5. Beauty and the beasts.

“You’ll never know evil just by fucking him.”
Buffy turned back suddenly, her face half guilty and half bored. Who the bloody hell was Spike to give her moral teachings? Damn, she was the Slayer!
“Leave me alone,” she hissed, turning away from him.
Spike grabbed her arm. “Hey, no, not so fast. You’re not respecting our deal. I brought you Angelus because I wanted him dead…not because I wanted him in your bed at the speed of light. You can’t say you had a bad teacher.”
She looked at him, arms crossed. “You talk about deals? Angelus already knew everything about me, and he knew I was waiting for him. He even knew about what…what happened between us. Am I wrong to think you set me up?”
“You’re free,” Spike whispered, letting her go. “Look at me, I’m not even holding you. Tell me why you did it. I understand Xander, and the need to train …but I don’t think you really understand who Angelus is and what kind of danger you’re facing. You’ll not survive to tell it, Slayer. Not you, nor your immortal soul.”
“I…I don’t…”
“Don’t try to lie,” he smiled. “I smell it, I feel it instinctively. I feel it with my whole self…even with my demon, that excites you so much when we make love. Yeah, we make love. With Angelus it’s just sex…and it’s not even that good.”
“What do you know about it?” she provoked him, raising her head.
“More than I want to,” he answered immediately, lighting a cigarette. “He’ll use you in any way he likes…he’ll use your womb, your blood, your spirit and your strength. And when he’s done, there won’t be anything left of you. And you’ll still implore him to give you more.”
“It sounds exciting,” she replied.
“You’re a silly little girl,” the vampire answered. “And I’m sillier than you. I thought you were different. I bet you went looking for him. Sexually I mean…”
Buffy blushed. If only Spike knew how close he was to the real truth…
“Well, this isn’t a surprise. Not at all. Between us, I am the slayer of the Slayers…he just twists the spirits and the bodies of all the people around him. And you’re no exception.” Spike threw the fag-end on the ground, and started to walk away.
“And your girlfriend? How does she feel?” she asked him suddenly.
“Worse and worse. The ritual will take place in three days.”
“You haven’t kept your promise, Spike, and I won’t keep mine. I forbid you to perform the ritual…at all costs.”
He blew smoke into her face. “I’d like to see you try that, Slayer. I really would.”
She put her hand on the stake she kept on her belt. Confused, she asked herself what had happened to transform her lover into an enemy in so few days.
Angelus.
Her body, still inflamed by his caresses, which were tortures too, was leading her to complete loneliness: no, she told herself, I’m strong. Everything’s all right, everything’s all right.
A couple was approaching from the other side of the cemetery. Buffy snorted when she realized it was Xander and Cordelia.
“Your friend has consoled himself quickly,” Spike noticed, smiling. “I wonder if her performance is as good as yours”.
Buffy looked at him, asking herself why she hadn’t already dusted him…maybe it was the memory - still not totally clouded by Angelus’ disruptive presence - of the passion she knew in his arms.
That she had now completely experienced in the arms of another vampire.
“You two together again! Yahoo!” said Xander, pretending enthusiasm. “So, it was a serious affair.”
“As much as yours with Cordelia,” Buffy replied in the same tone.
“Hi Hottie McHot,” Cordy greeted Spike. “So, you’re Buffy’s new boyfriend? Do you find her obsession for saving the world from monsters and vampires attractive?”
“Something like that…” Spike admitted, appreciating with a smile Cordelia’s dark beauty. “I didn’t know she had such…nice friends.”
“We’re not her friends,” Cordelia reassured him.
“No, we’re not her friends anymore,” Xander repeated, watching Buffy, searching for the smallest clue why she, his Buffy, had changed so much. She didn’t seem happy with this weird platinum-blonde guy. She didn’t seem happy at all.
He had loved her, he really had. So why had she broken up with him?
“Let’s go. Harm’s waiting,” Cordy answered. “And we still have to discuss the new cheerleaders’ uniforms.”
Spike and Buffy watched them walk away.
“Why did you make them believe we’re together?” asked Buffy.
“Because it lets your friend rest easy…don’t you see that? He still loves you, and if he’s with that girl, it’s only for revenge. And she is worth more than that. She has a good sense of humour.”
“And why do you care about that?”
“I don’t, really.” Spike continued on his way, but then he turned back; he couldn’t resist the temptation of getting the last word.
