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Chapter IX: Fear is the Most Elegant Weapon



By the time Spike made it back to the house, the night was fading into early morning; it would only be a few more hours until sunrise. He stood before the front door to the house and took a deep breath. The cool night air felt cleansing deep in his lungs. He looked down at his bloody hands and couldn’t help the smirk that came to his face.

Tonight had been as much of a rebirth for him as crawling out of his coffin had been. He had let go off all the pain he had been holding deep inside himself and it left him with a feeling of resolve. With the newfound clarity he also remembered who and what he was. He wasn’t some businessman, nor was he someone who settled when it came to love. He was William the Bloody, Slayer of Slayers, fourth descendent from the Master himself.

Now that Spike was back in control of himself he planned on taking back what belonged to him. No longer was he the Slayer’s whipping boy, or the lovesick fool stalking her through the shadows. He knew now that Buffy was meant to be his. For her demon to recognize him the way it did, he knew that he had been right all along, she did love him. Even if the woman he knew no longer existed, she was still his Buffy on some level, and he planned on taking back what belonged to him.

At first Spike had blamed the soul for changing him and making him forget the rules he used to live by, but then he realized that it hadn’t been just the soul. He had slowly begun to doubt himself ever since Drusilla had left him. Then having a chip put in his brain and falling for the Slayer hadn’t been real affirming for his self-esteem. By the time he had been resurrected at Wolfram and Hart he was no longer the man he had been, he was more like a watered down version of Angel. He had even come to believe, as Angel did, that to really love Buffy he should stay away from her. He ignored his own nature and the nature of his demon, living like a human, letting his fears guide him.

Although even when he had been human, William, the insufferably weak ponce that he was, before he was turned, had not let fear run his life, especially not where love was concerned. William had always believed that love would be the power that overcame everything, even the deepest and worst fears.


First though, he needed to talk to Raven, it was only fair to her. As much as he didn’t want to hurt her, she needed to know that he had come to accept that the only woman for him was Buffy. He did have genuine feelings for Raven, but they were stale and diluted compared to the emotionally inspiring passion he felt for Buffy.

He cracked his neck preparing himself for the worst when he faced Raven, then he entered the house and walked quickly upstairs to their room. When he got there he found himself face to face with three stone-faced Hogoshas and his bags packed, lying near the door.

“Raven…”

”Save it. I saw her when she came back to the house. I saw the marks on her neck.” She glared at him. “What a coincidence they match the ones on your neck.”

Spike sighed. There was no arguing with her; Raven knew vampire lore better than most vampires. It was part of the training she underwent as a child. She knew that it was virtually unheard of for a Master Vampire to mark a younger vamp, even if they were family. Angel had done it to Spike when he was first turned, but it was only to establish dominance and teach him, since Drusilla was incapable.

He knew he could try to convince Raven that he was doing just that, enforcing the family connection in an attempt to gain control over the volatile Slayer, but he couldn’t lie to her anymore.

”If it makes you feel better I almost got staked for it.” He told her.

Raven raised an eyebrow at him, a gesture she had gotten from him. “Her boyfriend?” She asked coldly.

He gave her a small smile. “No, actually it was Buffy.”

Raven let out a bitter bark of laughter, it sounded strange coming from the normally cheery woman. “Nice girl you chose there.” She said.

It was Spike’s turn to let out a bitter laugh. “It wasn’t about a choice.” He bent and picked up his things. “It was…” But he couldn’t continue. How could he explain that Buffy was as much a part of him as his demon? There was no choice to be made or if there were it had been made a long time ago and not necessarily for him. The Slayer was his mate, his other half. He’d have a better chance of asking it to rain up instead of down than to deny his love for her.

But he couldn’t tell Raven that. It was bad enough she suspected he never really loved her as he thought he had, but to give her that confirmation would just hurt her too much. So instead he said. “You don’t have to stay, you know. I told you before this isn’t your fight.”

Raven visibly stiffened and her eyes opened wide. “You think I would abandon my duty because of this?” She asked incredibly.

Spike cursed himself internally for putting his foot in his mouth so wonderfully.

For all her wild clothes and progressive ideas, Raven had still been born and raised in a very conservative part of Japan and many of their ideals were ingrained in her. He had basically just questioned her honor.

“Bloody Hell!!! I didn’t mean…”

Raven just held up her hand to stop him. “Just take your things and go.” She told him formally, and then turned and walked into the bedroom, one of the other girls followed her leaving Spike alone with the other.

