Closure
Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters and am not seeking to make a profit.
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I can’t forget the night I left. I had the chopper wait as long as I could but she didn’t chase after me or beg me to stay. I still remember the look in her eyes when I announced I was leaving. There was regret and disappointment but no surprise. It was almost as if she were waiting for this day to come. I wasn’t the first man to walk out on her. An absentee father, broody souled vampire and sleazy campus playboy destroyed her faith in men before I came on the scene. I only added to her belief that loved ones leave.
It seems fitting that I return in the dark shroud of night. I was a coward for not sticking around to work things out. It’s foolish to think that she’s still waiting for me after five years, but I can’t help but wish that she would be. Regardless of the outcome, I have to see her again, if only to ease my guilty conscience. How hard did she take my leaving? Did she hide behind that cool façade she wore so well or fall into a self-destructive downward spiral?
As I pull in front of 1630 Revello, I note the dirty black monster of a car parked in the driveway. Gathering every drop of my courage, I quickly walk up the driveway and ring the doorbell. After a minute or two, the door swings open revealing him, bare-chested and cocky as ever.
One scarred eyebrow lifts as he studies me carefully. Piercing blue eyes bore into mine as if trying to judge my intent and read my soul. I try to make him understand that I’m not here to hurt her again. With a sharp nod, he steps away from the door and jerks his head towards the back of the house. “She’s in her bloody garden.”
Before I can thank him, the door slams in my face. I carefully make my way through the damp grass trying to keep from stepping on any of the obviously well cared for flowerbeds. As I round the corner of the house, I stop in my tracks at the sight before me. There she is, the angel who has haunted me every day for half a decade, but she is not the woman I knew.
Gone are the “slayer” clothes or cute outfits of a college freshman. Her hair has been darkened to a dark bronze and cut short to brush her shoulders. She appears comfortable in a pair of faded jeans and soft pink sweatshirt. Sensing my presence, she peels off a pair of muddy gardening gloves and slowly rises to her feet. Her greeting is soft and sweet as a summer breeze. Surely this earth goddess is not the same tough vampire slayer I loved and left.
We engage in small talk for several moments, but it is too awkward to continue for any length of period. What do you say to an ex-lover without sounding trite or callous? I don’t know if bringing up the past will hurt or if ignoring it will offend. I need closure, but not at the risk of causing her any further pain. As if following my train of thought, she smiles sympathetically. “There’s no need to apologize. It’s all ancient history now.”
The backdoor door opens and he steps out on to the porch. He raises one hand to shield his eyes from the bright overhead light as he slowly approaches. After snaking one strong arm around her waist, he presses a soft kiss against her temple. I do not imagine the faint possessive growl coming from his throat. I can’t hold it against him. If our positions were reversed I’d be doing the same.
She rolls her eyes at his behavior then turns her attention back to me. “I was broken long before I met you. I tried to tell you, tried to make you understand but you wouldn’t listen. You tried your best to make the pieces fit. When your patience ran out, when you realized that I couldn’t be who you needed me to be, you walked out. It didn’t matter that I was still broken and even more jumbled up than before. Your leaving hurt worse than I’d expected. I built a wall around my heart and refused to let anyone get close. If I couldn’t be good enough for you, how could I ever be good enough for anyone else? I didn’t want to go through that kind of pain again.”
She pauses to offer her mate a radiant smile. I don’t even bother to delude myself by believing she ever looked at me that way. Maybe if I’d been more understanding of her life as a slayer, more willing to help her work through her insecurities….
“Then he came bursting back in: brash, crass and so unlike anyone I’d ever met. He broke through the walls and without even trying made the pieces fit. I feel whole again.” Her green eyes are full of compassion and wisdom as she helps me close the door to our past. “There was nothing you could have done. The time wasn’t right… we weren’t right together. It’s better this way. Someday you’ll find someone who accepts every part of you. I promise she will be one hell of a girl.”
I kiss her smooth cheek and lose myself in her embrace one last time. Without a word, I turn on my heel to head back to my car. There is nothing more that needs to be said. I can’t bring myself to resent him for being the long haul guy. He’s made her happier than I could ever dream of making her. For that he’ll always have my grudging respect.
I didn’t ruin her life as I feared and maybe now I can let myself fall in love without being afraid. She should have hated me and refused to give the resolution I was seeking but instead she gave me forgiveness and hope. For that she’ll always have a piece of my heart.
