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Author's Chapter Notes:
As you all know Nik passed away in September, I would just like to thank everyone for all the support you have shown her and for every review you have ever left her. You all encouraged her so much in a passion that gave her so much joy so thank you.

I have recently started the very hard and painful task of sorting out Niks den room where she did everything, while sorting I have stumbled across this piece of work and I thought it should be posted as I think it's something people should be able to read.

As this is the last ever piece of completed work that will ever be posted having been written by Nik I have chosen not to beta it or change anything, this is exactly how Nik wrote it. I know the perfectionist in her was never 100% happy with it which is why she never posted it but I personally thought it was good.

Thank you once again for everything you have ever done for her - J
Acceptus epilogue
 
Buffy kissed Spike slowly along his jaw bone, before slowly working her way to his lips. Parting them, her tongue danced with his, as her slender hands ran across his arms.
 
His hands worked their way into her hair, the kisses where sweet and gentle and showed nothing of the hate they once knew for each other, they showed only their love.
 
Breaking away from the kiss, Buffy looked directly into Spikes eyes. "Goodbye Spike."
 
+++
Spike sat bolt up right in the bed. It had been a dream. The kisses had felt so real, but now he was awake the harsh reality came crashing down on him.
 
Buffy wasn't there led in the bed with him. Buffy would never lie in a bed with him again. Today was the worst day of Spikes entire existence. Today was the day they let Buffy go, and this time he knew she wouldn't be coming back.
 
Leaning over he looked at the picture he had of her by the side of the bed. She looked so young in the picture, her long golden locks he had dreamed about, flowed over her shoulders. This is the way Buffy would want people to remember her. Not as the sick person she had been in her last few weeks.
 
Turning over he closed his eyes. Hoping to get a couple more hours sleep before he had to face the moment he was dreading. Closing his eyes, he dreamed that Buffy’s warm body was led next to him, giving his dead body heat again.
 
+++
Dawn could not sleep again. She had been unable to sleep ever since her sister had left this mortal plain. No one should ever have to watch their sister die twice. It was more than Dawn could take.
 
Tossing in the bed again, Dawn finally gave up on sleep. Getting out of the bed, she put her dressing gown on and went down to the kitchen to go and get herself a drink.
 
Once down in the kitchen, Dawn found she still couldn’t escape the feeling of pain that followed her everywhere she went. Her sisters presences was everywhere in the house and it killed Dawn to know she would never feel her close again.
 
Unable to stand the pain any more, she opened the door down to the basement. It was the only place in the house where her sister’s soul wasn’t overwhelming, plus down on the basement there was Spike. Spike, the only person who wasn’t fussing over her every waking second, Spike, the only person was made her feel safe.
 
Walking down the stairs she saw Spike led on his little cot. Carefully so as not to wake him she went down the stairs. Taking the blanket from on top of the washer she went and curled up by the washing the smelt of her sister and went to sleep.
 
+++
When Spike woke up later that day, he sensed another person in the room. Sitting up he let his eyes train to the darkness, he saw little bit curled up in the corner.
 
Walking over to her he gently tapped her on the shoulder. “Hey Nibblet.”
 
Opening her eyes, she looked into the kind face of Spike. “Hey.”
 
“Couldn’t sleep again?”
 
Dawn looked down guiltily. "Sorry."
 
"Don't apologies Niblet. It’s to be expected. You might feel easier after today." They both knew that what he said was a lie. They both knew that nothing would be easier after today or any other day, but the lie made them both smile.
 
"Thank you Spike." Standing up she rearranged the laundry that she had been led on. "I should get back upstairs before anyone wonders where I have gone. Aren’t you coming upstairs?”
 
“Nah, don’t think I am welcome. I’ll stay down here, if you need me you can come and find me little bit.”
 
Suddenly Dawn looked unsure, studying her feet she refused to look up at him. “You are coming tonight aren’t you? It’s just I can’t do it without you.”
 
“I’ll be there, don’t worry. Now you get back upstairs.”
 
Sighing, Dawn gave him one last look before going up. The house was deadly silent, even though Dawn knew everyone was awake.
 
Silently she made her way back up to her bedroom, the stairs creaked on the way up, making Dawn silently curse at it breaking the spell of silence over the house. As she reached her bedroom, she stopped with her hand on her door. Retracting her hand, she turned away from her door, there was something that she had to do. She had to try and let her sister go.
 
