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Author's Chapter Notes:
Part Two of Month Eleven.
*****
“Daddy! daddy! Wake up!” Shrieks filled his ears and the springs heaved underneath him as two little devils threatened to either break the bed, make him seasick, or pummel him to death, there was a possibility of all three.

Spike laid as still as death, not moving until his children stopped and both sat on his chest. He stopped breathing and slowed his heart to a point where it could only be heard with a stethoscope. Spike knew that they were looking at him, trying to get any reaction from him at all.

“Daddy playing dead.” Adrian said to his sister not fooled by his father. He had seen his father breathing when they had come into the room.

“Daddy. Daddy. Wake up.” His precious daughter thought herself so smart when she bent to his ear and whispered into it.

Spike waited until the count of ten then in a flash caught both of his children in his arms as they squealed in surprise. Laughing when he started tickling both of them until they could barely breathe.

“Monsters, both of you. The one day daddy decides to sleep in you have to jump on him until he feels like jello.” For emphasis Spike lifted them both up in his arms and pounced down on the bed, jarring them and making them laugh even more.

“If all of you are ready, there’s pancakes and eggs in the kitchen.” Fred stood in the doorway her petite frame already slightly showing her pregnant state. She looked beautiful this morning with her hair down and a flowing summer dress on. Spike had never seen her look as beautiful as she did with the morning sun hitting her and making her glow even more if that was possible.

Wesley came up behind his wife putting his arms around her and kissing the top of her head while gently rubbing her stomach. He had been doing this a lot lately, ever since Fred had told him she was pregnant in fact.

When Fred had first told him she was pregnant all he had done was stare at her and that was before the “Oh dear” past his lips. He had never planned on being a father after the mess his own father made with him. But now seeing Spike so enraptured with his own children Wesley knew he could put the past behind him and be the kind of father to his child that his father had never been for him, loving and supportive.

“Why don’t you two come with Auntie Fred and I while your father gets dressed. You have a big day ahead of you and you are going to need all the strength you can get, so is your father.” Wesley bent down on one knee and was overjoyed when two remarkable scamps plowed into him almost knocking him on his rear. Lifting them both up into his arms he smiled at Fred and left with two giggling imps.

“He’s going to make a good da.” Spike was proud of how far Wesley had come in opening up to all of them and how quickly he had adjusted not only to Alyssa and Adrian, but to the knowledge that he was going to be a father.

“It’s good to see him with the children, after the whole Connor fiasco I don’t think he ever looked at a little boy without it affecting him. He still feels bad for all of it even though Angel has forgiven him. I don’t know if Wesley will fully ever forgive himself for what he did, even though at the time he felt he was doing the right thing.” Fred walked into the room, not caring that Spike was still basically undressed and bent to grab a packed box off the floor.

“Give me that, you know you shouldn’t be carrying anything.” Spike grabbed the box from her hands, grateful for that one morning of his life he wasn’t being plagued with morning wood. He didn’t know if he could handle Fred seeing him in that situation. He always looked at her as if she was so pure and good, even though the girl knew what too much for her own good, and even though he had seen her naked in the shower.

“Oh, please I’m pregnant, I am not infirm. That box can’t weigh more than five pounds at the most, I carry more than that when Adrian wants to be held.” Fred yanked the box back out of his hands and walked out of the room despite Spike’s further sounds of protest.

Spike threw on a clean pair of jeans and a plain white t-shirt then dumped his dirty clothes from the day before in a laundry basket to be done later at the house. Grabbing a couple of boxes, he headed down the stairs with them. Luckily they didn’t have much to move or the stairs would have become an obstacle. Planted the boxes beside the ones already stacked from the children’s rooms beside the front door Spike made his way into the kitchen for breakfast with his children.

The children were sitting at the table in the industrial kitchen the plates and mouth’s full. Alyssa was still trying to talk through her food. Chatting to Fred who turned more pancakes on the griddle. Angel and Cordelia walked in through the back door chatting with Willow, Dawn and Connor. It was all that Spike could do not to growl at Willow and Dawn. Instead he helped himself to a plate full of food and sat beside his children.

“Aly, please don’t talk with your mouth full.” He gently reminded his daughter moving her glass of milk away from the table edge.

