I think this is the one you want:
Make Her Own Way--- by spufette http://spikeluver.com/SpuffyRealm/viewstory.php?sid=7410&warning=NC-17Summary: Buffy Summers is the mistress of Spike Giles, the most powerful man in Sunnydale. She loves him, he loves her and all, but he is also a control freak. Buffy wants to make in on her own, somewhat, but Spike is not willing to let her even try. His life, Spike's, concerns Buffy, even though this is a different tale of mistress and lovers. Buffy is trying to be independent, Spike is so not married. It's Buffy that is the one who does not want to marry!