Present Day
* After a long hesitation, William let out a breath and began to speak, hoping against hope this was when the healing could finally begin. *
“Buffy” He said her name like a prayer, soft and almost reverently, “I know it probably doesn’t make much of a difference now. . . . But for what it’s worth, I just want you to know how sorry I am.”
“Don’t, William.” Came the soft response. He lowered his head, averting his eyes as she continued, “We’ve both done things to hurt each other. And I’m sorry too, for everything . . . .” She worried her bottom lip between her teeth and sighed, “But it’s not like sorry can change the past.”
He nodded in agreement, tears pooling in his eyes, “I know,” He said, “God how I know. It still haunts me everyday. Every morning I wake up wishing all of it had been some horrible nightmare” Shaking his head in exasperation, “I’d give anything to take it all back, but I can’t! To have you back, and mum - and – Dawn“ His voice cracked then, his breath hitching in his throat.
Buffy felt an instant tightening in her chest when she heard his words, her stomach churning. She stood up abruptly, suddenly feeling nauseous. “William,” She managed to choke out, eyes wide as she shook her head, bringing one hand up to her mouth “I- I can’t!“
The pain was still too raw, too real, and she couldn’t face it. Not just yet. Maybe never.
A strangled sob wracked her body as she turned and fled, escaping to her bedroom and closing the door behind her. Buffy leaned against it, the hard wood cold and solid against her back as she slid down to the floor, letting her head drop to her knees and the familiar sorrow overtake her.
William could only watch her flee the room, understanding the overwhelming pain.
He still remembered it like it was yesterday, that fateful October Saturday that changed everything, that started out so right, and somehow ended so terribly wrong.
Flashback (October, one year earlier)
William managed to escape for a smoke break, feeling dangerously close to beating one of his coworkers to death with a shovel if he didn’t get his fix fast. Smoking was a rarity for him now, since he never lit up anywhere near Buffy so as not to hurt the baby with the second hand smoke. He groaned loudly, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. He’d already been at the office a good three hours and felt like he was just spinning his wheels and getting nowhere.
‘Bloody incompetent pillocks,’ He huffed inwardly.
William turned his head when he heard a door open behind him, seeing his friend Clem emerge from within, one of the only people William actually liked at his job. “Hey, there you are!” He greeted.
“Hey, Clem,” William responded from where he leaned up against the side of the building, taking another drag from his cigarette.
“You got a phone call,” Clem said, jerking his thumb over his shoulder to indicate he should go inside. William instantly stood upright, ground out his cigarette under his black Doc Martin boot, and followed his friend through the door. “Is it Buffy?” He inquired. Clem shook his head.
“Um, no. Was a guy’s voice,” William’s eyes narrowed and his heart starting beating just slightly faster as he thought of whom it might be. When he reached the phone, dread started to spread through him like wildfire. “’ello?”
“Hello, is this Mr. Giles?”
William knew. It was then that he knew, something about the tone of the man’s voice on the other end of the line – something wasn’t right, he could feel it.
William closed his eyes and prepared for the worst. “Yes,” Was all he could muster.
A brief silence on the other end, then: “It’s about your wife and mother. I’m sorry, but there’s been an accident.”
The words cut him like a knife twisted deep in his gut, and he dropped the phone as though it were on fire, not even registering the loud “thump” as it crashed to the floor. He raced out the door toward his Desoto, not even pausing to tell anyone where he was going.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Everything happened in a blur; driving to the hospital breaking every speed limit along the way, running through the hospital doors as fast as his legs would carry him, asking where he could find his wife and mother, hearing that they were both in the emergency room.
But the hardest part of all was the waiting. It was pure, sadistic torture as he paced the room, a complete nervous wreck, stopping periodically to sit with his head buried in his hands while he desperately tried to fathom the tragic turn of events that day had brought forth. The waiting room became his own personal Hell as seconds turned into minutes, minutes into hours, and every tick of the clock felt like an eternity.
But then, finally, the moment of truth.
William stood in place and gulped as he watched the surgeon approach, not knowing what to expect and fearing the worst. But when the doctor took off his cap and met his gaze, the reality of the situation hit him like a ton of bricks. The grim look in the surgeon’s eyes gave everything away, and William fell to his knees in utter defeat, not even needing to hear what he had to say.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
‘We couldn’t revive your mother,’
‘Your wife is in critical condition,’
‘We couldn’t save the baby.’
‘I’m sorry for your loss’
Those words would haunt him day in and day out for the rest of his life, relentlessly echoing through his mind as though taunting him.
And still nothing could prepare him for the sight of Buffy lying in that hospital bed. When he was finally allowed to see her, he almost broke down right then and there as he took in the sight of the countless tubes, bandages, and bruises, but he knew he had to be strong for her. He couldn’t lose it. Not yet. She looked so small and fragile, so helpless, and it killed him to know he couldn’t do anything but sit beside her bed, hold her tiny hand in his, and wait for her to recover.
