She was watching. The vacant look that had vanished from Buffy’s eyes just a little over a week ago was back. Because of Spike. Or, rather, the lack there of. Sure, she’d realized that having Spike around was okay as long as he wasn’t snarky, mean, or violent. And seeing this, he was good for the slayer. And Dawn. Especially when Buffy’d died. He’d been the only one the teenage girl could identify with. Talk comfortably with. Release pent up anger, grief, sadness, and resentment. He was good for her soul. And Buffy’s as well, it seemed.
Poor Buffy, who wouldn’t give up, though it seemed as though Spike had vanished off the face of the Earth. Like he’d been staked.
Buffy looked up at her, as if able to sense the direction of her thoughts. Then, she went back to crossing off the insane locations off the list, such as L.A.
Willow left the room and house, unable to stand and take in the air of defeat in the atmosphere. Buffy may not have admitted it or acted like it, but it was obvious to the redhead that she’d given up all hope of finding Spike. She just didn’t want anyone else to look down on her for it.
She entered the Magic box, thinking. One month. One month, and no Spike.
“Hey, guys,” she said, closing the door behind her.
Xander, Anya, Tara and Dawn greeted her, respectively. “How’s the Buffster doing?” Xander asked, ever caring.
“Oh, fine. In the not sane sense.” Willow grumbled. She sat next to Dawn and sighed. “I mean, I, I know she and Spike had a, a relationship, or whatever, but her guys have a tendency to leave. Why wouldn’t Spike leave too?”
“Because he wouldn’t.” Dawn whispered. They all looked at her, as if not expecting her to speak. “Spike said that he wouldn’t leave, not for anything. They’d have to drag him out kicking and screaming and even then, he’d come back. And besides, he loves us.” Dawn said it with such conviction, as if they’d have to believe her.
Willow mentally slapped herself. Of course Spike wouldn’t leave. He didn’t even leave last summer when he had the chance. If he was still around, as she was gradually becoming sure he was, then he was either in a lot of trouble or somehow unknowing of his predicament. Either way, he needed to be found.
“Okay. So, maybe the manual, turn-everything-over search didn’t work out too well. A-and the locator spell kinda fizzled out. But we have to find Spike. If not for anything else, for Buffy.” Willow said, resolved to do one thing right by Buffy all year long.
Dawn smiled and nodded in agreement. “And me,” She added.
Willow smiled back. “And Dawn.” She looked to her friends, happy to have the forgiveness she knew underlined Dawn’s smile. “So, Spike Search Fest in session?”
Anya nodded, as did Tara. All four females waited for Xander’s answer.
C’mon, Xander. For Buffy. Willow thought desperately.
He reluctantly nodded when face with the resolve face of not only Willow, but equally stubborn were Dawn and Anya’s, added by the soft but determined face of Tara.
“Sure. Let’s find Spike.”
I’m absolutely wonderful, Kita thought as she entered the lair, following Spike and Drusilla. After a month away from the Hellmouth, it was becoming easier to give Spike her “remedy” by slipping in his “secret” liquor cabinet that no one knew about.
Her high opinion of herself was raised when Spike said nothing of Sunnydale, other than that he’d want to go back someday and kill the Slayer. Frankly, Kita was the most overjoyed at the declaration.
“Hey, Spike.” Kita called, thinking it was time for a memory check. “Ever been to Prague?”
The bleached blonde shook his head negatively. “No. Dru wanted to go, but then she liked Brazil more, so we went there. We could probably go sometime this year.”
“That’d be nice. I’d go. Right now, I think I’m gonna go.” Kita looked at her blood-splattered clothes. As an after thought, she added, “change.” She left her sire and Spike in the front hall and entered her room.
She locked the door behind her and quickly changed her clothes before sitting on her bed. She took a deep breath, sending herself into a meditative state.
”You’re back again? What is it? The sixth time this week, the twentieth this month?” Buffy asked in a tired voice.
“Give up, Slayer. Let Spike go. He’s not coming back.” Kita said, circling the Slayer warily. Of course her mind was stronger than the Slayer’s, having traveled this world for more than only in her dreams, so she could keep herself from dying. If you kill the mind, you kill the body. It worked, just not on her. But, she had to be on guard. Always, like Spike thought he taught her.
“He’ll come back. He’d never leave me. And I’m not letting you take him from me!” Buffy lashed out, aiming a kick to Kita’s gut.
Kita jumped back. “Yeah? Well, the thing is, your Spike is gone. Finished.” She watched Buffy’s face carefully. “But not in the dusty sense. No…that’d be too easy. In the he-doesn’t-remember-the-past-four-years sense. He thinks he and Dru never went to the Hellmouth. That Dru never became sick and that you’re just some Slayer in Sunnyhell that he’ll kill someday.”
“No.”
“Look, he’s not in love with you. He doesn’t know you or your friends. The real four years are just some bad nightmare. Okay?”
“The chip?”
“Gone.” Kita had no sympathy. “So…give up. Tell your little friends to give up. And let him go. He’s much happier now in his new memories, rather than the old ones.” Kita walked away from her, disappearing all the while.
Kita blinked before a slow smirk appeared. She once again thought to herself, I’m absolutely wonderful.
His mind knew. It knew that he and Drusilla never went to Prague. That they found Kita while in Los Angeles and they’ve been traveling the world for the past year. His mind knew that.
But, his body? His body felt as if he’d done more than revel in carnage for the past four years. Like he’d been through hard trials and suffered many things. Like he had more than one scar from all those years ago. Like he’d been through hell and back.
And he knew that sometimes you couldn’t trust the mind. The mind could be easily manipulated. The body was never uncertain, never approximating.
It was a feeling. That this life was wrong. That it shouldn’t be this way. Not in his mind, but in his body. It was a gut feeling. This wasn’t right.