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A/N: Originally posted back in August last year, this was my very first fanfic that I have decided to revise and repost under the same title. *Remember, this was written before the season 7 actually started using spoilers from various sites.*

Disclaimer: Joss is the evil mastermind of Buffy and its characters so they don't belong to me.

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He wandered into the kitchen about mid-morning noticing Giles standing in front of the coffee maker pouring a cup and engrossed in his reading material as usual. Spike thought the man could probably do a trapeze act while still reading research material.

"Morning, mate." Giles jumped and placed his hand over his heart.

"Well, at least you were considerate enough to wait until I put down my scalding cup of coffee." Giles replied snidely

Spike grinned and snickered at the man as he opened the fridge door.

"How are you feeling this morning?" Now Giles sounded concerned.

Spike looked at him quizzically.

"Buffy filled me in, even about the gashes on your chest." Giles saw the confusion on Spike's face.

"Ah, well then, a bit knackered really, and sore, but they'll heal. It's the inside that won't heal properly."

"Well, yes, I'm sure it takes a lot out of you having to face over 100 years of bloodshed. Quite painful, I presume. The rest, I believe will just take patience and time."

What was it about this man and his way of knowing things? Spike stared at him. "Are you actually concerned for me, or is this just a ruse to get me out of Buffy's house?"

"Nonsense! Are you saying you, of all vampires, don't trust me? After all we've been through." Giles smiled.

Spike looked at him through hooded lids trying to get a feel of him.

"Then can I talk, I mean, really talk to you?"

Giles motioned for Spike to join him at the island. "Proceed."

"Well, I've been turned for a little over 120 years and yes, I've killed. But for some reason, I don't feel as ashamed about my victims as I thought I should be. It was always for the kill, to feed, to stay alive. I've never felt the need to torture and play the mind games the others did. I mean, don't get me wrong. I do feel a little bit of guilt for the humans whose lives I took. But the bulk of my guilt is from more recent. Hurting the ones I loved, Buffy and the bit. Even though I have always come across as big, bad, and evil, it was mostly all talk. Had to keep the reputation up, you know?"

He pointed at Giles. "That doesn't leave this room, understand?"

Giles peered at him over the rim of his mug. "Oh, of course. Between you and me."

"You better believe it. Anyway, I've always concealed a lot of my humanity in me. Sometimes, I secretly despised being the monster, hating the demon inside who craved the violence and blood. I gave in too easily at times. With the soul in there now, it mocks me and tortures me constantly, telling me vile and disgusting things, showing me what I really am."

"Spike, you know what you really are. You are more a man than a monster. I've always knew you were changing everyday. Everyone is capable of having violent tendencies. Control is the key ability. I know you’ll become stronger once you get a handle on the situation. It will take time."

"But, what I did to Buffy. I can't stop seeing it, the pain is so great. I know she’s forgiven me, but I could have easily let the demon get the upper hand. It's always there to remind me, always imposing on my mind, repeating over and over."

"First things first. You need to forgive yourself, before you can move forward in life, or, um, unlife as the case may be. I have seen so much change in you that I can honestly say now I have accepted you as a part of Buffy's and Dawn's lives. I'm close to trusting you more with each passing day and I'll be sure to let you know when I get there. Just keep striving for your goals. It will be a tough struggle towards your atonement but I have faith in you. I'm glad you had enough trust in me to confide. I will do my best to help you through this."

Spike felt a little better. He stood and looked at Giles. "My father died when I was very young. Was raised by my mum. And yes, I was a mummy's boy, and that better not leave this room either."

Giles chuckled and shook his head. "On my honor, it will not."

"I see now why Buffy regards you as more of a father than her blood-relation. Of course even though I really am your elder in a matter of speaking, I am eternally 26, so you could actually be old enough to be my father. I'm prattling on, I know, this is hard for me. I guess, what I want to say, is…thanks for taking me under your wing and…being the father I never really had."

Giles was astonished at this proclamation. Spike thought of him as his own father and it actually made him feel good inside that he had all these "children" to look after and to love, to raise properly and lead them along the path to a fulfilling life. In the case of Spike, however, to help him through his redemption.

