Chapter 17: Dreaming While Awake is a Frightening Contradiction
Hidden in the darkness of the tunnel, Spike let his eyes blur. Voices drifted through into his consciousness. For a long time he ignored them, wanting to stay as still as possible, hoping that would ease the ache inside himself.
Finally, the voices became too persistent. He lifted his head and was only slightly surprised to see that instead of the tunnel he was in a large toy store. All around him people were gathered talking excitedly.
No, not people, girls. Little girls. As he looked at them, Spike began to recognize features in them that reminded him of the Scoobies and other females he had met since he had first come to Sunnydale.
A little red haired girl with pixie features could be a little Willow. An ash-blonde sat straight up near the front of the group, her eyes were fixed analytically at the store around her reminded him of Anya. A girl with dark hair in a small cheerleader’s outfit filed her nails while sitting in a chair disdainfully identical to the Cheerleader Peaches kept around.
Before Spike could study anymore of the girls a voice came over the loud speaker.
“The moment you have all been waiting for, the future of little girls dolls.” A spotlight came on ahead of him showcasing a red curtain.
“All the girls want to be her, all the boys want her for their girlfriend…” The voice continued, the curtain shifted.
“From Watcher’s Plaything’s, introducing…” The curtain dropped.
“BUFFY!!!”
The curtain dropped and there before them was a life sized plastic doll that looked just like Buffy. She had one hand on her hip, the other hand was raised and brandishing a stake, a backpack was flung over one shoulder. She wore skirt that was so short you could make out the red underwear below it. A short T-shirt exposed her abdomen, while long golden blonde hair cascaded down her back.
Dead silence.
“She even comes with a speech feature.” There was a pause, then Buffy’s voice obviously poorly recorded.
‘Carpe Diem’
‘Hey, that was my favorite skirt.’
Then there was pandemonium. All of the little girls started pressing forward at once. Glass walls appeared around the Buffy doll, but that didn’t stop their advance. The girls all began to surround it pushing against the glass. Their voices filled the air.
“She will be the best friend ever. Always supportive and there for me.” The redhead was saying.
“You call that an outfit? She’s going to need some major fashion help.” The cheerleader said loudly.
“I don’t see why she’s so special.” The girl who had been sitting in the front stated.
Spike noticed more of the little girls now.
One girl was much smaller than the others, she held onto the only adult around fearfully.
“She’s going to be the greatest sister ever!! She’ll share her clothes and spend time with me!”
“Yes sweetheart, and she’ll help around the house and she’ll do well in school.” The woman said, she let go of the Little One’s hand and pushed her way forward until she too was pressing against the glass.
“She’s going to be such a bad ass.” A dark girl with a leather jacket on shouted as she put her full weight against the glass.
Suddenly the glass walls jerked inward and started sliding together. Spike could only watch helplessly as the Buffy dolls limbs began to move as the walls encapsulated her. The glass moved quickly now as the little girls began to get more excited in their yelling. The arm attached to the hand at her hip pushed upwards and popped out of her shoulder joint.
Spike started to move forward, sickened. He had no desire to see Buffy’s features smashed before his eyes, even if it was only a doll.
When he reached the wall of children surrounding her, he couldn’t get them away from the glass to stop its movement. He tried pulling them, but he couldn’t get them to budge without hurting them. When he looked up he realized he was directly in front of her eyes. They seemed to plead with him as they looked out.
The glass was now pressing up against her nose. Panicked, Spike reacted without thinking, he punched at the glass to try and shatter it.
And pulled his hand back painfully. It was much stronger than he though.
Her nose was being pushed in now.
He pulled back, and then with all his strength, he again hit the glass. This time it shattered around his hand, much easier than he expected.
His eyes widened, as he tried to stop the momentum of his hand, but it was no use. A shard of glass got pushed forward by his fist and pushed into center of the Buffy doll’s forehead.
The sound of glass shattering and little girls screaming seemed to go on for hours. The silence that came after it was even more deafening.
Spike stood in the center of the room cradling Buffy’s misshapen head. A thick, bright red liquid oozed out from the puncture from the glass, obviously supposed to be blood.
A wail cut through the air.
“He killed our dolly.” The cheerleader cried. Tears began to run down her face.
“He took my best friend.” The red head also began to sob.
“Mommy.” The smallest bit hiccupped.
