A month. A whole month of missing him. ‘I can’t take it anymore. Why didn’t he believe me?’ Slowly wiping the tears from her puffy eyes Buffy sighed and sat up in her bed. ‘Probably because I didn’t give him any reason to.’
She wrapped the pale blue blanket tighter around herself before answering the insistent knocking on her bedroom door. “Come in.” She called out wearily.
“Hey Buff. Are you ok? I heard you crying from my room…” Willow said softly. She walked over and sat at the edge of Buffy’s bed. “You’ve been crying so much since…I just…we all want you to be okay.”
“I’m…I’m trying Will. I am. It’s just so hard…I…I told him I loved him. Just before he made me leave the basement of the school you know …he was all ‘No you don’t but thanks for saying it.’ And now I…I’m never gonna get the chance to tell him again…to make him believe me…” Buffy wiped her eyes again with her soggy tissue. “He thinks I only said it cause he was dying.”
“I don’t know what to say…” Willow apologized.
“It’s not your fault Will. I just…I don’t know what to do…the night before…” Buffy brought the Kleenex to her nose and blew it. “We made love…it was the first time it wasn’t just sex…and after…he just held me...you know the whole time we were together last year…I never let him hold me? I always pushed him away…it was easier to push him away, reject him cause you guys would never have... When I actually let it happen…it was amazing…it was…oh god. I’m never gonna feel that way again. Only he could do that to me you know? Make me feel like that…I ache Will…it’s physical pain for me to know I’m never gonna see him again…” She let out a gut-wrenching sob.
“I know it hurts Buffy…but a wise friend once told me you have to go through the pain…” Willow said softly, trying to get a reaction from her grief stricken friend.
“I don’t know if I’ll make it. I don’t want to get out of bed…I don’t want to eat…it was so much easier before I realized I was in love with him…before we really made love, before I allowed myself to see the softness in him, before I accepted it…and him…but now that I know…and I’ll never be able to make him believe it…” Buffy’s face contorted as a fresh wave of tears started.
Willow sat with her, until exhaustion kicked in and Buffy fell asleep.
&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&
Crumbling the leathe’s bramble into the clay pot Willow murmured. “Let Lethe's Bramble do its chore. Purge her mind of memories of him, of pains from love, she cannot give, take her back to before the love. When the fire goes out, when the clay pot is filled the spell will be cast. So mate it be.” She added various ingredients until the clay pot was full. Once the spell ingredients reached the top of the small clay pot thick smoke billowed out towards the ceiling causing Willow to cough and sputter. There was a blinding flash of light then everything went dark.
&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&
She stood there in shock as he stalked slowly out of the shadows in the alley, clapping his hands in a steady rhythm.
“Spike?” She asked, glancing down at the stake in her hand. She took a few tentative steps towards him. She wanted to run to him, wanted to throw herself in his arms, hold him tight and never let him go.
“Mmmm I see my reputation precedes me… Slayer.” He growled.
“What are you…” She trailed off. ‘I know this…oh god.’ Swallowing the lump in her throat she asked. “What happens on Saturday?”
A huge grin split his face from ear to ear. “I kill you.” One hand dug into his duster pocket and he pulled out a battered cigarette package. Taking one out and placing it in his mouth he put the pack away and pulled out his lighter. He flicked it open, casually lighting up.
“Buff? Uhhh I think we should get out of here…” Xander stage whispered.
“You guys go on back inside…I’ll be a minute…” She waved them off.
“I don’t think that’s…”
Buffy turned her eyes to her friends. “Just go. I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself.”
“Mmmm feisty. I like that in a meal. Adds Spice.” Spike smirked; his words drew her attention back to him. He blew out smoke in a long steady stream.
Buffy glared at him angrily. ‘Of course. I get sent here, back to when Spike hates me…after I declare my love to him. Can my life get any worse?’ She rolled her eyes. “So how’s the psycho ho bag?” Buffy asked casually leaning up against the grimy wall. She just knew it was Willow that sent her back here. ‘Maybe so I could do it over…maybe I can…’ She was pulled out of her musings by Spike’s enraged growl.
“You’d best be watching your mouth…I don’t allow anyone to talk about my Dark Princess that way.” Spike growled, his piercing blue eyes glittering dangerously, flecks of yellow glowing within their depths. “Were we in that handbook?” He asked eyes lighting up. “Or maybe you read about us in the watcher’s journals?” He flashed her a genuine grin. “Were there pictures? Drawings?”
Buffy saw his love for Drusilla shining in her eyes and she was jealous. Furiously, possessively jealous. ‘He’s supposed to look like that when he talks about me…’ She felt the tears stinging her eyes and blinked them back. Spike didn’t feel anything for her…not yet. Seeing her cry would only give him fodder to hurt her with.