Alyssa looked at her father and said okay, her mouth still full of food. Adrian didn’t pay any attention to either one, he was too busy moving from the table and running toward Angel at full throttle. It never failed to amaze Spike at how much his children loved Angel. He just hoped their outlook on him wouldn’t change when they later in life found out about both his and Angel’s sordid past. Angel much to Adrian’s delight scooped him up in his arms, sticky mess and all.

“Angel the boy needs to eat his breakfast. We have a big day ahead of us and the sooner we get finished here, the sooner we can be on our way.” Spike having lost his appetite since Dawn and Willow had walked in the room dumped the rest of his breakfast in the garbage and left the room. They couldn’t get to the house quick enough for him today.

He knew that one or the other was following him but he didn’t bother to acknowledge them, just went back up the stairs and into Alyssa’s room. Stripping the bed he began folding the bedding and putting it in a box. Even when she was standing at the door staring at him he didn’t stop, just kept working. Packing the few clothes that remained and boxing up the remaining toys. Once the room was bare he stacked the boxes and made toward the door, daring the chit not to move. In the mood he was in he would just as soon plow over her as ask her to move.

“We need to talk Spike?” Dawn voice said flatly in the hall as she moved aside to let him out.

Spike didn’t acknowledge her just lugged the boxes down the stairs to the front door. Before turning around and going back up. He made the same quick work with his son’s room and again had the door blocked by Dawn.

“You can’t keep avoiding me, sooner or later we need to make peace and I’m not going to stop until we have.” Dawn trailed after him this time instead of being left behind.

At the bottom of the stairs he unloaded and turned, only this time to have Dawn fully blocking his path and not moving out of the way.

“I’m not moving until you talk to me, your being childish.” Dawn’s voice was getting shrill and loud now which was starting to attract attention from the kitchen.

Angel was the first one to step through the door followed by Cordelia, Wesley and Connor. They all stood back not knowing what to say. Angel went to step in but Cordelia held him back.

“You can’t keep running away every time that things get rough. When are you going to learn to stand up and start facing the reality of things. What are you teaching those kids by doing this?.” Dawn was almost shouting, her hands clenched in frustration at her sides.

“You either let me past or I will physically move you.” Spike growled his fists clenched at his sides. He wouldn’t hit her, but he damn well would move her if he had too.

Out of the corner of his eyes he saw Connor start toward them only to be held back by both Cordelia and Angel. The boy did not want to get involved in this. Spike had just enough rage left in him to do damage that he may or may not regret later.

“I’m not moving until we finish this.” Dawn stood her ground even rising up a step to look down upon him.

Spike not wanting to have any kind of fight with the children so near did the only thing he could do to get away from her, he turned around and went up the other stairs, leaving her yelling in frustration behind him. There was no winner in this type of fight except for the person who walked away and Spike intended to be that person.

Gunn was coming from his room as Spike rounded the corner, which was perfect for Spike and meant that he could be out of here even sooner than he expected, even though now wouldn’t even be soon enough.

“Hey Charlie, that truck of yours still running all right?” Spike stopped only for a second not knowing whether Dawn was on his heels or not.

“Yeah, she running all right, why?” Gunn knew he was being conned into something, and he had his feelings as to what.

“We’re leaving today and I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind helping. There’s some boxes that I can’t fit in my SUV and I was wondering if you’d haul them for me. I’d make it worth your while.” Spike looked over his shoulder and toward the stairs, hearing Dawn’s footfalls on them.

“What do you have in mind? Man you know I hate moving.” Charlie hadn’t even had breakfast yet and he was already getting roped into things.

“Know of a little robot man that you’ve had your eye on for a while now. Well I just happen to know where it is, could give you the info if you help.” Spike knew just where to hint for Charlie to take the bait.

“All right man, just let me grab some grub and I’m yours.” Gunn’s stomach was starting to rumble and he could smell Fred’s pancakes all the way up here. That girl sure did know how to cook.

“Nah, man I’m getting ready to leave in a few minutes.” When Spike heard Gunn grumble he decided to sweeten the deal so that they could leave in fifteen minutes if they hurried.

“Angel and Connor are down there along with Wesley. Get stuff loaded now and I’ll even buy the damn thing for you.” Spike could hear Dawn’s footsteps in the hall and had to move quick.

