"What we got?" Buffy enters the living room just ahead of Spike. It wasn't even like she was out there with him long; just a few minutes. Not really enough time for anything to happen, and yet there is a togetherness in their movements as she strides to centre stage with him standing confidently at her back as if it were his rightful place that makes Xander’s blood boil.
"It's mixed," Giles answers without looking up. "This book refers to the Unholy Trinity or—"
"Unholy?"
"Bollocks!" Buffy's outraged cry comes in perfect sync with Spike's vehement exclamation and startles the room into tense silence.
"No, Buffy," Willow interjects nervously. "I think its just one interpretation; this book calls them blessed. The triplets were worshipped by the ancient Babylonians as a benign triad."
"Ah yes, a trimutive of power." Giles tilts his head so that he can read the faded script. "Sesha, the serpent of time, we know. The left hand is the universal soul, Vivatma, and the godhead, Amita, who is without limits."
He gives them a moment to let that sink in before he continues. "I think it's safe to assume that that refers to Dawn. I wonder if perhaps we were remiss in not more thoroughly investigating exactly what she is."
"She is my sister." Hadn't it been Giles who had told her plainly the night they took on Glory that if the safety of the world required it, then her sister’s life should be forfeit? Hadn't it been he who had ordered her to put duty before love? So should he now look at her with such hurt surprise when she takes his words once again as a direct threat to her and hers?
"Yes, yes, of course. I merely meant we should have made more effort to properly understand her origins." He stumbles through the requisite apology as the others look on with worried faces and she stares him down, searching his eyes for something to trust.
"Amusing as all this desperate back-pedalling is, we haven't got all night." Surprisingly, it's Spike who effortlessly breaks the tension as he steps away and flicks his lighter open so that he can run his fingers teasingly through the flame. "Anything in your old dusties about how we kill the little bitch?"
"Yeah, Giles." Times like these she could kiss Spike for his tactless impatience, because in a shared moment of annoyance the hostility between her and her watcher is gone and she is looking to him as always for the guidance she so missed last year. "How exactly am I gonna fight my way to Dawn if Sesha can put the slow mo on me with a clap of her hands?"
"I'm afraid we haven't been able to discover anything regarding possible weakness."
"But we do think we know where they’re headed." Willow spins her laptop so that they can all see the image of a small boy, blue eyed and stern, staring back at them from the screen. "This boy looks like a likely candidate for the brother. He's been in a coma in Sunnydale Memorial Hospital for nearly six months, but before that there were some strange occurrences."
"Same eyes?" She turns to Spike for confirmation, and maybe it's logical because he spent the most time with Sesha, but seeing her accept the vampire's wordless nod sets off and angry churning in Xander's gut. It's not the time; even he knows to hold his tongue and settle for some unnoticed glaring.
"I have a book at my mom's that might help," Willow offers awkwardly. "Some spells. Maybe Anya could…" She trails off with a shrug.
"Right, let's go." She's the slayer in charge, confidently issuing orders, and Spike is struck once again by how much she's healed without him around to drag her down. "Xander, Anya, drive Willow. Get the book. Giles, you and I'll head to the Magic Box, see what we can find that might help. Spike, you run past my place—you know where the weapons are; get me all the pointy things you can carry. We'll meet up by the old movie theatre."
She expects him to jump to it, just like old times, but he's looking at her with an awkward half-questioning, half-expectant expression on his face and rubbing the back of his neck in that annoyingly cute way he sometimes does. "Er, slayer. Not right sure how an invite stands if you aren't in the house when you give it. Don't wanna be wasting time. Maybe I should play body guard to the watcher while you get the sharp stuff."
"What?" He's not making sense and she doesn't have time. "Oh, right. No problem, your invite stands." He doesn't seem to know what to do with his face, and she'd be laughing at his bemused hopeful pleasure if the situation wasn't so dire. "Giles, let's go."
And with that she's out of the door and Spike is vaguely aware as he stares at the closed door that he's grinning like an idiot. She didn't disinvite him. That has to mean something; at the very least it might mean she's not scared of him, and at best it might even mean she still trusts him, maybe even that she forgives him a little.
"Don't get excited, bleach boy," Xander spits as he ushers the girls out of the door. "Only reason she didn't disinvite you the second you left was that we’re short of a fully-functioning witch right now."
Xander moves in close, anger once again overcoming prudence around the de-chipped vampire. "She should have staked you as soon as you showed up after what you did to her, and as soon as Dawn's safe and she's thinking straight again that's exactly what she'll do. So don't go thinking that you can worm your way back into her pants with the good guy act."
"Piss off, doughboy." But there's less venom in it than there should be, because he can't escape the hateful notion that the boy is right on this one.
………………………………………………………………
A wave of Sesha's tiny hand is all it takes to see four hospital security guards swiftly disembowelled right in front of her. She fights the horror that's threatening to whip her fear up into panic, and chants her sister's name like a prayer in her mind. "Buffy, come on. Buffy, please." She has to keep faith that she'll find her, that she'll ride to the rescue like so many times before, making one of her grand entrances, all hell and righteous fury.
