[Reviews - 165]
-
Table of Contents [Report This]
Microsoft Word Chapter or Story | ePub eBook Chapter or Story | Printer Chapter or Story

Has been viewed 2013 times

- Text Size +




Author's Chapter Notes:
A/N Thanks to Demonica for reading over this for me.

I’m sorry for the long time between updates on this one. RL and Hurricanes conspired against me.
I have other chaps done now, both of this and Legacy and Nature, but my internet connection sucks. So I’ll update when I can get online again.
As always feedback would be really nice and it would probably make my day while I’m freezing to death up here in Appalachia.
Thanks,
Kyra
Chapter 16: I know who you are and it does me no good at all.

“What’s wrong with me?” Xander asked. “I mean I finally accepted the fact that the only women who are ever interested in me are part demon. But why do they always have to want to kill me?”

“Xander…” Willow began exasperated.

“No, really, Wills. I don’t think you understand. I mean first it was…”

“Xander, STOP. I remember them, all of them. I had a front row seat for every one.” She shook her head. “That and the fact you’ve been talking about nothing but that since we told you what we suspected.

Xander blinked his good eye at her, shocked by her cold response.

Willow sighed heavily and turned away looking out the window. They had been traveling almost non-stop for almost two weeks and everyone was feeling the strain from the trip.

When Giles had debriefed Willow, Xander, Raven and Mimoko on the their suspicions about the Rogues, they had decided that Xander should keep up his new found friendship with Helena, hoping he would be able to find out some information about their planes.

Unfortunately, so far all that had happened was that it gave Xander the time and contact for his feelings to grow.

Willow understood how unfair it was that he finally found someone he cared about and she was probably just trying to figure out how to kill him.

Willow wanted to say something to comfort her friend, but she couldn’t tell him what he wanted to hear. She knew that he was hoping she would tell him that it was possible Helena cared about him and wasn’t just using him to get closer to their team. However, there was too much at stake to for him to drop his guard and they couldn’t afford to let emotions get in the way of what they had to do.

Willow wondered when it was that having emotions and wanting to care about someone became a liability?

She remembered when she, Buffy and Xander used to sit around and talk about who they would wind up with. Even when they suspected they were never going to have the ‘normal’ relationship, they never anticipated that love would treat them as badly as it had.

First there had been Oz’s betrayal and abandonment; that left her empty and doubting herself. Yet that couldn’t even compare to the desolation and rage Willow felt when Tara was killed. She never wanted to open herself up for that kind of pain again.

Especially after what had happened to Buffy.

Willow saw what Buffy experienced, she saw it from Buffy’s own head. She knew that without a doubt, Buffy made a conscious decision to do whatever she had to, to be with Spike. Buffy had been willing to sacrifice everything she believed in for the dream of love, only to find out it had been nothing but an illusion used to break her. It was no wonder the only way she could be sane was to hide deep inside herself, after that.

Willow couldn’t believe that after what he experienced with Anya, Xander was willing to open himself to love and pain again.




Outside the small slit of a window on Xander’s side of the vehicle, the dark landscape moved by quickly while Raven drove. Giles and Mimoko were riding in the second vehicle with Pixie and Helena. They switched up vehicles and drivers at their rest stops, the next one was scheduled in three hours at dawn.

“Xander.” Raven’s soft voice carried over the roar of the engine. “Love is not about choice. There is nothing to say that her feelings for you are not as real as your feelings for her and you can enjoy them in the time you spend together. However, you must not forget our mission. With love comes much risk, now even more so. As long as you realize that at some point you may have to kill that which you love.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” Xander asked bitterly.

“It wasn’t supposed to.”

Kill that which they loved. Willow wondered if they were going to have to kill Buffy before this was all over. Had Spike been able to reach her at all? Was it even possible for him to reach her? When Willow saw her right before they got on the plane, she was shocked by the change in her. Before, she had been cold and in control, but it seemed as though sometimes she was struggling for that control, and at that those times there was a war of emotions inside of her. Now there was no struggle. She was in control completely and there were no signs of any emotions.