“All right man, but this had better be worth it.” Gunn turned and walked away grumbling about being friends with him and whining about his missed breakfast.

Spike had just rounded a corner when he heard Dawn take off at a run to catch up to him. Grabbing him by the arm she pulled him around to face her. Spike’s angry eyes flashed gold and the ridges on his forehead formed and his teeth elongated. Now they were far enough away from the children that if it was a fight that Dawn wanted then Spike would give it to her.

“How dare you walk away from me?” Her eyes flashed icy at him, full of anger.

“If you don’t mind I have things to do before I leave.” Spike turned around again only to be grabbed yet again.

“Yeah that’s right things get bad and Spike leaves. What happens next Spike things get hard being a father and you walk away from them too. You did it to me, you did it to Buffy, when are you going to leave them behind.” Dawn was almost wild with anger.

“I’m leaving to give my children a better life away from all of this. Away from things they don’t understand. There are things that you don’t understand, things that you will never understand. You locked me out, do you remember? Or are you so self righteous that you forget that? And just for your information little girl, just because your father abandoned you doesn’t mean that I am going to abandon my children.” Spike’s demon was howling to slash and bash due to the anger built up inside.

“What about Buffy? Don’t you care about her? You’re off every day doing who know’s what while Fred and Wesley watch your children. You’re off having fun and living life while my sister lays there never moving, and barely breathing on her own. Yet now Spike is off to have a grand adventure.”

“I do not, nor will I answer to you. You chose not to be a part of my life when you locked me out, or do you conviently forget that part. And that’s right Dawn, I’m out living life. It’s what you wanted me to do right? Or was it you just wanted to play the puppet master and see how long you could pull my strings. Well sorry for you luv but you don’t have my by the short and curlies. What I do now with my life and my children is no one’s business but my own.” Spike turned and tried to walk away but Dawn grabbed him by the arm yet again digging her nails into his forearms almost hard enough to bring the blood.

“You seem to forget something, Spike, I do own you. Or do you seem to forget that it’s my sister that’s on life support. I can pull the plug on her and there’s nothing you can do about it.” Dawn’s eyes were getting dark with rage and even Spike wondered now what was going on with her. The girl had been abandoned so many times in her life that it was making her insane.

“That’s enough Dawn!” Angel was behind both of them and pulled her hand off Spike’s arm. Neither one of them had heard him come up behind them.

“Spike go finish your packing Fred and Cordelia are getting the kids ready. If you hurry we can leave in fifteen minutes.” Angel took a hold of Dawn’s arm and pulled her back and away from Spike.

Spike left Dawn in Angel’s hands and went the back way toward his room. He would not be happy until tonight when they were finally home. The thoughts of seeing the children running through the house had his mind so fogged that he didn’t see Willow sitting on his bed when he walked into the room.

He began throwing his few things haphazardly into boxes not taking the care with his possessions like he did with Alyssa and Adrian’s. If things had been going different then he would have, but right now he wasn’t in the mood. Looking up and seeing Red on the edge of his bed made some of the anger come back.

“Get out before I throw you out. I’ve had enough today that I’m going to take from you bleeding women.” Spike went to yank the bedding off and almost sent Willow tumbling to the floor.

“I’m not here to argue with you. Dawn’s hurting and has her reasons. Mine are different. I think you’re doing the right thing. You’re doing something that I couldn’t do a few years ago. Spike, you’re getting on with your life and letting go, it’s what we all have had to do and some of us still need to do. I will tell you that I thought it would take you longer, but I’m glad it hasn’t. Your children are wonderful and you are doing the right thing for them. You are going to give them the normal life all of us have always wanted and have never been able to achieve.” Willow now standing was looking at him a smile on her face. She was fidgeting which she was always prone to do when she was nervous. Willow would always still be the same shy geeky girl inside no matter how much more of a Goddess she became.

It was hard for Willow not to mention Isabelle while talking to Spike. Her weekly meetings with the ghost had given her a lot to think about, so had watching Spike do everything to give Alyssa and Adrian the wonderful lives they would have. She wanted to tell Spike that Isabelle still loved him and looked after them, but she knew she couldn’t and it was eating her up inside. Though somehow she knew that Spike could feel Isabelle. It was the look he had when ever he look up to the cliff as if he could feel her there. Even though Willow wanted so much to tell him she would never betray Isabelle that way, not when it would mean the end to her entire existence. It would have to be enough that she would always look out for her family.

