=Carefully to Tread= =Part 3=

Just after the words leave her mouth, they both begin to shiver; the implication hitting them with a frightening force.

Buffy stays with her lips buried in his hair, her arms around his neck. Spike slowly brings his hands to her hips and spreads his fingers over them, grasping her firmly; afraid to let go. They stay motionless for a few moments, trying to control their breathing. Spike opens his eyes and her throat is so close to his lips that he can almost taste her pulse. He leans in and touches the hollow of her neck with the tip of his tongue. He feels her heart skip a beat.

“Spike.” She whispers, still clutching him to her. He brings his hands forward and parts the sides of her coat. He resumes his position on her hips only with one less barrier between them. Spike then wraps his arms around her and hugs her to him, splaying his hands across her back. The downy mohair of the sweater is warm with her body heat. He moans at the feel of her soft curves pressed against his own hard flesh.

“Wanted to hold you like this for so long,” he says, burying his face in her hair. After a few moments, Buffy comes down off of the balls of her feet and looks up at him. She releases herself from his embrace, never taking her eyes out of his, and steps back to remove her coat.

“You are so beautiful.” He says reverently, tilting his head slightly; his voice earnest and deep. Buffy’s eyelids flutter at the heat in his compliment. In all her previous preludes to intimacy, she’s never felt so desired; so wanted. Spike is looking at her as if he could devour her whole. It’s empowering.

The coat drops to the floor. Buffy steps forward and reaches her hand up to his face.

“So are you.” Her voice is breathy, heavy with want. Her heart flutters in her chest like a wild bird trapped in a cage. Spike places the palm of his hand over it and dips his head to catch her at eye level.

“All this desire...for me?” His hand slides up to her throat and he lightly presses three fingers against her pulse, his thumb brushing her full lower lip. Buffy parts them, allowing him a hint of the moisture and warmth there.

“Yes.” She is really trembling now. He is suddenly transfixed by her mouth and, as if he has no will of his own, he moves forward and kisses her; tentatively at first. Unwilling to press her; half-convinced that she will pull away. Instead she moves into him. Her hand slips behind his head and pulls him closer.

She opens her mouth and the first taste of her tongue sends a wave of desire through him so strong that he has to grab on to her to keep from falling to his knees. His arms engulf her and she responds in kind. They are clutching at each other, mouths fused together in a kiss that is both soft and demanding; their tongues tasting, teasing, dancing. He alternates between lapping at the moist cavern of her mouth and sucking on her full lips.

Buffy moans and Spike echoes it. They break the kiss and stare into each other, each with surprised looks on their faces. Then the surprise turns into something else. Spike takes two steps backwards and studies her for a few heartbeats before holding out his hand. She takes it without hesitation.

Their fingers entwine as he guides her to the ladder leading below. He refuses to take his wide eyes out of hers as if, should he look away, she would fade into nothingness like so many of his dreams of her. Buffy understands this need through the haze of her anxiety. She smiles at him and he visibly relaxes, backing down the ladder to the landing. When his feet touch terra firma, he reaches up and lifts her by her waist from the rungs to the floor. A small giggle escapes her. He grins.

“Your laugh is so pretty, luv. S’ like bells.” He brushes the hair out of her eyes and once again the room fills with a pregnant silence. They both stand motionless at the bottom of the ladder, staring into one another. Buffy steps back from him and pulls her sweater over her head revealing the tan skin of her long arms and her taught body hidden under a thin camisole.

Spike takes a frozen moment to drink in the sight and then walks around to look at her through the wooden dowels of the ladder. She follows him with her gaze, leaning against the wall behind her. Resting his hands on a rung in front of him, he props himself against the ladder and observes her. Buffy is held still by the weight of his gaze. She can feel his thoughts like raindrops against her skin.

“Where did you come from, luv?” His voice is lush and honeyed. Buffy feels something tighten low in her abdomen at so seductive a sound.

“The Bronze?” She laughs nervously. Spike laughs momentarily but then his eyes go wide with wonder and he smiles.