Spike grabbed what pieces he could of the broken Buffy doll and searched the room for a way out. Far in the back he saw the red glow of an ‘Exit’ sign. He headed straight for it, juggling the pieces of Buffy, so as not to drop any. Then he felt a tug on his leg. He struggled to look down through the carefully balanced pile in his arms.
“Don’t take my dolly.” A girl screamed, holding onto his leg with all her might to slow him down.
“She’s our dolly.” Another little girl tried to tackle him.
Spike just kept moving. He didn’t have to turn around to know they were all chasing him down now. No longer caring if they got hurt or not, Spike began to kick out his legs, trying to knock them off on racks filled with all sorts of games and toys.
He had just gotten one off when he heard another cry out. “Look, a Dracula play set!! I want to hunt vampires.”
Spike moved along faster gripping Buffy’s parts to him desperately trying not to let go of any of them.
He hit the Exit at the same time a wooden stake flew forward and struck the wall next to him. He didn’t even pause as he threw the door open and leapt forward.
Realizing, too late, what was going to come next.
Dawn listened carefully to assure herself that Jason was still in the kitchen cooking his dinner. She opened up his CD drive on his laptop and inserted the disk.
Andrew had created this program a few years ago, something he had learned from Warren about computers. It combined magic and science, not only to take control of the computer, but also to sit there and collect all the data from the programs the user opened. Then the program would send all the information to the host computer, Andrew’s computer, and he could analyze it in England.
All Dawn had to do was install it.
The drive shut and the disc began to spin. She heard a noise behind her and spun around frantically, but was relieved to find that Jason hadn’t exited the kitchen he was just getting some ingredients from near the doorway.
“Do you want any of this pasta?” He called.
“Um, sure.” Dawn answered, forcing her voice to sound normal. She watched apprehensively as the bar on the screen slowly filled, indicating the program was installing itself.
“Do you want any wine to go with it?” He called again.
“That’s sounds good.” The bar was half filled now and Dawn had her fingers crossed so tight, she wasn’t sure she would be able to use them later.
There was the sound of plates being pulled from cupboards and Dawn knew she didn’t have much time left. She held her breath as the program seemed to jump forward slightly, then more quickly and finally it filled the bar. There was a message saying the program was successfully installed and the drive opened. Dawn quickly grabbed the disk, closed the drive and flew back over to her desk, just as Jason came out carrying two plates.
“I couldn’t get everything, would you go get the glasses of wine?” He asked her. Today he was wearing his Wine colored velvet jacket with, some shimmering silver slacks and a black T-shirt.
“Of course,” Dawn said, a little too cheerfully. She ran into the kitchen and gulped down one of the glasses in relief before pouring herself another one. She entered the living room more slowly this time.
“Here you go.” She said.
“Thanks.”
Neither spoke for a while, both concentrating on their dinner.
“This is actually pretty good.” Dawn said, surprised.
“You don’t have to sound so shocked. I like cooking for people. I used to cook for my friends at college all the time.”
“What college did you go to?” Dawn asked.
“Loyola, in Chicago.”
“That’s a good school.” Dawn took a sip of wine. “I thought about going there, but it was too cold in Chicago.”
“I loved it. I really came out of my shell there. I was the star in most of their musical productions and several plays.”
Dawn looked at him. Yes, she could definitely see him up on a stage. He probably thrived under those spotlights.
“So how did a theatre person wind up working for mercenaries doing computer work?” She asked.
“I was always really good at computers and after my Dad died, I found out that I no longer had money to pay for my tuition. I didn’t want to leave school, so I hacked into the college’s computers and posted that I had paid in full.”
Dawn looked at him, her mouth full of pasta, and her eyes wide. She chewed quickly and swallowed, she opened her mouth to say…what? Sorry your dad died? How did you get past the college’s security?
Jason didn’t even notice her and continued on.
“After that, I decided to see what else I could do. I had a great apartment, the best clothes, and I was still averaging a 3.9 in all my classes.”
“Wow!! You should really teach me some of these tricks.”
“It doesn’t end well, believe me.”
“What happened?” Dawn asked, now captivated by the story.
“One of my good friends went to the college and told them everything.” Jason gave a small smile. “Said it wasn’t right what I was doing. He could understand the college tuition, but not the outright stealing.” He took a deep swallow of wine. “He was going to ‘Save the world’ for the little people. He found my attitudes to be selfish and said I was also exploiting the children who worked in sweat shops in third world countries because of the clothing lines I was wearing.”
