Confessions
Disclaimer : Joss Whedon owns the characters. Atleast most of them. I’m continuing the story which didn’t end when he finished. Just want to have an ending.
Buffy woke up that morning as usual troubled by her dreams. Even after an year of Sunnydale’s destruction, it still haunted her. It may have been because of losing her home and everything she owned, or it maybe because of the people she lost in that battle with the First. Whatever it was, she was still struggling with it.
“Buffy, I’m going to college.” Dawn shouted from the hall.
“Wait a minute Dawn.” Buffy called back and rushed out of the bed. She arranged herself presentable before leaving the room towards Dawn who was waiting impatiently.
“Take care of yourself. You know the rules. Any sign of trouble, you will call me and get the hell away from there.” Buffy warned her as usual.
Dawn rolled her eyes. “For the millionth time, I know. Please stop telling me that every single day.” She opened the door and rushed out before Buffy start to argue.
Buffy shook her head and went to the bathroom to clean herself up. After an hour, she walked out and went to the building next to her flat.
“Morning Buffy” An older woman welcomed her at the doorway.
“Good morning Margeret. It’s so nice to hear an American voice every single morning. Makes me feel like I’m back home.” Buffy answered with a smile.
She walked down into the gym to find the junior Slayers working out hard. Some of the older Slayers were training them. Buffy smiled at the known faces and went into her office. She had a lot of paperwork to handle that morning. She smiled at herself at that thought. A couple of years ago, she hated doing reading and paperwork with passion. Now she is running an office and she rarely goes out patrolling anymore. She felt like she is living a different live but something was still missing in her life.
The phone rang and disrupted her thoughts.
“Hello. Slayer Central at Rome. Buffy speaking.”
“Hello Buffy, nice to hear your voice again.” Buffy smiled at the caller.
“Hey Giles, how’s England? How’s the Council doing?”
“We’re fine here. I have been brought to attention that something has conspired in L.A.” At that, Buffy’s smile faded.
“What is it this time Giles?”
“It seems Wolfram and Hart has been taken down by Angel and his friends. There was an apocalyptic battle and many have died.”
“Atleast I had nothing to do with that this time. What was the final verdict?”
“It’s still not clear. It seems Angel has managed to defeat his enemies but whether he survived or not is not confirmed yet.”
“Ok. Let me know if you get to know about anything.”
“I will Buffy.”
Giles was about to hang up. Buffy thought for a moment before she asked.
“And Giles…” Giles paused. “Do you know anything about Spike?”
Giles hesitated. “That is still not clear as well. He was involved in the battle but we have no information on his whereabouts now.”
“Ok.” Buffy murmured.
“Take care of yourself Buffy. Everything will work out fine.” Giles comforted her. Buffy didn’t say anything else but hang up the phone.
When Buffy finished her day’s work that day, she was exhausted more than usual. She was troubled by what happened in L.A. even if she didn’t want to show it out to others. She said her goodbyes to the Slayers and went to her house. Dawn has left a message saying she went out with her friends and will be back before her curfew. Buffy shook herself at her little sister’s behaviour. Unlike herself, Dawn has managed to adapt to living in Rome and living a life of a teenager. Buffy herself needs to accept it and start living.
When she finished with her preparations for Dinner for her and Dawn, she sat in the couch in front of the T.V. She switched it on and saw what Giles said about L.A. in the news. Many buildings were burned and it seemed like a war zone. She doubted anyone could have survived that kind of attack. But miracles always seem to happen. And she hoped it will happen for them too. Just then someone knocked on the door.
“Can’t have a moment for myself now can I?” Buffy murmured to herself and walked to the door. When she got near, she felt her tingling in the back of her neck. It was a familiar vampire sign and she knew it must be a vampire behind that door. She focused more and knew who it was. She took a deep breath before opening the door.
“Hello Spike. Long time no see.” Buffy answered casually.
Spike looked dumbstruck. He thought it would be a shock for her to know he was alive. But apparently it was not the case.
“Hello Luv, didn’t expect you to know about me.” Spike said hesitantly.