She's waiting to hear the inevitable sound of her icy threat. "Get the hell away from my sister," or—God, she might hate him right now, but she'd give her right arm for Spike's cocky, "Better let the chit go, mate." Hell, who's she kidding? Right now she'd settle for Xander brandishing that toy light sabre she totally knows he has hidden in his secret closet of geekiness along with all his comic books.
She's led into a private room where the darkness beats with the rhythm of a steady heart and the gentle sound of mechanically-assisted breath. He's so small, tiny as Sesha herself, lost in the large bed, fragile and human in the gloom. Beside her, Sesha's breath hitches with grief as she stands on tiptoes to run her fingers through his limp hair. "Sweet brother," she murmurs in a voice that holds all the sadness and tenderness in the universe. "Don't worry, my darling. I found her. I found Amita. She'll save us all, don't worry."
And despite what she has seen, despite the paralysing fear, she wishes in that moment that she knew how to help, because she has been sister to a dead sibling and she knows there is nothing quite as painful in the world as losing your own flesh and blood.
"I'm sorry." She's talking before she thinks to stop herself. "I don't know how."
Sesha turns to her and all that boundless love hits her like a tidal wave and her head swims. "But you will, Amita." The tiny hands clasp hers and the bright blue eyes bore into hers. "I will restore you, and when we are sisters again, then you will know, and we three will leave this pitiful world as nothing more than cinders. Soon, Amita. Soon we will be sisters again."
Oh yeah, that's why she wasn't supposed to feel sorry for the kid. She wants to destroy the world. She tugs her hands free of Sesha's childlike grip. "I have a sister." She grinds the words out with something like defiance and forces herself to meet her captor's ageless eyes.
"The vampire slayer?" She laughs indulgently. "Your mind is still full of foolish human notions. How can you, who was forged in ancient perfection, call this mere mammal kin? How can you name such a low creature sister?"
"Because she is!" She fights the onset of angry tears. "My sister would bleed and die for me—she has! And what have you done except kidnap me and hurt my friends? I have a sister, and it isn't you."
The ageless eyes harden and glint with suppressed rage. "Enough!" she barks. "I will wait no longer for my freedom. Renon!"
…………………………………………..
"Buffy." She doesn't need to see her watcher’s face, as they each scour the shelves of the Magic Box for charms and potions and the ingredients Willow scribbled down for them, to know that he's about to broach an unpleasant or difficult subject. And, really, no prizes for guessing what it's gonna be. "Do you really think it's wise to involve Spike in this rescue mission, after—"
"He a good fighter, Giles. We need him." She breaks in without looking up. Somehow she really doesn't want to be reminded of exactly why she shouldn't trust him.
"Undoubtedly he is. But if he can't be trusted—"
"He can." Why she is so certain she couldn't say, but she is and her instincts haven't let her down so far. Besides, his face when he apologised for getting Dawn snatched was enough to convince her of his sincerity. "He won't let Dawn down, Giles. I'm certain of it. He'd never let anything hurt her."
"You no doubt believed the same about yourself not so very long ago, Buffy." He's calm and she understands that she's not under attack, he's just concerned and full of love for her and he surely has a right to be heard.
"Yes, I did. And he did let me down." She fixes her eyes on her watcher and tries to make him understand. "But this is different, okay? This is Dawn. He's almost died for her more than once, and he'll do it again if he has to."
"You seem to have extraordinary faith in him, considering the circumstances of your parting. I can't pretend I'm not worried, Buffy. I am." He pauses, and his eyes scream concern. "I'm afraid that your relationship with him has distorted your perspective. It's not unheard of for victims of—"
"You're wrong, Giles." She keeps her voice calm; any glimmer of hysteria now would just convince him that he's right. "Look at me. I'm the slayer. I'm not some pathetic, messed-up girl with a victim complex. It was screwed up—I'm not denying that—and I'm not justifying what he did. God knows I can’t." It takes her just a second then to gather herself because, yes, the memory of that night still weighs like lead in her heart. "But don't lay it all on Spike just because he's got the fangs." She casts her eyes up to his for a moment before they drop again under the weight of her upcoming confession. "We hurt each other, Giles. I'd say in roughly equal measure."
"Buffy, I don't think…" Of course he doesn't understand, can't comprehend that his slayer with all her beauty and heroism could match the demon's wretched iniquity.
"Do you think it's ever okay for a man to beat a woman? An ordinary woman, I mean. Not a slayer,” she asks suddenly. He needs to understand the depths she fell to last year.
"Of course not, but Buffy—"
"Why?" She's quick again to cut him off, to steer him brutally towards the truth of where she lived last year when the grave spat her out like tasteless gum.
"A man is stronger. It's—"
"I'm stronger than Spike." She lets the inference hang in the air, watches the dawning understanding on Giles' face and smiles ruefully. "Like I said, 'equal measure.' Now we don't have time for this, and I need you to trust my judgment."
"Always."
Water fills her eyes with his emphatic statement, and she has to swallow hard because there's suddenly a lump in her throat. Then she gives him a curt nod and they're heading into battle again.
A/N big thanks to everyone who reviewd the last installment I'll try and speed the updates up a bit *looks sheepish*
A special Hello to buffyrat who seemed to gon on a reviewing frenzy in december, glad yo ulike them all :)
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Slow slow updates I know, bad bad bear I should be birched. April on the other hand should be roundly praised for all the proofing help, hope you had a nice holiday babes