Walking down the hall, she walked into her Buffy’s room. The room was exactly as it has been the night she had died. Her perfume still clung in the air and the curtains where still closed. The only change that had been made in the whole room was that the bed had been made. After her sister’s body had been removed Tara and Willow had made the bed. The room had then been shut off and no one had since gone in. It had become like a shrine to Buffy Summers.
 
Walking over to the window, Dawn forcefully opened the curtains. Suddenly the room was flooded with light. The light landed directly on a picture that had been taken last summer when they had all gone for a picnic together.
 
The picture had Buffy, surrounded by Dawn, Xander, Willow, Tara, Anya and Giles. Smiling Dawn remembered the happy day they had had. They had learnt to put the camera on timer and then had all got into the picture, Xander had made some silly remake and everyone had been laughing when the camera finally went off. The picture showed the happiness they had all shared together. It would be these happier days that Dawn would try to remember.
 
As she looked round the room, Dawn felt the hot tears spill down her cheek. She couldn’t believe that she was really gone. Clutching the photo frame close to her chest, she collapsed against the bed and cried until everything in the room became a blur from the tears in her eyes.
 
Wiping her eyes on her dressing gown, she finally stood up and placed the picture back where she had found it. Looking round the room, her mind still couldn’t comprehend that her sister wouldn’t be coming home tonight, she would no longer be sleeping in her bed, she wouldn’t be sat at her dressing table brushing her hair, or sat on her bed reading the trashy magazines she loved. Her sister was gone and never coming back and Dawn could barely cope knowing that.
 
Opening the wardrobe door she just needed something to hold, something that would mean she was close to her sister, so she could forget just for a few moments the frightening truth that was pressing down on her. As she scanned the closet, her mind went into overload of all the memories that poured out of every fibre in there. All the happy times they had had together, even the sad times they had shared, the things they had gone through together, they all made up who her sister was, and at the moment, Dawn couldn’t have been more proud of her. 
 
Closing the door, she looked back round the room. As she sat back down on the edge of the bed, Mr. Gordo rolled down and landed next to her. The small toy that Buffy had had since she was little looked ragged and worn, yet it looked loved. Picking it up Dawn held it close to her body. Feeling something sharp stick into her she looked down. Attached round the pigs neck was a small roll of paper addressed to Dawn. Unrolling it, she read the small handwriting of her sister.
 
As she read the note fresh tears streamed down her eyes. When she had finished she rolled the note back up and put it gently into her pocket. She knew she had found what she was so desperately craving.
 
Holding the toy close to her, she exited the room. Closing the door again, who knew when anyone would go in this room again?
 
Walking down the hall she went back into her bedroom. There she stayed for the rest of the day, filling in her diary and doing her homework, just trying desperately to get on with her normal life, but she knew that it would be a long time coming before anything went back to anything resembling normal again.
 
+++
That evening, dressed in their most sombre clothes, everyone met in the hallway. Spike was sat on the stairs, away from everyone else. Willow was holding Tara close to her body while Anya was squeezing Xander hand so tight it was going a strange colour, but he didn’t notice the pain. Giles was the only one who was sat in the lounge. He sat on the settee, not saying a word to anyone, just sat there staring at nothing.
 
According with Buffy’s wishes her funeral was being held in the evening. Her friends had tried to override her, and had wanted to plan the funeral for an afternoon, but Dawn had put her foot down, and refused to let them walk all over her last wish just like they had disregarded everything else Buffy had wanted in life. So now the evening had come and everyone was ready for the worse moment in their lives. This was worse than the first funeral for Buffy they had attended, because they knew that this wasn’t a mystical death, this was real.
 
As Dawn came down the stairs, dressed in a sombre black coat with black wool hat on her head, everyone turned to watch her.
 
Words did not need to be spoken, they all knew the time had eventually come to say their finally goodbye to the strongest among them.
 
+++
Buffy’s had made clear the things she wanted this time. Her body was to be cremated, everyone knew the reason but no one spoke it out loud, there seemed no point. So in that tiny little crematorium on a Thursday evening crammed in people from all walks of life to pay their last respects to an amazing woman and an amazing slayer.
 
There where familiar faces in the crowd like Angel and Cordelia, and then some that Dawn had never met before she guessed that they where people who owed their life to her sister. Then there right at the front proud of their greatest friend was the scoobies.
 
As her coffin was taken away Dawn got up to say her bit, Willow had offered but Dawn knew this was something she had to do.
 
“We all knew this day would come, in fact we all knew for years. As Buffy herself said ‘Slayers come with expiration dates’ so you would think we would have been ready. But I guess maybe I hoped this time it would be different, Buffy always liked doing things her way so why not be the first slayer to live to see grandchildren? But it seems fate won out. But it wasn’t a vampire that took, no matter how many times you may have tried Spike, no it was a far worse evil that took her, one that even the best slayer in the world couldn’t fight.
 
