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Disclaimer: Joss is the evil mastermind of Buffy and its characters so they don't belong to me.

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Dawn, Buffy and Willow set up a temporary sleeping area in the Summers' basement that evening for Spike. Afterwards, Buffy dragged him along to the Magic Box to do some research. Just maybe some of Giles old books he had stored in the back could help her with some information about her Slayer visions she was dreaming. There might possibly be something about "soul having" vampires as well. Besides it would keep Spike focused on something else besides his delusional outbursts.

Buffy sighed when they walked into the shop. Xander was sitting talking to Anya and looked up when they entered noticing right away who had accompanied the slayer as he quickly stood up from his chair. "Why is he here?"

"We're doing some research, Xander. Want to help?" Buffy was trying to get his attention on something other that the vampire standing next to her.

"Researching what?"

"I've been having my slayer dreams lately and really want to find out what they mean. And…just maybe skim through some books and notes to find some information about vampires and souls."

"Nuh-uh…don't think so. Count me out. I can tell you right now why ol' Spikey went to get his soul. He's an Angel wannabe and he’s hoping it will change your mind about him." Anya silently left the room as Buffy stood there looking at Xander, hands on her hips. Spike look pissed.

"Listen, mate, I'm sorry about everything in the past. But you gotta get over this holier than thou attitude."

"I am not, nor will I ever be your friend. You will always be an evil thing to me. I know what you did to Buffy. It's inexcusable and unforgiving. You may have her blinded by your charm and hoo-boy, now you got a shiny, new soul to boot. Are you keeping record of your conquests? How long it will take before you're allowed in her home, around Dawn by yourself, if she doesn't stake you first, or how long it will be before you sleep with her again? I can just about put money on it that this is all an act. Poor, pitiful Spike walking around looking hurt and broody. Been through it all before."

Spike was now clenching his hands into fists, not even feeling the pain from the burn. "So help me, I don't care how bloody much this is going to hurt me…", and he lunged at Xander with hands outstretched to wrap around his throat. Buffy was quick on her feet as she grabbed Spike and threw him to the ground. She wouldn't look at him as she hung her head.

"Just go." she mumbled.

With a feral growl, Spike pulled himself up and marched out, slamming the door in his wake.

**********

Spike burst through the front door of the Summer's house, frightening Willow and Dawn who were sitting on the couch watching a movie. Willow stood and wondered why her new friend was so distraught.

"Spike, what's wrong? You look like you're about ready to murder someone…You're not, are you?"

"No Red, unless Harris can be considered someone. Now hurt, possibly but not kill. Why does he always mess up my un-life so much? Makes me want to throttle him if I didn't think it wasn’t right. Can't I hurt him just a little bit?"

"No, no I'm sorry. Throttling is bad and we don't do bad anymore, right?"

"Then tell me, what does Buffy see in him that makes her believe everything he says about me is true? He doesn't know me. Sure I had a bit of rough and tumble with his ex, but I actually told him I was sorry. It was a mistake. Do you think he would buy my apology? Of course not. Then he starts rambling off to Buffy 100 reasons why Spike is an evil thing. Which got me so pissed, I almost let him have it then and there." He looked down at his shoes. "Of course, Buffy got a bit cranky with me. Shooed me out the door like I was a bad dog. I can never do right by her. Never will be good in her eyes." He paused a bit. "At least I still have the two of you. I do, don't I?" His face conveyed the hurt and worry he was feeling at that moment. All he wanted was some kind of acceptance and to actually have some friends in this world who cared.

Dawn looked at him and replied, "You know you do. Just give Buffy some time. I know my sister, she’ll come around. But I think you need to talk to her, explain some things to her. She's in the dark about a lot of things, Spike. I know she does care about you, I know she does."

He looked perplexed, "If she really does care…" Just then Buffy whirled through the front door, slamming it just as loudly as the first who entered. Willow's eyes got big and she grabbed Dawn by the arm.

"Buffy, uh, we were just going to bed. Goodnight." And they hastily made their way up the stairs.

Spike walked away from her, to stand closer to the kitchen in case he needed to make a quick getaway out the back door.

"Come to finish what Harris started, luv? You think he hasn't gotten the point across about how much you both hate me?"

"I don't hate you but you wanna know what I think?"

"No, luv, what do you think, please do tell."

"I think you went to get this soul because you were thinking since I fell in love with a souled vampire once upon a time that I would do it all over again with you."