Dawn couldn’t help but laugh. “You’re kidding!!”
Jason sighed. “ ‘Fraid not. Now he’s somewhere in India, working with the Peace Corps or one of those organizations.” He gave a small laugh. “He’s going to change the world.” He said without bitterness. “I want to hate him, but I have to respect him. He is one of the few people I know who actually live their beliefs.” He was silent for so long after that, Dawn thought he forgot about her.
“Did they throw you out of school?” She asked timidly.
Jason looked up surprised, but quickly got his equilibrium back.
“Yeah, and since my Dad had died owing a lot of people money, when they took my apartment, I didn’t have anyplace to go.”
“What about your mom? Or those friends you had?”
“My friends all lived in dorms, or in these tiny, dirty, one-roomed…uh…no.” He picked his napkin up off his lap and placed it on the table. “My mom wasn’t really an option.” He stood up quickly. “Shadow found me living on the streets, he offered me great pay and I get to travel a lot. Are you finished?” He asked Dawn pointing to her plate.
“Oh, yeah.” Dawn said, he picked her plate up along with his and carried them to the kitchen.
Dawn sat there and absorbed what she had just been told. Maybe she had been wrong about him. Maybe he wasn’t evil incarnate with a lot of arrogance and annoying qualities thrown in. It sounded like he had a really hard time. She didn’t agree with stealing, but she was surprised no one thought to harness his obvious computer talents.
‘Someone did.’ An internal voice said.
Maybe Jason wasn’t even aware of the worse aspects of the job he was involved. A computer tech didn’t need to know all of the details.
Maybe she could talk to him and he would consider going to work for the Watcher’s Council instead. Although pairing him and Andrew together may be a horrible idea. The two of them were too much alike.
Dawn decided then and there she was going to try and be nicer to him and ignore his more annoying traits. Very similar to how she handled Andrew and he turned out to be one of her best friends.
“Dawn….” Giles’ voice crackled out from the speaker near her computer.
Dawn jumped up and reached for her laptop.
“Dawn, we’ve run into….” Crackling interrupted his voice again.
“…In serious trouble…” more static.
Dawn’s fingers flew over the keyboard as she struggled to get her headset on and plugged in.
“…border…” The connection was getting worse; Dawn could see the signal strength getting weaker.
“Giles!!” She said urgently into the microphone. “Where are you?”
“Oh, dear Lord.” She heard then loud popping noises echoed into her ears.
“GILES!!” She yelled. Her fingers flew as she tried to pull up the GPS locator to find out where they were.
“Jason! I need help.” She pulled up the screen she needed and pushed the update button to refresh the screen and their location. “Jason!” She yelled again.
Where was he?
That was the last thought she had. She felt a jolt go through her, then nothing.
Behind her, Jason stood over her immobile body. For a moment he looked concerned for her, but then he just shook his head.
“Its ok, she’s not a real person.” He seemed to remind himself.
Then he moved, picking her up and grabbing some rope out of his bag.
The strong winds captured him immediately. The pieces of Buffy were scattered from his arms. He had a glimpse of her crushed facial features before they tumbled away into the blackness. He flew through the dark, being pulled towards the center, the same as before and he braced himself for the onslaught of emotions that would soon attack him.
Then he saw something. Out in the darkness was a speck of light and it seemed to be getting closer to him.
The closer it got, the large it became. As he drew near to it he realized it looked like a large bubble of light. Frightened, Spike tried to push himself away from it, but he couldn’t fight the strong winds.
He opened his mouth to scream, but it was too late.
He was sucked inside the bubble.
The impact was nothing like he expected. One minute he was flying through the air the next he landed on his feet with only a slight feeling of inertia. He quickly got his bearings and looked around the room.
He was in a small cabin, a fire was lit up inside a large stone fireplace, and in front of the fireplace was a large animal skin rug. A sofa and two large overstuffed chairs surrounded the rug.
There were windows on either side of the fireplace through which he could see snowflakes floating down outside.
Spike was standing in the kitchen area. Off to his left was a doorway that he assumed led to the bedroom. On the opposite wall was a door that led outside.
A soft giggle brought his attention back to the fireplace. He jerked in surprise at what he saw.
On the rug before him, where previously had just been a bare space, now had two people lying in a naked embrace.
Not just people, but him and Buffy.
