5 Flesh and blood
Neither of them said anything for a long while. He just held her as her entire body shook from crying, something she hadn’t let anybody do since before the battle in Sunnydale. He placed a gentle kiss on top of her head. Instinctively, she turned her face to his, and met his lips with her own. God, he’d forgotten how good she felt, how soft and warm her lips were against his cold ones. Of course, that was different now...
Buffy let out a deep sigh as their lips met. God, she had missed this. Missed him, all of him. Everything was the same, it was like he never even left... or was it? Something was different. The feel of his warm lips again on hers, his heart beating under the palm of her hand. Hang on... body heat? Heartbeats? She pulled away and stared at him.
“You... your heart... and...”
“Yeah... that. Thing is, I’m kinda human now.”
“But... how... why... never mind... we’ve got time for questions later.”
And once again she turned her face towards his and their lips were locked together again.
*****
Spike woke, hours later. Buffy was asleep in his arms, her head on his chest. He smiled. She’d said that his heartbeat was making her sleepy. Apparently it had worked. They must have been asleep for hours now. It had been past midnight when they finally dosed off. They had talked for hours, every now and then taking a break to make love. He had told her everything, from when he came back to the Shanshu-mission, and everything in between. She had told him about the aftermath of Sunnydale, about Rome, Dawn and the other Scoobies, and about how they were setting up a Slayer/Watcher school here in LA. She hadn’t said anything about the kid, though. Maybe she wanted Dawn to tell him, didn’t think it was her place. But he just couldn’t imagine that Dawn... she was just a kid. There was of course a chance that Red had reformed again, but he didn’t think so. That left Buffy... but he didn’t want to think that. Not Buffy with someone else... she’d told him about the setup with the Immortal, and said that there hadn’t been anybody, but still...
Buffy moved against him, and he raised his hand to remove some stray hair from her face. Even in her sleep she reacted to his touch, she turned to him and somehow managed to find his lips with hers. She moved closer to him, but he pulled away. He wanted her to be awake.
“Buffy? Time to wake up.”
“Mmmm... no... nice dream...”
“I promise this will be nicer.” He tempted her.
“No...” She was still protesting, but her eyes begun to open, slowly. He could see pain and fear in them for a split second, before she realized where she was. Then she hid her face against his chest, and he could feel the tears.
“I thought it was a dream...”
“It’s not. I’m here.” He ran her hand up and down her back, trying to sooth her.
“It felt so real... but it always does... every night...”
“I’m sorry...I’m so sorry...”
He held her as she cried. After a little while her body relaxed and she was drifting off to sleep again. But then, all of a sudden, she sat up straight in the bed.
“What time is it?”
He turned to look at the digital clock on the bedside table.
“6 in the morning. Way too early to get up, we have plenty of time to... what’s wrong?” Buffy had gotten out of the bed and was getting dressed.
“I left her with Dawn all night! How could I?”
“Buffy, love, what are you talking about?”
“Tara. I left her all night! I’ve never done that before, never.”
Spike held his breath for a moment. So... here it came. The thing he had been fearing all night.
“I was wondering when you were going to bring that up.”
He reached for his t-shirt and put it on.
“Well, it’s not like you asked about her.” Buffy looked mad now.
“What was I supposed to say? Nice to see you, who’s the lucky guy?”
“What?” She stared at him.
“Well, I didn’t exactly expect this, y’know. First I thought that Dawn, but I knew... I guess I was just trying to cover, not wanting to face the truth...”
He ran a hand through his hair and looked up at her.
“I just couldn’t bear the thought of you... with someone...”
Buffy took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Angel never told him. God... it was one thing to not tell her he was back, but this... she couldn’t believe it. Angel couldn’t have been so cruel. Or maybe he could. She sat back down on the bed.
“And then you said that there wasn’t anyone else, but you know, I may have been dead, well undead, for over a century, but I still remember how these things happen.”
“Spike...”