Spike cleared his throat. "Um, don't take this the wrong way, mate." He stepped towards Giles and gave him his best manly hug, adding a few pats to his back, breaking away as quickly as it started. Spike couldn't look him in the eyes as Giles removed his glasses.

"Well, um, very well," Giles mumbled.

"Right." Spike turned quickly and left a bewildered Giles standing in the middle of the kitchen.

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The three researches were back in investigative mode most of the day and Giles was lost in his own little world after a fax was sent to him from somewhere overseas. Willow was glued to her laptop. Spike didn't know it but she was researching anything and everything about vampires and souls. Spike, on the other hand, was bored out of his mind.

"Aaarrgh," he roared which caught the others attentions. Willow giggled at him. He glared at her for a millisecond then his look softened.

"Love what you're doing to your hair," she chuckled. When he had growled, he had grabbed two fistfuls of hair, causing it to now stand up in spikes.

"Giles, make her stop," he whined but then shot a grin at her.

"I can't take anymore of this, Giles. I thought I was stark raving mad already, but this is making it worse. It's just monotonous drivel. The blighter who wrote this should be tortured. Make him read his own stuff, that will drive him around the bend."

"Alright, alright. You can help me." Spike rolled his eyes and let out a loud sigh. "Yippee", he sarcastically mumbled. Willow giggled at hearing Spike say that particular word.

"You won't think that way when you hear what I've found."

"Great, bloody wonderful. Well?" Spike was getting annoyed.

"I think we should wait until Buffy…"

The front door opened. "I'm home."

"…comes home." Giles finished.

Buffy walked in to join them. She looked at them sitting there staring at her. "You were talking about me, weren't you?"

"Seems the watcher has found something interesting. I don't see how. So, can you tell us now?"

"Yes, of course. I've come across some useful information, just recently sent to me. You're prophetic dreams, Willow’s dreams and Spike's hallucinations."

"Oh, god, here we go. It's another apocalypse, isn't it?" Buffy slumped down in her chair.

"Well, yes, it is. Seems the Hellmouth won't remain closed for very long. Some very old evil is trying to get our attention. I believe it wants to take reign of the earth. I believe it will do this by opening up every known Hellmouth that exists in the world."

"I thought there was only one Hellmouth?"

"Apparently not. Someone or something is not very happy that all its portals into our world have been sealed. The girls in your dreams, you said it looked like they were warriors or possibly slayers, correct?" Buffy shook her head yes.

"They just might very well be, if not now, in the near future. The hooded, faceless figures may be minions, sent to destroy the girls in any way they can. Physically, mentally, anyway. There is a lot more left to research but now that we know in what direction to head, it won't be as monotonous."

Spike looked up at him. "Hey, can't harm a bloke just for telling the truth. I'm taking a break, get something to eat."

Buffy stood up as well. "That sounds good. Dawn won't be home until 6 from her study group. I'm starving."

Spike joined Buffy in the kitchen as they sat eating. Both had been quiet, not wanting to talk about Spike's incident or the reaction he had that morning during the pillow fight but eventually Buffy broke the ice.

"So, I've been thinking. Now, don't get mad at me, but I was thinking that maybe you should talk to Angel." She began apprehensively.

Spike's head shot up and his brow furrowed. "Why would I want to talk to that poufter?"

"Well, since he has a soul, and you now have one, maybe he could give you some pointers. You know, help you with the torment or whatever."

Spike slammed his palms down on the kitchen island and stood up. "I don't need any help or pointers from him. He and I don't mix well. It wouldn't do any good."

Buffy slammed her hands down on the counter as well while leaning towards him. "Then I suggest you get over it. Fight it and win. Forgive yourself and move on. You're bigger, better and stronger than the demon. I don't care when, where or how, JUST GET OVER IT!”

He stood there, startled that she reacted in this way; amazed because it came out of her mouth, from her heart. He knew then that she did care about him. He brushed the hope away just as quickly for fear of making mountains out of mole hills.

"Feel like patrolling tonight? With a partner?" He changed the subject quickly.

She straightened up and crossed her arms. Smiling, she answered, "Sounds feasible."

TBC





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