He could tell she was a Slayer by the tingling that remained with him. She was slightly taller than Raven and her face was more round. She was also built more heavily than Raven, but Spike had no doubt that it was all solid muscle.

She looked at him venomously. Spike met her eyes levelly, refusing to back down from her stare. “I never meant to hurt her.” He told her sincerely.

The girl shook her head and looked at him disgustedly. “That is the problem with lying to yourself, it is usually other people who hurt because of it.”

Spike let her words sink in. “Right.” He nodded, knowing full well how right she was, he thought her eyes softened a bit with his admission, but he couldn’t be sure.

He turned to walk out of the room when her voice stopped him. “And my name is Myoko, if I here you call me anything other than that I will rip your head from your body.”

“Got it, M.” Spike said before darting out the door, he knew it probably wasn’t a good idea to bait an already pissed off Slayer, but he just couldn’t help himself.

Spike looked down the hallway wondering where Giles’ room was located. He needed to talk with the Watcher because now that he wasn’t bogged down with all of the emotional baggage he had been able to puzzle out some of the things that had been troubling him about this situation. He had known something felt rotten, and he was sure it was more than just Riley’s attempts to kill him, but his preoccupation with Buffy had kept him from figuring out what it was exactly.

He was just about to start sniffing out the Watcher when the screaming began to sound up the stairs.

As Spike raced for the stairway he could hear doors opening behind him as the others came out to see what was going on. He noticed a flickering light speed by that had to be Pixie. As he bounded to the bottom of the stairs, Helena appeared at the top, she gracefully leapt over the railing and landed on the floor beneath, directly in front of him.

He followed her towards the training room in the back of the house, as he did he heard Xander shout, “Will!!” behind him and realized it was indeed Red’s voice. He raced along faster.

He entered the training room on Helena’s footsteps and saw Willow immediately. She was writhing on the floor crying and yelling. Buffy stood a few feet away simply staring down at her impassively. Spike froze at the sight of Buffy as the others rushed past him to see to Willow.

Xander slid to the ground and scooped her up in his arms, at the contact her yelling subsided slightly into loud sobbing. “What the hell did you do to her?” He demanded of Buffy over Willow’s crying.

“She was warned.” Buffy growled at him.

Shadow appeared out of the floor, next to Buffy, just as Giles and Dawn arrived. Dawn immediately went to Willow’s side, while Giles looked to Spike to see what was going on. At his blank look Giles approached Shadow and Buffy.

Angel stood next to Spike as they all but faced off with Pixie and Helena across the room. Raven, Myoko and Mimoko stood in the doorway and Illyria stood off to the side. She could read the emotions in the room as clearly as the others could see. The tension was thick and she prepared herself for the violence that would occur.

“What is the meaning of this?” Giles demanded. Shadow looked at him completely unperturbed by the rage he saw in the other man’s eyes.

“I’d like that to know that myself.” He directed the comment to Buffy.

“She was trying to use magicks to get inside my head, you told me she had been warned.” Buffy finished with a shrug. She walked over and picked a towel up from off of the ground appearing to put the entire situation from her mind that easily.

Giles almost turned purple at her attitude, but before he could say anything Shadow spoke. “I thought I told you to get some rest.” His voice was dangerously quiet

Buffy turned back to look at him. “I was too keyed up to sleep and since you weren’t around I decided to get some training in.”

Shadow walked over to her and began whispering quietly, but the vampires could still make out what was being said. “Go to the room and let me handle this.”

”Fine, but she was trying to break down my mind, she wanted to incapacitate me. Why else would she have done what she did without asking?” Buffy countered.

“I’ll deal with them, you just go up to the room.”

“Remind me why we had to take this job again?” Buffy asked him coolly, Shadow just gave her a look that obviously spoke volumes because Buffy gathered the rest of her things and walked to the doorway.

She came face to face with Raven standing directly in the middle of the doorway. She gave the slightly smaller girl a small mocking smile. “Excuse me.” She said, her tone just as mocking.