“You haven’t a clue, have you?” He says in a hushed voice. She shakes her head slowly, though she doesn’t even know what the question really is.

“You need to see yourself, Slayer.” She lowers her eyes from his at the sound of her calling. Spike takes in a sharp breath and then, closing his eyes, mentally slaps himself. “Buffy.” He walks around the ladder towards her and she looks up.

“I see me every time I look in the mirror.” Her demeanor is quietly solemn. “That’s why I don’t like to look too long. I don’t like what I see there, Spike. I don’t like the emptiness I see in my eyes.” He quickly cups her face in his hands and sighs, shaking his head. “What...what do you see in me, Spike? Why do you want...this? Want...me?” She wraps her fingers around his forearms. “Why do you love me? What is there to love?”

“I told you...I must love because I live and life in me is what you give.” He kisses her forehead and she closes her eyes, a tear slipping down her cheek. Spike nuzzles her other cheek with his nose while he gently wipes the wetness from her face. “I love you.” He lifts his head and looks into her eyes. “Love you.” He kisses her forehead again. “Love you.” Her nose. “Love you.” Her lips.

He continues to wipe away her tears and smooth back her hair, his eyes roaming about her face. Buffy just stares up at him and the tears refuse to stop.

“William...”

Spike lifts her into his arms and walks slowly over to the bed. Buffy buries her face in the crook of his neck and he sits with her in his lap.

“Buffy...I’m here for you, for...whatever. You-“ He swallows hard, his nerves returning. “We don’t have to...do...anything, we can just...be.”

“Just be?” She traces the soft hairs at the nape of his neck with her fingers.

“Yah.” Tremors are evident in his voice. Buffy smiles into his skin and then she leans back to look into his eyes. “Just...be...here. Together. Like this.” He brushes the back of his fingers down her cheek. Buffy sits up and straddles his thighs just above the knees. Spike leans back on his arms and smiles contemplatively.

“You...you’d be okay with that?” She asks, trying not to let her anxiety show in her voice.

“If that’s what you wanted, luv. Of course. I’ve no expectations.” He narrows his eyes, trying to suss out what’s going on in her head.

“Even after the...the kissing and the...me...wanting you to...” Spike smiles even brighter.

“Buffy...loving you isn’t about wanting you.” He rolls his eyes. “Ok, it is...but that’s not all it’s about. I love you in spite of how gorgeous you are.” It’s her turn to roll her eyes as she fights not to blush. “And you are.” Suddenly the playfulness is gone from his voice. He reaches out one hand and brushes the pads of his fingers across her lips before leaning back again.

“I envy you, Spike.” She sighs, picking at a loose thread on the hem of his shirt. He frowns.

“Uh...care to elaborate?”

“Your...your heart. I envy you your heart and how you sort of wear it on your sleeve.” He snorts.

“Not exactly the most endearing trait.”

“No, I think it is. At least with you, it’s...I...really like that about you. I always know what you’re feeling.” He smiles. “It’s in your eyes.”

“You always wonder about my feelings, pet?” He waits for her response with baited breath. She studies him for long minutes before she answers.

“Not always. Not like I should have.” She absentmindedly traces the scar on his eyebrow with her fingertip. “I’m sorry for that.” She looks him in the eye, hoping he can see the truth in her apology. He shakes his head, blowing it off.

“S’ ok. You had your reasons.”

“Maybe. But you...I still don’t understand why...how you could see past all of my stupid faults and still see me.”

“S’ easy, luv. Your soul shines in your eyes, Buffy. I look into them and I can see the strength, the wisdom...the passion for life.” Her eyes flutter closed and she swallows hard before looking up at him again. “Anyone’d be an idiot not to fall in love with you, hold you close and never let go. I wouldn’t...be able...to...let...you...go.”

These last words trickle out slowly as Spike realizes that the gloves have come off. He has laid it out for her. He wants her; all of her. He immediately wonders if he’s said too much; if she will run from him. Run screaming.

She doesn’t.

“How old are you?” The question takes him by surprise. He stumbles around the math in his head.

“I’m...122.”

“Ah.” A century between them. Buffy thinks briefly of all that he’s probably seen.