And what if Spike made a choice as Buffy had? What if he joined the Rogues just so he could be with her? What would that do to their plans that were already as fragile as a house of cards?

Needing to change the thoughts in her head, Willow began to concentrate again on reaching Oz. Spike and Angel suggested she try to reach him somehow, but she couldn’t use a lot of power to do it, since it might attract too much attention. They still had no way of detecting Pixie or and knowledge of the full extent of the powers that were within the two Rogues.

So Willow sent out meditation vibes, hoping Oz could pick up her message, high up in his temple in the Himalayas. She had no way of knowing if she was even projecting in the right direction or if he was still in this part of the world. For all she knew he had moved on.

Still she had to try, this could mean the all the difference to them.

Two and a half more hours until dawn.



Spike sat alone in a dark tunnel. For over a week they had been searching for any signs of the Thunder Dragon’s fortress or army. Yet so far, not a trace had been found.

Over a week spent in this dark drab hole, with nothing but his thoughts and regrets running around in his head.

Over a week with this black hole pressing down inside of him, suffocating him.

It was like the basement of the school all over again. Only this time the voices were just in his head, yet no less real for that. Memories that played over and over again, slowly driving him insane.

He could see Buffy’s face when she realized that it hadn’t been him after she killed Faith. He could feel her crumble, falling to pieces as her sanity broke apart from the guilt of what she had done.

He could hear her cries, screaming out for him to help her, while she was brutally attacked time and time again.

However, it was the sound of her laughter and giggling, from his dream, that haunted him most of all. The carefree, happy, musical sound, that he was now certain he would never get to hear in real life.

He thought he knew it all. He had been so certain. He thought that once he claimed her, won the demon and her heart the rest would fall into place. He thought he would rescue her, put her back together and make her whole again.

His arrogance had cost him the woman he loved.

When he pulled away from her after seeing her demon’s memories of the kidnapping, she believed he was rejecting her. In that moment, the demon destroyed by his disaffection, joined the Slayer in her hatred of him. Also at that moment, any bit of emotion, love, hope, belief was eradicated within her.

Now there was just this cold analytical shell that housed a demon and a Slayer. Of Buffy, the woman he knew and loved, there was no sign.

He had destroyed the last bit of the woman he loved, with his reaction and he had no idea how to go about fixing it.

The ironic thing was that he was now eternally bonded to this husk of a woman he once knew. He was eternally bound to her and the two entities that resided within her, who despised him.

For days he assumed the blank, oppressive hole inside of him was what happened when she shut him out and ignored the claim. It was only when they had run up against some agents of the first, also searching the maze of caves for signs of the Thunder Dragon, that he found out the truth.

Buffy had attacked them on sight, vamping out and tearing into them with a ferociousness Spike had never before witnessed. When she vamped he was suddenly aware of her demons feelings, filling the hole he had been carrying with him.

He could feel the pain and the rage inside of her directed towards him. Then it changed, or she changed. She was still vamped, but he could feel the Slayer side of her strong-willed and powerful. It seemed like their hatred of him gave them something they could agree upon.

It took her almost no time to dispatch the UberVamps. Spike could feel a tension running through her after the fight and the smell of her arousal perfumed the air. Moving without thinking Spike approached her, responding to his mate’s obvious excitement, but she ignored him and walked right past him without a word.

Later on, after they had returned to camp, almost everyone was asleep, except for Illyria and Myoko, who were on watch. Spike was enjoying a pleasant dream. It was raw and sexual, something he hadn’t experienced on this level since the dark year he and Buffy were together. The electric feeling of need that had run between them and their desperate violent couplings. All of that was present in his dream.

It was just as the dream was reaching its climactic peak that his demon recognized it for what it was. Spike leaped up, scaring Mimoko almost to death and rampaged through the camp trying to find his mate. Simon, woke due to the commotion and tried to stop him, but even a Fyarl was no match for him in his blind rage. Spike dropped him quickly with precision. The soldiers moved towards him as one, but they stood even less chance than Simon. Even Angel tried to stop him, get him under control, but nothing was going to get in his way.