For a few seconds Raven didn’t move and Spike was worried she was going to attack, everyone in the room seemed to ready themselves for the battle that was about to occur. Just when he was certain there was going to be bloodshed, Raven’s eyes flared once and then she stepped aside to let Buffy pass. Spike let out a silent sigh of relief, he knew that if he was no match for Buffy now then there was no hope Raven would last a minute with the other woman, even if the other two girls jumped in to help out

Willow’s crying had gotten much quieter now, but she was still sobbing uncontrollably. Giles turned to Shadow. “This situation is intolerable. We do not wound innocent men, we do not blackmail the government and we do not hurt our own team members. We are supposed to be on the same side!! And don’t give me that bollocks about ‘that is why we hired you.’ You would do well to remember that we did indeed hire you and we can just as easily fire you!!”

“Really, all your talk of fair play and yet your witch was trying to get into my Slayer’s mind to break down her walls and drive her crazy.” Shadow retaliated. Spike growled quietly at Shadow’s claim that Buffy belonged to him. She may be sleeping with him, but Spike was certain that she did not belong to him.

“What did Buffy do to her?” Giles demanded.

“That’s the funny thing, Buffy didn’t do anything. Your witch just ran into the security system Buffy has in place in her mind, so no one could enter without her permission. Its kind of like an electric fence, only this fence is made of bad memories pain, and fear.”

“Willow was only trying to help her.” Xander snapped from his spot on the floor.

“You all need to get it through your heads once and for all, Buffy does not want your help. She isn’t broken, she doesn’t need you to fix her.” Shadow snapped. “You want to lecture me on working together, than try to respect my team members wishes.”

“From now on we will leave her alone.” Giles informed him as he stepped closer to the other man. “But the next time a member of your team hurts someone on ours we will not hesitate to retaliate and we will hold you responsible.” He told Shadow menacingly.

“Really Ripper? And just how do you plan to do that?” He questioned Giles. Giles muttered a few words Spike couldn’t make out and went to grab him. Of course, Shadow melted down into the ground, but Giles’ hand seemed to follow him into the shadow. When he raised his arm he had Shadow’s neck securely in his grip. “Don’t underestimate me.” Spike and Angel could both hear the promise of violence in Giles voice.

Shadow grinned at him. “Well its about time one of you lived up to your reputation, Ripper.” Giles let go of him with disgust.

“Keep pushing and you’ll find out you aren’t the only ones who can be deadly.”

“Oh, I think we’ve come to an understanding, as long as you leave the Slayer alone we shouldn’t have anymore problems.”

“Fine.” Giles turned to look after Willow.

“All of you?” Shadow persisted; he looked directly at Spike as he said this.

Spike grinned at him and sauntered to the middle of the room to face him. “Do you want the truth or should I just lie to make you feel good?” He asked him cockily.

“Spike…” Giles warned from his spot on the floor.

“Whatever happens between the Slayer and me is between us.” Spike told Shadow.

“She will kill you.” Shadow pronounced.

“But what a way to go.” Spike’s smile grew bigger.

Shadow shook his head before disappearing down into the floor.

Giles stood up and grabbed Spike’s elbow. “Did you lose your soul? Or is it your mind you’ve lost?” He asked him.

Spike glared at him. “Neither, but we need to have a little chat about our new friends.” Giles turned to look at Willow still crying in Xander’s arms. Spike could read the concern on his face and knew what the Watcher was thinking. “Xander is calming her down, she won’t be able to tell us anything for quite a while by the looks of things and this is important.”

Giles nodded his agreement. “Yes, there have been some developments here, as well, that you should be aware of.”

“We’ll need Blue to make sure we aren’t overheard. You collect her, I’ll grab grandpa.”

“Right.” Giles turned and spoke softly to Xander and Dawn before he walked over to Illyria.

Spike walked over to Angel. “We need to have a conversation, Peaches.”

“Does it have anything to do with those marks on your neck or the fact that Buffy’s scent is all over you?” Angel asked dryly.

“Actually, no, you swishy wanker, it doesn’t.” Spike snapped back. Giles approached with Illyria.

“My room would be the most secure, I believe, it is the farthest from the other bedrooms.” He said quietly.

Spike shook his head. “No, we need to go outside the house.” He insisted.

“It would be wiser to discuss things outside of this house.” Illyria agreed. “They can hear everything here.”

Giles looked back a Willow concerned and again Spike knew what he was thinking. Was it safe to leave them here by themselves when they were currently defenseless? Spike’s gaze wandered to the doorway where Raven still stood with the other two girls and suddenly Spike knew how to kill two birds with one stone. He walked over to her.

“I need you to do something for me.” He told her quietly. She looked up at him in surprise. “I need you to keep an eye on things here. See what our new friends do to keep busy and make sure no one can get the drop on the others. I need to have a conversation with Blue, Angel and the Watcher.”