“Well, I’ve known it for a while. Now what do you want?” Buffy didn’t show any emotions. Spike’s surprised face changed into frown.
“Can I come in or do you want me to tell and leave?”
Buffy hesitated for a moment. Then she took a step back. “Come in Spike”
He entered the house. He didn’t need an invite but he didn’t want her to know he has been there before.
Buffy crossed her arms in front of her chest waiting for him to answer her previous question. Spike took a long look at her. She was still the same way she used to be. Her long golden hair dangling around her shoulders and her green hazel eyes still gleaming with life; she was radiant and beautiful as always. Spike smiled at her seeing her again and possibly for the last time.
Buffy took a look at Spike. He was bruised and beaten by his recent heroic act. He had some burns in his body which was obvious to naked eyes. His clothes were rumbled and torn and his long duster was ruined. Even with all the damage, Buffy could still identify that the duster was not the one he used to wear. He still looked like himself except for the lack of cockiness in him at the moment. He was smiling at her and she couldn’t help but smile back.
“So how did you know I was back?” Spike questioned. Buffy hesitated for a moment but then decided to answer truthfully.
“Andrew told me after coming back with Dana.”
“Should have known. That ponce couldn’t even lie if his life depended on it.” Spike growled.
“What did you want Spike?” Buffy asked again. Spike tilted his head and looked at her but he couldn’t see any kind of reaction or emotion in her face.
“I just wanted to see you one last time. I wanted you to know I’m still alive or atleast undead. And also your Poof survived as well.” Spike answered.
“Where is he?” Buffy questioned.
“He went to Tibet or some rotten place. Said he needed to heal his soul. Lost a lot of good guys in the battle. Know about the battle in L.A.?” Buffy nodded at that. Spike continued. “The big Poof couldn’t handle it so he took a break from his heroic acts.”
“What are you going to do now?” Buffy asked in soft voice. Spike looked at her but she avoided his eyes.
“I’m not like the Poof. There’s demons to kill. Vampires to dust. Somebody’s got to do it. And I’ve been doing it for a while. No reason to stop that now. Besides, I need a spot of violence before bed.” Spike smirked and Buffy smiled a bit at that.
“So that’s it Slayer. Going back to L.A. now. Let Nibblet know I came and said hi to her too will ya?” Buffy kept silent. “See you then pet. Take care of yourself.”
Spike began to walk towards the door. When he was about to reach the door handle, Buffy’s voice stopped him.
“Why didn’t you tell me before?”
Spike hesitated but turned around. When he looked at her, he saw her looking in a different direction. He took an unnecessary deep breath.
“I wanted to luv. When I came back from the bloody amulet, I was a ghost for a while. Couldn’t touch anything, couldn’t help anyone. I couldn’t even leave L.A. I was bound to Wolfram and Hart and all I did was haunting Peaches.” He saw her smile. He continued. “Then when I got corporealized, I wasn’t sure about it anymore.”
“Why? Why didn’t you want me to know? Andrew told me you told him not to tell me. So it’s not like you couldn’t. It’s just that you didn’t. Why is that Spike? Didn’t you think I would have mourned for you? Didn’t you think I would be happy to see you? I thought we were at least friends.” Buffy’s voice was trembling with emotions.
Spike didn’t answer immediately. He didn’t even recognize her emotions. He was caught up in his own. He felt his heart breaking and the pain was unbearable. He was trying to control his tears not wanting to let her see him so vulnerable. When Buffy insisted again with a firm “Spike?” he couldn’t control it anymore.
“Because of just bloody this!” The pain was cracking his voice in anger and he spit with venom.
“Because I couldn't bear to see you and hear all this bollocks from you.” He took a moment to breath. When he noticed her looking at him, he explained in a softer voice. “When I was a ghost, I got to know about a prophecy about a vampire who did enough good to find his redemption and become a human.” When he saw Buffy not understanding, he knew she didn’t know about it. “Everyone thought it was Angel.” He saw some kind of understanding in her eyes. “But it wasn’t specific so I thought maybe it could be me too. And if I found you and if you go to Angel when he becomes human, I wouldn’t be able to bear it. So I waited to find out who it was.” Looking at Buffy’s questioning look, he answered. “It’s still not clear.”
