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Hey! Sorry for the mega slow updates, but I lost the internet for 5 whole months and had no way to update. sorry! here's the next chapter, and a whole wack more are already written
Life 3 – Anything but Ordinary

Sometimes I get so weird
I even freak myself out
I laugh myself to sleep
It’s my lullaby

Is it enough to love?
Is it enough to breathe?
Somebody rip my heart out
And leave me here to bleed
Is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I’d rather be anything but ordinary please
I’d rather be anything but ordinary please

>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>

I woke up the next morning with a sense of fulfillment. Everything was right with the world. Spike kicked Vampirella to the curb, rumors were being circulated that someone else was to be asked to the Spring Formal, and Ted was away for the weekend on a business trip. Not only that, but the dress I got for the dance last Friday is drop dead gorgeous and shines in dance lights. Perfect, and not to mention I look sexy in it, so sexy Xander drooled a little.

Getting up, I crossed my room to my closet, admired my dress a little, and then grabbed a pair of capris and a tank top. The bruises on my arms were going down, but even so, I had to wear a summer sweater over my tank, since you could definitely still see the fruits of Ted’s last vicious labor.

Applying my make-up, not so dark today I noticed, as the bruises on my face were completely healed except for one tiny cut on my eyebrow. I went into the bathroom and admired myself in that mirror, better lighting, and then went into Dawn’s room where she was already dressed and ready, and she smiled at my smile. She smiled at the fact that I was actually out of my room since I hadn’t been since that Monday, and it was now Friday.

“Well, I only had the last day left, and I finished all my homework,” at that Dawn felt my forehead, “So I decided to actually go back to school. Still got detention to get through anyway.” I grimaced at that, since detention with Troll-head wasn’t my favorite way to spend an afternoon, but I’d survive. I always have, and I always will.

That day at school, when we were all gathered in the library, everyone commented on my smile, and happy go lucky mood. “What?” I asked innocently, knowing full well that me being so happy was a rarity in this day and age.

Willow just smiled and then hugged me so hard, I winced as she upset one of the still lingering bruises, but no one seemed to notice. “Has Spike asked anyone else?” I asked, as casually as I could muster, and even Giles laughed at the hopefulness in my tone, as he knew about the major crush I had on his son.

“No, Buffy, he hasn’t,” Giles answered, coming up to me and plunking an ancient tome in front of me.

“What the?” I asked, staring at the enormous volume, entitled ‘Vampyrs’. “Cool book, Giles, what is it?” I asked, flipping through the pages absently.

“That is the book I told you about,” Giles answered. My face lit up even more then. I had always loved vampires and the folklore about there being one girl in every generation to fight the forces of evil. In my mind Ted was the Master Vampire, and I had to kill him to save the world, and I always won. “Its got everything you need to know about vampires and the folklore surrounding them, and how to kill them. Go nuts.”

I grinned at Giles, hugged him, and began looking for a chapter on ‘Slayers’ as Giles had said they were called. As engrossed as I was I didn’t hear a newcomer into the library midst until he was right on top of me and practically breathing in my ear.

“Nice book, Summers. Dad give you that?” Spike asked, sitting beside me, his hand gently fingering the fabric, which concealed the scars and bruises he knew to be there.

“Yeah, it’s awesome, isn’t it? A world where I could fight the forces of darkness, conquer them… almost to good to believe.” Spike grinned, got what he came for, and left with a smile to me. I melted a little inside.

The next day Xander, Willow, and me in my awesome dress, strolled into the gym to a world magically enhanced with lighting and decorations. “The place looks amazing. Cordy outdid herself this year.” Xander beamed as I praised his girlfriend.

“She knows what she’s doing, I’ll give her that,” Willow added, hugging Oz as we reached the table where Cordy, Oz, Tara and Callie were all sitting. “Hey guys.”

I hugged Tara, still feeling slightly guilty for what I had said Monday, and then Callie, a smile tugging on my lips as I saw how much they liked each other. “So, what’s the what so far?”

Oz stared around, “catchy pop tunes, gyrating teenagers in formal wear, and a spiked punch. My conclusions are that we’ve entered a high school dance.” Everyone laughed and Oz shrugged away his comments in that way of his.

Just then I noticed a lone figure sipping some spiked punch against the other wall. “Holy god, he looks good in a tux,” I whisper, so loud everyone at the table also noticed Spike on the other side of the room. “I’ll be right back,” I add, mustering all my courage and starting to cross the room.

As I reached the half way mark, stopped and took three deep breaths, I noticed some one else gliding over to the lone figure of Spike propped against a wall. She was wearing a blood red dress with black lace against the entire thing, and her hair looked as if it was growing cobwebs. Unfortunately the entire thing looked damn good on Drusilla, and even though I picked up my pace, she beat me there and I faded into the darkness. I watched as they talked, and she wrapped her body around his, trying to get closer and practically screwing him there in the shadows. I choked a little, and tears welled into my eyes. “Why?” I asked the air.

