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A/N thanks as always to my wonderfull beta April

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"Seriously, is this all I get?" she asks the clearing cloud of dust. "Not that I'm one to complain, but come on." She raises her face upwards as if addressing some higher power. "Girl needs something to work with, and that was just pathetic."

The stake slides easily back into her waistband and she sighs. Had patrol always been this boring? Hardly. Last year, patrol was usually way too eventful. She remembers how she'd feign annoyance at the interruption. "Go away, Spike." How often had she said that? How many ways? Angry, resigned, bored, and always with just enough invitation in her voice and eyes to keep him there.

No, patrol's no fun anymore. No fun without him. She shouldn't say it, shouldn't even think it. The words on her lips are a betrayal even of herself, and yet they spill quietly into the night air. "I miss you."

And then her senses are tingling with recognition and the slayer in her rises, pumping adrenaline into her veins and sending her hand lightening fast to grasp her stake. "Vampire." Her body sends its warning in spider tingles up her spine. "Spike," her brain corrects, and her movements turn to treacle slowness.

"He should not be here," the fish inside her mind declares, with rising Dr Seuss hysteria. "He should not be about." And yet here he is, looking just as he always looked. Lithe and handsome and so obviously self-assured.

She knows she's staring at him. She can almost hear Dawn in her mind: "Buffy, you're such a freak." God, and her sister is right, because she really should be able to say something—do something—but she can't. All she can do is stare.

"Hi, honey." And the honey is his silken voice. "I'm home."

"Spike?" What a stupid thing to say when he's right there for her to see, just yards away from her. Two strides and she could raise a hand to touch him, to answer her own question and know that he is real.

"That would be me." He smirks and drops his weight over one hip as he regards her with casual amusement. "Been a while, slayer. Tell me, how you bearing up?"

She feels her forehead crease into a frown. This is wrong. He shouldn't be smirking and casual. Not after what he did. If he comes to her, it should be on his knees, begging her forgiveness.

"What are you doing here, Spike?" she asks, her voice hardening with sudden resentment.

"Just come to check in on my favourite super hero." His grin is unpleasant and challenging, sickeningly reminiscent of the bad old days ("what happens Saturday?"). "See how you're doing. Traumatic experience that. Could leave a girl a bit the worse for wear."

He can only be talking about one thing. Can only be referring to the night that has taken its place as one of the worst nights of her life. How can he? He who claimed to love her best in all the world. How can he stand there, cocksure and arrogant, and talk about that awful night as if it were nothing but an amusement to him?

"Or maybe not." A step closer and her body clenches with visceral disgust at his nearness. "We both know you got off just as much as I did. Not like you couldn't have chucked me out your bedroom window easy enough."

Her brow furrows. Bedroom? But he's talking again, so there's not time to wonder. "I wonder, did you get yourself cleaned up in time for the whelp's wedding or were you too busy with the after glow?" He laughs and she can't say anything, can only stare her hatred at him. "Maybe that's what really pissed you off: knowing you liked it."

He sways back out of reach of her flying fist laughing. "Spike." Her voice is acid and bile is rising from the well of anger in her stomach. "Get out off my town."

"You sure that's what you want?" She has never hated anyone with quite the intensity she hates him with now. She had always known he'd come back, and in her weakest moments, yes, she has pictured his returning. She had not pictured this. In her mind he had been penitent, suppliant to her righteous anger. He is talking again and her lip curls at the rough silk sound. "If you gotta have some William the Bloody type waking up and gobbling you down, I know you want your old pal Spike. You know I do you best of all, baby."

"What?" She spits the question like cobra venom. And then the pain hits her like an express train in the chest and her voice is low and teary. "God, why are… how can you…" She trails off, what exactly is she asking. How can he say these things? How can he treat her this way?

"Ahh, poor little Slayer." And the bastard's laughing. Laughing at her confusion, at the disbelieving hurt she knows he can see in her eyes, and it's like Angelus all over again and she hadn't thought that it could ever be this way with him. "'Nother boyfriend turned bad?"

"You are not—" She wants to say it, feel the familiar denial on her lips but he cuts her off, no longer willing it seems to hear her refuting.

"See, that’s your real gift, Slayer. You could screw the love clean outta any man." He steps in quickly, surprising her into stillness, hands grasping her upper arms roughly. "See you soon." One hard jerk and he has her flush against his body, fingers digging painfully into her arms as he slams his lips down on hers. He stills just for an instant as his thumbs skim lightly over her bare skin and his lips soften on hers. "Buffy." It's a breath and a prayer, and she doesn't understand. Then she is flying backward, shoved hard enough so that when she connects with the tomb behind her, pain shoots through her skull and he is gone.