“He will destroy you, Buffy. I’m telling you the truth. And that makes me sad. Bloody hell, it makes me really sad. I thought that…”
But Buffy wasn’t listening. She sat on a tombstone, staring at nothing. And he was already out of her life.
Or at least he believed that.



Spike lit up another cigarette and followed Xander and Cordelia. Her words had made him curious.
Angelus had already told him that Buffy had looked for him and seduced him - if it was possible to talk about seduction with a demon like the dark-haired vampire - and for him it hadn’t been a surprise at all.
When they had planned to weaken the Slayer’s defenses, and conquer the dominion on the Hellmouth, they both took for granted that they would get the most benefit they could from the circumstances. Nothing is sweeter than a Slayer’s blood…except her pleasure.
“You’re the same old stupid Spike,” he told himself, while he was settling himself opposite the Bronze back entrance, observing the two humans talking with a pretty blonde girl.
Pretty and blonde like Buffy.
But not so intense.
Her flame has burned me, Spike told himself, with no fear of facing the reality. He knew it was a typical teenage expression: “to carry a torch for someone” meant to fall in love with someone, and he didn’t like that analogy at all. But it was the truth: he was carrying a torch for Buffy, and the fire was burning him.
It wasn’t the first time Angelus had taken something or someone away from him, and it probably wouldn’t be the last. Since William, newly born as a vampire, had discovered that Angelus and Dru were lovers, a lot of blood had flowed under the bridge. But nothing had really changed. Spike had always been the little brother, the one who always made mistakes, the one who always came second. And that applied to who they bedded, too.
But not this time. This time he had been first, she had been his…and she would be his again. He just had to be patient.
Patience is not my strong point, he told himself smiling, looking at Xander and Cordelia walking away, and the pretty blonde girl who was pulling up her stay-ups.
“Have you got a light?”


Buffy didn’t want to go home. Home was Revello Drive. Revello Drive was too close to…him.
She couldn’t stop thinking about him. After Spike’s words she was even more on fire. She knew the risks of approaching too close to that dark fire…but she was the Slayer. She was strong and righteous. She could do that.
That night she had knocked Spike down, and soon she would have done the same to Angelus. And then she would be free from both of them. Freed by a stake.
Almost without realizing, she was in front of Willow’s house. Willow’s parents were inside; she could hear their voices from the garden. She went around the back of the building and knocked at the window of her friend’s bedroom.
Willow was alone and - surprise surprise! - she was studying.
“Buffy! I wasn’t expecting you…but come in, please.”
Buffy entered, playing with her stake. Distracted, she noticed that the object had a phallic shape: couldn’t she think about anything else?
“Are you busy? I can go, we’ll see each other tomorrow and… ” Suddenly, Buffy thought that coming to see Willow had been a bad idea.
“No, no…stay. To be honest, I’ve been wanting to talk to you for a couple of days …alone. Buffy, I’m a bit concerned about you.”
“There’s nothing to worry about,” Buffy reassured her, nervously wandering around the room and watching the little goldfish swimming in the small aquarium. “I’m fine.”
“Are you sure?” Willow insisted. “You don’t look fine at all…ever since you broke up with Xander. It’s hard to believe, but it seems like you’re worse than he is.”
“We met tonight,” Buffy admitted. “It was weird. Cordelia and him…they were OK together. I’d never have believed it if someone had told me that a couple of weeks ago. Everything happened so fast…”
“You’re talking about your new guy? His name’s William, isn’t it?”
“Willow, we’re not together, I’ve told you. It was just a flirtation.”
“I’m sorry, but I don’t believe you,” Willow insisted, her expression resolute. “You’re not the kind of girl who flirts with total strangers during the night. Not you. I’ll never believe it.”
“Xander saw us together,” Buffy insisted. “Willow, people change, grow up. And make mistakes. Don’t idealize me. If you only knew what I…”
“C’mon then, talk to me!” Willow insisted. “I thought I was your best friend…don’t shut me out from your life.”
Buffy sighed. “He was with me tonight. William, I mean. We’re not lovers any more, and we were arguing…then Xander and Cordelia arrived, and he pretended to be my guy. I don’t know why, maybe to make me crazy. But the problem is not him. The problem is me.”
“Why?!” Willow said.
“Because there’s someone else. Another man, you could say.”
Willow looked at her with an astonishment which seemed comic to Buffy. She wanted to laugh, but she didn’t want to offend Willow.
“You left Xander for that William…and already you’re with a third guy?”