Spike just looked at her as Willow seemingly stared off into space like a proverbial cadet. She had a far away look in her eyes that said she wasn’t quite all here at the moment. Who knew maybe she was making contact with the other side, though it did unnerve Spike that she could so easily go into the ether while still being quite visible. Willow looked at him, snapping out of her stupor when she felt Spike’s eyes drilling into her brain.

“Sorry, was just thinking for a minute. I want you to know that if you need anything or anyone just ley me know. Kind of like that summer when I was able to get into everyone’s head, just think about it and me and I’ll hear.” Willow was fidgeting, not knowing whether Spike would believe her or not.

“Will do, but you know I don’t like the mind mojo. How about if I stick to a phone call?” Spike was starting to think differently about Red. Maybe they could start to build a new friendship later. Right now he still had some hard feelings that he had to get over first, but if she was willing to try then so was he.

“Would you let me help you pack? I would like to see the house from the inside for a change.” Willow started folding his sheets when Spike froze at her comment.

“Have you been spying on me Red?” Spike couldn’t help the growl that came out. He didn’t like the thought of people being able to gain access to the property without his permission.

“From the cliff above. I heard about the magic surrounding the place and wanted to take a look at it. I didn’t mean any harm and I stayed on the outside of the circle I swear.” Willow was still busy folding, hoping that somehow Spike wouldn’t get her to slip up and make her spill the beans about Isabelle.

“What do you mean by magic. Ran a test on the place myself and it came up clean.” Spike dropped the things he was holding haphazardly into a box, concern was etched on his face. Concern that if Willow got close then someone else could also, someone with enough power to blow to hell the sanctuary he was building.

“I thought you knew. There’s old magic around the whole area. Powerful, actually so powerful that it knocked me on my ass the first time I came upon it. Don’t worry the place is safe. Anything that’s thrown at it bounces back on the owner times a thousand. Even the smallest chant against the place would blow someone to smithereens. I think the Powers have something to do with it.” Willow knew as soon as the thought was out of her mouth that she had stepped in it, and big time. There was no way that Spike was going to let that comment go.

“What the hell do you mean that the Powers have something to do with it. I don’t want them messing around with my kids.” Anger rolled off Spike so much that it pushed at Willow making her shields come alive and making her skin tingle.

“I’m saying it could be not that it is. Spike this magic is even more powerful that anything I’ve come across and that includes when I went all evil. I couldn’t have busted through it then and I can’t now. The magic around the place is as old as time itself and just as powerful. Think about all the power that was harnessed to create Dawn and multiply that by a million and you might come close. No one will be able to get to you or the kids there, it’s impossible. I wouldn’t tell you this if it wasn’t true. I would never do anything to put your children in danger.” Willow looked at him open and honest using not one bit of magic to cover any of her thoughts up, if Spike wanted to he could look into her mind at that moment and see everything like a moving picture, even Isabelle staring down at the house. She was glad when Spike chose to believe her without delving into her mind. It meant that he was starting to believe her again. Willow was glad, she didn’t have many friends and the ones she did she didn’t like being at odds with.

“I believe you Red, but I want to have someone else take a look at it just for a second opinion. I know your all big with being a Goddess now, but I want everything double checked now that I know. I want you there when they do just so that they don’t try anything funny. You’d be able to pick up on that quicker than anyone.” Spike was getting to feel a little easier about the whole thing but he would not feel a hundred percent until he had seen the proof for himself.

Willow was fine with that and nodded her agreement. It was only right that Spike would want another opinion, she would too if it was her family that could be put in any kind of danger.

“Why don’t I make this job easier on the both of us.” With Spike’s nod Willow muttered a little incantation and with a wave of her hand everything was put neatly in boxes, including the things that had been tossed in before.

“By the way Spike about the other matter. I can hold them off for one hour, do what you have to do and say what you need to say. The barrier will be down for that long, any longer than that and Dawn will know. I will get you there. When the time ends you’ll be transported back here at the same moment you left no one the wiser. Just make sure to tell her that I love her and I miss her more than ever.” Willow waved her hand and said yet another incantation in Latin and Spike felt a tug at his solar plexus and then he was hurdled through space and time.