“So, how old is she? Just trying to pinpoint the great event here.”
“She turned two in February.”
“You didn’t wait long, did you?” He gave her a disappointed look.
“What?”
“Well, the big battle was three years ago.”
“I was already pregnant then, I just didn’t know.”
“Oh, so it was before? Well that’s even better, isn’t it?” He got up and started pacing the room.
“So, who is it? The whelp? The principal?” She stared at him in disbelief. “OK, I know, but there’s not a lot of possibilities here. Not Andrew? Please, anyone but Andrew.”
“No. It’s not Xander and it’s not Andrew and it’s definitely not Wood. Look, just listen to me...” She tried to stop his rambling.
“Why? So you can tell me what?”
“Will you just let me finish! I don’t know how it happened; I know it’s not supposed to be possible bu...”
“So, there was a little more that just a ‘hello kiss’ between you and Peaches, wasn’t there? Well, he did it once, why not another one?”
“What are you talking about?” Buffy was the one who was confused now.
“Angel, of course. That’s what you’re saying, isn’t it?”
She just stared at him.
“Were you always this stupid? Or does it have something to do with the Shanshu thing?”
“What?” He gave her a confused look.
“You don’t get it,do you?”
“Get what? What’s to get, you and Angel...”
“She’s yours!”
He stared at her. Well, at least he had stopped walking around. It had made her nervous.
“What?” He kept staring.
“You heard me.” She stared back, challenging him to question her.
“I’m not sure I did. Did you just say...” he didn’t finish.
“Yes.”
“But... that’s not possible... I’m, I mean... I was...”
“Hey, no need to tell me. Already been through the can’ts and hows and whys.” Buffy rested her head in her hands.
“Did you get an answer?” He sat back down on the bed.
“Not really. Giles researched it for a while, but never found anything. And I don’t care.”
“But...”
“It doesn’t matter. Sure, at first I was scared, and shocked and... I don’t know. But when I finally realized what was really happening, I was happy. Because then I had something, a piece of you that...”
“God, Buffy. If I had known...”
“He never told you.” It was a statement, not a question.
“Who?”
“Angel.”
“He knew?” Anger was starting to rise within him.
“Yeah. Dawn told him. I’m still not sure why, maybe she thought he knew something, you know, because of having all those connections with Wolfram and Hart.”
“Did he?”
“Know anything? No. You OK?” He was sitting on the bed, head in his hands.
“No... yes... I don’t know. This is just... it would be an understatement to say ‘surprise’ but that’s all I’ve got for now. Don’t think my minds adjusted yet.”
“It’s a lot to take in. I didn’t really accept it at first either.” Seeing the hurt look on his face, she continued fast. “I mean, I was afraid to accept it and then have it be a dream, or some kind of illusion. I couldn’t lose that. Not after...”
There was the pain again, only for a brief moment, and not as obvious as last time, but still there. She seemed to brush it off and got up from the bed again, heading for the door.
“Where are you going?” Spike got of the bed too.
“I’m going to get our daughter. Don’t you want to see her?”
“Well, of course... but...” He sat back down, staring at the floor. “What if I scare her?”
“Why would you scare her?”
“Well, look at me. I’m not exactly Mr. All American, am I?”
Buffy kneeled in front of him, forcing him to look at her.
“You. Will. Not. Scare. Her. I promise.”
“You can’t know that. She’s just a baby, she’s never seen me before, she doesn’t know who I am. I’m just a stranger to her.”
“No, you’re not!”
“I might as well be.” She could see tears in his eyes now.
“No. She does know you, and she has seen you before.”
He looked confused.
“Remember the video Andrew was making, back in Sunnydale?”
“Yeah?”
“Well, Dawn’s been showing her one of the tapes. Every night, almost since she was born.”
“That tape didn’t exactly capture the best of me.”
