Chapter 4
Conner was trying to decipher his French
text when Dawn sat down.
“Hi. Can we make this quick? Cecily Hall and Owen Duprey
are having a incredibly horrendous breakup on the quad…
again.”
“Oh, yeah, um, ok. I thought that we’d, uh, start with
pronunciation, if that’s alright with you.”
Dawn shook her head.
“Not the hacking and gagging and spitting part, please.”
“Well, uh, there is an alternative.”
“There is?”
“Yeah, French food. We could, um, eat some together, uh,
Saturday night.”
Dawn smiled.
“You’re asking me out? That’s so cute. What’s your name
again?”
“Conner. Listen, I know that your dad doesn’t let you date,
but I thought that if it was for French class-“
“Oh, wait a minute. Curtis-“
“Conner.”
“My dad just came up with a new rule. I can date when my
sister does.”
Conner got excited.
“You’re kidding. Let me ask you, do you like horses? Cause
we have a stable and maybe you could come over and-“
“A beaucoup problemo, Calvin. In case you haven’t heard,
my sister is a particularly hideous breed of loser.”
Conner looked down.
“Yeah. Yeah, I noticed she’s a little…antisocial. Why is that?”
“Unsolved mystery. She used to be really popular, and then it
was like, she got sick of it or something. Theories abound as
to why, but I am pretty sure she’s just incapable of human
interaction. Plus, she’s a bitch.”
“Well, yeah, but I’m sure there are lots of guys who wouldn’t
mind going out with a difficult woman. I mean, people jump
out of airplanes and ski off cliffs. It’d be like ‘Extreme Dating’”
“You think you could find someone that extreme?”
“Yeah, sure, why not?”
Dawn gave Conner a smile.
“You would do that for me?”
“Hell, yes!”, Conner said a little too excitedly.
“I-I mean, you know, I could look into it.”
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Conner told Jesse his plan and Jesse
compiled a list of possible guys.
“Now, I have gathered a group of guys- couldn’t be more
perfect. Sunnydale’s finest.”
They walked over to a group of guys.
Conner greeted them.
“Hi. How you doin’? Would any of you be interested in dating
Buffy Summers?”
One guy laughed. Another just stared at him.
“I’ve never been that ripped.”, said another.
“Maybe if we were the last two people alive…and there
were no goats. Are there goats?”, another said.
The last guy just screamed.
Defeated, Conner and Jesse headed to
class.
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Conner and Jesse were in Biology lab, dissecting frogs.
“Did I not tell you it was pointless? No one will go out with
her.”, Jesse said.
Conner looked up as he saw Spike take a
knife and violently stab the frog.
“Hey, what about Spike?”
“Him? No, don’t look at him, ok? I may sit at his lunch table…
but he’s a criminal. I heard he lit a state trooper on fire. He
just did a year at an England jail.”
Conner laughed.
“Well, at least he’s horny.”
“I’m serious man. He’s whacked. He sold his liver on the
black market for a new motorcycle.”
Conner looked up at Spike again. Spike had
turned on a Bunsen burner and was lighting a cigarette.
Xander leaned over and snatched it out of his mouth and put
it out on the frog.
Conner looked at Jesse.
“He’s our guy.”
They both turned to look at Spike. He looked
up and they both quickly turned away. Spike looked at them
and continued playing with the fire.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
The next period, Conner and Jesse went to
find Spike in the garage. Conner walked over to him.
“Hi. How you doin’? Listen I-“
Spike turned around to face Conner with a drill in his hand.
The drill went through Conner’s French book.
“Ok , later then.”, Conner said and quickly walked away.
Spike looked at the boy curiously and
shrugged turning back to his work.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
The bell rang for lunch and everyone headed
to the cafeteria. Buffy sat down at a table with Willow and
the others.
“Hey guys.”
“Hey Buffy!”, everyone greeted her.
Buffy noticed Anya was missing.
“Where’s Anya?”
Willow rolled her eyes.
“We think she might be in a closet with that guy from our
calculus class. You know, the one who thinks he’s a
supervillian. Uh, Andrew, I think.”
“What is it with her? Why does she keep going through all
these guys?”
“She says that they ‘provide many orgasms’, or something.
You know how Anya is.”, Amy answered.
At that moment, Anya sat down looking
extremely angry.
“Hey Anya. What’s wrong?”, Buffy said.
“Ugh, I think Andrew is gay. I tried to convince him to go to
the closet with me, but he refused. That little troll!”, she
replied huffily.
Fred looked up.
“It’ll be ok Anya.”, she said.
“Yeah I know. I’ll just find someone else next period.”, she
said.
The girls held back giggles as Willow
changed the subject.
“So, are we Bronzing it tonight?”
“Most definitely.”, Buffy said.
“Ok. We’ll meet at Tara’s house at 8 and go together.”, Willow
said.
“I might be a little late. I have karate practice this afternoon.”,
Buffy told her.
“Oh, me too. I have to go with my aunt for some dinner
thing”, Anya added.
“What bands are playing tonight?”, Fred asked.
“Um, I think Dingoes Ate my Baby is playing tonight, then a dj
is going to take over.”, Tara replied.
“Cool.”, Amy added.
“They’re local. I’ve heard them before,” Buffy said. “That
English guy, Spike, is part of it. The one who thinks he’s a
badass.”
“Oh yeah! Oz is in it, too. Don’t you think he is cute?”, Willow
said excitedly.
“A little. I think Xander is hot. I bet he would give me many
nice orgasms.”, Anya said.
“I haven’t really noticed with the whole ‘staying away from
guys because of heartbreak’ thing.”, Buffy said.
Willow looked at her sheepishly.
“Don’t worry Buffy. You’ll find the right one. It’s just a matter
of time.”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Spike sat down with the guys.
“Hey bleach boy!”, Xander said.
“Hey whelp. Oz.”, Spike replied.
Oz nodded his head.
“So, are we still on for tonight? Gig at the Bronze?”, Spike
asked.
“Yep. We’re setting up at 7 and playing at 8.”, Oz said.
“Practice after school at my house. I’ve already talked to
Devon.”, Xander said.
“Sounds good. I’ll be a little late though. I need to pick up
new guitar strings.”, Spike told him.
“We’ll wait for you. No big.”, Oz said. Spike nodded.
“Right then. It’s a plan.”
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