“Slutty the Vampire Slayer!” Buffy was ironical despite herself. “You see I can be even worse than you believed.”
Willow approached Buffy, who was sitting on the bed, and caressed her cheek.
“As far as I’m concerned you can sleep with the entire Sunnydale football team, and you’ll still always be my Buffy.”
“I know,” Buffy whispered. “But maybe it’s not the same for me.”
“What’s the other one like?”
Buffy made a strange sound. “Dangerous. Very. And charming…and I can’t stop thinking about him” Without realizing it, she was using the same words she had used to describe Spike. Charm and danger…that was what her dark princes had in common. Her two vampire lovers. In every other way, they were so different…
“You two…I mean…”
“Have we made love?” Buffy smiled ruefully. “Yeah, if you can call it love. We’ve certainly had sex. Willow, are you shocked?”
“Yes!” Willow admitted. “No! I mean, I don’t know…are you happy?”
“Do I look like I am?”
Willow shook her head. “Maybe you should take a bit of time for yourself. Don’t see any of them. Not Xander, or William, or this new guy. Don’t you think?”
Buffy took Willow by her shoulders and kissed her on the cheek. “Thanks, Willow…You don’t know how important your friendship is to me. I know I’ve disappointed you…but perhaps being a Slayer makes me also a bit of a slut.”
“You don’t have to apologize at all. I love you for what you are. And you’re extraordinary, Buffy.”
Buffy smiled, and went off into the night.
She would keep her promises, now that she knew that at least Willow believed in her.
She was sure about that.
The light was on at number 1628 in Revello Drive. Instinctively, Buffy looked up at the window. Angelus wasn’t alone. She could hear whispered voices from up there.
Forgetting wisdom and common sense, the girl climbed up the trellis. Despite the acute hearing of the vamp, she didn’t think he was aware of her, because she could hear his low, sexy laugh coming through the window. Buffy’s blood ran cold and fast through her veins.
A couple of centimetres to the left and, thanks to the thick tree that stood right in front of the window, she could enjoy the show.
Save the possible innocent, said the voice of Right.
But there were no more innocents. The entire world around her had suddenly become grey.
There was a shape on the bed. Long, thin, white legs in the soft candle-light. A woman’s legs. Naked legs.
The heart in Buffy’s chest seemed to stop beating.
The delicately shaped head, with shining white hair, was Spike’s. He was naked too, except for a pair of worn black Levi’s, the buttons undone. He was wearing his game-face, and he was slowly and sensually drinking his victim’s blood. His mouth was on the girl’s neck, and her closed eyes and open mouth made her look as if she was in ecstasy instead of pain. Buffy’s lips parted instinctively.
Spike and the girl were not alone.
Kneeling on the bed next to her, Angelus’ head was between her legs. After a long, everlasting instant, Angelus looked up, and Buffy could see his long teeth, dark with blood. There was more blood on the sheets, and on the white legs of the girl, who continued to resist weakly, prey to both the vampires and to the intoxication their bites had aroused in her.
For a second Buffy had the impression that Angelus was looking straight at her. She hid in the shadow of the leaves, trembling. For the sake of her mental health, she preferred not to ask herself what she was afraid of.
They looked like beasts.
They were beasts.
It wasn’t the first time Buffy had seen a vampire feed…but it had never been like this. Never.
That was not just feeding…that was pain, death, sex, torture. Together, indivisible. And something inside her, maybe the Slayer, woke up at that sight.
Kill.
Destroy.
Fuck.
Her underwear became wet, and she lost control of herself when she recognized the girl.
It was Harmony, Cordelia’s friend..
Soon, she would be no more.
“No need to watch the show from so far away, girleen…I bet that balcony is so uncomfortable,” said Angelus, looking her with his yellow demon eyes…his golden eyes…showing his teeth even more. “I can smell the scent of your pleasure from here, Slayer…do you wanna give a bit of it to us?”
“Yeah, why not?” Spike added, gently shaking his head and assuming his good-looking human features. A glance dark as hell and an ironical smile were all that was needed to make Buffy’s knees tremble.
“There’s nothing left to do in here. You can see it’s not so interesting…some sex, some blood…but nothing I would keep for more than one night.”
Harmony’s heartbeat slowed. Softly, Spike lay her head on the pillow. It looked as if she was sleeping.
It’s too late, Buffy told herself. It had already been too late when she saw the two vampires eat her alive.
There was only one thing to do.
Only one thing to feel human again. Despite everything.