Raven’s look of surprise turned into one of reflection. She nodded her head at him agreeing to his request. Spike knew that even though she was still be upset over their breakup, she would feel much better now that he showed her how much he appreciated her skills and trusted her. Raven said something in Japanese to the other two girls and they immediately slipped out. This time Spike was certain he saw something besides disdain in Myoko’s eyes.

Spike nodded back at the others and they immediately followed him out of the training room to the front door. They had just opened the door when Dawn came hurrying behind them. Spike turned as she approached. “Where the hell do you think you’re going?” Spike asked her.

“With you.” Dawn informed him as she put on her jacket.

“Like hell, Nibblet. You need to stay here and help the Whelp take care of Red.” Spike turned away dismissing her.

Dawn reached out and grabbed his ear twisting it hard and yanking his head down towards her. “Listen up, WILLIAM.” She said loudly in said ear. “I am going with you whether you like it or not. There are some things you need to know.” She gave his ear a sharp twist. “And stop calling me Nibblet.” Then she let him go and headed out the door into the night, the others followed after her with Spike taking the rear complaining about the damn stubborn Summer’s women.


Back in the training room Xander sat on the floor with Willow in his arms talking softly to her. Raven left her position in the doorway and approached him once Dawn left.

“Maybe we should take her up to her room. She may calm more quickly laying down.”

Xander nodded his head at the petite Japanese girl, but didn’t stop his quiet words to Willow. He moved his arms underneath her, so it would be easier for him to carry her, and stood up. As he and Raven turned to leave, Helena spoke up.

”I have some herbs that may help her to rest.” Xander stopped walking and exchanged a look with Raven. Neither of them felt comfortable trusting the cat woman, not with everything they had heard about her and not with what they had seen so far.

“Thanks for the offer, but we can handle it from here.” Xander told her, just as Willow’s crying grew louder.

Raven put her hand on his arm indicating he should wait. “What kind of herbs do you recommend?” She asked Helena.

“Oh she can’t really help you.” Pixie laughed. “Whoever heard of a helpful kitty?” There was a bright flash of light and they could hear her laughing as she flitted out of the room.

“She’s kind of annoying.” Xander muttered.

“I would make a tea with Black Currant, Chamomile, Heather, Hawthorn, Lavender, Lemon balm, Motherwort, Marjoram, Passion flower, and St. John's Wort.” Helena told them. “That way not only will she get some sleep but it will also help relax her so she can better let go of the dark feelings still inside of her.”

Xander sighed. “I don’t really trust some herbal tea coming from a Jaguar demon who happens to also be a vicious killer.”

Helena stiffened visibly. “Fine. I’m sorry I offered.” She walked past them out of the room.

“The herbs she was talking about would help to calm the witch down.” Raven said to Xander. “I am also familiar with them so I would be able to watch and make sure that she doesn’t add any extra ingredients.”

Xander looked at Willow, who still hadn’t been able to talk or do anything but cry. “Its worth a shot, I guess. I’ll take Willow up to her room while you talk to Helena.”

Raven left to chase down, while Xander headed upstairs with Willow. Once he had her lying on the large bed he stroked her hair lightly. “Come on Will. Talk to me.” He whispered, but Willow just continued to cry.

Xander what it was exactly she saw inside of Buffy’s head that would have this kind of effect on her. How could someone who had once been his best friend do this? Did Buffy mean it when she said she no longer cared at all for them? How was that possible? How did you turn off all emotional attachments completely?

Xander also wondered about Shadow and the Rogues, he had a feeling they were about as trustworthy as Riley’s soldiers.

Then there was Riley. Granted Xander had never been close friends with the soldier, but he had considered him a friend. How could Riley have ordered his men to do those things and why would he do that? Didn’t he realize after all his experiences that playing games like that in the middle of an apocalypse wouldn’t help?

Briefly Xander wondered what his life would have been like if he hadn’t become friends with Buffy all those years ago. Would he have a normal life now? He would still have both of his eyes. But would he have become like his parents, locked in a loveless marriage and stuck with a child he couldn’t stand the sight of?

He let out a sigh. The truth was he wouldn’t trade his life the way it was for anything, but even still he had regrets. Anya being his main regret. He wished she were here with him now, he could use her matter of fact speech right about now. While Illyria reminded him of his ex-fiancée with her blunt speech and her tendency to take things too literally, she was far from the warm, happy girl he had once loved.

