“Then I dashed as quickly as I could, kicked the knife out of the lunkhead’s hand, gave him a good punch or two in the nose and eyes, before I kneed him in the groin. He doubled up in pain and begged for my mercy. I said to him, ‘this is the military, you pussy, there’s no such thing as mercy. Now get up.’ And then he tried to run away and I caught him…” Riley was telling to a very bored Joe Rogan.
“Oh my God! You could not possibly think cargo pants are in season!” Harmony screeched at Faith. Giles was trying not to have a headache at this girly conversation and Harmony’s high pitched voice.
“Yeah? What’s it to you then, bimbo?” Faith replied. “Is that all you think about?”
“So you are beautiful and brave,” Angel murmured into Buffy’s ear. “Sago worms, you know. That’s something not everybody can stomach. Is there anything you won’t do?”
Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Spike narrowed his eyes at Angel. She knew deep down Angel was only trying to dig information about her so he could mentally bring her down. After all, this is Fear Factor, where messing with each other’s minds were part and parcel of the game. But Spike didn’t know that.
She deliberately smiled sweetly at Angel before she leant closer to him to whisper back, “Sleep with men on first dates.”
To another person, they looked cosy and privy, murmuring with each other. Spike felt an unreasonable rage and jealousy coursed through him at the sight of Captain Forehead getting close to his girl. Wait, since when did Spike considered Buffy his girl? He had Dru for that! Plus, she was some really annoying bint, wasn’t she?
Before he could analyze his thoughts further, Harmony’s whiny voice broke through his reverie.
“Hey blondie bear,” she said, stroking his arm through his shirt, “Who do you like more, Lindsay Lohan or Hilary Duff? Hilary is more wholesome and American, don’t you think…? But Lindsay has this wild child thing going for her, and I think what with the latest rumour about her being thrashed at parties and showing up late for work… I mean, wow, you need guts to do that you know-”
“Oh will you just shut your gob up, you stupid bint!” Spike finally snapped at her.
Harmony drew back, gave him a hurt look, then started ranting at him again, “Well, you’re no fun to talk to anyway! You’ve been doing nothing but ignoring me all night and you’re the worst conversationalist in the world!”
Buffy’s eyebrows rose to her hairline. Wow… Harmony could utter a long word like conversationalist… the longest word she’d ever heard her say was Versace.
“So, I won’t talk to you anymore!” she finished. She paused, then looked back at Spike. “Unless… you want to talk to me, which, well, you know, we have to, on the show, and even then, I will, you know, ignore you!”
Spike groaned and dropped his head to bang his forehead against the table. Buffy giggled and Spike raised his head to give her a dirty look.
Bloody chit’s enjoying this, Spike thought.
“So how was your dinner?” Willow asked while tapping her pen against her textbook. She was lying down on her stomach, her textbooks propped open in front of her, with the cordless phone cradled between her left ear and shoulder.
Buffy groaned while she leaned back against the pillows. “Not bad. Some guy tried to hit on me though. Angel O’Connor. He’s a lawyer.”
“Really? Did you respond?”
“Nah… he’s not my type. Too big and beefy for my taste. Plus he’s broody!”
Willow giggled. “What about the other contestants? How are they like?”
Buffy began to tick them off her fingers, “Well, there’s this girl named Faith. Boy, she’s almost as bad as Anya! She made a comment about Spike’s butt right in front of him!”
“Spike?” Willow’s brows furrowed in confusion. “Who’s Spike?”
Buffy rolled her eyes. “Oh, only the most infuriating and annoying guy in the universe. I bumped into him in the lobby and he had the nerve to demand for an apology when it is not entirely my fault! Then during dinner he kept teasing and goading me. God! He just won’t leave me alone!”
“Wow. Sparkage,” Willow commented, idly highlighting sentences in her textbook. They were colour coded and there were already orange, yellow, green and blue. Willow was just adding purple to the mix.
“What sparkage?! There’s no sparkage, Wills,” Buffy denied vehemently. “It’s sparkage free zone here.”
“Well, it sounds to me like this Spike guy got you riled up,” Willow replied.
“Oh, speaking of riled… there’s this guy named Riley. I think he’s the God of all Boasters, if there’s such a thing.”
“There should be one for every Fear Factor episode,” Willow answered, cocking her head to one side. “Makes reality TV more real that way.”
“And then there’s of course Harmony, who had been pawing and hogging Spike’s attention all night,” Buffy continued.
Willow stopped her highlighting in mid-sentence and raised her eyebrows. Was that jealousy she detected in Buffy’s voice?
“And why are you concerned about that, Buffy?” Willow asked in an almost bored tone to mask her suspicions. “I thought you don’t like him.”
“Well, I don’t!” Buffy exclaimed. “Just that Harmony was acting like such a ho-bag. She practically threw herself at him!”
Willow capped her highlight pen calmly and set it down. She grinned a triumphant smile but tried to keep it out of her voice.
“I think someone definitely had sparkage…” Willow started to say.
“No!” Buffy protested immediately. “No sparkage, Wills! He’s bleached blonde, for crying out loud. And he keeps saying soddin’ and bloody all the damn time.”
Willow cocked her eyebrows and decided not to pursue this further. Let the silly girl find out for herself.
“Alright Buffy, just telling you what I think,” Willow said. “You don’t have to chew my head off.”
“Ooops,” Buffy said sheepishly. “Sorry Wills. Didn’t mean for it to come out like that.”
“That’s ok, Buffy,” she replied. “Just try to get some sleep now, OK? It must be getting late over there.”
Buffy glanced at her clock.
“Yeah, it is, Wills, so I think I’ll go now.”
“Goodnight, Buffy.”
“Night night.”
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