She flashed him a cocky grin. “So…are we gonna dance William?” She asked moving gracefully into her fighters stance, bouncing on the balls of her feet.
The shock on his face was priceless.
&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&
“It’s too soon…” She moaned, fingertips flying to her temples. “No…no it’s all wrong…naughty slayer…changing the rules mid play.”
“What is too soon?” Colin asked, glancing at Dru.
“My darling boy is dancing.” She whimpered, falling to her knees eyes closed.
“Come on miss Drusilla…Master Spike would want you to be taken to your rooms…” She nodded and allowed Dalton to help her to her feet.
&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&
Spike stood for a moment in shocked silence. He cocked an eyebrow at her. “You want to dance with me pet?” He asked, grabbing a metal pole from the ground Big Bad persona at the forefront, all cocky arrogance and self-assuredness.
“Do we really need weapons for this?” Buffy asked, tossing her stake to the side. ‘What the hell am I doing? This isn’t Spike who’s in love with me. He’s a vicious killer.’
Spike tried to hide his surprise at her boldness. “I just like them. They make me feel all manly.” Running one hand down his stomach towards his groin he tossed the pole at her feet, hiding his surprise when her eyes followed the path his hand had taken, and stayed locked on his sudden erection. “The last Slayer I killed... she begged for her life. You don't strike me as the begging kind.”
”Never gonna beg.” She growled as she lunged. ‘Oh god I missed this, fighting him, sparing with someone I don’t have to hold back with.’ She backhanded him and he flew into the wall, causing the wall to crumble slightly in a Spike shaped dent.
Spike was on his feet instantly, charging at her. He landed a punch to her face, and another quick one to her stomach. Buffy bent over gasping for air. ‘Shit. Forgot how ruthless he can be.’
Spike gripped her by the hair, pulling roughly, bringing tears to her eyes. He moved behind her and pulled her body up against his. Buffy felt his erection pressed against her ass and heard the bones in his face shifting, she knew he wanted to bite her, she could feel it, could feel his hunger. For a split second she wanted to give in to it. Give in to him, then slayer instinct took over and she viciously whipped her head back, smashing the back of her skull into his nose.
Spike let his demon emerge; inhaling her scent he bent towards her exposed neck. “Bloody hell.” He growled. He felt the blood pouring from his nose from her head smashing against it. Bringing both hands up he tried to stem the flow.
Buffy swept his feet from under him and straddled his hips Spike was writhing in pain. “Stupid bint. Gonna pay you back for that…” Buffy pulled her arm back and smashed it into his face, knocking him out cold.
&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&
“Spike, did she hurt you?” Dru asked, pretending she couldn’t feel it, pretending she didn’t notice.
“It was close, baby, but...” Spike shrugged. ‘Bloody bitch knocked me out. Don’t know how I’m not dust right now.’
“Oh, come here. You'll kill her, and then we'll have a nice celebration.” She cooed wrapping her arms around him. ‘Tell me you’ll push her away.’
“Yeah, a party.” Spike grinned. “We’ll dance in her blood.”
”Yeah. With streamers... and songs.” Dru said dreamily. Pretending she couldn’t smell the slayer all over him.
“How's the annoying one?” Spike asked, pulling her tighter against him. ‘Kill the chit and forget about her, I’ve got my dark princess. Doesn’t matter that she hasn’t touched me since Prague, she isn’t well, but I will make her better.’
“He doesn't wanna play.” She shook her head sadly. ‘I can feel it. I can feel you thinking about her.’
“Figures. Well, suppose I better go make nice.” Spike rolled his eyes, making his way to Colin’s lair.
“You failed…you let her…” Colin was cut off by Spike. He was thoroughly disgusted that Spike, a master vampire, let the Slayer claim him.
“I, uh... I offer penance.” He offered with a cocky grin.
“Penance?! You should lay down your life! Our numbers are depleted, the feast of St. Vigeous has been ruined by your impatience!” One of the minions growled menacingly from behind the young boy.
“I was rash, and if I had to do it all over again... Who am I kidding? I would do it exactly the same, only I'd do this...” He grabbed Collin by the scruff of the neck.
“No!” Colin shouted, trying to twist out of Spike’s iron grip.
“...first!” He threw Colin into the cage and slammed the door. “From now on, we're gonna have a little less ritual...and a little more fun ‘round here.” He grabbed the chain and raised the cage up into the sunlight. Collin’s scream echoed through his lair as he turned to dust.
&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&
Buffy couldn’t go back into the bronze and face her friends after being alone with Spike. She didn’t want to face their questions just yet. As she entered Restfield she felt him approach. Angel.