“I must kill you both,” she said. “Maybe not now…not tonight. But I’ll do it. Even if I lose my life…or my soul.”
She could hear the sound of the two vampires laughing even from the street.
In her anxiety to get away, she didn’t notice Spike’s worried and passionate glance, or Angelus’ sarcastic and unmerciful one.
Literally, she had no more ground under her feet.


“Giles, I need to talk to you. Please…” Buffy moaned, her face against the little wooden door of the watcher’s modest house. She didn’t want to go home during that endless night, lie in her immaculate bed. Pretending was not an option any more.
Darkness was her world, and everything was becoming so dark…
But Giles wasn’t there. Damn, he must be out with Miss Calendar.
I’ll never have the courage to do it, Buffy told herself. If I don’t talk to him now, I’ll never have the courage, and I’ll go down deep into the dark…
At that moment she heard the asthmatic engine of the old Citroen. Buffy raised her head: something in her face probably showed her shock, because both Jenny and Rupert hurried up.
“Buffy!” they said simultaneously, picking her up. “Are you hurt?” Giles inquired.
“No…but I need to talk to you…alone.”
“No problem - I was just about to go home,” Miss Calendar said quietly. She smiled to Giles: she hadn’t intended to end the evening like that, but she understood that the watcher’s duties came first.
“I’m sorry, I’ve wrecked your evening,” Buffy whispered, while Rupert was leading her towards his little lounge and making some tea.
“Don’t worry. Does your mother know you’re out?”
She shook her head. “Would it make a difference?”
“I don’t think so,” Giles admitted. “There’s none so blind as those who don’t want to see.”
“Precisely. But I can’t stand this deception any more. My life’s not been… normal…for a long time…and now less than ever before.”
“What’s up, Buffy? Talk to me…”
“Angelus is here. Spike told me,” Buffy lied. “And the ritual will take place in three days…I still don’t know all the details, but I think we must discover where it will take place and stop it…and kill them. Kill all three.”
“And your deal with Spike?” inquired Giles.
“I don’t think he respected it. I think he was in league with Angelus…and besides that, is it or is it not my duty to wipe out both of them?”
“But there will be two of them…three if we count Spike’s girlfriend, even if she is weak…and it’s possible there will be other vampires, their followers. And we already know that Angelus and Spike aren’t ordinary vampires. Could you, your friends and I face and defeat them? Or would it be a suicidal trap?”
“You’re not going anywhere,” Buffy said, her eyes shining. “I‘ll go. They’re beasts, and I’ll kill them.”
“I can’t allow you to do that.”
“I’ll do it, and you know that,” Buffy insisted. “I’m the Slayer…and I alone. At the end of the night, before the dawn comes, I’m always alone.”
“Buffy, be reasonable. You can’t win alone. We can wait…and see how events develop.”
“If the ritual takes place, Spike’s girlfriend will be healed…and she will be another obstacle. She is also an ancient and powerful vampire.”
“That’s true, but I don’t think that...”
“Don’t you understand?” Buffy stood up, nearly shouting. “Whether I live or die, my destiny is to fight them! There’s no reason to discuss it…I need you to do your research, Giles. Find out what this ritual consists of, and how I can stop it. I’ll try to discover where and when it will take place, then we’ll act. I’ll go alone, but Miss Calendar, you and Willow will support me from the outside. That’s it.”
“And Xander?” Giles asked.
“Don’t you know yet?” Buffy laughed bitterly. “Strange, because we’re the school joke. Xander left me for Cordelia.”
“And do you think they won’t help us, if we ask them for help?” Giles asked her, disinterested.
“Maybe if you try.”
Buffy picked up her things and left. When she arrived she had been desperate, she had wanted to confess everything…that she was the sexual plaything of both vampires. The realisation that they were real, evil demons had forced her to admit what she had become, and that it was destroying her.
But there wasn’t an easy way to explain that to Giles. She was aware that while she was here, there were no ways at all. There was no way to tell him that a part of her - the part in the shadow, maybe the strongest and the most detestable part of what Buffy Summers was made of - had wanted to be there that night, in that filthy and bloody bed, between the two vampires, letting that blood, pain and pleasure start to flow.
No, really, she couldn’t explain it to him.
She could only let him help her to do the right thing. And the right thing was, of course, to kill them.
No mercy. Before she went further down into the void…
Even if she could lose her heart.
As she was leaving her watcher, she already knew how to finish that endless, dreadful evening.
It was time to talk to Willy, the nark.





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