Spike stood there in front of her, arms crossed tightly in front of him, shook his head in disappointment. "Buffy," he softly started, "contrary to what you believe to be, I did not get a soul just to make you love me. Because I love you, I didn't want to hurt you, didn't want you to suffer because of me. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy and to live, but for you to have to put up with an "evil, soulless thing" wasn't easy for you I know. Granted, I will admit I wanted nothing more than for you to love me, but I knew I'd never be able to make you do something you didn't want." Spike turned and started to pace about the room.

"I was so torn that night, angry at myself for allowing things to go the way they did. I knew what I did was wrong, felt the guilt and pain rip through me. I was constantly struggling between what was right and wrong. I'm a vampire, not a man, but you’ve made me feel human again and I cringe at the thought that I allowed my demon to win over the humanity in me. So I went to get the soul because I needed to feel that humanity, more compassion, to have my conscience back. You deserve to be happy and I was making your life hell." He stopped pacing and turned to her, staring right at her, his eyes bright with unshed tears.

"Buffy, I could never apologize enough for what I did to you, but I am so very sorry. So very sorry," and he looked away from her. "If I could do anything to go back and change what happened, I would do it in a heartbeat." He glanced at her and in a softer voice, "I didn't know what I was doing. I wanted you so much, wanted your love so desperately, the pain was unbearable."

He started to pace again. "You know what I am, or what I was, but what I want to be is someone better, better for not only myself but for you. I am capable of distinguishing between good and evil." He stopped and again looked at her.

"I am not Angel nor will I ever be. I am not trying to take his place; you of all people should know that. But I want to be good, truly I do and I want to fight alongside you for that greater good. I want to be able to fit into your world, with your friends, your family. I can overcome this demon still inside and become stronger everyday. All I ask is for your help. You are the one that got me here whether you think so or not. You are the one I want to lead me down this path of righteousness and redemption. You are my light and I can't do it alone, not yet. I'm not asking…”

Buffy held up a hand. "Wait, don't say anymore. I understand now. Giles was right, and to think I’d almost given up on you. I want to admit to you now that I have done wrong by you so many times and I am also very sorry. I’d already forgiven you that night you ran off and left because I knew. I brought all that madness on just as much as you. I could have put a stop to it so many times. We started out as mortal enemies, but gradually over time it became something else, something better and I cherish the friendship we built up when I came back to this world. I messed it up. It turned ugly when it could have been so wonderful." her voiced trailed off as she looked at her feet.

"If you are absolutely serious about wanting to change, I’m willing to be a friend to the end and I will help you as much as I can. It will be a rough journey, you do realize this?"

He shook his head yes, the tears returning to his beautiful blue eyes. "I figured as much."

Buffy's eyes were beginning to tear up as well. All she ever wanted was to have that companionship back that they started out with, her slaying buddy, her equal. "And you will try to get along with Xander if I talk to him?"

He rolled his eyes. "Yes, luv, if I have to." He snickered and she joined in. "Buffy…I do need to say this though, so bear with me just a bit?...I do love you."

She went to stop him from continuing but he held up his finger and wagged it back and forth, "Ah, ah, ah, just give me a few…I do love you and I will always, that is real, but I will never push it on you ever again. I like the fact we can be friends. If I ever get out of line though, just slap me about, knock some sense into me. I may have a soul, but the cockiness? Well, sorry to say it’s here to stay. I've still got some "bad" left in these old bones so I won’t be able to help it, just the way I am sometimes."

Buffy smirked. "I can handle a bit of the big bad sometimes, but don't worry, if it gets away with you, I'll let you know…the nose has always been a good target to start with."

"No, no not the nose, luv, please. It's seen too many wraths of Buffy. A punch in the arm would do much better, I should think." They both started laughing at this.

"Got it," she agreed. They stood there for a bit, smiling goofy grins at one another until she walked over to him and slid her arms around his lean waist for a long, friendly hug. "By the way, oh, newly souled one, I missed you."

He wrapped his arms around her as well as he kissed the top of her head. "And I missed you, luv. Thank you."

Still sitting at the top of the stairs, Willow and Dawn were holding onto one another blubbering silently. They were both very overwhelmed that it all had ended on a happy note. The future of this odd family was looking very good indeed. They made their way down the stairs both wanting to join in the "moment". Dawn threw her arms around the both of them and the couple embraced her as well. Willow waited a moment and then joined in the fray of bodies. Spike and Buffy both started laughing deeply, a sound that neither had ever heard from the other. The two girls joined in and happy tears were shed in the huddle. Everything was going to be good from now on. At least for a little bit.

TBC





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