“Why’d you ask?” He places his hands lightly on her thighs, tracing slow circles with his thumb. The sensation of his touch goes straight to her womb and she feels a gush of wetness between her thighs. It startles her, this overwhelming craving for him. She swallows audibly.

“No reason, I-I-I...” she struggles to cover up her raging hormones. “I was just curious. I mean...you’ve been around a long time and you spent most of that time with Drusilla.” Spike stiffens at the mention of his sire’s name.

“Yeah?” He looks at her, waiting for the next question. He doesn’t know where this conversation is going, but it’s getting damned uncomfortable. She obviously wants to talk though, and he’s content to talk about anything at all, as long as it makes her happy.

“So...”

“So?”

“So...now...why me?” She cautiously glances up at him, having been distracted by that stubborn thread on his shirt.

He makes a strange sound in the back of his throat that makes her frown in confusion and then he bursts into laughter. He laughs so hard that his legs shake, and thus she does as well. He falls onto his back laughing while she struggles to stay upright on his legs.

After five minutes or so of him cackling and her feeling embarrassed at having to be the brunt of some joke that she didn’t get, he sits back up and smiles warmly, his eyes twinkling.

“Don’t tell me you’re jealous, Buffy, cause that would be...well...that would be bloody ridiculous.” Buffy at least has the sense to look annoyed.

“I’m not jealous...I just wonder...if she came back...”

“Pet, she did come back, if you’ll recall correctly. Chains? Harmony wielding a crossbow? Ring any bells?” He hates to bring up that unfortunate incident when he tried to ‘prove his love’ to her by offering to stake Dru. She just smiles at the memory.

“What’s this about, luv?” He takes her face in his palm, but she avoids his gaze. “You...you worried I’ll walk away? Like...” Her eyes snap back to his and he can see the fear in them. On one hand, it thrills him to no end to think that the Slayer is worried she’ll lose him; that she cares about him enough not to want him to leave her. On the other hand he’s a little sad that she still doesn’t get that he isn’t going anywhere.

“M’ not going to leave you, Buffy.” He speaks softly, wearing said heart on his sleeve; willing her to understand. “I don’t know how to...how to prove myself to you. I-“

“You don’t have to prove yourself, Spike.”

“No, I think I do. I really think I do.” His voice grows distant as his thoughts wander off. Buffy places her palm against the hollow of his cheek to anchor him in the moment. His eyes close and he leans ever-so-slightly into her touch.

“You’re a bloody miracle,” he whispers and then opens his eyes into hers. “I love you so much; I don’t care if you never feel the same way. I couldn’t bear to be away from you. Not for one bloody day, Buffy. Not one. You want to know how old I am? I can tell you, luv, I was re-born the day I first laid eyes on you. Anything that happened before I found you is irrelevant. It’s another life. The only one I want is the one with you in it. Any way I can have you, I’ll take it, and that scares me, Buffy.” He leans up closer to her. “It scares the living daylights outta me because it’s never been this way for me before. Never, Buffy. Do you understand?”

Her mouth has gone slack and she stares at him in wonder as fresh tears rechristen the tracks on her cheeks. He dutifully wipes them away, his eyes searching her face. The expression she wears stuns him into silence.

They look at each other for long moments before their mouths drift towards each other. Spike cradles her head in his hand as he accepts her kiss and returns it in full. Buffy moans against his mouth and her lips part. Spike slips his tongue inside and the heat surprises him again. Buffy finds his tongue with hers and she caresses it, tasting the smoky cocktail that is him.

Becoming lost in the kiss, he moves his hands up her thighs and around to her bottom, straining not to pull her closer. He doesn’t need to, however, because she scoots forward into his embrace and his member springs to life beneath her. They both freeze and pull back as their eyes pop open.

Not taking her gaze out of his, she buries her fingers into his hair and moves in to kiss him again. This time the fire burns a little brighter and he kneads the firm flesh of her backside through the coarse denim. This kiss is hungry and sentient; feeding on itself. Buffy frowns from the intensity, losing herself in the arms of this man who is opening himself up to her.

