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With the children now gone, everyone started at the same time. What, why, who, where, why, and especially the how, were flung at Spike in rapid succession. They like Wesley took his happiness and turned it into impending doom.

“If you’d all just listen and shut your gobs. I may be able to tell you.”

“After Dru left me and I left Sunnydale the second time around, I went to Cleveland. Heard there was some information on the Gem of Amara to be found there.” Seeing Angel’s and Cordelia’s scowls at how well that plan turned out, he paused, shaking it off and continued.

“I was drunk and in a gutter when she found me, pulled me out before I fried, then took me home. After I came too, I considered having my way with her, then killing her. I couldn’t, she looked at me and smiled, laughing when I vamped. I did everything I could to intimidate her, she took the lot of it grandly, joking back with me. Now ten years ago, hell seven years ago I would have just killed her, but after spending too much time with the lot in Sunnydale I just couldn’t. Besides kind of liked the thought of not scaring the bird. She was beautiful, her name was Isabelle and Tara reminded me a lot of her actually. She had long dark hair, the most beautiful brown eyes you could ever see and curves that would have had Degas running for pencil and coal.” Spike shrugged out of his jacket laying it over the front desk and began pacing back and forth. Isabelle’s beautiful laughing face kept flashing in his mind almost making him double over in pain. To think of the loveliest creature, inside and out, gone from this world by a cruel twist of fate made every emotion he had churn inside.

“We became friends and lovers. She’s still the only human woman I’ve ever been with. She was a goddess and I was afraid my strength would hurt her. She seemed so fragile, little did I know huh.” Spike’s fingers itched for a cigarette but knew Cordelia would stake him. The whole room was now in silence as he told his tale, something that rarely if ever happened.

“She’s the one who started it all. Me wanting to change to be more than I was. For her. I had just finished getting my info on the Gem when the Order of Taraka ambushed me. Told me they’d kill Isabelle if I didn’t leave town all peaceful like. I couldn’t risk seeing her hurt, and she didn’t belong in my world. I did things that I would never wish for her to see, and couldn’t bear to have her look differently at me. Leaving her some money and a letter and I left, but not before making it known that I’d destroy anything that laid a hair on her head. From there I went to Sunnydale, thinking she was better off without the evil Big Bad around. About the time they chipped me, my children were being born. Leaning against the desk, he felt the rage and sorrow building to a boil inside him.

“How could I have not known? She shouldn’t have had to go through it alone. I should have been there, should have held my children as we brought them into the world, or went back for her. I should have felt that she was dying. She was my mate, how could I have not known.” Spike shouting, his rage reaching a crescendo. He pulled his fist back, ready to take revenge on the wall.

Angel feeling his pain, knowing first hand what it was like, grabbed Spike’s hand before it could do any damage. Spike looked into the eyes of his Sire and collapsed in his arms. Grief shaking him to his very core.

“Isabelle was right there with me on the beach, right beside me Angel. Why didn’t I feel here, why didn’t I know what she was going to do? She was my mate, I loved her, God, why didn’t I know.” It took the last of Spike’s strength just to stand. In the span of seven months he’d lost both women he loved. His demon and his soul howled in pain.

Spike never noticed the other’s leave, giving them both space, time and privacy. Angel held Spike as he would have held Connor in the same situation, the same way Spike would hold Adrian. As a father. He had Spike had spent so many years at war with each other that they never really stopped to see just how alike they were. Seemed to him that the Powers really got a kick out of torturing their favorite vampires.

“Why did this happen, we can’t even walk into the sun anymore to heal the misery. You wanted it, I never did, so why me. Eternal torment, I could handle, by why break my heart and soul forever. It’s a sick and cruel joke, it has to be.” Spike slowly regained his composure, ashamed of himself for falling to pieces. Looking around he watched in tears as his children came into the room, spitting images of Isabelle that he would treasure for eternity.

“Daddy, why are you crying?” Adrian came up to him, pulling him down to his height.

“Because I loved your mother very much, and I am going to miss everything about her pet.” Holding his arms for his children, he was glad when the rushed into them.

“It’s okay Daddy, mommy’s not sick anymore. She’s an angel now and she’ll always be with us.” All Spike could do, was hold his children. Knowing that for as long as he existed, he would mourn their mother. He was grateful for their existence, at least he had these pieces of her with him.

For them he would start a new life. No more fighting and demons, he couldn’t risk their lives. He would give them a normal life. They were his responsibility and he would give them a happy childhood, for the sake of their mother and for him. Spike had lived as a demon would for too long, now for his children it was time to live the life of a human. He was scared that he would mess up, at least he had a great family behind him, knowing they would catch him when and if he would ever fall.





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