He watched himself pull back, reach out and grab a chocolate off a try lying close by and tease Buffy with it. He watched her mouth open as she tried to catch the sweet treat he was holding just out of her reach. The other Spike finally relented and let her catch the chocolate, which had begun to melt under the heat of the fire. Buffy sucked the chocolate free of his fingers, and then sucked them clean. When he pulled his fingers back she reached up and pulled his head down for a deep kiss.
“I never pictured you as the cold weather type, luv.” He commented softly.
A glow appeared next to him and formed into a translucent figure of Buffy.
“One day, after they brought be back, I actually had a week day off from Burger Hell. No one was home, I had the house all to myself, and so I curled up on the couch and turned on TV, for some quality Buffy alone time. There was a soap opera on TV that my mom used to watch, so I decided to watch for a little bit, because it reminded me of her. This was one of the plotlines at the time. Two people who hated each other got stuck in a remote cabin during a blizzard. You can see what happened.”
She smiled at the couple in front of her, laughing and playing together.
“It became my secret daydream. The two of us shut off from the rest of the world. I would play this over and over again in my head. It was my happy place I could go when the real world got too, real.”
Spike watched as the dream versions of themselves curled up against one of the chairs and just watched the fire, talking. Interrupting each other occasionally for kisses.
“I’m sorry.” Spike said finally.
“I believe you.”
“I never meant to reject her.” He shook his head. “Er, you. Or part of you, or…”
“I know you didn’t.” She interrupted; she turned to face him, smiling at him with love.
“I need you back.”
“You have me, it the others.”
“I can’t win against them without you.”
“I told you, you have me. I’m hope and happiness and love. You are my love.” She told him earnestly.
“I need more of you.”
She sighed and her smile dropped a little, he saw her flicker like a bad television connection. “There isn’t any more of me. This is all that’s left.”
“Bollocks!” Spike stared her down with fire in his eyes. “Try that spiel on someone who doesn’t know you. You are full of hope and love.”
She shook her head, the flickering became more pronounced. “Not anymore. This is all that’s left, in a pocket of dream, buried deep inside.”
The floor beneath him began to dissolve and he fell through into the waiting darkness.
“Buffy!” He screamed out, but the cabin and her aspect were gone.
Anguish
This time as he was tossed around the darkness his own feelings of loss and pain cut into him. His demon couldn’t even raise enough strength to battle against the mind searing anguish.
Distress
He could feel himself breaking apart.
Torment
Everything he was was being torn apart and scattered.
Bitterness
Until all that remained were the memories of pain.
Misery
Then even those memories dissolved as well.
He was nothing just an empty vessel filled with just one thing.
Despair
“Buffy!” He whimpered.
Heartache
The impact when he hit the ground sent a physical pain through him in an almost pleasurable contrast to the emotional pain. For a long time he didn’t move, just lay there. He wondered, when linear thought returned, where he was?
Who was he, for that matter?
And why did part of him hurt so much.
These questions finally forced him to open up his eyes. He saw broken concrete all around him. He tried to focus his eyes so he could see farther away.
Blonde hair.
Sightless hazel eyes.
Broken.
Spike pushed himself up quickly, the way his bones and muscles protested he wasn’t sure he could make them work.
“Buffy?” He whispered.
All of his memories flew back into him when he spoke that name. The first one that hit him was the site of her body flying down through the air right before she hit the concrete and the physical pain that came with that was almost as bad as his original landing. Like a dam that had been broken the rest of his memories followed that wave.
He forced himself up on shaky legs, knowing he had to get away from here. For several moments he thought he was going to be physically ill, but he managed to get himself under control.
He stumbled out of the construction site, when he got to the middle of the street in front of it; he pulled out a cigarette and lit it. Only then did he look behind him at the monstrous tower. He noticed that it seemed to be surround by a grayish cloud, just like the one surrounding Buffy’s house.
Almost to reassure himself, Spike breathed in deeply, enjoying the vanilla perfumed air.
A growl, that seemed to shake the air itself ran across the street. Spike cursed wondering why he didn’t sense her before. He looked over his shoulder, and sure enough, there she stood.
The Slayer.
His legs started moving before he turned his head back around so it was a shock to run into another creature. The impact had him falling on his backside.
He looked up in shock to see Buffy’s Vampire Demon in front of him.
Spike growled, a warning to a younger Family member, one she should have to obey.