It was Buffy, who finally stopped him. She came running out from a side tunnel in, barefoot, wearing only a tank top and her underwear, Shadow’s scent clearly all over her. Spike wasn’t even capable of thought by then, he launched himself at her, intending to remark and claim what was his.

The Slayer was firmly in control, and while the infusions of her blood had increased his strength and skill exponentially, she was still in better shape than he was. The battle lasted longer than their first in encounter in Kathmandu, but the end result was still the same, Buffy bested him and knocked him out cold.

When Spike came to, the emotionless hole was back inside of him and he was able to regain control over his demon.

Shadow and the soldiers deemed him a danger to them and the mission. They ordered Angel or Illyria to keep him under control or they would stake him. Spike wanted nothing to do with any of them. He didn’t speak at all when he woke up and had refused to speak ever since.

He moved off into this cavern away from the others and here he sat for the past three days in the dark and quiet.

He could feel Illyria at the end of the tunnel, probably there to guard him. He let out a hysterical laugh.

Guard him, protect him, keep him from hurting anyone.

Once more he heard it. Her giggle. That carefree laugh.

This was hell, it had to be. Punishment for his sins.



“I say, Dawn? Are you there?” A fuzzy picture of Giles appeared on Dawn’s laptop and flickered a few times.

“I’m here, Giles.” Dawn said. “Can you see me?”

The image of Giles squinted. “I believe I can. I’m afraid our satellite reception isn’t very good right now.”

“I’m getting that.” Dawn answered. “How are things on your end?”

”As well as can be expected. Still no word from our other friends and Xander is rather still rather distraught. Any luck on your end?”

“No.” Dawn said, the frustration clear in her voice. “The one time I really need Andrew and he’s all the way back in England.”

“You think Andrew would be able to help you?”

“I think Andrew and Jason would get along great. I also think Andrew would be able to figure out his password or at the very least be able to distract him long enough for me to figure out his password.”

“What about that program you used to take over my computer last winter?” Giles reminded her. “Could something like that help?”

“You know, that would work. I’ll get in touch with Andrew after I get done talking to you.”

”Be careful, Dawn. Remember, even if he is nothing more than a large child, Jason can be just as deadly as the rest of the Rogues.”

“The only thing deadly about Jason, is his taste in clothing. You should see him walking around here in his Rolling Stones pj pants, his white T-Shirt and his black sports coat.” She rolled her eyes.

Giles didn’t even know what to say to that. “Yes, well, er, any word from the other team?”

“Nothing good. Spike still isn’t talking and they haven’t found any sign of the Thunder Dragon’s original fortress.” Dawn’s image flickered on Giles’ screen. “…yria thinks its…in…ension and only the Thunder…gon would be able to find…”

“Dawn?” Giles said loudly. “Dawn?!”

“Giles? Can you hear me? Giles?”

Giles slapped the computer several times. “Blasted machine. Work, damn you!” After a few more seconds Dawn’s image solidified again and Giles could see her clearly, glaring at him.

“Were you hitting the computer again?” She asked disapprovingly.

“It wasn’t getting good reception!” He said.

“We’ve been over this before. It’s the satellite’s up in the sky that cause that. Hitting the computer won’t do anything.”

“Well it seemed to help.”

Dawn sighed.

“Fine, whatever. Just don’t blame me when you hurt the motherboard and the computer doesn’t work at all. Maybe you should let Willow handle the communications.”

”I certainly will not!” Giles said indignantly.

“Ok, well I’m going to go talk to Andrew. You guys are about to leave Nepal and enter into the India. You have to be careful here, this land is still under dispute between the Chinese and the Indian governments. There are reports that there are still fights being fought here. They may mistake you for military, with your army vehicles.”

“How much longer until we enter into Bhutan?” Giles asked.

“Probably less than a day, then another three days until you meet up with the others.”

“Ok, we’ll talk to you again from Bhutan then.”

“Hopefully. Take care of yourself Giles.”