She led him away from the wall, across the dance floor, and to a secluded table at the back where she promptly sat on his lap and started sucking his face off. Or at least, that’s how it looked to me who was only seeing my heart being ripped to shreds as Spike started returning the kisses in earnest. “Oh god,” I sobbed as bile rose to my throat, and I felt an arm on both sides of me, leading me to the door. Turns out they were the comforting embraces of both Xander and Willow. As we reached the night air, all energy drained out of me and the idea of holding myself up, let alone walking, made me ache as I collapsed on the ground and started sobbing with uncontrollable force. The rest of the gang had showed up outside now, and even I wondered why it hurt me so much tonight.

“Why does it hurt this way, Will?” I asked, staring unseeingly at my best friend. “Why is it ripping me apart? I’ve seen them together before, and shrugged it off?”

“Because you’ve been having a damn good last couple of days and all of a sudden it’s like bam the crash and burn happens. You thought maybe you’d have a chance. Why else did you buy the dress? Or do your hair and make-up so nicely? You thought it was finally your turn, but crash and burnness. See?” Willow was babbling and it totally helped having her babble in my ear. I felt better enough to stand up.

“Guys, I’m just going to head home, 'kay? Go enjoy your night.” I shook a little, but controlled it easily as I started walking towards my house. Stopping I turned around, and gave Cordelia a watery smile, “I love the decorations Cordy, totally awesome.”

Reaching home I flopped on my bed, without looking into a mirror or even taking anything off. I just didn’t want to see the aftereffects of my emotional breakdown in the form of incredibly messed up make-up and hair. Turning a sappy country station onto the radio, I let the tears leak out of my eyes and stared unblinkingly at the ceiling, counting all the ridges in the stucco.

By the time I got to 114, and the song was onto ‘Tonight I Wanna Cry’ by Keith Urban, I knew I needed to take action. I needed to have some sort of comfort and finality to everything: Spike, Ted, Troll-head. Something had to be done.

Getting up I walked into the bathroom and grabbed mom’s bottle of sleeping pills, which totaled about 15 left, and walked back into my room. I had to finalize it, now. So I grabbed a pen and paper and started to write.

“Dearest Dawn,
Please don’t be mad at me. I just couldn’t take the pain anymore. I needed closure. Mom needs to wake up to what’s going on around her. I’m not doing it to punish her, but she is slightly dense lately. I’m so sorry, sweetie”

It was about there that a sound like a strangled gasp happened very close to my ear. I swung around and there stood Dawn crying silently and fighting for breath. “You’re leaving me here?” She cried, staring at me in abject horror and anger.

“Sweetie, I’m sorry, I just can’t do it anymore. It’s to much for me. I need out of all of this.” I was crying again, the tears blotting the ink of the paper that was clutched in my hand. “I’m so so sorry.”

She glared at me, and I can’t blame her. “You’re just giving up? What about becoming a slayer someday? Some slayer you are if you just give up and commit suicide halfway through a battle. Oh Great Buffy save me! No, I can’t right now I’m tired so I think I’ll kill myself.”

I winced, her anger, although understandable, hurting me more than Spike’s rejection and Ted’s fists. “Dawnie, I can’t. It hurts so much, baby.”

“Oh you poor thing. It hurts you. Don’t you think it hurts me to be molested and raped at every single moment? Don’t you think it hurts like hell when I go to sleep wondering if I’m going to wake up in the middle of the night with him raping me? God Buffy, what do you think he’s going to do when it’s only me to hit, huh? Rape me, molest me, and beat me. I’m going to get it all. And I’m going to end up in the hospital, either a vegetable, in a coma, or worse, dead. So go ahead pop them pills, see if I care. I just hope you’re watching from hell when I scream and struggle and die. I hope then you’re happy.” Dawn was openly crying and sobbing now, her own words hurting her back.

“Baby, please…I’m just so scared. I just need an answer to all this pain and suffering.” I was staring at her so pathetically that she laughed a little and hugged me.

“Buffy, please don’t kill yourself. Because I swear to god, if you do, I’m following you. It’ll be like Romeo and Juliet… only not.” Her face scrunched up and I laughed, knowing that even if she hadn’t come into my room I wouldn’t have been able to do it. Hell, I’m still a virgin, and everyone knows you can’t die a virgin.

“I won’t sweetie. Oh god, I can’t believe I was going to do that. What the hell is wrong with me?” I shook myself a little and smiled at Dawn.

“Okay so Ted wasn’t the reason behind all this. What happened tonight? You look like a mess.” Dawn grimaced at my look, and after I got changed and went into Dawn’s room, we laid on her bed and I told her the entire story about tonight, and she sympathized. Together we lay down, knowing Ted wasn’t coming home till tomorrow night, and fell into an easy sleep, knowing the other would be there when we woke up.





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