“I honestly didn’t know what to say coming up here, I am so lost without my big sister to guide me now, but then this afternoon I found this letter she has wrote, so I guess she is going to guide me through this even now. This is Buffy:
 
“’Nearly three years ago now I met a government soilder who would come to play a huge part in my life, his name was Riley Finn. The day Riley found out the true me I remember trying to tell him who I was I think my exact words where something along the lines of ‘slayer comma the look it up’. But see there is a problem with the way I told him that, ‘the’ makes it sound like it’s just me and it never was. Not from my first day at Sunnydale high when I met the ubber brainy Willow and strange-yet-make-me-laugh-everytime xander and of course Giles. See I may have been the one who was actually chosen but you guys made the slayer. You fought by my side, you where always there, you never let me down not once, and though the body of the slayer is going to be gone one day the soul of the slayer isn’t because I know its all of you, every single one of you I have met along the way. I owe so much to you all, you made me normal. So though I may no longer be around doesn’t mean I am gone, because you all make up me. The reason it hurts so much to separate is because our souls are all connected’
 
“‘ I was never the strong one, the strength was and still is inside all of you. That strength that made me who I was and made all of you who you are too, never forget the strength you hold.’
 
“’Giles I wish I had done more to thank you for all the teaching you gave me, I know I may not have seemed grateful, and yes I did switch off once or twice, but you never walked away from me. You where there when I needed you. You where my watcher, but more than that you where like my father.’
 
“’Dawnie never ever ever ever doubt that I love you. I would go to hell and back for you. I am so proud of you and who you are becoming. You are so much more stunning than me I of course hate you just a little bit for that. You are my baby sister you are going to surpass me in so many ways and I can’t wait. You are going to be amazing because you are a Summers girl. Don’t ever doubt that for a second because you have all the best bits of mom right there inside you.’
 
“’My heart does and always will belong to two men. My heart may have been bruised and broken, and sometimes I may have even wondered if it was still there, but you have helped me see I am not just a slayer put on this earth to kill nasties, I am a girl who gets to be loved and love in return, and so I would survive a thousand heartaches for that. Angel you showed me so much about this world and Spike you showed me how to live in it. My time with Angel may have passed but I don’t regret what we shared I hope I share a place in your heart like you share one in mine. My time with Spike is just starting, don’t let anyone tell you are less of a man, you may not be human, or even have a soul, but that isn’t what makes you you. You are so kind and taught me so much about myself. I was told ‘The best love is the kind that awakens the soul, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds’. And that's what you've given me. That's what I'd hoped to have been able to give you forever.  I hope that one day others can see the man I love, then maybe they will choose you like I did.’
 
“’ Every day is going to be a battle I know that as much as everyone else does but I am not one to shy away from a fight, as I once told Angel ‘Strong is fighting, its hard and its painful and its everyday. Its what we have to do and we can do it together.’ I get the easy part of this deal, because the day will come when I don’t have to fight any more, but I don’t want anyone else to give in, everyday you have to fight, fight through the pain and it will get better because it must, pain can’t and wont last forever.’
 
“’When Mom was sick she told me ‘When someone is in your heart, they're never truly gone. They can come back to you, even at unlikely times’ I know now that mom is coming back to me just like I will be back with you all one day.’
 
“’I love you all so very very much, thank you for making me the Buffy I am.    Buffy xxx’
 
“I found that today in her things in her room I thought it should be shared, I never understood how one person could have so much strength and bravery but I guess she did, it came from everyone else even if we didn’t know it.
 
“When Mom died Tara said something to me that stuck. Rather than forgetting mom I make a place in my heart and she would become a part of me, in the things that she did and things that she taught me, but see Buffy is already there, Buffy already is a part of every single one of us. So we say goodbye to her body but not her spirit, and just because she is no longer here doesn’t mean we no longer have to love her, she will still be part of our lives every single daya.”
 
As Dawn stepped from the podium the entire crematorium where upstanding in honour of their brave Buffy. Dawn clung tightly onto Spikes hand as tears covered her cheeks. Not one of Buffy’s friends could stop the tears that had welled in their eyes, but they weren’t the pain filled tears of grief they where the tears to good friend that they knew they would see again one day.
 
 
 
+++
And so that that evening in the crematorium everyone found their little bit of solace but no one really said a forever goodbye...
 
 
The end.
 





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