“You do the same, Dawn.”


Illyria stood at the end of the tunnel. Watching. Waiting.

She had volunteered to stand watch over Spike against the wishes of the rest of the team. They all believed that she would be the one who would be able to locate the Thunder Dragon’s temple and army. What they didn’t understand was the each of the Old One’s was completely different in power. She would have no more luck opening the door to his realm than they would.

Granted, she could sense it. But that didn’t help much because from what she could sense it was all around them. Finding the door and the key to unlock that door was a whole other game. From what she could tell from the clues she noticed scattered throughout the caverns there were locks everywhere, however, only a certain, unique being could open those locks.

From what she could see, they weren’t the only ones running around lost in the darkness. The vampire creatures that were running around, working for the First Evil, appeared to be as lost and confused as they were. Both groups traveled through the same tunnels day after day. They would meet up and fight, neither side gaining much ground, then fall back to do the same thing the next day.

Illyria had the sense that they were just wasting their time and resources.
A moan echoed down the tunnel from Spike and Illyria’s eyes narrowed. She wished she understood human emotions more. Maybe then she would be able to understand the feelings she kept experiencing in regards to the blonde vampire. She understood that their conversation in his room after she had awakened him was the first time since Wesley, that she had interacted with another being like that. She also understood that on some level she enjoyed that interaction.

What she was not prepared for were the other emotions that now came with this. When he lost control in those first few days and went rampaging across their biouac, her first thought wasn’t to contain him, but to help him. She hadn’t known right away what had caused this reaction in him, but she was ready to stand at his side and aid him.

Upon learning from Angel and understanding all the dynamics involved in a vampiric claim, she became angry. She was furious with the damaged Slayer for putting him through this and she was also furious with him for being so weak.

A noise behind her indicated the approach of the Hogosaha.

This was something else that confused Illyria. Every couple of hours the Hogosha would come to her and engage her in light conversation. She would keep her informed of the state of the team, what they had accomplished that day (usually nothing) and the progress of the others in their trek into Bhutan.

As of today there were less than a day from the border, they had been delayed several times now by government officials, not happy about a large group of foreigners moving through their lands in military vehicles claiming no affiliation with any government. Apparently Shadow and Major Finn’s contacts weren’t as reliable as promised.

Although Illyria suspected it was something else.

Illyria never spoke much while the Hogosha related these things to her. She was unsure what was expected of her.

As the girl finished her account, Illyria stared at her for few moments. “I will leave you then.” The girl stood up to go. “If you need anything.” She offered the same way she had since she started coming here.

“Wait.” Illyria commanded her. “Why do you do this?”

“Do what?” The girl answered.

“Why do you come here and tell me these things?”

The girl only looked more confused. “I don’t understand.” She said. “You are our team member. It is unclear to me how much you can know outside of this tunnel. I want to make sure you are aware of everything that is going on, so you can better be prepared for what happens.”

Illyria re-appraised the girl. “You are a warrior with much sense and honor.” She told her.

The girl bowed her head in acknowledgement. “Thank you.”

She turned to walk away, but then stopped and turned back. “If I may she began hesitantly.”

Illyria tilted her head, curious. “It appears that you are very concerned about his well-being…” She indicated the tunnel where Spike was located.

“It is not concern.” Illyria corrected her immediately.

“Oh, I apologize. By your actions, it appeared that you were concerned.” Without finishing her previous statement the girl left, leaving Illyria to ponder on her own.

Was this concern? She felt angry with him, but was that due to the fact that she worried about his well-being? The last time she had felt concern for anything was again when Wesley was still alive and she tried to deny it then to.

If she had done more to help Wesley at that time would it have changed whether or not he survived their encounter with the Black Thorn. Should she do something now to help Spike?

She heard another moan come from the other end of the tunnel. She remembered what he told her about his dream of Buffy. How she was scattered into pieces. Was that what he dreamed of now?

She began to plan. For the first time since her rebirth into this world, it was a plan to help another being, instead of herself.





You must login (register) to review.