Sometimes he wondered if Anya was really dead. What happened to ex-vengeance demons turned human when they died? Did she move on and was she at peace or had she been resurrected as Spike had?

There was knock at the door and Helena and Raven walked in with a steaming mug that actually smelled pretty good.

They got Willow to sit up and drink down the hot concoction. It worked almost immediately, her crying slowed to sniffles and she fell into a restful sleep. Raven looked at him with compassion.

“You need to get some rest. You will be no good to her if you are exhausted when she wakes. Go get some sleep I will watch over her.”

Xander wanted to argue with her, but he knew she was right. He ran a hand through his hair.

“I guess you are right. Let me know if she wakes up.”

”I’ll come and get you right away.” Raven assured him.

Xander and Helena both left the room together.

“Thank you for your help.” Xander told the strange woman before him. He noticed how beautiful her eyes were, similar to that of a vampire, but only green instead of the bright gold color.

“My father was a healer and he was training me to follow in his footsteps. I would never offer help unless I meant it.” She told him.

Xander studied her for a moment. “You’ll have to forgive my distrust. This situation hasn’t exactly bred good feelings.”

Helena nodded, in understanding. “However, much of what is commonly known about me in Brazil in not exactly accurate. You should know this before you judge me.”

“There is still the matter of the soldiers you attacked earlier.” Xander responded.

“Would you prefer they were left to try and kill members of our party? I was under the impression this mission would be hard enough without having our team cut in half by treachery.”

”Your boss doesn’t think it will be so hard.” Xander countered.

Helena was silent for a moment. “I have worked for Shadow for several years now and he has never given me a reason to mistrust him.”

“And Buffy?” Xander asked, wondering if she could give him any insight into his old friend.

“The Slayer keeps to herself. She is not what you would consider a ‘friend’, although I do trust her with my life. She has been there in a pinch for me time and again. I wouldn’t have the answers you are looking for regarding her.”

Xander wandered if there were any answers that would help him understand the woman who was once his friend.


Meanwhile, downstairs in his office, Shadow sat on the phone. Jason was on the computer next to him, while Simon stood watch over the two soldiers they had in captivity.

“Major Finn, we have a problem.” He said into the phone.

“You are damn right we do!!” Riley answered him. “What is the meaning of attacking my soldiers? They were supposed to be there as backup!!”

”You know perfectly well we don’t need any back up. I assumed that giving us a common enemy to fight would make them more likely to trust us.”

”Then you underestimate them.” Riley told him. “Is that the problem you are experiencing?”

“One of them.”

“What’s the other problem?”

”William the Bloody has decided to fight for the attentions of my Slayer.”

”He doesn’t give up does he.” Riley said bitterly.

“I don’t have to tell you that all of our plans will be for nothing if he manages to reach her.”

”I thought you said that was impossible.”

”I thought it was, but he managed to get through to her demon earlier.”

”Do they have any idea yet that Buffy is the warrior of stone?”

”None what so ever.”

“Good.” Riley sighed. “We need to get rid of Spike as quickly as possible.”

”I have already thought of that, but I don’t think a disappearance or a murder would help our cause much.”

”No, I have a better idea.” Riley told him. “I couldn’t get the ground vehicles you requested, but there is someone in the city that has access to these types of machinery. The thing is he won’t just hand them over to you, someone will have to fight for them.”

”Fight for them?”

“His name is Henri and he runs the local demon fight club.”

“Ah, so I get Spike to fight for our vehicles and he accidentally dies in the process.”

“Don’t underestimate, Spike. He’s worse than a cockroach.”

“Give me the details on this fight club. Simon and I will take care of the rest.”

A/N: Sorry this took so long, but I finally caved and broke up Spike and Raven so I had to rework a lot of the later chapters. I hope this will make everyone happy. HOWEVER, this does not mean Buffy and Spike will be reunited any time soon. There is still a long ways to go before we have them wholly back together, but if everyone would keep the faith I promise not to disappoint. Once again thank you for all the reviews and the nice e-mails.
My website should be up by the middle of next week. It will have my fanfiction as well as "Balance", my original story. Updates will be posted there first. Anyone who is interested should check it out. I apologize for its rough appearance; it will be a work in progress.
www.kyrasdreaming.com

Coming up next: The Scoobies prepare to face enemies within and outside.





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