But she didn’t, instead she reached down, picked him up with one hand and threw him back towards the Slayer.
He managed a very ungraceful roll before coming up into a defensive crouch. He again used that growl, but again the vampire before him didn’t respond in the slightest.
Spike looked over his shoulder and saw the Slayer was approaching behind him. The tower was on his left and these two approached from the front and the rear. He had no choice but to take off down the street, in the only direction left open to him.
He ran forward knowing he couldn’t lose them, he wouldn’t even be able to hide from them. The only thing this would accomplish would be to buy him time. Hopefully, Blue would sense he was in trouble and wake him up again.
He pulled up short when he saw the Slayer suddenly in front of him. He turned towards his right but the vampire was that way. Again he went in the only other direction left available to him without going backwards.
This happened several more times, but it didn’t take Spike that long to realize they were leading him somewhere. He slowed his pace and tried to figure out where he was, hoping for a clue where they were taking him. Unfortunately, Buffy’s dream world wasn’t that detailed or correct.
Then he saw something he knew. The entrance to the Magic Box.
Spike slowed to a walk. He pulled out another cigarette; he dropped the first one when he saw the Slayer. He lit it, then threw open the door in his usual arrogant way.
There she stood with her back to him. Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail, and she had on blue jeans and a long sleeved shirt.
“Hello Spike.”
Spike sauntered right up to her. “I suppose you’re the one in charge here.”
She turned and faced him. Her face was devoid of any makeup, but she still looked beautiful.
“You aren’t as stupid as most people think.” She commented.
Spike backed away with a knowing grin. He sat down at one of the research tables and propped his feet up.
“So which aspect are you supposed to be? Courage?”
“I’m logic and reason.” Every sentence she spoke was delivered in the same matter-of-fact tone, completely unemotional.
Spike couldn’t help it, he burst out laughing.
She raised one eyebrow at him. “You find that amusing?” She asked.
“Its not like you’ve ever been know for your thinking skills, luv.” He said, still laughing. “It’s kinda like letting a one armed blind man drive your car, innit?”
“You’re trying to provoke me. It won’t work. I don’t have that capability any longer.”
“Really?” Spike put his legs down and leaned forward. “Then where is that fire? That righteous, holier than thou, indignation? You used to be full of it.”
“Strong emotional responses that would inhibit my mission have been contained.”
“Your mission? And what might that be?”
Just then the Slayer burst through the front door and Vampire Buffy burst through the door to the training room.
The two entities came and stood next to Logic Buffy. Spike shook his head. Why couldn’t he ever fall in love with a woman who wasn’t complicated?
“I have to thank you. I never thought I could get these two to overcome their natural instincts so they could work together.” She looked at the two beings before her.
“Then you rejected her.” She absently reached out and stroked the hair of the Vampire Aspect. “Hatred is an amazing bonding agent.”
“So you’ve brought me here to thank me, have you? Have anything specific in mind?” He raised an eyebrow at her suggestively. Twin growls answered him.
“My baser urges have been contained with those bothersome emotions.” Buffy answered over the growls. “No, I’ve brought you here because I won’t have you trying to enlist any other Aspects of myself into helping you.”
“I’m not sure I know what you mean.”
Buffy looked at him impassively. “I know there’s a bubble of hope out there. Even though there’s only a remote chance you could build her up enough to make a difference, I won’t risk it.”
“Surprised you didn’t contain her.” Spike commented dryly.
“There wasn’t enough of her left to worry about. Until you got re-enlisted into the Scoobies, but even now, you usually do her more harm than good.”
“So what? You won’t let me see her again?”
“Spike, I’m not like everyone else. I KNOW you aren’t stupid and I’m not about to underestimate you. I’m going to kill you instead.”
Spike jumped up so fast he knocked the chair over. The two Aspects on either side of her leaped onto him as one.
[Reviews - 165]
-
Table of Contents [Report This]
Chapter or Story |
Chapter or Story | 
Chapter or Story
Has been viewed 1889 times
- Text Size +
-
Table of Contents [Report This]
Chapter or Story |
Chapter or Story | Chapter or Story - Text Size +
Author's Chapter Notes:
A/N: I know a lot of people have been waiting for this, so I really hope it was worth the wait. Please review and let me know what you think.
And I wanted to wish everyone a safe and happy New Year!!!
And I wanted to wish everyone a safe and happy New Year!!!