………………………………

"Giles." His slayer's voice is loud and urgent as she enters the house. "Giles, are you here?"

"Buffy?" His answer brings her into the living room, waking Dawn where she had fallen asleep as only the young can, folded uncomfortably in her chair, her supple body unconcerned at the unnatural angles that would have pained his aging bones.

"Buffy." The girl's concern matches his own because the slayer's eyes are wide and distressed and her body hums with agitation. "Buffy, what's wrong?"

"Spike's back" It's all the answer they need. They both know what happened in the bathroom the night he left Sunnydale, Xander saw to that. Both know that they cannot imagine how hard it would be to see him again.

"Did you kill him?" It's a surprise to hear Dawn's girlish voice so icy cold, her hate a living, crawling thing slithering over her skin and making Buffy shudder.

"What?" The slayer's voice is shocked; she had not known that her sister could hate with such intensity. "No, of course not, I…"

She breaks off because Willow and Xander are back from their movie night, looking questioningly at the tension in the room. "Spike's back." And thank you, Dawn. Let's not even consider thinking before we speak, now shall we. "Buffy didn't kill him." Blue eyes level on hers in a steely, accusing glare. "She was just about to tell us why not."

"Dawn, please, it's not that simple." It sounds weak, even in her own mind, and she closes her eyes, hands held out palm down to keep them silent while she gathers herself. They're gonna think she's crazy. She's actually pretty sure she is crazy, but somehow she can't shake the idea. "It was weird. He was like old Spike, before…you know." Its probably not the best time to bring up his obsession with her, so she concludes with a lame, "…everything," then rushes on before she can be interrupted. "He was saying all this stuff, but it didn't make sense, and some of it was just plain wrong. I think…" Oh, she is crazy. They're really not going to buy this. "I think he was trying to tell me something."

"Something like 'I'm obsessed with you and want to rape you,' or something like 'I hate you and I want you dead'?" Xander's so angry now she can see it in the harsh set of his jaw. Spike is back and there is no one in the world that Xander hates more—for her sake, for Anya, for just being what he is. He won't listen—not tonight or any other night—but she has to try because her instincts are telling her something and she's learned not to ignore them.

"No, something else. Like a warning or something, but with clues. Like code." Sceptical doesn't even begin to cover the way they're looking at her, and she feels a sudden desire to run.

"What did he say?" Thank God for Willow-shaped mercies.

"Lots of stuff. Stuff about before he left, about what happened—"

"Son of a bitch." Her sister cuts her off, voice violent in its hatred.

"Dawn!" An automatic scolding; she really is turning into a mom. But now isn't the time because she has to get this out while she still believes it herself, and she can feel her resolve melting away in the harsh light of their scrutiny. "But what he said was wrong, wrong time, wrong place. And he said something else that didn't make sense. I think it was a clue or a riddle or something…" Her voice dies off, taking her conviction with it.

"Buffy." Giles' voice is gentle and she knows what's coming. "Buffy, do you think that maybe you could be mistaken? That maybe some residual feelings fo—"

"No!" The volume of her vehement denial startles them all, and she drops her eyes along with her voice. "There are no feelings. I just…" Were they right? Was she so desperate for him not to have gone evil that her mind had produced this oh-so-unlikely justification for his actions? Embarrassed and suddenly exhausted, she wants very badly just to go to bed and forget about everything. "I'm just tired and kinda freaked. We'll talk about it in the morning, okay guys? I gotta go to bed."

"Buffy."

"No." She shakes her head and holds up a defensive hand. "I can't deal with this now, and it's not like he can hurt anyone, not with the chip—"

"He can hurt you." Does Xander even know how right he is, how easy it is for Spike to hurt her now? And she's not thinking about his standing invitation to her house or the indisputable fact that the chip doesn't work on her. She's thinking about his cruel, mocking voice: "real gift, slayer…screw the love outta any man…"

"Tomorrow, Xander." And she's gone. Tonight she'll sleep with one eye open, and she'll deal with everything else tomorrow.


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A/N Thanks to all these lovely reviewers (SpuffyRealm currently leading B/S central 10 to 7)

Hey pin, how you doing? Hope I can live up to expectations :)

chritenenj - hey I made you squeal hope this story pleases aas much as P&W

Hello cordykitten, hows you? I know everyone does Spike with kids but it's too cute a proposition to ignore :)

Hope things chill out soon ProphecyGirl, in the mean time hope Ican give you a few moments distraction with my story

Hey niamh my kisses aren't good, they're all sloppy and my big rough bear hug migh suffocate you. Still your welcome to them xxxxxxxx

Nice change of name dreamgirl4 eva, but wern't you soemeone else before songal eve? was it beth?

love to all xxxx





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