“Buffy? What happened?” Angel growled, moving towards her and gently wiping some of the blood from her face.
FLASHBACK TO THE ALLEY
She leaned down against his cool body and let the tears fall. Curling herself around him she let herself pretend for a few precious minutes. ‘God Spike I love you. I love you so much. Maybe this is a second chance for us…maybe if they aren’t all jaded by Angelus they could accept you…’ She shifted her weight slightly as her knife dug into her hip. ‘My knife.’ A grin slowly spread on her face.
Moving his duster slightly away from his neck she pulled his t-shirt away from the spot. She made a small cut where his neck met his shoulder, leaning down she took a few gulps of his rich borrowed blood, tasting the metallic tang. Bringing the knife up she nicked her tongue Her mouth filled with her own rich coppery blood. She brought her bleeding tongue to his neck, to the wound, mixing their blood. “Mine.” She growled fiercely. Grinning at her ingeniousness she half carried half dragged him to the factory and left him outside.
She watched from the shadows until she saw him stirring, grinning in satisfaction when she heard his groggy mumbling. “Slayer…Ohhh” His hand was moving against his hardened length.
She left quickly, not noticing his horrified expression when he came fully awake and realized her name was on his lips, and it was because of her his cock was hard. He had never felt like this before. ‘Bitch! What has she done to me?’
END FLASHBACK
“Who’s Drusilla?” Buffy asked Angel innocently batting her eyelashes at him.
“I…uh…where did you hear that name?” Angel stammered. “Did she do that to you?”
She snorted, “Dru couldn’t get close enough. I read about her in the Watcher’s journals.” Buffy glanced at him. “Said she was…part of the scourge of Europe…”
“She was. She was a quarter of it. Spike, Darla and I were the rest.” He said calmly. “Why have you been digging into my past?”
“You were with her.” Buffy said softly, backing away from him a few steps. ‘I’m sorry Angel, but I love him. I have to take the chance. It would never work with you and me, I know that already. I want the passion and the fire that Spike gives me. I want to be loved the way he loves me, I want the man and the demon that is my Spike.’
“Wh…what? Buffy what are you talking about.” He asked. ‘No. You couldn’t have seen…I love you Buffy. Please…’
“Angel…what are we doing?” She asked. “This…thing with us…it’s not…it’s not gonna work…I think you should leave.”
“But Buffy…I…I can be strong…I can fight my demon…I want to be with you.”
“Angel…I love you. I do…but…there’s nothing for us in the future…it just wasn’t meant to be.” She said sadly. “I’m sorry…but I have to be strong about this…”
She hugged him tight. “Good bye Angel.”
“Buffy…don’t go…”
“I think you should leave Sunnydale…” She went on as if he didn’t interrupt. “I think it would be easier for us…not seeing each other every day.”
“I want to stay…I want to fight by your side…”
“No. You don’t have a choice in this Angel. I can’t stop you if you decide you want to stay in Sunnydale…all I can do is ask you to please…stay away from me.”
&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&
After seeing Spike, and her confrontation with Angel, Buffy was exhausted. She made her way home, not realizing what would be waiting for her when she got there.
“Honey…is that you?” Joyce called, hearing Buffy enter the house.
“Mom?” She asked in wonderment. “Mommy?” She was running towards the kitchen.
“How was your night out?” Joyce asked glancing at the clock. “You’re home awfully early…”
Buffy didn’t say a word; she wrapped her arms around Joyce and hugged her tight.
Joyce let Buffy hold her until the pressure got too much. “I need to breathe…” She wheezed.
“I’m sorry…I…” Buffy looked up at her mom. “I just…realized how much I haven’t been home lately and I missed you.”
Joyce smiled. “I missed you too Buffy.” She smoothed her daughter’s hair. “Did you have a fight with a boy?” She asked casually.
Buffy grinned up at her mom. “You know me so well…”
“Sit down honey. I’ll make you some coco.”
&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&
One week later.
Buffy sat on the stone bench, slowly eating her sandwich and staring off into space. ‘Why hasn’t he come? He didn’t show up on parent teacher night, I didn’t see him on Saturday…if I didn’t know him better I’d say he was hiding from me. But Spike? Not big with the hiding. So what the hell is going on?’
“Hey Buffy. You okay?” Willow asked plopping down beside her best friend. ‘Yeah. I’m fine Sent back in time…for what I don’t know, and the man I love who’s supposed to love me, is an evil demon who hates me and is avoiding me.’ Buffy blinked back tears and tried to smile. “Peachy with a side of keen”
“Aw, you just need cheering up. And I know just the thing! Crazed dance party at the Bronze!” Xander said enthusiastically.
“I dunno.” She said softly, suddenly interested in the pebbles at her feet.