When Spike landed it was with a bone jarring impact into wet soggy ground. Spitting out a mouth full of grass he went aching to his feet a sprinkler drenching him with water.. Instantly he recognized his surroundings and pain forgotten he started to run. He was in the back yard of the estate, right inside the property line. He knew now what Willow meant.

Not caring about the mud on his clothes, face or shoes he ran opening the back door as he went. He left muddy prints and splatters along with open doors and tipped over furniture in his wake. Whatever consequences he incurred would be worth it a thousand times over.

Spike’s heart was pounding with exertion when he finally made it to her room, the same room she’d had when he left. The door was open and sunlight poured in and on her face making her ethereal with it’s glow.

Her long hair had been shorn, much like it had been the time she had disappeared except now it wasn’t chic just butchered, her face was a pale contrast to her face, the purple shadows never disappearing. Veins showed now prominently through her skin. Her nails were short and devoid of any polish to make them more feminine. There had been a time when Dawn or one of the other girls would come in and add a little make-up to her face to give her a little more color and life, evidently those days were long gone. Buffy’s lips were dry and cracked no one had thought to add even a little gloss to them.

To Spike she was the most glorious creature to ever come into existence and his heart leapt with joy at being near her again, even if it was only for a short amount of time. Sitting gently beside her, he took her hand in his kissing it tenderly and holding her palm against his face. Pain coursed through his body with such and intensity that he couldn’t even cry.

Laying his head on her chest as the emotions started to overwhelm him only to feel her strong heart beat in her chest. His own heaved and the pent up emotion that had been building over the past months exploded and a part of him knew that this could be the last time he saw her. This was his chance to say goodbye, the last time he would ever hold Buffy in his arms. For this time his journal would go silent and instead of saying the words to paper, he would be saying them to her. Maybe later he would put them down in the journal, or maybe he would leave them blank with the words better left spoken only once. The year was almost complete and in another month their would be no turning back for any of them.

“Willow told me to tell you that she loves you and that she misses you. I don’t know whose been in to talk to you or if anyone has. If I see Dawn again I’m liable to ring her bloody neck hopefully twisting it off in the process. It’s been so long since I’ve been here by your side but I don’t have much time so I’ll try to keep things to the basics. I found out a few months ago that I am a father to two twins, a boy and a girl. Their names are Adrian and Alyssa. I know that they would adore you. They have often asked who the pretty woman was in the picture I keep in my room at the Hyperion.

This afternoon we are leaving to start our lives the three of us, well four if you count Clem, he’s still around and going to be the children’s nanny. I’m going to try being a college professor for awhile. Maybe I’ll get lucky and run across those Initiative bastards so I can rip them from limp to limp. Soldier Boy I’ll leave alone since he did come through in a pinch when the chip went haywire.

The house is beautiful and you would love it, big with a huge yard. It’s near the ocean and you can hear the waves from every room. I would love for it to be our home, all of us together. Raise a family, maybe even have some children of our own. Lead normal lives with car pools and bloody PTA meetings. Go grocery shopping and for long walks on the beach and never have to worry about the monsters ever again.

We can’t have any of this Buffy if you won’t wake up. I want to give you everything you ever dreamed including the normal life, but you have to let me. You have to want this. I am not in your mind, or even in your dreams Buffy. I am right here beside you. I’m not stuck in the bloody Hellmouth, but right by your side where I promise to stay for the rest of our lives together. You have to wake up Buffy, for us, for the family we’ll have. For the life you’ve always wanted. Wake up Buffy and be with us, not because we want you here, but because you want to be here.”

Spike felt the same tug in his abdomen that he felt before and knew he only had seconds.

"Dammit Buffy wake up, live for yourself, live for us and for our children. WAKE UP BUFFY!” Spike shouted the words has he was pulled back to the Hyperion and away from his soul mate and the only woman who ever made him feel complete.

Spike was pulled away before he saw the one thing he would have fought heaven and hell for. For a moment, the briefest of instants eyes fluttered, a heart beat sped up, then fingers on a right hand moved up in a grasp, one word slipped from a dry hoarse throat. "Spike!" Then all was the same.





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