Dawnie. I have to take care of everyone, be strong, be brave. You can
do it Buffy. Why does the slayer automatically mean I have to bounce back immediately from
everything life thros my way. I'm tired. I'm tired and alone and with all these duties.
I have to hold back my tears until I'm alone in the dark, because that's where I belong.
I wish I was the one with the cancer. I wish mom had a full life. I wish Dawn was actually
my sister. I wish I felt a hairs width of peace. But I don't. Not even in my dreams. I
dream about him, constantly. Him, dad, Angel, Giles, Xander. God even Spike. Every man
that has ever made an impact on my life. Every one of them running for the hills at the
site of me. THen I find myself digging out of a grave. I always wake up crying. I wonder
why Will never hears it."
Willow shut the book, a cold chill ran up her spine. Willow knew what she had to do. She started towards her paper bag.
********************************************************************************************
--The Cemetary--
Buffy twirled around with a slayer like elegance, striking the fledgling with the heel of her boot. She fought with him for a bit longer, throwing punches, ducking, rolling before finally tiring of the game and staking him through the heart. The Slayer wiped the dust off of her leather jacket and walked aimlessly, fighting off tears.
//I know what you came for
And I know when you'll leave
You came for my heart
And it's lost to me//
Spike watched from the darkness as his beauty danced with the vampire. With one swift move she forced the stake through it's heart. Spike's eyes filled with pride. It was when she started walking around alone, he noticed her looking up towards the moon, tears glistening, threatening to pour. Buffy hugged herself tightly and Spike could do nothing but watch from afar. He would give anything to be able to reach out and touch her, let her know everything was going to be alright. Her sadness wracked his entire being.
//For I won't stop you
I will open my door
My heart is here waiting
I don't need it no more//
Buffy walked a for a while longer until finding her feet unwilling to comply. She sat on a gravestone, putting her head in her hands, she sobbed.
//I know why you're leaving
And I'll just let it be
I am left with nothing
And now you're lost to me
For I can't stop you
I will open my door
My heart is here waiting
I don't need it no more//
Spike walked up slowly, unsure of himself. When Buffy heard something nearby her head immediately snapped up. The look of sadness portrayed on Buffy's face about killed the vampire. She looked confused, and Spike took another couple of steps before kneeling before his slayer. Spike cautiously put his hand on Buffy's shoulder. Buffy didn't even think, all that came from her was more sobbing.
//I know why you're waiting
Give me time breathe
Before you take my heart now
And just get up and leave
For I won't stop you
I will open my door
My heart is here waiting
I don't need it no more//
Spike combed his fingers through the slayer's hair, hushing her cries. "I'm here for you pet." He whispered softly.
Buffy looked up, broken from her trance by deja vu. She stood up immediately, tossing Spike to the ground. Buffy backed away slowly, still a look of confusion plastered her face. Spike did nothing but lay in the dirt. Finally, Buffy turned and ran home. Spike slowly sat up and pulled out a ciggarette. "Bollocks." He muttered, taking a long drag.