Buffy tried to respond but Spike stopped her. “Let me finish luv. Do you remember the last thing you told me in Hellmouth?” She nodded her head. “I wasn’t sure if you really meant it or not. But living in the hope you meant it, was better than to come back and hear you tell me you didn’t mean it. I guess it’s too late now.” He shook his head in disappointment. “And then I saw you with that Poncy Immortal and hear you dating him and moved on with your life, I didn’t want to intrude. I know I don’t deserve you and you finally made me understand that. What can I say? I’m always a love’s bitch.” He turned around. “I won’t make any troubles for you pet. I wanted you to live a life you deserve but just let me warn you that Poncy is not what he seems to be.”
Seeing Spike attempting to leave, Buffy panicked.
“You’re a dope Spike.” She called back. He turned around to look at her with a slight grin. Both of them remembered the last time it was said. She continued. “First of all, what in the world made you think I would run to Angel once he becomes human? Sure I wanted that once upon ago but I’m not that same girl anymore Spike. I’ve grown out of it. I know who I am and what I do. And then, I did mean what I said in the Hellmouth. You were stubborn to make me love you for years, you went and got a soul to make me love you, and when I finally said it, you don’t believe it? And you tell me I don’t love YOU? Do you even know how much that hurt Spike?” Spike looked down when he couldn’t handle her eyes boring into him.
“I loved you for a long time but I just had a hard time accepting it. After everything happened with Angel and Angelus, I didn’t want to go through the same thing again. And the only way I thought I could push you away is by treating you badly. I thought you would leave me and I can deny my feelings. But I couldn’t. And when you held me in that house that day when my family and friends threw me out, I realized that I don’t have to live for them. I can live for myself and accept my feelings. And then the battle came up and you went up in flames. I wanted to tell you before you…” Buffy couldn’t say the words. “I wanted you to know. But then you go all hero and deny my feelings.” Spike tried to say something but she stopped him this time. “It’s my turn and you listen to me.”
When Spike went silent, she continued. “I cried for a long time because I thought you didn’t believe me. But then Willow and Dawn convinced me that you said that to get me out of there.” Spike simply nodded his head. “And then I heard from Andrew that you were in L.A. with Angel of all people being the hero. I was so mad at you and I wanted to come and hunt you down. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it.” Spike smirked at that. “I had my duty here and I was training the Slayers. So I decided to concentrate on that instead of going looking for you.”
Spike wanted to ask about the Immortal. Reading his mind, Buffy explained. “When we came to Rome, we didn’t have a place to have a Slayer office. People said Immortal is the one who could help us in that. So I went to him. He arranged for the place where we train the Slayers now. He wanted me and I could tell that. But I was not interested in him.” Spike was surprised at that. “He asked me out sometimes but I denied him. Sometimes we go to his club and dance. But it was nothing more than that.”
Spike was speechless. He could have sweared he was convinced she was with Immortal. “But Andrew… He said…” Spike couldn’t explain. Buffy did it for him. “Andrew told you what I wanted him to tell you. I was mad at you and I told him if you or Angel ever tries to contact me, tell you what I told him to. I didn’t expect you two to show up here though. I only knew that when I came home and by then, you two left.” She said.
“Buffy, I…” Spike was out of words. “I don’t know what to say. I mean I misunderstood everything completely and I was a complete pillock for not coming to you. I don’t think sorry can mean what I want to say.”
“I don’t think it will but at least it’s a start.” Buffy said with a smile.
“So what do we do now?” Spike asked her. She looked at him in the eyes.
“I thought you said you were going back to L.A. and be the champion of the people.”
“That was before I knew you loved me. I mean do you still love me?” Spike asked doubtfully.
“Depends.” Buffy answered shyly.
“On what luv?”
“On whether you are in love with me or not.”
Spike laughed out loud. Buffy looked at him quizzically. Spike noticing her not laughing controlled his laughter.