“Dawn says that there’s some really nice parts. Apparently, Andrew was filming a lot more than we knew.” She sat down beside him. “I never watched the tapes, I just... couldn’t. It hurt too much.”
“I’m still not sure...”
“It will be fine. Just be... you.”
Buffy got up again and left the room, turning in the doorway to smile at him.
When she had closed the door, Spike got up and started pacing the room again. Was this happening? Was there really something, someone, in the world that was a part of him? His own flesh and blood? He smiled to himself, and sat back down on the bed. Yes. There was. He remembered now, that new but familiar smell in the apartment when he had first entered a couple of hours ago. That had been her. A completely new smell, but still familiar. Because it had part of his own smell in it. And part of hers. Buffy.
*****
“Dawnie?” Buffy shook Dawn carefully.
“Mmm hmm...” She opened one eye.
“I’m gonna take Tara upstairs, OK?”
“Sure.” Dawn turned around and went right back to sleep.
Buffy picked up Tara who was still sleeping and the clothes-food bag, and left the room. In the elevator, the little girl woke up. She didn’t cry or fuss, she just looked at Buffy with her big, blue eyes, so much like his. Those eyes that knew everything.
The ride in the elevator felt like an eternity. Finally, the elevator stopped, and Buffy got out. Spike was apparently still in the bedroom, so she headed for the open door.
*****
Spike sat down on the bed. She had been gone what seemed like an hour, but was in fact only five minutes. As he heard her footsteps approaching the open door, he held his breath. She pushed the door fully open and entered the room. The little girl was almost asleep in her arms, but when Buffy sat down on the bed, she woke up. She looked him straight in the eyes and he could feel the tears starting to form again. She had his eyes, he could see that right away.
“You OK?” Buffy’s voice brought him back to the present.
“Oh. Yeah. Just a bit overwhelmed.” He smiled at her.
“I know the feeling.”
Spike reached out a hand and stroked Tara’s blonde hair. So soft. How could something that he was a part of be so soft, so beautiful? He mover closer, not wanting to miss a single moment of her presence. She reached out her arms, one hand tugging at his shirt. Buffy put her down on the bed between them.
“I think she wants you to hold her.”
He gently picked up the little body, not sure how to hold her. But then everything felt natural and he pulled her tight against his chest, feeling her tiny heart beats next to his. She reached out one hand and took a safe hold on the neck of his shirt, the other hand providing a thumb for her mouth. Then she rested her head against his shoulder and closed her eyes.
“She’s tired. She always has to hold on to something when she goes to sleep. It’s like she thinks that you’re going somewhere if she doesn’t.” Buffy smiled at the image.
“I could never leave her... not ever...” Buffy could hear the pain in his voice, understood what he was feeling, even if she couldn’t possibly know. To have something like this taken away from you... she didn’t want to think about it.
They just sat on the bed for a long time, Spike not wanting to let go what he just got, Buffy not wanting to break the magical moment. But after close to an hour, she was forced to do something to keep herself from falling asleep.
“Spike?” He looked up. “I think she’s asleep, you can put her down on the bed.”
“Can I just... hold her a little longer? Is that OK?” He seemed afraid of what she was going to say, as if he thought she would take it all away again.
She smiled at him, reaching out a hand and running it down the side of his cheek.
“Do you really think you have to ask that? Because you don’t, you know. I’m not going to take her away from you, I could never do that. But I have to get some more sleep.” She crawled under the cover, still keeping her eyes on him. “And I think you do too.”
She was right. He was tired, exhausted. He moved carefully, not wanting to wake the sleeping girl in his arms, and settled against the pillows next to Buffy. Before he knew it, he was asleep.
Buffy watched him for a while, before she was able to go to sleep too. The image of him and her - their - daughter was something she had never thought she would get to see. Still, here it was. She fell asleep with a smile on her face.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Here's chapter five for you. Emjoy!
I don't own the characters.
Thanks to Nichole.
I don't own the characters.
Thanks to Nichole.