As Spike peered through the upstairs hall window, he watched the army of Slayerettes marching to the beat of Kennedy's drum out in the Summer's backyard. The afternoon sun had set enough that if he stood in just the right spot he could appreciate the outside view.
Plus, he was bored as hell.
'Well, at least this might be mildly amusing.' He thought, as he watched them kick and punch the air around them.
Being stuck inside a house full of teenage girls constantly arguing over bathroom rights and a multitude of other annoying things, grated on his last nerve.
Escaping out into the dark to drown his sorrows over a good pint at some cheap bar was what he looked forward to, night after night. But the day... the days were almost unbearable. Hiding in the dark, dank basement with no telly in sight and the constant pitter patter of feet above him.
Feet that belonged to girls he would loved to have drunk dry and left for dead only a few years ago.
The moments when they were outside training were a bit of alright with him though. He could wander around, watch the telly a bit, get into things he knew he shouldn't. But hey, if it helped cure the boredom, he was all for snooping once in awhile. However, the house was now pretty much snooped out. He knew where everyone kept everything and none of it he gave a fuck all about anyway.
So, he had to get a bit creative in finding something to keep him amused. Mocking the slayer wanna be's could keep him busy for a minute or two at least.
"Wax on, Wax off!" he yelled as they made circles with their arms, defending themselves against the punch of their imaginary demons.
"Paint the fence!" He shouted as he watched them start another exercise.
"Up down, up down...." Okay, the minute of amusement was coming to an end.
As he eyed them over he became impressed they could actually stay in synch. None of the stupid bints seemed to have a bloody clue as to what it was they were learning to fight against.
Hell, half of 'em could get tripped up on their own two feet if they weren't careful.
He smirked when he saw one girl stumble a bit and rolled his eyes when Kennedy charged over to her. Kennedy was yelling something he couldn't care less about while making the girl give a solo performance of all the previous exercises.
As he watched Willow's new girl toy yell instructions, he spoke sternly toward the window in mock Kennedy lameness.
"Paint the fence! Sand the deck! Don't you know... Slayer who catch fly with chopsticks, can stake anything."
Spike shook his head in disappointment as the girl cried and ran toward the house. Well, that fun was over... now what was he going to do?
Can you dust from boredom? He was beginning to think it was possible.
There wasn't a drop of damned alcohol in the house. He knew, he searched every nook and cranny. He'd smoked his last cigarette an hour or so ago. Couldn't even have a good old fashioned wank without the fear of being walked in on.
Bugger.
He blew out a sigh of frustration. "I'd wish my left nut away for a bottle of..."
He stopped suddenly. Eyes darting across the hallway. Whew! He was still alone.
Sure, Anya was human again, but you could never be too sure... those bloody vengeance demons could take a wish like that and really run away with it. Literally.
That's when he spotted it. The last bit of unseen treasure in the entire bleedin' house. His one last hope to find the cure for his boredom.
The hall closet.
Spike sauntered over, completely positive it would hold the key to keeping him somewhat sane until the sky went dim.
He faced the unknown with sheer certainty it would be his saving grace.
He turned the knob, ever so gently, as to savor the secrets it held within.
As he slowly opened the door he heard a noise, a rustling, maybe somewhat more of an unsettling, if you will.
Curiosity got the best of him as he flung the door wide open and stood before the entryway to ponder the goodies hidden within.
He quickly focused on the contents and that was when fear took hold. His eyes widened and before he could move, all of it came crashing down.
Spike fell backward from the weight of it all.
Hundreds of boxes were now on him, surrounding him. He fought them off, kicking and punching as he tried to see the light of day but they just kept falling...
It was a nightmare.
When he reached the surface, propping himself up on his elbows he realized what those horrid boxes contained. His new found enemy... the bane of his existence...
The Slayers bloody shoe collection.
Spike rolled his eyes as he kicked more boxes away from him.
Of course at just that moment, Buffy decided to make her grand entrance.
As her eyes took in the scene before her, she threw up her hands in frustration and gave the shiny blonde hair peaking out from over the boxes a look that could stake.
"Spike! What are you doing? My shoes... they're all over the place!"
Spike knocked down the pile beside him so he could see her. He flinched at the angry face staring back at him.
"Not like I knew what was in there, Buffy. Was looking for a flashlight is all. Didn't know you stored the soddin' Imelda museum in there."
Buffy huffed, "It's daytime Spike."
He scoffed back, though a bit perplexed at the comment. "Yeah, so I noticed. Vampire here, remember? What of it?"
"Why do you need a flashlight during the day?"
Oh shit, right.... "Um, basement... needed to look behind the washer, think I dropped something back there."
Buffy took a step forward, crossed her arms and didn't look a bit convinced.
Spike rolled his eyes. Damn! "Alright, alright! I was bored out of my bloody skull okay? Thought I could find something in here to keep me entertained for a while."
Her expression softened a bit. "And burying yourself in my shoes is entertainment?"
"No. This.." he gestured around him while sitting in the middle of a pile of boxes. "is a bleedin' nightmare."
Buffy grinned. "Well, looks like you've found a cure for your boredom now."
Spike looked at the boxes in disgust. The fear of what Buffy was suggesting suddenly hit him. "Oh no, I am not cramming all these shoes back into that tiny closet."
Who thought a disgruntled vampire could be so fun? "You knock 'em down, you pick 'em up. And see all those polaroids attached to the boxes? They better still be there when you're done."
Vampires don't beg, it's against their credo but right now... only option. "Please Buffy, you gotta help me. I was never good at puzzles."
Buffy walked a bit closer and started knocking a few boxes aside to clear a path. One box caught her attention and she bent down to pick it up. "Consider it practice." She took the top off and smiled brightly "Oh hey, look! My Choo's!"
Spike's eyes narrowed in confusion. "Um, bless you?"
She rolled her eyes and shook her head. "No, you big doof. Jimmy Choo's! I looked all over for these! They must have been buried in the back." Buffy took one of the shoes out, eyed it up and gently placed it back in the box. She continued down the hallway and stopped a few feet from her bedroom door, turning back to Spike.
"Thanks."
Spike started to emerge from the the boxes, only to lose his leverage and fall back down.
"Slayer! Buffy! You gotta help me, I'm drowning in footwear!"
She stopped in front of her door, Choo's in hand and gave off another big smile. "Well, start swimming Spike. Maybe after you pick these up, we could go patrol. Just us, no potentials. How's that sound?"
Yeah, he couldn't help it, he had to smile back. "Like a lame promise to make me clean this up myself?"
She smirked. "I'll let you stake something."
Spike's eyebrow raised of its own volition. "If you put it that way, love.."
Her eyes widened at the thought. "Vampires! You can stake all the vampires you want!"
With that, she hurried into her bedroom and quickly shut the door behind her.
Spike finally stood up straight, gave her bedroom one last look and sighed heavily.
Surveying the mass of shoes that took up half the hallway. He reached down to start stacking the boxes and muttered to himself.
"I just know this is going to haunt me."
THE END
Author's Chapter Notes:
This is just a little story that popped into my head today. It's unbeta'd so if you notice any errors, please let me know. Oh, and feedback is always a plus! :D