“Very calm dance party at the Bronze?” Xander offered, trying to cheer her up. “Moping at the Bronze…” Xander smiled sadly.
“I'd suggest a box of Oreos dunked in apple juice, but maybe she's over that phase.” The boy earned an evil glare from Xander.
“Ford?” Buffy asked wearily. ‘Great. Just great. Forgot all about you selling me out to Spike. Spike. I’ll get to see him.’ She grinned, suddenly perking up.
“Hey, Summers! How ya been?”
“Oh, my God! What are you doing here?”
“Uh, matriculating.”
“Huh?”
“I'm finishing out my senior year at Sunnydale High. Dad got transferred.”
“This is great!” Buffy grinned. ‘Okay. Now hurry up and take me to Spike.’
“I'm glad you think so. I didn't think you'd remember me.”
“Remember you? Duh! We only went to school together for seven years. You were my giant fifth grade crush.”
“So! You two know each other.”
“Oh! I'm sorry. Um, this is Ford! Uh, Billy Fordham, this is Xander and Willow!”
“Hi.” Xander said, jealousy dripping from the one word.
“Hey.” Ford glanced at Xander, noting his jealousy.
“Nice to meet you!” Willow said softly.
“Uh, Ford and I went to Hemery together in L.A.” She turned to Ford “And now you're here. For real?” She asked.
“Dad got the transfer, and boom, he just dragged me outta Hemery and put me down here.”
“This is great! Well, I mean, it's hard, sudden move, all your friends, delicate time, very emotional, but let's talk about me! This is great!” Buffy beamed. ‘NOW TAKE ME TO SPIKE!!!’
“So, you two were sweeties in fifth grade?” Willow asked.
“Not even. Ford wouldn't give me the time of day.”
“Well, I was a manly sixth-grader. I couldn't bother with someone that young.”
“It was terrible. I moped over you for months. Sitting in my room listening to that Divinyls song 'I Touch Myself'.” Her eyes widened. “Of course, I had no idea what it was about.” She glanced at Ford. “Hey, are you busy tonight? We're going to the Bronze, it's the local club, and you have to come.”
“I'd love to! But if you guys already had plans... Would I be imposing?”
“No, only in the literal sense.” Xander said rolling his eyes.
“Okay, then! I, I gotta find the admissions office, uh, get my papers in order.” Ford motioned towards the school.
“Well, you know what, I'll take you there, and I'll see you guys in French!”
“It was good to meet you.” He waved to Willow and Xander.
“This is Ford, my bestest friend of all my friends! Jeez, doesn't she know any fat guys?” Xander asked sarcastically.
“Oh, that's what that song is about?!” Willow blushed deeply.
&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&.&
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Author's Chapter Notes:
After a LONG hiatus I have started writing again. (Yay!) My previous pen name was Azrielle6969 (or Azrielle) Pari (THE MOST AWESOMEST!!!!) Changed my account name for me, so that I could access my previous fics and re-write them as I have changed drastically as a writer since the last time I posted anything.
This story has been cleaned up, and is now a WIP again. It has been previously posted up to Chapter 5, new chappies will start once I am done editing. This story is un-beta’d so if you see any errors please inform me. CHAPTER 1 ONLY EDITED SO FAR
Dialogue borrowed from “Buffyverse DB” http://vrya.net/bdb/index.php
This will be NC-17, possible bloodplay (*evil grin*) as Spike IS still a vampire
Summary: Challenge # 40 at the bloodsheadverse. Posted by: Always_jbj Email: ioki_1@optusnet.com.au
Seasons: Post Chosen Challenge: 40
Post Chosen, a very miserable and grief stricken slayer is aching for the vampire she realized too late that she loved. Buffy finds herself in the alley behind the Bronze inside her 16 year old body, with ALL her memories intact, and facing a certain clapping blonde vampire
This story has been cleaned up, and is now a WIP again. It has been previously posted up to Chapter 5, new chappies will start once I am done editing. This story is un-beta’d so if you see any errors please inform me. CHAPTER 1 ONLY EDITED SO FAR
Dialogue borrowed from “Buffyverse DB” http://vrya.net/bdb/index.php
This will be NC-17, possible bloodplay (*evil grin*) as Spike IS still a vampire
Summary: Challenge # 40 at the bloodsheadverse. Posted by: Always_jbj Email: ioki_1@optusnet.com.au
Seasons: Post Chosen Challenge: 40
Post Chosen, a very miserable and grief stricken slayer is aching for the vampire she realized too late that she loved. Buffy finds herself in the alley behind the Bronze inside her 16 year old body, with ALL her memories intact, and facing a certain clapping blonde vampire
Chapter End Notes:
TBC