Spike runs his hands all over her, occasionally brushing the sides of her breasts. He can feel the hardened points of her nipples through the cotton of his t-shirt as she presses herself against him. His mind is reeling.

Buffy.

Buffy in his arms. Buffy on his lap...on his bed. Buffy. Buffy. Buffy.

“Buffy-“ he mumbles against her lips. He slips one hand between them and releases the buttons of her jeans, sliding the zipper down as best he can. The aroma of her arousal hits him like a desert wind. A growl forms low in his chest that makes her tremble in anticipation.

Continuing his assault on her mouth, he slips two fingers past the rough fabric and finds the more feminine satin of her panties soaked with her essence. He touches her mound and she jumps. He smiles against her.

Breaking the kiss he feathers a trail down her neck and, without hesitation, she turns her head to the side to give him better access. It’s an act of complete trust and Spike’s movements come to an abrupt halt. He looks up at her and their eyes meet in a moment of utter understanding. Buffy slowly smiles.

“You don’t need to prove anything to me, Spike. I trust you.”

He cannot fight the tears that rise.

“Buffy-” he breathes, closing his eyes and she takes his face in her hands. He is so overwhelmed that he begins to sputter and fight for breath that he doesn’t need. The sobs of relief and joy shake his frame and Buffy can only wrap her arms and legs around him and rock him gently, understanding the importance of her trust in him. She smiles against his hair as he crushes her to him.

“I love you, Buffy. Love you...” he babbles and she drinks in every word.

“I know.”

He kisses her neck again as his hand slips between them once more and Buffy wriggles in response. It’s all he needs. He slips one finger inside the damp cloth and traces the perimeter of her outer lips. He feels her pulse increase with the pleasure and it drives him onward.

“Love you, Buffy.” He slips the finger inside her folds and brushes it across her clit. She jumps, her head thrown back in a moment of pure bliss. It’s been so long since anyone has touched her and the fact that it’s him makes it even more intense. Using his thumb to circle the hard little bundle of nerves, he slips his index finger into her channel, bracing her back with his other hand, still whispering nonsensical words of adoration.

“God...so hot...so wet. Only you, Buffy. Only ever want you, luv. Your passion, your power. God, luv. You smell so good. Does it feel good luv? Do I make you feel good?”

“Yesss.” She is panting heavily into the air, fighting to control the shaking of her thighs as his fingers work their magic. She is mindlessly grinding herself against his hand, unaware that every movement of her hips is stroking him through his jeans. The scratchy denim is harsh against his straining cock, but the pain borders on pleasure and he doesn’t dare move from his position.

Faster and faster he fingers her. Faster and faster her breath comes as the waves of pleasure course through her body. He feels her inner walls flutter around his hand and he sits back a bit, never breaking the pace of his movements, to watch her face. Sensing his shift in position, she opens her eyes into his. She struggles to keep them open as she feels the powerful orgasm approach.

“Sp-spike...I-“

“Do it, Buffy. Come. Come for me.” His expression is one of pure, unadulterated lust and wonder as he watches her fall over the edge. Knowing that he is the cause of the incredible noises coming out of her throat fills him with a strong sense of masculine pride, but also a feeling of awe; it’s incredible to him that she would allow him to pleasure her this way.

He increases the speed and pressure ever so slightly and it is enough to drive her over. She keens loudly, her head thrown back; fingers digging into his shoulders as she fights to stay on her perch. He slows his movements to a soft caress as she comes down. She levels her gaze at him, her breathing slowing, and the look of amazement in her eyes makes him duck his head and remove his hand from her.

“Sorry, luv...I...maybe I shouldn’t’ve-“

“Don’t.” She catches his gaze and once again takes his face in her hands. “Don’t apologize, Spike. You...you're giving me everything I need.” He smiles and it slowly turns into a smirk.

“I could...give you a lil’ more.” He pulls his hand up and licks his fingers of her juices, keeping his eyes in hers as his trademark twinkle of mischief returns.

Buffy didn’t think she could want him more than she already does. She was wrong.

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