Chapter 2
Buffy headed towards her next class, English, with Mr.
Rupert Giles. Giles was her favorite teacher, and the only
one she could tolerate. A middle-aged Englishman, Giles was
very intelligent and sparked many opinions from Buffy,
causing them to constantly debate.
Buffy walked into the room and sat down.
The other students filed in and Giles began class.
“Okay then. What did everyone think of The Sun Also Rises?”
A girl sitting in the back of the room raised
her hand.
“I loved it. He’s so romantic.”
Buffy turned to the girl and looked at her
with disgust.
“Romantic? Hemingway? He was an abusive, alcoholic
misogynist who squandered half his life hanging around
Picasso trying to nail his leftovers.”
The students groaned and Giles looked at
her and sighed. Angel spoke up from the back of the room.
“As apposed to a bitter, self-righteous hag who has no
friends?”
The class laughed and Angel slapped hands
with Gunn. Giles looked at Angel sternly.
“Quiet down now!”
Giles began to speak again when Buffy
interrupted.
“I guess in this society being male and an asshole makes you
worthy of our time.”
The class snickered while Angel glared at
Buffy.
Buffy looked back at Giles.
“What about Slyvia Plath, or Charlotte Bronte, or Simone de
Beauvoir?”
The door opened and everyone turned to
look as Spike ran into the room out of breath.
“What’d I miss?”
Buffy looked at Spike and rolled her eyes.
“The oppressive patriarchical values that dictate our
education.”
Spike nodded.
“Good.”
He turned and left the room and Giles yelled
after him.
“Hey! Come back!!”
Finally having a good comeback at Buffy,
Angel called out to Giles.
“Mr. Giles. I there any way we can make Buffy take her
Midol before she comes to class?”
After this latest disruption, Giles was very
angry. He turned to Angel and yelled.
“Someday you are going to get bitch slapped and I am not
going to do a thing to stop it!”
Then he turned to Buffy.
“And Buffy, I want to thank you for your point of view.”
Buffy nodded and smiled.
“But the next time you storm the PTA crusading for better
lunch meat or whatever, I will not be there to save you from
suspension!”
Buffy’s smile faded.
“Anything else?”, she asked him mockingly.
“Yes. Go to the office!”
“What? Mr. Giles…”
“Go!”
The students chuckled as Buffy got up and
gathered her things. When she walked by Angel, she
smacked him on the head.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
In the office, Ms. Addams was busy working
on her novel.
“Undulating with desire, Adrienne removed her red…”
She stops and sighs. She turns to her
computer and retypes the rest of the sentence.
“Crimson cape…at the sight of Reginald’s stiff and…”
She pauses again and calls to her secretary.
“Judith! What’s another word for ‘engorged’?”
“I’ll look it up.”
“Okay.”
Ms. Addams thought a moment.
“Swollen. Turgid.”
Buffy walks in and says, “Tumescent?”
Ms. Addams looks up at Buffy.
“Perfect.”
She types her new sentence and turns to
Buffy.
“So, I hear you were terrorizing Mr. Giles’ class again.”
“Expressing my opinion is not a terrorist action.”
“The way you expressed your opinion to Scott Hope? By the
way, his testicle retrieval operation went quite well, in case
you were interested.”
Buffy laughed.
“I still maintain he kicked himself in the balls.”
“The point is Buffy…People perceive you as somewhat…”
“Tempestuous?”
“’Heinous bitch’ is the term used most often.”
Buffy laughs and rolls her eyes. Ms.
Addams looked at her sternly.
“You might want to work on that. Thank you.”
Buffy gets up to leave.
“As always, thank you for your excellent guidance.”
As she left the room she said, “I’ll let you get
back to Reginald’s quivering member.”
Ms. Addams looks up from her laptop.
“Quivering member. I like that.”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Outside, everyone was congregating on the
quad, getting ready to leave. Angel was standing around
talking to Gunn. Gunn looked up.
“Virgin alert. Your favorite.”
Angel looked over and saw Dawn walking with Cordelia.
Dawn walks by and smiles flirtatiously at Angel.
“Ooh. Looking good ladies.”
Gunn laughs.
“Oh, she’s out of reach, even for you.”
“No one’s out of reach for me.”
“You want to put money on that?”
Angel smiles.
“Money I’ve got. This I’m gonna do for fun.”
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Across the quad, Jesse and Conner were
watching Dawn and Angel.
“Who’s that guy?”
“That’s Angel O’Connor. He’s a jerk off and a model.”
Conner laughs.
“A model?”
“A model. Mostly regional stuff, but he’s rumored to have a
big tube sock ad coming out.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
They both start laughing.
“Man, look at her. Is she always so-“
“Vapid?”
“How can you say that? She’s totally-“
“Conceited.”
“What are you talking about? There’s more to her than you
think. Look at the way she smiles and- and look at her eyes,
man. She’s totally pure. You’re missing what’s there.”
“No, no, Conner. What’s there is a snotty little princess
wearing a strategically planned sundress to make guys like
us realize that we want her, and guys like Angel realize they
want to. She, my friend, is what we will spend the rest of
our lives not having. Put her in your spank bank and move
on. Move on.”
“No, no! You’re wrong about her. I mean, not about the
spanking part, but the rest, you’re wrong.”
“All right- I’m wrong? You wanna take a shot? Be my guest.
She’s actually looking for a French tutor.”
“Are you serious? That’s perfect!”
“Do you speak French?”
“Well, no, but I will.”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Buffy and Willow said goodbye to the girls
and began walking to Buffy’s car. Angel drove by them in his
red convertible and stopped.
“Hey Buffy! Your Rambo look is out. Didn’t you read last
month’s Cosmo?”
Buffy glared at him.
“Run along!”
They walked away and Angel sped off.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dawn was walking in the parking lot with
Cordelia.
“I know you can be overwhelmed, and you can be
underwhelmed, but can you ever just be whelmed?”
Dawn looked at Cordelia thoughtfully.
“I think you can in Europe.”
Angel pulled up next to them.
“Hey ladies. Would you sweet young things like a ride?”
Dawn and Cordelia looked at each other and
squealed. They climbed into Angel’s car and sat down in the
back.
“Hey, careful on the leather!”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Buffy and Willow were in the car getting
ready to leave. Willow looked at Buffy.
“That’s a charming new development.”
“I think it’s disgusting.”
As Buffy pulled out, she had to immediately
slam on the brakes when Jesse drove right in front of her on
his moped and stopped.
“Remove head from sphincter, then drive!”, Buffy yelled.
Jesse drove over to Conner as Buffy drove
away.
“You ok?”
“Yeah. Just a minor encounter with the shrew. That’s your
girlfriend’s sister.”
“Wait, that’s Dawn’s sister?”
“Uh huh. The mewling rampalian wretch herself.”
Jesse sighs.
“Stay cool, bro.”
Conner nods.
“Yeah. See you later.”
Jesse speeds off, and has to swerve to
miss a truck. He speeds off the side of the hill. Everyone
runs to the side to watch as Jesse rolls down the hill. When
he finally stops, he shakily stands up, turning to the crowd,
and throwing his hands in the air.
“Yeah! Whoo!”
He turns around, eyes wide, and promptly
passes out.
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