“I’m sorry pet. It’s just funny that after all this time, you still haven’t understood me.” When Buffy looked at him confused, he answered. “I’ll always be in love with you Buffy. You are the only one for me whether you are with me or not.”
Buffy smiled at his declaration. As always, Spike managed to pour his heart out and she could say he was sincere about it.
“Then I guess my answer would be yes.” Spike looked at her still not convinced. “I love you Spike. I truly and completely am in love with you.” He was delighted at her declaration. In quick steps, he had her embraced tightly as he possibly can. And she was gripping on him never wanting to let him go.
“You just made me happiest in my entire existence luv.” Spike said smiling at her. She smiled back and traced his features and his scar at his eyebrow with her finger. He leaned into her hand closing his eyes. He purred slightly when she brought her hands to his cheeks making her giggle.
“I love you William. I don’t think I have ever loved anyone as much as I do love you right now.” Her voice was sincere and Spike could say it in her tone. He leaned down and captured her lips for a slow tender kiss. It was not rushed and passionate like they used to. This was a new beginning for them and they didn’t want to rush into it.
They broke apart from their kiss after Buffy desperately needing to breath; both had a smile on their faces.
“So what are we going to do now luv?” Spike asked her gently.
“I don’t know. I have no right to keep you here. But I hope you would want to stay.”
“I’ll be happy wherever I am as long as I’m with you pet.” he tucked a stray of her hair behind her ear and saw her cheeks blushing.
“You could help me train the girls. They have the strength but they are too weak when it comes to the real action. You could help them. I could get the Council pay you for it.” Spike looked at her disbelievingly.
“I’m serious. Giles is the head of the Council now. He can do whatever he wants. And I can ask him to do it for you.” Buffy tried to convince him.
“Aren’t you forgetting something? Giles is the same pillock who tried to kill me for your own good. Who knows what he’ll do when he finds out I’m here with you.” Spike answered her.
“He’s not the same person anymore. He was sorry for what he did to you. He even lit a candle at the church under your name. We did that for all the people who died that day.” She said softly remembering the moments of her broken and crying state at that time.
“In that case, let’s see what he says about me now ok?” Spike agreed to her. Seeing her smile was worthy for him to just agree to anything she says.
“Besides, I think you have a bigger danger than Giles to handle. And it will be sooner than you expect.” Buffy said cryptically.
Spike looked at her for a moment trying to understand what she said. Then a sudden thought came through and he looked around the house for someone. Then looking back at Buffy, he asked softly. “Is she here?”
Buffy knew whom he was talking about. “No. She went out with her friends. She’s pretty pissed at you though. So be ready for more grovelling.” Buffy said grinning at the panicked look at Spike’s face.
“She’s still not looking to light me up while I sleep now is she?”
Buffy shook her head in response. “No. She’s just mad at you for not telling her you were back. But I doubt it she will kill you. Maybe torture you or keep you as her slave for a while will probably be the punishment.”
Spike grinned at that. “Well, I think I can handle it. You Summers women always seem to make me a willing slave. And I have no objection with that.” Buffy smiled at him and leaned up and gave him a quick kiss. When Spike tried to kiss her more, she backed away.
“Dawn might come in soon. After you have your talk with her, we’ll continue this later.”
“Ok Slayer. After your lil sis tear me up, I’m going to hold you onto that.” Spike wiggled his eyebrows and Buffy blushed.
They heard laughter and someone coming up the stairs. Both knew who it was. Spike got prepared to face her.
“So let’s face the music now shall we?” Both looked at the door waiting for Dawn to come in, holding hands.
A/N :Liked it? You can predict what happened next. There is no sequel. I just wanted to clear out some stuff. Please review and share your thoughts in my idea.
Author's Chapter Notes:
This story is written because of something that has been in my mind for a while. I didn’t understand the Buffy moving onto Immortal who is a demon. And I didn’t believe Andrew to be all open like that. So when I got to know from “Queen of The Slayers” book a different angle which Joss Whedon was supposedly had in mind, I decided to follow up on that idea but end it with Spuffy. Hope it is interesting.