My Buffy. My poor, poor Buffy
Buffy and Jenny had been on their way to the grocery store when the horrible ordeal occurred. They had taken Jenny’s car, with Buffy driving when a pickup truck hauling several large pieces of lumber moved in front of them, causing its cargo to break free and fall right into their path in the process. Buffy swerved to miss it, but lost control of the car, only coming to a stop after it had wrapped itself around a metal pole.
Jenny had been on the side of impact.
Twisted metal, blood, so much blood.
William waited helplessly for his wife to wake up, only leaving her side for brief periods of time to take food and bathroom breaks until his father, Rupert, arrived from England. He insisted William go home and get some sleep, to which he reluctantly agreed after much persuasion, assuring him nothing would happen to Buffy while he was gone.
When Will returned to the hospital the next day, he sent his father away and pulled Buffy’s hand to his lips, kissing it. He had been told she would be permanently blind in one eye, as her head trauma had caused too much damage for the optic nerve to be repaired. Aside from that, there would only be small scars that would fade with time, though the emotional scars would linger far too long.
William tried to remain composed and strong for Buffy. But when she awoke he felt his entire resolve crumble when she only managed to choke out one small, barely audible word before slipping back into unconsciousness.
“Dawn”
With that, he laid his forehead against his wife’s hand still encased in his own and wept bitterly, finally letting his grief overtake him.
Present Day
‘How can I make this better?’ William thought, ‘How can I turn back time?’
But he knew he couldn’t. They couldn’t change the past, just as they couldn’t predict the future. They could only take what they learned from it and move forward.
It was time to start living again.
William walked quietly to her bedroom door and knocked lightly, “Buffy? Please, luv, open the door” He pleaded softly, feeling defeated. There was some shuffling on the other side of the door before it creaked open, revealing a puffy-eyed and miserable Buffy, tears still streaming down her face in torrents.
William opened his arms without hesitation.
“C’mere, luv,” He said, inviting her to take what little strength and comfort he could offer her tonight.
With only a moment’s pause, she stepped into his warm embrace, and he wrapped his arms securely around her, resting his chin on top of her head as she buried her face in his chest.
“I’m sorry, William!” She cried out, muffled against his chest as her tears soaked through his black t-shirt, “God, I’m so sorry! You show up and we’re supposed to be working out our problems and I - I close myself off again so I don’t have to face the pain. I shut you out, and I’m sorry, so sorry – I’m so sorry Will –“ She suddenly felt like she was too weak to continue standing, practically collapsing in his arms, and he held her tighter against his body as they sank to the floor together. She fisted her hands in his t-shirt, clinging to him like a life-line and continued sobbing while he rocked her gently on the floor, stroking her hair in a soothing motion and whispering softly in her ear.
“Shhh. It’s alright, pet. I know. I’m here now and I’m never leaving again. We can do this together now, Buffy.” He kissed her temple. “But tonight let’s not think, let’s just be, ok? We can figure everything out tomorrow. Just know that if you fall, I’ll be right here to catch you. Believe that I’ll always catch you from now on. Always.”
Her sobs had dwindled into light sniffles and tremors as he continued to rock her and stroke her back, holding her until he felt her breathing even out, an indication she was asleep. William shifted, careful not to wake her as he scooped her slight form into his arms, carrying her to the bed where he laid her gently down.
As he bent down to kick off his boots, he noticed something out of the corner of his eye, the softest shimmer highlighted by the darkness of the room. William leaned over Buffy’s sleeping form to have a closer look, and was surprised at what he saw.
On her left ring finger still sat her wedding band, sparkling in the moonlight. She still wore it.
William smiled as he slid under the covers behind Buffy, spooning up against her, and she unconsciously responded by shifting closer, needing the comfort of having him in close proximity even in her sleep. He obliged, seeking her warmth and realizing there was still hope for them yet. Tomorrow was a brand new day.
With those thoughts he snuggled closer and soon followed her into sleep.
And for the first time in months, it was a peaceful one.
"Lying beside you, here in the dark
Feeling your heartbeat with mine
Softly you whisper, you're so sincere
How could our love be so blind
We sailed on together
We drifted apart
And here you are, by my side
*So now I come to you with open arms
Nothing to hide, believe what I say
So here I am, with open arms
Hoping you'll see what your love means to me
Open arms*
Living without you, living alone
This empty house seems so cold
Wanting to hold you
Wanting you near
How much I wanted you home
But now that you've come back
Turned night into day
I need you to stay"
A/N So there you have it. There was tragedy (Sorry but it had to be done * sniff *), and lots of angst and tears, with more to reveal in the coming chapters (including the actual reasons for their breakup – that will all be explained). I know this chapter was a little bit hard to read, but hang in there – I promise happier times will be in store for our duo in the near future. (Though it may be bit of a bumpy ride.)
Anyway, thanks so much to Dee, songgal1, Bint, BuffyandSpikeForever, Kimber, Brat, Caitie, stace, Melissa, and Sevvy_O for your reviews!
And btw the song is “Open Arms” by Journey. I just wanted to tag it on the end because I love the song and thought it was pretty fitting... so yeah. lol
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Just to warn this may not be an easy chapter to read. There is tragedy, angst, and character death (but not a major one, so keep the faith and don’t panic!)